Update on life
I thought I would update you on my life.
Life, as it does, continues to move forward, even when you don't want it to. Sometimes there is a moment in life when you think, how can people still be living right now? How can life go on?
After the horrible shooting last week, I often thought that. I thought about the families that lost loved ones and I wondered, how can I be going to the store, buying milk and butter when they have lost their child? How can I be worrying about paying the gas bill while these people are worrying about burying their loved one?
It's hard. It's hard to realize that life does go on, even after bad things happen.
Anyway, even though I wondered about life moving on, it did, in fact, move on for us here in Graceland.
The wildchild is doing EXTREMELY well in independent study! She has already completed 3 of the classes she needed and she only has 2 more to finish before school ends. Her self-esteem has shot through the roof and she no longer feels like a failure.
She is in a play at school right now. Luckily, she is still able to participate in choir and drama while being on the independent study. So the play opened last weekend and will finish up this weekend. It is like a melodrama. She has the lead part. She is the evil Nurse Hatchett. She's fabulous!!!! Of course I'm partial to anyone that came out of my womb.
Last week, we had a garage sale. We sold lots of junk. Then I spent all the money at a garage sale for a new bed for my daughter. In case you didn't know this about me, I'm a garage sale junkie. I LOVE going to garage sales!
Did I mention that my sister is about to give birth. A new nephew is on the way. I can't wait for the new baby. I love when people in my family have new babies, it means I can get my fill of a newborn and yet, still get to sleep at night.
My father had a heart attack last week. More on that in a couple of days.
Two weeks ago, we bought a new car. It's used, but it's new to us. It's only 2 years old and it has less than 20,000 miles on it. I LOVE, love, triple love this car. Our other car is 11 years old. We bought the car used and we got it when my little man was only 9 months old. He's almost 9 now. So you can probably guess, getting a new vehicle was a must. Not only that, but here in California, you have to get your car smog checked every 2 years. This was the year our car decided not to pass smog. Since it wouldn't pass, we couldn't register it. So we spend 400 dollars to fix it. Didn't work. STUPID laws! We took it to a referee. Yes, they have smog refs here. Our car just barely wasn't passing. The rules say, you have to spend at least 400 to fix it, and if it still doesn't pass, they will give you a pass. BUT, you have to get it fixed by a smog certified mechanic. Our mechanic is a very good mechanic, but guess what, he's NOT smog certified. So our reciepts didn't count toward the 400. SO, the problem is now the muffler. It will cost 600 dollars to fix it. BUT before we can take it to the muffler shop, we have to take it to the smog certified mechanic, pay them 100 bucks to tell us what is wrong with it, even though we already KNOW what is wrong with it, then we can take it to the muffler shop. THEN if it doesn't pass, THEN they will give us the pass.
DEEP BREATHE! By the time we did all that, we would have spent around 800 dollars, including all the fees and such. Rather than pay for all that, we decided to put that money into a new car.
Now, I just need to win the lotto so we can pay for the car. That, or I could stand out on the street corner and sell my body to make the car payments. Although I think I have a better chance of making money with the lotto.
Ok, if you are still reading this.... WHY??? This really is boring.
Anyway, I bet you are all wondering...did I ever call my blog friend?
I did!
Actually, I called two of them. Can you guess who they are?
Yep, I called the twins! Elis and Eva!
I'm here to tell you, Elis DOES have an accent. It's the cutest thing you ever did here. Sure enough!
It wasn't weird at all. It was really fun, and I'm looking forward to talking to both of them again, and again and again.
I LOVE you guys!!!
So, there you have it. There is my life in a nutshell. I didn't mention Bossman or the little man, but they are both doing fine as well.
If you are STILL reading this..... I really should send you an award. Really, I should.
later......
Life, as it does, continues to move forward, even when you don't want it to. Sometimes there is a moment in life when you think, how can people still be living right now? How can life go on?
After the horrible shooting last week, I often thought that. I thought about the families that lost loved ones and I wondered, how can I be going to the store, buying milk and butter when they have lost their child? How can I be worrying about paying the gas bill while these people are worrying about burying their loved one?
It's hard. It's hard to realize that life does go on, even after bad things happen.
Anyway, even though I wondered about life moving on, it did, in fact, move on for us here in Graceland.
The wildchild is doing EXTREMELY well in independent study! She has already completed 3 of the classes she needed and she only has 2 more to finish before school ends. Her self-esteem has shot through the roof and she no longer feels like a failure.
