Physical Thursday

Thursday I went and had my annual physical.  This included checking under the hood and squeezing the boobs.  She did the vertigo test...yes, there is a test for that and I still have it.  It hasn't bothered me that much lately, but it's still there.  Also, remember how I'm on 2 blood pressure meds?  Every time I go to the doc I have high blood pressure.  Every. Single. Time.  But now, suddenly my blood pressure is low.  I mean, like 98 over 62 low. heh.

I am shocked by this.  I can't believe it.  I also can't believe I didn't have to wait for an hour in the waiting room, but that's a different story.  Seriously....I'm surprised.  So when the doc comes in, I'm sure she's going to say something about it.

I was sure.

She didn't.

I ended up bringing it up.  Mind you, I've been going to this doc for YEARS!  She knows my history.  So I ask her about it.  "Oh" she says, "yes, well that does seem low for you.  Maybe we should cut one of the meds and see how that goes."  See how that goes?  GAH!  I ask if she thinks that could be causing me to be dizzy and she says, " why yes, yes it could."

Just call me Dr.Grace M.D.

So after we get that sorted and she looks at all my privates, she says I should get a tetanus shot.  You know, the one you get every 10 years. It also keeps that pesky whooping cough away. 

So they give me the shot.  Doesn't hurt a bit.  Never even felt it.

Next day, I felt a little off.  Couldn't put my finger on it, but I just didn't feel my normal dizzy self.  But HELL, my arm was sore!!!!

By the evening, I had a slight fever.  By morning my arm has swollen A LOT and did I mention it hurt like HELL?  I think I ended up with all the side effects.  Which according to Dr. Google, only 1 out of every 100 adults get.  Whoo...am I lucky or WHAT????  I'm better now, but my arm still has a swollen spot.  Stupid shot.

Ah life.  Sometimes it's such a bitch.

On to another though provoking topic....

My biggest pet peeve...(besides the people selling stuff in front of the grocery store)

Sitting on a warm toilet.

That's all.

Written while ignoring laundry by::

The post that didn't want to get written

I've can't believe I didn't post a single thing in August.  I hate when bloggers do that.  I wait anxiously for my favorite bloggers to post a new post and get frustrated when it takes so long for them to post, YET, I take a long time to post something myself.  It's a double standard for sure!

So, sorry.  I apologize for my absence.

I don't have an excuse really.  I just couldn't get enough mojo to write anything.  My life has been a roller coaster of health problems.  Don't worry, nothing major.  Just stuff that is annoying and weird and just sucking me dry as far as motivation goes.

Motivation.  I has none.

I've had a case of vertigo that has caused me to just want to sit on the couch and not move.  You remember the song, "You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record player, right, round right round"?  Well, that was the theme song for me.  Endless spinning.  Of course that meant no driving.  And I pretty much just sat on my butt all day and did NOTHING.  Which caused me to fall into a depression that has been hard to drag myself out of. 

Also, I take 3 different meds a day.  2 for blood pressure and one for the cancer.  Those 3 meds are making me soooooo tired that I can hardly hold my head up.  YET, I'd be so tired that I couldn't sleep.  I KNOW, that makes NO sense to me either, but it's a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

I know I should probably talk to someone about the depression, but honestly, I don't want to take another medicine. I hate it.  If there is a side effect...I WILL have it.  I just can't handle anymore side effects.

So, I'm trying to drag myself out of it myself.  Now that the vertigo is less, I've been able to walk by myself without worrying about falling down.  So, I've been trying to get out of the house and take a short walk everyday.  I've been making sure to do something around the house.  Just doing the dishes makes me feel like I've done something productive and that has helped a lot.

It's hard when you feel unimportant and unneeded.  Bossman tells me all the time that I am important to the family and that the family would fall apart without me, but sometimes I can't help thinking I'm nothing but a burden.  I KNOW, I'm not a burden.  Trust me, I KNOW.

2010 and 2011 have been hell.  Between the cancer, D's death and now more recent, my step father passed away in August...it's just been overwhelming.  I haven't known how to feel about my SF's death.  We weren't close.  He abused me when I was younger.  I've made peace with that.  He was my brothers father.  Without him there would be no brother.  I can't imagine life without brother.  I feel bad that he passed.  My poor brother was the only one there for him when he passed.  My baby (35) brother had to watch his father pass and nobody was there for him.  It was a hard passing too, the last hours SF was in a lot of pain.  He was only 59.

Life is so hard to deal with.  I don't know how I'm suppose to feel.  I am starting to feel like a hypochondriac because I always have a problem.  I'm actually relieved when the doc finds something because then I know it wasn't just in my head.

Sad, isn't it?

Anyway, this is my life.  So I'm writing about it.  I figure maybe writing it all out will help.  Well, it can't hurt.  Through all that, I still like my husband to spank me.  We had a long dry spell, but the other day he did pull me over his knee and give me a few swats.  I was a big baby about it, but it was nice and it made me feel more.....I don't know....does it seem weird that it made me feel more normal?

Well, if it's weird, it's no more weirder than the rest of my life.

Written while ignoring laundry by::