See ya next week!
later......
Fathers day
Fathers day is a hard day for me. The only person I celebrate on that day is the father of my children. Bossman is the best father there is. He is caring and loving and he spends a lot of time with our kids. I sometimes envy my children for having such a great father.
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
Clarification
Paul got me thinking about my last post and after re-reading it I realized I didn't really state why I feel weird about my noises and such.
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
weird noises
I hate the noises I make when I'm being spanked. There, I said it!
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
last day of peace
Today is the last day of school for the wildchild. She will officially be a junior in high school next year. She failed history class both semesters so she will be going to summer school.
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
Changes
I decided to change my blog around a bit. I thought I could use a bit of color.
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
Little man turns 8
My little man is 8 years old today!
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
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