She is in a play at school right now. Luckily, she is still able to participate in choir and drama while being on the independent study. So the play opened last weekend and will finish up this weekend. It is like a melodrama. She has the lead part. She is the evil Nurse Hatchett. She's fabulous!!!! Of course I'm partial to anyone that came out of my womb.
Last week, we had a garage sale. We sold lots of junk. Then I spent all the money at a garage sale for a new bed for my daughter. In case you didn't know this about me, I'm a garage sale junkie. I LOVE going to garage sales!
Did I mention that my sister is about to give birth. A new nephew is on the way. I can't wait for the new baby. I love when people in my family have new babies, it means I can get my fill of a newborn and yet, still get to sleep at night.
My father had a heart attack last week. More on that in a couple of days.
Two weeks ago, we bought a new car. It's used, but it's new to us. It's only 2 years old and it has less than 20,000 miles on it. I LOVE, love, triple love this car. Our other car is 11 years old. We bought the car used and we got it when my little man was only 9 months old. He's almost 9 now. So you can probably guess, getting a new vehicle was a must. Not only that, but here in California, you have to get your car smog checked every 2 years. This was the year our car decided not to pass smog. Since it wouldn't pass, we couldn't register it. So we spend 400 dollars to fix it. Didn't work. STUPID laws! We took it to a referee. Yes, they have smog refs here. Our car just barely wasn't passing. The rules say, you have to spend at least 400 to fix it, and if it still doesn't pass, they will give you a pass. BUT, you have to get it fixed by a smog certified mechanic. Our mechanic is a very good mechanic, but guess what, he's NOT smog certified. So our reciepts didn't count toward the 400. SO, the problem is now the muffler. It will cost 600 dollars to fix it. BUT before we can take it to the muffler shop, we have to take it to the smog certified mechanic, pay them 100 bucks to tell us what is wrong with it, even though we already KNOW what is wrong with it, then we can take it to the muffler shop. THEN if it doesn't pass, THEN they will give us the pass.
DEEP BREATHE! By the time we did all that, we would have spent around 800 dollars, including all the fees and such. Rather than pay for all that, we decided to put that money into a new car.
Now, I just need to win the lotto so we can pay for the car. That, or I could stand out on the street corner and sell my body to make the car payments. Although I think I have a better chance of making money with the lotto.
Ok, if you are still reading this.... WHY??? This really is boring.
Anyway, I bet you are all wondering...did I ever call my blog friend?
I did!
Actually, I called two of them. Can you guess who they are?
Yep, I called the twins! Elis and Eva!
I'm here to tell you, Elis DOES have an accent. It's the cutest thing you ever did here. Sure enough!
It wasn't weird at all. It was really fun, and I'm looking forward to talking to both of them again, and again and again.
I LOVE you guys!!!
So, there you have it. There is my life in a nutshell. I didn't mention Bossman or the little man, but they are both doing fine as well.
If you are STILL reading this..... I really should send you an award. Really, I should.
later......
getting real
This was the last comment made on my last post. Guess who wrote it?
My only comment is your first paragraph you asked for people to still think of you as a good person. I ponder how when you first started this blog you just wrote random thoughts without caring what people thought of you. Even though we communicate 110% I kinda wish I had a place to read your inner-unedited thoughts about stuff. You've got an awesome group of friends, just realize that I and I'm sure your friends will appreciate you no matter what you say. Love ya Babe!!
Interesting thought from an interesting reader. (I've heard he's quite handsome too!)
Anyway, he's right. I DO have an awesome group of friends! If you're reading this, you are one of them whether you comment or not.
As for the innermost unedited thoughts.....
Point taken!
So watch out, inner most thoughts are about to arrive.
I NEED spanking in my life.
Here's the deal. We haven't had much spanking in our relationship lately. Actually, I think I've only had 1 spanking since our anniversary.
At first I thought, that's ok. I don't mind. I didn't even think about it that much. I still read blogs and spanking things, but honestly, I wasn't that crushed that I wasn't participating. I really was ok with it.
Then....
On Monday, for some reason, Bossman and I ended up home alone. I honestly didn't even have spanking on my mind. I was busy doing something very important. (probably watching tv.) Bossman walks in and takes my hand. Now, when I'msitting on my butt watching tv busy doing something important and Bossman grabs my hand like that, I KNOW what it means. I was really surprised.
