Putting your husband first...well that's something I never really gave much thought to until I realized how selfish I was being.
Putting your spouse first can be very hard when you have small children. I saw Oprah the other day, and I was amazed at all the wives and mothers putting the kids before the hubby. Kids are very important and I love mine to pieces, but as one lady on the show very nicely put it...I'm IN love with my husband, I'm not in love with my kids.
This doesn't mean I don't love my kids. And I didn't think the lady on the show meant that either, but you should have seen the response the lady got from the other mothers. How DARE she not be in love with her kids! But they didn't get it. These women are so busy being the perfect parents that they left the hubbies out in the dust. One lady even admitted that she watches TV during sex....so he can take care of his "business"! Is that what the world is coming to? Men are just "taking care of business" when they want to make love? I shudder to think that this is what is going on in homes across America. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.
I have to admit, a couple of weeks ago, I was those women. I was thinking only of myself and my kids, and I didn't really give much thought to my hubbies needs. But that has so changed. My kids will only live in my house for a short time, but hopefully, my marriage will last forever. When the kids are gone, if I haven't fulfilled my hubbies needs he may not be around anymore, or our relationship will be strained. How can I put my husbands needs second...for 20 years or so, and expect there to be any sort of chance for our relationship to survive?
My kids will still grow up. I will still be there for my kids every step of the way. But I will make sure that Bossman and I nurture our relationship too. I will NEVER ever watch TV while my Bossman is "doing his business" His business is my business and sex and love making will NEVER be business in my book!
Take the time to love your husbands and wives today. Take the time to hold hands, take the time to give him a kiss as he walks in the door tonight. Take the time. Your kids will know they have parents that love each other, and they will learn how to treat their partners went the time comes. Parents are the best roll models. Love your partner...do it for the kids!
later........
A few hours later....
What a difference a few hours can make!
The last blog really helped me sort out some things. As a result I realized that I was behaving worse than a child. For heaven sakes, I want my husband to read my mind, I want him to take care of all my needs, I want him to do things exactly the way I want them! Well, at first I didn't really think that was a problem. I mean really, isn't that what we all want? But reality kicked in, and I realized that it really wasn't fair at all. And since I'm being completely honest here, let's face it, I was topping from the bottom!
I was so upset to think that the whole d/d thing might be over, I didn't know what to do. After reading that blog, I didn't really want to publish it. I think that's because I didn't really want to face the truth. But I decided that since I spent all that time writing it, I might as well post it, even if it makes me sound petty and childish.
So, after I posted it, I decide I would scout out some more d/d sites, (like I haven't read them all...lol) and I managed to find lots of new ones. After reading stuff that was pretty much the same, I found some hot spanking stories and started reading them. Of course after I read them, I wanted to be spanked really bad. But I didn't really think that would happen, I figured I had scared Bossman to the point of never spanking me again. ~sigh
But after reading all the stuff I read, I realized what an ASS I've been. The light suddenly flashed in my head, and it dawned on me that I really screwed this up for myself. I wanted him to spank me, but I gave him a hard time every time he tried. I wasn't submissive AT ALL! He was just trying to give me what I wanted but I shot him down at every turn. All I wanted to do at the moment was apologize and make it right again. Plus I really wanted that spanking!
Well, Bossman showed up a few hours later...before the kids came home from school. I really needed to talk to him. But after reading all those stories, I was hot and horny too. So we went in the bedroom and I gave him a really great kiss. I think he was surprised that I kissed him like that, because even though we had make-up sex, I could still feel some tension between us. Anyway, I told him how sorry I was, how wrong I had been about everything. He said he forgave me, and we embraced for a few minutes. Then he said what do you need from me. And I said, I need him to read my mind. Well, he did. He said, I think you need a spanking. To which I blushed and hid my head in his chest. So then I kissed him again, and then he said pull your pants down. To which I gratefully complied. After being securely over his lap, he spanked me kinda long and kinda hard. It was such a relief. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was that he spanked me.
