Life is getting back to normal, but it's still hard. Bossman and I got out of sync for a while, and it seems to be hard for us to find the pattern we had before.
I'm ready to start over. I'm ready to get back to our life, to our discipline, to our spanking.
Spanking....last night was the first night. Can I say OUCH! Geez, my butt just wasn't ready for it, and it hurt from the get go. Here's the thing, we haven't been really active in the discipline area, Bossman has been giving me my space. Nice of him, but I feel like I won't ever go back if he doesn't insist. I feel like something is missing, but do I want to go back to that? I really do, but I don't. That just doesn't make any sense, but at least I'm saying it.
Anyway, back to last night. Bossman has this rule, it's a standing rule, one that we both agree on. It's not that difficult, so it's not a problem. He doesn't like me wearing undies to bed. Now that seems like no big deal, but I tend to forget. And since we haven't really been doing the whole spanking thing...I sort of forgot. And wouldn't you know, he came to check, and I had them on....so he spanked. And, I say...ouch!
But let me say, I didn't go easy. I tried my hardest to get out of it. I tried to talk my way out, I tried guilting my way out. I tried saying, but we haven't been doing this...so it doesn't count...but Bossman would not take no for an answer.
shhhh...don't tell...but I'm glad. I don't like it when he lets me get away with stuff. Are we going back to every night of spanking...I'm not sure, but I think we are getting back into the swing of things....just the way I like it!
later......
getting back to normal
My Grandmas death was really hard. I went to Chicago for the funeral with my mom. It was weird. I met a lot of family that I had never met before. I have a great uncle, and I have great cousins, and I have extended family that I think are great! It's too bad that something like this had to happen for us all to get togerther. But we are in Ca. and they are in Il. Tough to get together when your that far apart. But I think the internet will help us stay in touch, so that's a good thing!
Getting back into life is something else. My mind can't get over the fact that my grandma is gone. My heart aches that I didn't have any more time with her. I'm disappointed that I couldn't talk to her more about her life. Going through old photos made me realize, there a photos of people that are probably related, but I'll never know who they are, because nobody bothered to ask. I know sadness is normal, but I'm tired of being sad. I try to get back to doing normal things, but I don't feel like doing anything! I hate going to work, I would love nothing more than to stay home all day and forget about life. Playing on the computer helps. It's like being in someone else's life. It's the Sims, and I'm going to write about them later.
I spoke at my Grandmas funeral. Then my cousin spoke. How weird was it for me to listen to someone else talk about how much they loved her? She was my grandma. My brother and sister and I called her Grandma. Now there was someone else calling her grandma. I was jealous. I admit it. It wasn't fair. They got to spend more time with her. But I realized that my grandma loved all of us the same. I could tell by the way they talked that she treated them the same. That made it better. I guess.
As far as Bossman and I, we are hanging in there. We aren't the same since I came back. Things are different. Maybe I'm different. I just want to get back to the way we were. It was good. Now it's not so good. But I have hope we will get better. Right now we just have to go through this. We will, I hope.
later.....
Getting back into life is something else. My mind can't get over the fact that my grandma is gone. My heart aches that I didn't have any more time with her. I'm disappointed that I couldn't talk to her more about her life. Going through old photos made me realize, there a photos of people that are probably related, but I'll never know who they are, because nobody bothered to ask. I know sadness is normal, but I'm tired of being sad. I try to get back to doing normal things, but I don't feel like doing anything! I hate going to work, I would love nothing more than to stay home all day and forget about life. Playing on the computer helps. It's like being in someone else's life. It's the Sims, and I'm going to write about them later.
I spoke at my Grandmas funeral. Then my cousin spoke. How weird was it for me to listen to someone else talk about how much they loved her? She was my grandma. My brother and sister and I called her Grandma. Now there was someone else calling her grandma. I was jealous. I admit it. It wasn't fair. They got to spend more time with her. But I realized that my grandma loved all of us the same. I could tell by the way they talked that she treated them the same. That made it better. I guess.
As far as Bossman and I, we are hanging in there. We aren't the same since I came back. Things are different. Maybe I'm different. I just want to get back to the way we were. It was good. Now it's not so good. But I have hope we will get better. Right now we just have to go through this. We will, I hope.
later.....
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