So he took me into the bedroom with the pretense of spanking me because I forgot to take out the trash can on trash day after he asked me to do it. SORRY, I forgot! It really wasn't my fault. It usually isn't my job. He always does it. Furthermore, he was rushing out the door when he asked me. So, it was Super easy to forget. Not really a spank-worthy moment, if you ask me. But he decided to spank me that day.
Now, I have some thoughts about that.
I wasn't really prepared. I was under the impression that we were NOT really going to engage in the spanking part of our life for awhile, and I was ok with that. I am the type of person that likes to know what is going to happen. I like to plan things. I like to be in the KNOW. I want to know where I stand.
So I don't like things thrown at me unexpected. When he came to me and said "I'm going to spank you" I was thrown for a loop.
I guess this would fall under the category of consistancy. I don't want to be spanked for random things. I want to KNOW that spankings WILL happen if certain things aren't taken care of. I want to know that I am being held accountable. I don't want to be held accountable sometimes, I want ALL or nothing.
Ok, not true. I'll take sometimes. Sometimes is better than nothing.
But here is the biggest problem. After he spanked me that day, I couldn't help but wanting MORE. Suddenly my mind was consumed with spanking. I wanted to read everything I could about spanking, related to spanking. I was became obsessed. I went to blogs that I love, blogs that I hardly read, new blogs that I have been wanting to read, but haven't been in the mood for. (thanks Reesa)
So, what do I do with THAT? I really, really want spanking in my life. But spanking doesn't fit into our life right now. Once in awhile we may have time, but overall, it just doesn't seem that it will work very well.
I guess I just need to be happy with what I get. I don't know where to put my want or need. I don't know how to put it aside. I can put it aside short term, but I guess I can never really set it aside forever.
I guess it all boils down to this:
Once a spanko, always a spanko.
later.....
My only comment is your first paragraph you asked for people to still think of you as a good person. I ponder how when you first started this blog you just wrote random thoughts without caring what people thought of you. Even though we communicate 110% I kinda wish I had a place to read your inner-unedited thoughts about stuff. You've got an awesome group of friends, just realize that I and I'm sure your friends will appreciate you no matter what you say. Love ya Babe!!
Interesting thought from an interesting reader. (I've heard he's quite handsome too!)
Anyway, he's right. I DO have an awesome group of friends! If you're reading this, you are one of them whether you comment or not.
As for the innermost unedited thoughts.....
Point taken!
So watch out, inner most thoughts are about to arrive.
I NEED spanking in my life.
Here's the deal. We haven't had much spanking in our relationship lately. Actually, I think I've only had 1 spanking since our anniversary.
At first I thought, that's ok. I don't mind. I didn't even think about it that much. I still read blogs and spanking things, but honestly, I wasn't that crushed that I wasn't participating. I really was ok with it.
Then....
On Monday, for some reason, Bossman and I ended up home alone. I honestly didn't even have spanking on my mind. I was busy doing something very important. (probably watching tv.) Bossman walks in and takes my hand. Now, when I'm
So he took me into the bedroom with the pretense of spanking me because I forgot to take out the trash can on trash day after he asked me to do it. SORRY, I forgot! It really wasn't my fault. It usually isn't my job. He always does it. Furthermore, he was rushing out the door when he asked me. So, it was Super easy to forget. Not really a spank-worthy moment, if you ask me. But he decided to spank me that day.
Now, I have some thoughts about that.
I wasn't really prepared. I was under the impression that we were NOT really going to engage in the spanking part of our life for awhile, and I was ok with that. I am the type of person that likes to know what is going to happen. I like to plan things. I like to be in the KNOW. I want to know where I stand.
So I don't like things thrown at me unexpected. When he came to me and said "I'm going to spank you" I was thrown for a loop.
I guess this would fall under the category of consistancy. I don't want to be spanked for random things. I want to KNOW that spankings WILL happen if certain things aren't taken care of. I want to know that I am being held accountable. I don't want to be held accountable sometimes, I want ALL or nothing.
Ok, not true. I'll take sometimes. Sometimes is better than nothing.