Of course it goes without saying that we had really hot sex afterward...YIPPEE!!! It was so yummy and hot, and wonderful, and I felt the tension lift immediately. We had to pick the little man up from school, so there wasn't much time for chit chat afterward. But later in the afternoon, we had a few minutes to talk and I really wanted to tell him that I had a different plan for the d/d and I wanted to know what he thought of it.
The way I figured it out was this, I realized that before he decided to spank me, I needed a little warning. I needed him to tell me when. I figure if he does this, this will give me enough time to prepare myself and then I will not be so quick to fight. I will be more willing to submit. A least this is my hope. And I told him all this, and he thinks its a great idea. We are going to try it and see how it goes.
You don't know how happy I am. I really really thought d/d was over for us. I really thought I had pushed Bossman to the point of no return. So I am so anxious to see how this works, I almost wish I had done something to deserve it right now. Notice I said "almost"!
So until the next time..
later.......
The last blog really helped me sort out some things. As a result I realized that I was behaving worse than a child. For heaven sakes, I want my husband to read my mind, I want him to take care of all my needs, I want him to do things exactly the way I want them! Well, at first I didn't really think that was a problem. I mean really, isn't that what we all want? But reality kicked in, and I realized that it really wasn't fair at all. And since I'm being completely honest here, let's face it, I was topping from the bottom!
I was so upset to think that the whole d/d thing might be over, I didn't know what to do. After reading that blog, I didn't really want to publish it. I think that's because I didn't really want to face the truth. But I decided that since I spent all that time writing it, I might as well post it, even if it makes me sound petty and childish.
So, after I posted it, I decide I would scout out some more d/d sites, (like I haven't read them all...lol) and I managed to find lots of new ones. After reading stuff that was pretty much the same, I found some hot spanking stories and started reading them. Of course after I read them, I wanted to be spanked really bad. But I didn't really think that would happen, I figured I had scared Bossman to the point of never spanking me again. ~sigh
But after reading all the stuff I read, I realized what an ASS I've been. The light suddenly flashed in my head, and it dawned on me that I really screwed this up for myself. I wanted him to spank me, but I gave him a hard time every time he tried. I wasn't submissive AT ALL! He was just trying to give me what I wanted but I shot him down at every turn. All I wanted to do at the moment was apologize and make it right again. Plus I really wanted that spanking!
Well, Bossman showed up a few hours later...before the kids came home from school. I really needed to talk to him. But after reading all those stories, I was hot and horny too. So we went in the bedroom and I gave him a really great kiss. I think he was surprised that I kissed him like that, because even though we had make-up sex, I could still feel some tension between us. Anyway, I told him how sorry I was, how wrong I had been about everything. He said he forgave me, and we embraced for a few minutes. Then he said what do you need from me. And I said, I need him to read my mind. Well, he did. He said, I think you need a spanking. To which I blushed and hid my head in his chest. So then I kissed him again, and then he said pull your pants down. To which I gratefully complied. After being securely over his lap, he spanked me kinda long and kinda hard. It was such a relief. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was that he spanked me.
Of course it goes without saying that we had really hot sex afterward...YIPPEE!!! It was so yummy and hot, and wonderful, and I felt the tension lift immediately. We had to pick the little man up from school, so there wasn't much time for chit chat afterward. But later in the afternoon, we had a few minutes to talk and I really wanted to tell him that I had a different plan for the d/d and I wanted to know what he thought of it.
The way I figured it out was this, I realized that before he decided to spank me, I needed a little warning. I needed him to tell me when. I figure if he does this, this will give me enough time to prepare myself and then I will not be so quick to fight. I will be more willing to submit. A least this is my hope. And I told him all this, and he thinks its a great idea. We are going to try it and see how it goes.
You don't know how happy I am. I really really thought d/d was over for us. I really thought I had pushed Bossman to the point of no return. So I am so anxious to see how this works, I almost wish I had done something to deserve it right now. Notice I said "almost"!
