Ok, I lied, I did read the food blogs. Believe it or not, I'm getting interested in cooking. I hate cooking. I do love looking at the cooking blogs though. Just dreaming about someone making those recipes for me gets me all hot.....
It seems that since I got the cancer diagnosis, I've been curled up in my shell. I haven't felt like going anywhere or doing anything. Home is safe. Bad things don't happen at home.
So, babysitting was perfect for me. I didn't have to leave the house and it gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
But, it's been a year since I ended cancer treatment. I think it's time to get back into the world. I need to step out of my comfort zone and join the land of the living.
Next week will be the last week of babysitting. I haven't exactly decided what I'll be doing this summer but I did decide to join the gym. Just getting out of the house will be good for me. Plus, I could stand to lose a few pounds, or at least not add to the ones I already have!
I haven't had a spanking in a while... have you?
We seem to be at the place in our relationship where we aren't as close as we'd like. Spanking is talked about but we just don't have a quiet moment to ourselves to do it. Much less have sex. We try to squeeze sex in when we can, but it really isn't very often. That always makes Bossman cranky. Honestly it makes me cranky too.
My mind has been in a lot of different places lately. Last weekend was the 1st anniversary of the last time I saw D. I know the 27 of next month will be hard. That is when she passed. I miss her and think of her every day. I just blows me away that she's not here.
Speaking of passing, my stepfather is dying of cancer. I have mixed feelings about that man. He sexually abused me when I was 12. I feel like I'm over that. As much as a person can be. I don't like to use what happened to me a a child as a excuse for things that happen now. That was a very long time ago and I'm a grown-up now. I have forgiven him.
Here's the thing, he's the father of my brother. I can't wish ill on the man that is my brothers father. Without him, I wouldn't have my brother. I wouldn't trade my brother for anything in the world. Also, when I was really little, my mother was having a really hard time and was going to have to put me and my sister into foster care. My mother met my stepfather at a party, told him the situation and he stepped in and helped my mother. Who knows what would have happened if my mother had put us in foster care.
The point is, the man did a lot of good for our family. None of that excuses the abuse. It's just part of what happened.
So, mixed feelings. I'm not close with him now. I've only seen him a handful of times in 12 years. But my brother is hurting. My brother is the only family my stepfather has left. My mother divorced him 25 years ago.
Wow, I didn't mean to go into my life history. Guess I needed to get all that out.
Anyway, that's what's going on here. How have you been?
Written while ignoring laundry by::