But here is the biggest problem. After he spanked me that day, I couldn't help but wanting MORE. Suddenly my mind was consumed with spanking. I wanted to read everything I could about spanking, related to spanking. I was became obsessed. I went to blogs that I love, blogs that I hardly read, new blogs that I have been wanting to read, but haven't been in the mood for. (thanks Reesa)
So, what do I do with THAT? I really, really want spanking in my life. But spanking doesn't fit into our life right now. Once in awhile we may have time, but overall, it just doesn't seem that it will work very well.
I guess I just need to be happy with what I get. I don't know where to put my want or need. I don't know how to put it aside. I can put it aside short term, but I guess I can never really set it aside forever.
I guess it all boils down to this:
Once a spanko, always a spanko.
later.....
mission impossible
I hope this won't color the way you think of me. Usually, I'm a very honest and kind person. I try to teach my children right from wrong. I have morals and values.
So please, try not to judge me.
Saturday the fam came over. Now if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my mother-in-law is a quack. She is one taco short of a combination plate. She is NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is the dullest tool in the shed. She has completely lost all of her marbles. How my amazing wonderful husband came out of this woman still baffles my mind. Sometimes I wonder...was there a baby switch?
Anyway, I guess you are probably realizing that my MIL came over to my house on Saturday. (very smart of you) We had a fun time, looking at old pictures, being very silly. (my SIL came over too, and she is LOADS of fun.)
At one point of the day, things were crazy. People were laughing, joking, just having a ball. I noticed that my MIL was putting a box in her purse. The box, was some coffee that she had given my daughter in November, when my daughter got a coffee maker for her birthday. Now, just so you know, my daughter hasn't made coffee for a long time, and nobody else drinks coffee around here, so the coffee maker and different coffees are all sitting on the counter. During lunch, the MIL had asked if she could make a pot of coffee. No problem, go right ahead.
Back to the story. I saw my MIL putting this box of coffee in her purse. Now remember, the place was crazy, so when I saw her putting the coffee in her purse, I didn't really question it. I figured she has asked my daughter if she could have it back since my daughter didn't drink it.
Now fast forward to Easter morning. We get up, we sort through our baskets that the Easter bunny had left. (yum yum) We search the house for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden through out the house. Then we eat breakfast. Mind you, it's just my little family, the kids and Bossman. As we sit down to breakfast, I remember the coffee. I ask my daughter if she gave the coffee to her grandma. Nope, she didn't. Didn't even know Grandma took the coffee. Asked Bossman the same thing...nope, he didn't either. So I tell them what I saw the day before. MIL sneaking coffee into her purse.
Well, we all start laughing. We can't believe that MIL, stole coffee from us. Has she asked any one of us, we would have gladly given it to her, for the wildchild hasn't been drinking coffee.
So suddenly, an idea forms. Guess who we were going to eat Easter dinner with? MIL. Guess whose house we were going to be going to? Again...MIL. So, while sitting around the breakfast table we decide we are going to steal it back.
That's right people. Bossman and I decided that we should teach our children petty thievery. In case things don't work out well for them in traditional careers, we wanted them to have something to fall back on. Aren't we GREAT parents?
So around the table we start planning our strategy. We come up with funny hand signals. Everyone has an assignment. Little man is going to distract grandpa. Wildchild has the biggest purse, so she is going to do the actual stealing. The little man told me that I could sit on the couch and pretend to watch TV. OH-my-goodness. We laughed sooo hard when he told me that. I had to pretend to watch TV. Aren't we the sneaky ones?
Anyway, the code words were... The Kittles has meowed. (Kittles is our cat.) Once we heard those words, we knew that the deed had been done. All we needed was the mission impossible song going in the back ground.
We had the best time planning that mission. We all laughed so hard we could barely keep the food in our mouths.
So, bet you are wondering, did the plan work? Yes, it worked. I pretended to watch TV, the little man distracted his grandpa, and while the MIL went into the bathroom, the wildchild took back the coffee.
So there you have it. It was probably one of the best Easters we have had. Oh, and I wasn't sick. So that made it even better!
Yes, I know, I'm a horrible parent. Teaching children to steal from their own grandparents. Someone should call the authorities right away!
But in the end, she stole from us. And anyway you slice it, that was just WRONG. So we weren't ACTUALLY stealing, we were just taking back what was rightfully ours to begin with. The NERVE of some people!
Now I'm just waiting until she finds it missing. Will she be bold enough to call us on it? Next time she comes over, I'm thinking of taking it out and asking her if she wants it because we don't drink it....LOL.
Well, watch your purses and pockets while you visit. You never know what our NEXT mission will be.
MMMMMAAAAWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
later...
So please, try not to judge me.
Saturday the fam came over. Now if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my mother-in-law is a quack. She is one taco short of a combination plate. She is NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is the dullest tool in the shed. She has completely lost all of her marbles. How my amazing wonderful husband came out of this woman still baffles my mind. Sometimes I wonder...was there a baby switch?
Anyway, I guess you are probably realizing that my MIL came over to my house on Saturday. (very smart of you) We had a fun time, looking at old pictures, being very silly. (my SIL came over too, and she is LOADS of fun.)
At one point of the day, things were crazy. People were laughing, joking, just having a ball. I noticed that my MIL was putting a box in her purse. The box, was some coffee that she had given my daughter in November, when my daughter got a coffee maker for her birthday. Now, just so you know, my daughter hasn't made coffee for a long time, and nobody else drinks coffee around here, so the coffee maker and different coffees are all sitting on the counter. During lunch, the MIL had asked if she could make a pot of coffee. No problem, go right ahead.
Back to the story. I saw my MIL putting this box of coffee in her purse. Now remember, the place was crazy, so when I saw her putting the coffee in her purse, I didn't really question it. I figured she has asked my daughter if she could have it back since my daughter didn't drink it.
Now fast forward to Easter morning. We get up, we sort through our baskets that the Easter bunny had left. (yum yum) We search the house for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden through out the house. Then we eat breakfast. Mind you, it's just my little family, the kids and Bossman. As we sit down to breakfast, I remember the coffee. I ask my daughter if she gave the coffee to her grandma. Nope, she didn't. Didn't even know Grandma took the coffee. Asked Bossman the same thing...nope, he didn't either. So I tell them what I saw the day before. MIL sneaking coffee into her purse.
Well, we all start laughing. We can't believe that MIL, stole coffee from us. Has she asked any one of us, we would have gladly given it to her, for the wildchild hasn't been drinking coffee.
So suddenly, an idea forms. Guess who we were going to eat Easter dinner with? MIL. Guess whose house we were going to be going to? Again...MIL. So, while sitting around the breakfast table we decide we are going to steal it back.
That's right people. Bossman and I decided that we should teach our children petty thievery. In case things don't work out well for them in traditional careers, we wanted them to have something to fall back on. Aren't we GREAT parents?
So around the table we start planning our strategy. We come up with funny hand signals. Everyone has an assignment. Little man is going to distract grandpa. Wildchild has the biggest purse, so she is going to do the actual stealing. The little man told me that I could sit on the couch and pretend to watch TV. OH-my-goodness. We laughed sooo hard when he told me that. I had to pretend to watch TV. Aren't we the sneaky ones?
Anyway, the code words were... The Kittles has meowed. (Kittles is our cat.) Once we heard those words, we knew that the deed had been done. All we needed was the mission impossible song going in the back ground.
We had the best time planning that mission. We all laughed so hard we could barely keep the food in our mouths.
So, bet you are wondering, did the plan work? Yes, it worked. I pretended to watch TV, the little man distracted his grandpa, and while the MIL went into the bathroom, the wildchild took back the coffee.
So there you have it. It was probably one of the best Easters we have had. Oh, and I wasn't sick. So that made it even better!
Yes, I know, I'm a horrible parent. Teaching children to steal from their own grandparents. Someone should call the authorities right away!
But in the end, she stole from us. And anyway you slice it, that was just WRONG. So we weren't ACTUALLY stealing, we were just taking back what was rightfully ours to begin with. The NERVE of some people!
Now I'm just waiting until she finds it missing. Will she be bold enough to call us on it? Next time she comes over, I'm thinking of taking it out and asking her if she wants it because we don't drink it....LOL.
Well, watch your purses and pockets while you visit. You never know what our NEXT mission will be.
MMMMMAAAAWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
later...
Happy Easter!
Whatever your religion, whatever your beliefs, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your family and friends.
That, and I hope the Easter bunny is VERY good to you.
Oh, and don't try and tell me the Easter bunny is not real.
I won't believe you.
He brings eggs and candy.
Don't question the power of the BUNNY!
HUGS!
waiting...
Don't you ever feel like your waiting for something to happen? Life is just humming along at a pretty good clip, but in the back of your mind you're waiting for something to happen.