So until the next time..
later.......
Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, week
Last week I had typed in a really long entry. It told all about our trip to Vegas, it told all about the concert with Huey. It was also very positive about the d/d.
Bogger lost my post. I hit the publish button. I received a cannot find this page, error. I freaked. I hit the "back" button, I hit the recover post button......nothing. My post was lost in cyberspace. My post, that I spent over an hour composing...LOST!
Fine...I decided I wasn't going to post for awhile.....
Then came Saturday.
Saturday started out to be a great day. We went to a friends house for lunch, the kids were going to spend the night at grandma's, so the evening should have been promising too....right?
That night, we watched a movie. After the movie we went into the bedroom. I was feeling a little bratty. Bossman backed me into a corner and tried to pull my arms above my head. I hate that. I pushed away and crossed the room so I could get ready for bed. I got into bed and watched Bossman getting ready for bed. I could tell that he was upset that I had pushed him away. I thought......he was mad. He got in bed and wanted me to snuggle close to him. I got up next to him, but I wasn't very receptive to his affections. Remember, I thought he was mad...I really thought that. So, suddenly, he flips me over and starts spanking me.
Just so you know, I like to be mentally prepared for stuff like this. I wasn't. It felt so wrong...so mean. I thought he was just taking his anger out on me....remember, I thought he was mad. So I didn't make a sound, and suddenly the pain was too much and I yelled STOP...really loud. Well, he stopped all right. And then I made the worst mistake ever. I asked him if he felt better now. SIGH.....what the hell was I thinking? Well, if he wasn't mad yet, he sure was mad now.
I'm guessing you know the tragic end to this horrible story. Yes, we fought, and we fought bitterly. The night was ruined, we went to bed mad at each other....and the next 2 days were pure hell.
Finally on Tuesday, we decide to talk. Bossman tells me, we can't do d/d anymore. WHAT? Now I'm completely upset. I really didn't expect that. After further discussion, I find out he wasn't mad that night, and he thought he was just exercising his right to spank when I needed it. True, I needed a spanking that night. But it just didn't come out right. It felt so wrong. I wasn't the only one who felt it was wrong. Bossman said he felt like he was beating me, and that was why we couldn't continue with the d/d because couldn't do that anymore. He didn't want to feel like he was beating me. He just couldn't do that to me.
Ok, I respect that. But where do we go from here? I felt like my world that I know it, has come to an end. I felt like he didn't want to take care of me anymore. I felt like he was abandoning me.
But that's not the end of the story. For he told me yesterday, he is still taking care of me. He doesn't think spanking is completely out, but we have to figure out a different way of handling it. He's been very loving to me the last couple of days, and we had GREAT make-up sex. (I love make up sex)
So where does this all leave us? Where to we go from here? I've been searching blogs, and websites for the answers, but I can't seem to find any that fit. In my lost blog, I had written that I felt our d/d needed some structure. I felt like we needed some guidelines to live by. Maybe that is what is holding us back, maybe we don't have the guidelines we need in this part of our relationship. Has anyone written the d/d handbook? Are there rules we should follow? It's so nice to say...everyone is different and we need to make up the rules for ourselves, but that really doesn't help me. Nope that doesn't help me at all.
So we shall continue the journey. I shall search high and low until I can find something that fits us, and our needs.... I have too, for right now I feel like I lost something very important. I have to find it.
later...........
Bogger lost my post. I hit the publish button. I received a cannot find this page, error. I freaked. I hit the "back" button, I hit the recover post button......nothing. My post was lost in cyberspace. My post, that I spent over an hour composing...LOST!
Fine...I decided I wasn't going to post for awhile.....
Then came Saturday.
Saturday started out to be a great day. We went to a friends house for lunch, the kids were going to spend the night at grandma's, so the evening should have been promising too....right?
