What happens when you break a rule and you don't really feel like you should be punished?
What happens when you fight your way out of it, and then you feel bad because you got out of it?
What happens when you realize you should be punished?
What happens when you wish you would have just kept your mouth shut, but you didn't?
What happens when you promise to submit to your partner, but then don't?
What happens when you NEED to be controlled and your not?
What happens when you KNOW your partner is trying, and your not?
What happens when your guilt overwhelms you?
What happens next?
later......
Watch out Vegas...here I come!
Hooray for me! I get to go to Vegas! Bossman has earned a trip there, with expenses paid. The best part of this trip is the kidlets are staying HOME!
I am so looking forward to going. The trip is only one week after our 16th anniversary, so this is going to be a great little trip for us.
Did you notice I said 16 years? Can it really be that long since we got married? It seems like only yesterday. Isn't that what everyone says? But really, what happened to the time? How did the wildchild end up in highschool? How did I end up here, right now, typing away my thoughts on a computer? Time is such a weird concept. When your in the moment, you don't realize that the moment will pass, and your life will change. How boring it would be if we stayed the same. But on the other hand, I hate change. I like being in my comfort zone, knowing what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, how it's going to happen. But one day you look around and you think....when did that change? When did my kids get taller? When did my daughter decide to become a real person? With thoughts and feelings, no less. When did my son stop wearing diapers, and start reading books by himself? WHEN did this happen?
And then I look back at my relationship with Bossman and I think...WHOA...when did we become THESE people? When did we get into this d/d concept? How did all this come to pass?
When I look back at our wedding day, I remember 2 very young people that didn't have a clue about life. I remember not even really knowing what it was in life that I wanted. Bossman and I had dated for 3 years, part of those years in high school. We had no clue what life was all about, we just knew we wanted to grow up. So we dated, and then we just figured getting married was the next step in life. Don't get me wrong, we were in love, but what is love really when your that young? We didn't know what love was. But we got married. We had a great wedding. And then what? Did we know how to treat each other? Did we really know what married life was all about? NOPE. We hadn't a clue. On our first ann. we found out we were expecting a little bundle of joy. (the wildchild) What the heck were we going to do with a baby? Well, we had the baby, and we kept living our life. We muddled through the years, and frankly if we hadn't had the wildchild we probably would have gotten a divorce. We were just too young. We hadn't grown up. We weren't mature. We hadn't experience life yet. But we stayed together. So we muddle through the years together. About 5 years ago, Bossman decided to change careers. The kids and I have to go stay with my sis-in law, while he tries to get his career going. We suddenly realize....we love each other. I hated being apart from him. He hated being away from me.
When we finally got back together, I started telling him about d/d. It was just little things, I could never just come right out and talk about it. I was embarrassed. I still am. But I started printing out stories. And we started communicating. And things just evolved from there.
We are more in love than ever. I could never imagine being apart from Bossman. He is the light of my life. He makes me the person I am today.
16 years seems like a long time. But in the grand scheme of things....it's just been one stepping stone after another, and the stones keep getting bigger and bigger, so we won't fall in the river.
Even if I start to fall, at least I know Bossman is there to catch me.
later........
I am so looking forward to going. The trip is only one week after our 16th anniversary, so this is going to be a great little trip for us.
Did you notice I said 16 years? Can it really be that long since we got married? It seems like only yesterday. Isn't that what everyone says? But really, what happened to the time? How did the wildchild end up in highschool? How did I end up here, right now, typing away my thoughts on a computer? Time is such a weird concept. When your in the moment, you don't realize that the moment will pass, and your life will change. How boring it would be if we stayed the same. But on the other hand, I hate change. I like being in my comfort zone, knowing what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, how it's going to happen. But one day you look around and you think....when did that change? When did my kids get taller? When did my daughter decide to become a real person? With thoughts and feelings, no less. When did my son stop wearing diapers, and start reading books by himself? WHEN did this happen?
And then I look back at my relationship with Bossman and I think...WHOA...when did we become THESE people? When did we get into this d/d concept? How did all this come to pass?