I don't even know what it is I'm waiting for. Am I waiting to win the lotto? That will take awhile since I don't even play. Am I waiting for the kids to be grown? What then? Bossman and I will sit around staring at each other. What EXACTLY am I waiting for?
Don't you ever think in your mind, when I lose weight, THEN I can do this? Or when I get that raise at work, THEN I can to that? Why is it I'm always waiting for something else to happen?
Seems like I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, and then suddenly, I look around and think, where did the time go?
Bossman and I had a long talk last night. We talked about the lack of d/d. We both realized that it just isn't fitting into our lives at the moment. This doesn't mean we are going to eliminate spanking, but it's just not a top priority right now.
It's weird. Last time we went through this, I was devastated. I thought life as I knew it was over. I didn't think I could ever be happy without d/d in my life. I really didn't think we would ever be the same. I totally panicked. I freaked out.
This time...not so much. Of course I wish I could make things different. I wish I could make my life just like the so-called perfect ones I read about online. So, maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Perhaps, I'm waiting for my life to suddenly be perfect. Surely I'm going to wake up one day and everything will be exactly the way I always dreamed it would be.
I guess that isn't going to happen. But you know what, I'm not so devastated about the d/d thing. I think it's because I know it's not dead forever. Bossman even said that he missed it too. So, I know it's still there. When it happens, it happens. I can't sit around waiting for it. I can't pine away for something like that. If I do, I'm missing out on the good things in life.
For instance, we had the hottest sex EVER last night. Maybe it was all the talk about d/d. Maybe it was the Nora Roberts novel I was reading..hot hot hot. Whatever it was, boy did we connect. And connect. And connect. Thank goodness I didn't sit around waiting for THAT to show up. I would have missed out on something wonderful.
Comparing my life to something I read or think about will never work. Life doesn't work that way. I realized I can't force my husband to act like the husbands in those stories. Funny, but I don't even think I would force him, if I could. If I did that, he wouldn't be the man he is. He wouldn't be himself. I want him to be HIMSELF. If he WANTS the d/d thing, great, but I can't and won't force it on him. It would never be good that way. It would be forced and not natural.
Now, I have to stop myself from waiting. I need to live my life in the here and now. I need to enjoy my children and enjoy my husband. I need to stop waiting for the happily ever after. I want to live the happily right now!
later......
I don't even know what it is I'm waiting for. Am I waiting to win the lotto? That will take awhile since I don't even play. Am I waiting for the kids to be grown? What then? Bossman and I will sit around staring at each other. What EXACTLY am I waiting for?
Don't you ever think in your mind, when I lose weight, THEN I can do this? Or when I get that raise at work, THEN I can to that? Why is it I'm always waiting for something else to happen?
Seems like I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, and then suddenly, I look around and think, where did the time go?
Bossman and I had a long talk last night. We talked about the lack of d/d. We both realized that it just isn't fitting into our lives at the moment. This doesn't mean we are going to eliminate spanking, but it's just not a top priority right now.
It's weird. Last time we went through this, I was devastated. I thought life as I knew it was over. I didn't think I could ever be happy without d/d in my life. I really didn't think we would ever be the same. I totally panicked. I freaked out.
This time...not so much. Of course I wish I could make things different. I wish I could make my life just like the so-called perfect ones I read about online. So, maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Perhaps, I'm waiting for my life to suddenly be perfect. Surely I'm going to wake up one day and everything will be exactly the way I always dreamed it would be.
I guess that isn't going to happen. But you know what, I'm not so devastated about the d/d thing. I think it's because I know it's not dead forever. Bossman even said that he missed it too. So, I know it's still there. When it happens, it happens. I can't sit around waiting for it. I can't pine away for something like that. If I do, I'm missing out on the good things in life.
For instance, we had the hottest sex EVER last night. Maybe it was all the talk about d/d. Maybe it was the Nora Roberts novel I was reading..hot hot hot. Whatever it was, boy did we connect. And connect. And connect. Thank goodness I didn't sit around waiting for THAT to show up. I would have missed out on something wonderful.
Comparing my life to something I read or think about will never work. Life doesn't work that way. I realized I can't force my husband to act like the husbands in those stories. Funny, but I don't even think I would force him, if I could. If I did that, he wouldn't be the man he is. He wouldn't be himself. I want him to be HIMSELF. If he WANTS the d/d thing, great, but I can't and won't force it on him. It would never be good that way. It would be forced and not natural.