That night, we watched a movie. After the movie we went into the bedroom. I was feeling a little bratty. Bossman backed me into a corner and tried to pull my arms above my head. I hate that. I pushed away and crossed the room so I could get ready for bed. I got into bed and watched Bossman getting ready for bed. I could tell that he was upset that I had pushed him away. I thought......he was mad. He got in bed and wanted me to snuggle close to him. I got up next to him, but I wasn't very receptive to his affections. Remember, I thought he was mad...I really thought that. So, suddenly, he flips me over and starts spanking me.
Just so you know, I like to be mentally prepared for stuff like this. I wasn't. It felt so wrong...so mean. I thought he was just taking his anger out on me....remember, I thought he was mad. So I didn't make a sound, and suddenly the pain was too much and I yelled STOP...really loud. Well, he stopped all right. And then I made the worst mistake ever. I asked him if he felt better now. SIGH.....what the hell was I thinking? Well, if he wasn't mad yet, he sure was mad now.
I'm guessing you know the tragic end to this horrible story. Yes, we fought, and we fought bitterly. The night was ruined, we went to bed mad at each other....and the next 2 days were pure hell.
Finally on Tuesday, we decide to talk. Bossman tells me, we can't do d/d anymore. WHAT? Now I'm completely upset. I really didn't expect that. After further discussion, I find out he wasn't mad that night, and he thought he was just exercising his right to spank when I needed it. True, I needed a spanking that night. But it just didn't come out right. It felt so wrong. I wasn't the only one who felt it was wrong. Bossman said he felt like he was beating me, and that was why we couldn't continue with the d/d because couldn't do that anymore. He didn't want to feel like he was beating me. He just couldn't do that to me.
Ok, I respect that. But where do we go from here? I felt like my world that I know it, has come to an end. I felt like he didn't want to take care of me anymore. I felt like he was abandoning me.
But that's not the end of the story. For he told me yesterday, he is still taking care of me. He doesn't think spanking is completely out, but we have to figure out a different way of handling it. He's been very loving to me the last couple of days, and we had GREAT make-up sex. (I love make up sex)
So where does this all leave us? Where to we go from here? I've been searching blogs, and websites for the answers, but I can't seem to find any that fit. In my lost blog, I had written that I felt our d/d needed some structure. I felt like we needed some guidelines to live by. Maybe that is what is holding us back, maybe we don't have the guidelines we need in this part of our relationship. Has anyone written the d/d handbook? Are there rules we should follow? It's so nice to say...everyone is different and we need to make up the rules for ourselves, but that really doesn't help me. Nope that doesn't help me at all.
So we shall continue the journey. I shall search high and low until I can find something that fits us, and our needs.... I have too, for right now I feel like I lost something very important. I have to find it.
later...........
I'm baaaackkkk!
Well, we made it back from Vegas...and we had a great time! I will tell all later...I hope.
Thanks for responding to my last blog. When we got home from Vegas, our computer crashed, so we are on a sad, delapitated, borrowed, computer that really shouldn't actually be working, but by some miracle, is working for internet only.
Isn't it wonderful to find out there are people in this world that are going through, or have gone through the things your going through? It really makes me feel like I'm not such a freak in this world. Things are still up and down, but I love all the advice and just the support makes me feel much better about things. Bossman doesn't always read my blog, so I will make sure he reads the last one, and the helpful comments as well.
I want to make this work....I just NEED it to work.....it will work...it will.....
later.....
Thanks for responding to my last blog. When we got home from Vegas, our computer crashed, so we are on a sad, delapitated, borrowed, computer that really shouldn't actually be working, but by some miracle, is working for internet only.
Isn't it wonderful to find out there are people in this world that are going through, or have gone through the things your going through? It really makes me feel like I'm not such a freak in this world. Things are still up and down, but I love all the advice and just the support makes me feel much better about things. Bossman doesn't always read my blog, so I will make sure he reads the last one, and the helpful comments as well.
I want to make this work....I just NEED it to work.....it will work...it will.....
later.....
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