When I look back at our wedding day, I remember 2 very young people that didn't have a clue about life. I remember not even really knowing what it was in life that I wanted. Bossman and I had dated for 3 years, part of those years in high school. We had no clue what life was all about, we just knew we wanted to grow up. So we dated, and then we just figured getting married was the next step in life. Don't get me wrong, we were in love, but what is love really when your that young? We didn't know what love was. But we got married. We had a great wedding. And then what? Did we know how to treat each other? Did we really know what married life was all about? NOPE. We hadn't a clue. On our first ann. we found out we were expecting a little bundle of joy. (the wildchild) What the heck were we going to do with a baby? Well, we had the baby, and we kept living our life. We muddled through the years, and frankly if we hadn't had the wildchild we probably would have gotten a divorce. We were just too young. We hadn't grown up. We weren't mature. We hadn't experience life yet. But we stayed together. So we muddle through the years together. About 5 years ago, Bossman decided to change careers. The kids and I have to go stay with my sis-in law, while he tries to get his career going. We suddenly realize....we love each other. I hated being apart from him. He hated being away from me.
When we finally got back together, I started telling him about d/d. It was just little things, I could never just come right out and talk about it. I was embarrassed. I still am. But I started printing out stories. And we started communicating. And things just evolved from there.
We are more in love than ever. I could never imagine being apart from Bossman. He is the light of my life. He makes me the person I am today.
16 years seems like a long time. But in the grand scheme of things....it's just been one stepping stone after another, and the stones keep getting bigger and bigger, so we won't fall in the river.
Even if I start to fall, at least I know Bossman is there to catch me.
later........
Couple of days ago, Bossman gave me quite the spanking. It was everything that I love and hate all combined.
First he said he just wanted to spank me because he felt like I needed it. It was nothing specific, it was "just because". So first he pulled down my pants and panties, and then had me stand in the corner. Why is that such a turn on for me? I don't get it. I feel so lame doing it, but it's also so freakin' hot.
He kept coming up to me and slapping my bottom. He said it was warm up. Ok fine, but then got out the backscracher and started slapping me with that. God that thing hurts. So then he led me out of the corner, and I thought, hey that wasn't so bad, but then he said now it's time to get over my knee. WHAT? I thought we were done. I, of course, started whining, complaining, but I thought you were done.....
He didn't accept that. Instead he positioned me over his lap and started the real spanking.....with the paddle. OUCH. That's about all I can say. It hurt, it burned, and it was so HOT!!! I kept thinking, I hate this, I love this, I hate this, I love this.... Could someone turn off the voices in my head?
Anyway, I felt extremely subby, and very loved. Sometimes I wonder if I could do something to make him do that again, but its so random in our relationship that I'm not sure what would make him do that again. Plus, I am not the type of person that wants to be bratty on purpose, just for the sake of discipline. I really want discipline to be real, that's why I hate the fact that I find it hot. But I suppose if I didn't find it hot, then I wouldn't be interested in having in my life. But I suppose that's really not true either, because I know of lots of couples that don't find discipline hot, but still have it in their lives.
Well, Bossman assures me that he will be disciplining me when the need arises, so I will continue to hope that this will be a bigger part of our lives, once again. I will continue to have a love/hate relationship with this. And hopefully we will be happier for it.
later.........
First he said he just wanted to spank me because he felt like I needed it. It was nothing specific, it was "just because". So first he pulled down my pants and panties, and then had me stand in the corner. Why is that such a turn on for me? I don't get it. I feel so lame doing it, but it's also so freakin' hot.
He kept coming up to me and slapping my bottom. He said it was warm up. Ok fine, but then got out the backscracher and started slapping me with that. God that thing hurts. So then he led me out of the corner, and I thought, hey that wasn't so bad, but then he said now it's time to get over my knee. WHAT? I thought we were done. I, of course, started whining, complaining, but I thought you were done.....
He didn't accept that. Instead he positioned me over his lap and started the real spanking.....with the paddle. OUCH. That's about all I can say. It hurt, it burned, and it was so HOT!!! I kept thinking, I hate this, I love this, I hate this, I love this.... Could someone turn off the voices in my head?
Anyway, I felt extremely subby, and very loved. Sometimes I wonder if I could do something to make him do that again, but its so random in our relationship that I'm not sure what would make him do that again. Plus, I am not the type of person that wants to be bratty on purpose, just for the sake of discipline. I really want discipline to be real, that's why I hate the fact that I find it hot. But I suppose if I didn't find it hot, then I wouldn't be interested in having in my life. But I suppose that's really not true either, because I know of lots of couples that don't find discipline hot, but still have it in their lives.
Well, Bossman assures me that he will be disciplining me when the need arises, so I will continue to hope that this will be a bigger part of our lives, once again. I will continue to have a love/hate relationship with this. And hopefully we will be happier for it.
later.........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)