Now, I have to stop myself from waiting. I need to live my life in the here and now. I need to enjoy my children and enjoy my husband. I need to stop waiting for the happily ever after. I want to live the happily right now!
later......
the truth is...
The truth of the matter is, d/d is not working for us.
As much as I would like for my relationship to work on a d/d level. It ain't happening.
Maybe it's a time factor. Maybe it is a willingness factor. Maybe the kids get in the way. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can make excuses all I want, but the truth is, it just isn't working. I want it to work. I WANT that relationship. You know the one I'm talking about. Consequences, results, spankings, control, love, tenderness, honesty, trust....all those things.
So, I ask myself, why isn't it working? What is the main reason for this lack in our life?
Of course, all the things I mentioned above are true. We have kids and a very small house. We have life obligations that make fitting d/d into our life pretty impossible right now. I have health issues that have made being in the mood much harder than usual. You would think that if we truly wanted it to work, we could make it happen.
This leads me to believe that we are not meant to have this type of relationship right now. Maybe someday...maybe, but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
Now I'm wondering about the molds we try and fit ourselves into. Amber and I were recently e-mailing each other. She mentioned in my comments that she was a little jealous of the fact that I had people I could talk to about the common interest of spanking. She and her husband are not into d/d. They tried it. It didn't fit into their life. BUT, if you read Ambers blog at all, you find that she is very submissive. They have a relationship that doesn't exactly fit into any of your typical submissive molds. They are not into BDSM. They are not into spanking, they are not into d/d and they are not into d/s. So, what mold do they fit in? I think they are making their own mold.
So, after thinking about that for a while I started thinking of my own mold. Where do I fit in?
I've begun to think that I don't fit into the mold that I created anymore. I may have to recreate myself. I go around reading spanking blogs and although I enjoy the stories, I feel like I have nothing to say, or comment about. I don't relate to BDSM blogs. So, where do I fit in?
Bossman is still very dominate. He is still the head of our house. He is still loving and caring and all those things. That part is not lacking. I still have the best husband ever. Spanking just seems very far removed from our relationship right now.
Well, I don't have any answers. As a matter of fact, after reading this post, I realize it's just a ramble about nothing.
Oh well, it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. Usually I write whatever is floating in my brain. So, welcome to my brain. Scary, isn't it?
Anybody got a mold I can use?
later..........
As much as I would like for my relationship to work on a d/d level. It ain't happening.
Maybe it's a time factor. Maybe it is a willingness factor. Maybe the kids get in the way. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can make excuses all I want, but the truth is, it just isn't working. I want it to work. I WANT that relationship. You know the one I'm talking about. Consequences, results, spankings, control, love, tenderness, honesty, trust....all those things.
So, I ask myself, why isn't it working? What is the main reason for this lack in our life?
Of course, all the things I mentioned above are true. We have kids and a very small house. We have life obligations that make fitting d/d into our life pretty impossible right now. I have health issues that have made being in the mood much harder than usual. You would think that if we truly wanted it to work, we could make it happen.
This leads me to believe that we are not meant to have this type of relationship right now. Maybe someday...maybe, but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
Now I'm wondering about the molds we try and fit ourselves into. Amber and I were recently e-mailing each other. She mentioned in my comments that she was a little jealous of the fact that I had people I could talk to about the common interest of spanking. She and her husband are not into d/d. They tried it. It didn't fit into their life. BUT, if you read Ambers blog at all, you find that she is very submissive. They have a relationship that doesn't exactly fit into any of your typical submissive molds. They are not into BDSM. They are not into spanking, they are not into d/d and they are not into d/s. So, what mold do they fit in? I think they are making their own mold.
So, after thinking about that for a while I started thinking of my own mold. Where do I fit in?
I've begun to think that I don't fit into the mold that I created anymore. I may have to recreate myself. I go around reading spanking blogs and although I enjoy the stories, I feel like I have nothing to say, or comment about. I don't relate to BDSM blogs. So, where do I fit in?
Bossman is still very dominate. He is still the head of our house. He is still loving and caring and all those things. That part is not lacking. I still have the best husband ever. Spanking just seems very far removed from our relationship right now.
Well, I don't have any answers. As a matter of fact, after reading this post, I realize it's just a ramble about nothing.
Oh well, it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. Usually I write whatever is floating in my brain. So, welcome to my brain. Scary, isn't it?
Anybody got a mold I can use?
later..........
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