1. I would lose 25lbs. (ok, I could probably do that, but it's just sooooo hard!)
2. I would try to be more patient with my kids. (especially my wildchild)
3. I would go back to school. Make something out of my life.
4. I would keep my house cleaner.
5. I would organize my life better
6. I would hug my bossman more
7. I wouldn't be so afraid to try new things.
8. I would laugh more
9. I wouldn't sweat the small stuff
10. I'd be more outgoing
Well, after working on the list for awhile, and re-reading it a bunch of times, it seems to be I could probably change most of these, if not all of these, things in my life. I guess I need to get busy.
later...........
Summer time blues
Ahhh, the joy of summer. The joy of having the kids home from school. (not) I just wish it was time for school to start again because I'm sick of having to entertain the little darlings.
The wildchild is starting highschool. This is scary. Last year was a mess. Lets just say, she is not really the "studious" type. Although I'm anxious for school to start again, I am not ready to worry about her and her grades.
I'm finding it hard to believe that I am old enough to have a highschooler. I am not old. But I can remember being my daughters age and thinking my mom was old. Arrggghh. What happened to me? I wasn't suppose to grow old.
Ok, so I've covered the kids, and now I'm up to the Bossman. We are so into this up and down stuff and getting rather tired of it. Why can't we just stay up for awhile? Up is nice, up is fun, up is happy! We have these cycles where we can be perfectly happy and in love, and everything is roses but then the next day we can be totally annoyed and not-so-happy with each other.
I wonder if I'm the only one that gets sick of being touched all the time? Does this make me a bad person? Because I feel bad that I'm not so lovey dovey. I feel like something is wrong with me. There are times when I'm changing my clothes that if Bossman is heading my direction I feel like hiding. And really what is so wrong with him coping a feel? There should be nothing wrong with that in the world. I should be happy that after 15 years of marriage my husband still wants to touch me. Others in the world should be so lucky. So why do I not feel so lucky? And I consider myself a sexual person. Maybe I'm just wishing I was a sexual person. Maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking I'm sexual, but really I'm not.
Sometimes I wonder if the way I perceive myself is not really the way I am. Maybe I just perceive myself the way I wish I was. Maybe I'm not sexual at all. I just wish I was. So I think I am. I think I'm a nice person, maybe I'm not.
There are certain things I want in my life. I'd like my husband to be more aggressive with me. I want him to be in control so I don't have to be. I don't like making decisions, I'd rather he made the decisions. I like the thought of being submissive. But am I really submissive? I ask myself this stuff everyday, and yet I can't figure it out.
I love being spanked. Ok, I take that back, I love the thought of being spanked. Actually being spanked....hhhmmm...I would say that sometimes I really like it, and sometimes I don't. I am so turned on by the thought of discipline and spanking, but reality is so much different than fantasy. This whole thing confuses me, and therefore I think it confuses Bossman.
I've been thinking alot about the past. The first time I met Bossman, the first time he kissed me. When we got married we were just kids. We didn't know what we were going to do with our lives, we were just happy to be living. Now things are so much more complicated. Kids, jobs, cars, money. We didn't really worry about all that back then, I mean who does? And although I would love to go back to that, I would only go back if I could take the knowledge I have with me. Because even though we have alot more stress and worry in our life, we are so much more in love now. We know so much more about each other. We've figured out that we can tell each other stuff, and it's ok. Although we've been married 15 years, with 3 years of dating before that, I believe that we have just come across all this wisedom about ourselves in the last 3 years. So it took 15 years to get to this point in our lives. It's no wonder that so many marriages fail. Maybe some people just can't wait that long. I just so grateful that we made it this far. I'm so looking forward to the future. I love my kids, but I'm really looking forward to the day when Bossman and I can be alone. Alone........what is that like?
later.......
Stupid is as stupid does
Stupid stupid stupid, how stupid is the world? I'm so sick of all the stupid people in the world. And furthermore....how do you live in a country where you don't speak the language, and not even no simple words?
Sample conversation, I have this one at least once a day.
Me: Are you turning in film to be developed?
them: Yea
Me: Would you like one-hour or regular service?
them: yes (while nodding head)
Me: Ok...umm, one-hour?
them: yes (still nodding)
Me: Ok, can I have your last name?
them: yes (still nodding)
Me: last name?
them: yes (while STILL NODDING THEIR HEAD!)
~sigh~ LEARN my language PLEASE!
Can I just say, nombre and name, sound a lot alike...so why do they not understand? telephono and telephone number, also sound a lot alike. WHAT is the problem? Is is me, or is it everyone else?
Ok, that's the end of my rant! I'm just so tired of stupid people!
Now back to your regular broadcasting......
later
Sample conversation, I have this one at least once a day.
Me: Are you turning in film to be developed?
them: Yea
Me: Would you like one-hour or regular service?
them: yes (while nodding head)
Me: Ok...umm, one-hour?
them: yes (still nodding)
Me: Ok, can I have your last name?
them: yes (still nodding)
Me: last name?
them: yes (while STILL NODDING THEIR HEAD!)
~sigh~ LEARN my language PLEASE!
Can I just say, nombre and name, sound a lot alike...so why do they not understand? telephono and telephone number, also sound a lot alike. WHAT is the problem? Is is me, or is it everyone else?
Ok, that's the end of my rant! I'm just so tired of stupid people!
Now back to your regular broadcasting......
later
Antsy
I'm feeling antsy. I have no other way to describe it, it's just antsy.
I was listening to the radio the other night on my way home from work and the song was about the south. It reminded me of some of the places I lived as a girl. Georgia and Kentucky to be specific. Anyway, I'm so itchy to go somewhere new, somewhere different, someplace other than here.
Although I'm happy with Bossman and the kids, I can't help but feel discontented. Am I discontented with my job? Or am I just getting cabin fever, doing the same things everyday, without changing? Maybe I'm just in a rut. I still wish I could move somewhere far away, but I think that's just me wanting to run away from life and it's problems. I think I need to make some changes, and quick.
Could this be why I'm suddenly in the mood to redecorate everything I see? I have this urge to by all new things, and move everything around. Problem is, this house is so small, things can really only be placed one way, and that's it. So my room has to be one way, and I can't do anything else with it. So instead I'm buying all new linens. That will be a change...right? right? ~sigh~ Will I ever be happy?
later........
I was listening to the radio the other night on my way home from work and the song was about the south. It reminded me of some of the places I lived as a girl. Georgia and Kentucky to be specific. Anyway, I'm so itchy to go somewhere new, somewhere different, someplace other than here.
Although I'm happy with Bossman and the kids, I can't help but feel discontented. Am I discontented with my job? Or am I just getting cabin fever, doing the same things everyday, without changing? Maybe I'm just in a rut. I still wish I could move somewhere far away, but I think that's just me wanting to run away from life and it's problems. I think I need to make some changes, and quick.
Could this be why I'm suddenly in the mood to redecorate everything I see? I have this urge to by all new things, and move everything around. Problem is, this house is so small, things can really only be placed one way, and that's it. So my room has to be one way, and I can't do anything else with it. So instead I'm buying all new linens. That will be a change...right? right? ~sigh~ Will I ever be happy?
later........
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