Part of the problem is, I don't want us to look bad. Maybe if I don't tell you there are problems...they won't exist.
Yeah....I tried that....it doesn't work.
When you are having troubles, lets say it's your marriage, do you admit it to people? Do you have a special friend that you can vent too?
Let's just say I'm really mad at Bossman. Trust me, it could happen. Anyway, I'm really mad at him and I need to vent. I call my best girl friend up and tell her all my troubles. I tell her all the stuff that's bugging me about Bossman. Problem is, I don't want her to look at Bossman the wrong way. I don't want anyone to think bad things about him. Because we WILL make things right and I don't want the bad stuff to be in her mind.
We all have troubles, none of us are perfect. So if I'm having trouble with Bossman or in our marriage, that doesn't mean I hate Bossman. And...it doesn't mean you should hate him either.
On the outside, people think we are the perfect couple.
I like that they think that. But I also wonder...does that make me a fraud?
But, I've realized something.
We are the perfect couple. Perfect couples have problems too. If we didn't have problems, I'd be worried.
Speaking of problems....I'm just gonna talk about it here. Please don't think bad of Bossman, or me for that matter. We are just two people trying to work things out.
Bossman and I are in two different places in our life right now. Now that the kids are mostly gone, we find that we don't have that much in common. Actually, we don't have anything in common. The only common thing we had was the kids. I'm a homebody. Bossman is NOT!
Honestly, I'm writing all this, but I don't really even know what the problem is. All I know is we are fighting almost every night. Every night is a struggle because we start off talking and end in a big blow up. It's stressing me out, causing me to not sleep and it's just exhausting. Our blow ups are not about any specific thing. Every night it's something new. Not even big stuff, but it ends up being big stuff. I say stupid things that don't need to be said, he says things that hurt my feelings.
It's just HARD!
And I just don't know what to do about it...
We all have troubles, none of us are perfect. So if I'm having trouble with Bossman or in our marriage, that doesn't mean I hate Bossman. And...it doesn't mean you should hate him either.
On the outside, people think we are the perfect couple.
I like that they think that. But I also wonder...does that make me a fraud?
But, I've realized something.
We are the perfect couple. Perfect couples have problems too. If we didn't have problems, I'd be worried.
Speaking of problems....I'm just gonna talk about it here. Please don't think bad of Bossman, or me for that matter. We are just two people trying to work things out.
Bossman and I are in two different places in our life right now. Now that the kids are mostly gone, we find that we don't have that much in common. Actually, we don't have anything in common. The only common thing we had was the kids. I'm a homebody. Bossman is NOT!
Honestly, I'm writing all this, but I don't really even know what the problem is. All I know is we are fighting almost every night. Every night is a struggle because we start off talking and end in a big blow up. It's stressing me out, causing me to not sleep and it's just exhausting. Our blow ups are not about any specific thing. Every night it's something new. Not even big stuff, but it ends up being big stuff. I say stupid things that don't need to be said, he says things that hurt my feelings.
It's just HARD!
And I just don't know what to do about it...
Blogland is a good place to vent, we know that we're not perfect and neither are the guys. Nick and I really don't have that much in common either. We kinda do our own thing. I'd be happy never leaving the house again really and he likes to go out and take pictures. Sometimes I go with him, sometimes I stay home. It's the joy of being a mature couple.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know any advice for you, but I really hope you can both relax and talk without fussing. Does make things more pleasant.
My blog post is very similar to yours. Maybe we will both find some answers. Sorry things aren't going so well. I always wish I had someone to vent to about my husband but they wouldn't judge my husband. Just understand that I am venting.
ReplyDeleteHi Grace,
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me stopping by. This post caught my attention because my fiancé and I have had those every night arguments especially if we are both stressed out about work or other things. I find when we have trouble communicating verbally that writing letters (me to him) works pretty well for us. In the letters, I can talk about why what he says hurts and give my views on touchy subjects. This allows him to see my side without shutting me down before I'm finished and then he can formulate a response after he has had time to think about what I said. I also like to write to tell my fiancé about my wants/needs and explain what has been working or what we might want to change. I just wanted to offer up a suggestion. :-)
Thanks,
Jay
You know it must be the summer doldrums because I've just gone through this thing with Ray. I wish I had the answers but I don't. Sometimes, I think maybe a change of scenery is a good thing or just fighting it out and then laugh about it (which is usually what we do).
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is good luck. And I promise I won't think badly about Bossman if you never think badly about Ray, only I can do that.
Keep talking. Transitioning through the various stage of life/marriage is rough! Been there and I don't know what to tell you except don't give up!
ReplyDeleteMust be the week to argue! I'm feeling super vulnerable and emotional. Just want my feelings acknowledged and isn't happening:/ Wish I had answers... Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey Grace...feel free to vent here regarding the situation with Bossman and I promise not to think less of either one of you. You are so right...you are a perfect couple. I think it must be the heat...so many couples I know...in blog land and FTF are fussing with one another.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your fighting...my suggestion is first of all, try to look back and see if there is any common denominator that seemed to cause the arguments to escalate.
You might want to try active listening...he says something and you say 'what I hear you saying is...is that correct?' and then you say something and he says 'what I hear you saying is...is that correct?' It does slow a conversation down, but it does help each of you really listen to the other rather than misunderstanding.
If all else fails when you are talking and you feel yourself start to get angry, simply tell Bossman you are going to walk away so that you don't escalate.
Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way.
Hugs and Blessings...
Cat
Grace,
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some answers or advice but I don't.
I think communication is the key, sit down and talk to each other, really talk. If you feel you can't talk write it down and get him to read it.
Love and hugs,
Ronnie
xx
I get it. We all have problems like this. My Scotsman and I often do different things, but we pursue those interests next to each other!
ReplyDeleteSometimes we need to quit talking and just relax next to one another!
I understand. It is is hard to let the feelings out without worrying that others might misinterpret or take your words in the wrong way. I can say that my husband is a pain in the _ _ _ but nobody else can. :-) That is why this community of ours here is comforting because you can share without fear of judgment. We all have struggles in our relationships - ups and downs - even when our love is true and our foundations are strong. Here it is okay to talk about the ups and also the downs. Here it is okay to share anything and friends will be there to support you. I hope you find your way to each other... Much love and hugs
ReplyDelete