Belonging

I've often felt like I don't really belong. When I say belong, I mean in my own family, sometimes even in my own body. I know that I belong to Bossman, for he has told me plenty of times, but I can't understand how he could want me. I feel like there is someone better out there for him and I'm holding him back from finding the real person that he belongs with. That seems so silly to think that, for I know he truly loves me, but I guess I don't feel good enough for him. Sometimes I don't feel good enough for even myself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something else, but I don't know what that is that I'm waiting for. I've often wondered....is this all there is? Is this really all there is in life? Just work, just kids, just this? You know when your waiting for christmas morning, so you can open all your presents....that's the way I feel sometimes, like I'm waiting for something to happen. Of course I'm usually not waiting for something good. I'm usually anticipating that something bad will happen. So I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is this really all there is to life? Shouldn't there be a purpose to this life? I need to find the purpose. I really need to find that purpose.


later........