a day in the life: July 2014

problems? I got them.

If you've read here for any length of time, you know that I hate dirty laundry. Really, I hate laundry period. So it's natural that I wouldn't want to air my dirty laundry. That's not to say that I don't...I mean, I've told you all when there are problems. But it makes me uncomfortable to admit it.

Part of the problem is, I don't want us to look bad. Maybe if I don't tell you there are problems...they won't exist.

Yeah....I tried that....it doesn't work.

When you are having troubles, lets say it's your marriage, do you admit it to people? Do you have a special friend that you can vent too?

Let's just say I'm really mad at Bossman. Trust me, it could happen. Anyway, I'm really mad at him and I need to vent. I call my best girl friend up and tell her all my troubles. I tell her all the stuff that's bugging me about Bossman. Problem is, I don't want her to look at Bossman the wrong way. I don't want anyone to think bad things about him. Because we WILL make things right and I don't want the bad stuff to be in her mind.

We all have troubles, none of us are perfect. So if I'm having trouble with Bossman or in our marriage, that doesn't mean I hate Bossman. And...it doesn't mean you should hate him either.

On the outside, people think we are the perfect couple.

I like that they think that. But I also wonder...does that make me a fraud?

But, I've realized something.

We are the perfect couple. Perfect couples have problems too. If we didn't have problems, I'd be worried.

Speaking of problems....I'm just gonna talk about it here. Please don't think bad of Bossman, or me for that matter. We are just two people trying to work things out.

Bossman and I are in two different places in our life right now. Now that the kids are mostly gone, we find that we don't have that much in common. Actually, we don't have anything in common. The only common thing we had was the kids. I'm a homebody. Bossman is NOT!

Honestly, I'm writing all this, but I don't really even know what the problem is. All I know is we are fighting almost every night. Every night is a struggle because we start off talking and end in a big blow up. It's stressing me out, causing me to not sleep and it's just exhausting. Our blow ups are not about any specific thing. Every night it's something new. Not even big stuff, but it ends up being big stuff. I say stupid things that don't need to be said, he says things that hurt my feelings.

It's just HARD!

And I just don't know what to do about it...

follow me

When you and your partner go to the store, who gets out of the car first?

Who follows who?

Are you the type of person that takes a few minutes to gather everything before you get out, or do you just jump right out?

This is one of Bossmans biggest pet peeves. I go my own way. He takes longer than I to get out of the car and I just jump right out. I take the path of least resistance and he....well, he's behind me, so I don't know what path he takes.

He thinks I take the opposite path that he does, but honestly, I don't think about it, I just do it. I just go.

So I've been trying to work on it. I've been trying to wait for him, to walk next to him, to follow his path.

It's HARD! Sometimes he's so SLOW! I have NO patience for slowness.

But...

Submissiveness comes in many forms. This is just one of the many ways that I am NOT submissive.

It really does bug him though....

So.

I'm trying...

life lesson

I don't know about you, but for me, this sums up my spanking life. Also, I think it's beginning to sum up the rest of my life.

There hasn't been much spanking going on. Bossman and I have once again entered the land of disconnect. It's not a pretty land, it's barren and cold. It's ugly in this land. Trying to get out of this land is like trying to climb up a slippery slide...you get part way up and and suddenly you are sliding down again.

Last week, the man-child went camping with friends and we were left home alone. Bossman thought this might be the perfect time to get a spanking in. While over his knee, he started telling me things that had been on his mind. Things that were bugging him.

A normal person probably wouldn't have thought that this was a good time to argue. Nobody has ever accused me of being normal.

Of course I started arguing. He stopped the spanking to listen to me and although I had valid reasons for my actions, he didn't really care. See, it didn't matter what the reasons were....he was hurt by what I had done.

I see that now, but at the time, I just wanted to have my side heard and mostly, I wanted to be RIGHT!

I had a very good reason, but that didn't stop Bossman for being hurt. I couldn't see that at the time, and I certainly couldn't see that while he was spanking and then Bossman got frustrated and then....then we just stopped.

The spanking stopped, the talking stopped....everything just stopped. Our nice little spanking session came to a screeching halt.

The next day, we talked and he said to tell him when I was ready to finish the spanking. He knows how much I HATE telling him things like that. I told him I was ready when he was, but he wasn't buying that. He said I had to come to him and tell him that I was READY, this minute, to finish what we had started.

So, the next day, I told him I was ready. AND...he finished what he started. With the backscratcher.

But still....it wasn't the same. I had ruined it.

I want so badly to be submissive. But...I'm not. I want things to be like they are in my head. Not just with spanking, but with everything. Bossman told me that unless things are done the way I think they should be done, then I'm out. I lose interest. I guess I need to think about that. Is that true? Is this how I truly am and I am just unwilling to admit it?

I think he's right.

But, I don't know how to fix it.