Feelings are tough for me. I have a hard time saying how I feel. Frankly I have a hard time even knowing what I feel at times. I often wonder if this is normal, or if I'm somehow emotionally deformed. So, the consequence is, Bossman never knows how I feel about stuff. I'm getting better at telling him things, but it's still really hard for me. There are these times when I just feel out of sorts, and I want to be left alone, but bless his heart, that's when he wants to comfort me. Then comes the conversation:
B: What's the matter
m: Nothing
B: Somthings wrong...what is it?
m: Nothing
I hate this conversation, yet I don't know how to get away from it. Because sometimes I really don't know what is wrong with me. I'm thinking this has to do with hormones...those stupid woman things that push all our buttons at the same time and leave us feeling....confused.
So we are still doing the spankings. It's funny but they somehow make me feel....hhmmm...I'm going to try and say how I feel here.....they make me feel....safe. yes, safe seems like the word I'm looking for.
Funny how these things go, because at night, there are times when I wish we would skip the whole thing, but on the weekends when he doesn't spank, I feel....empty.
Something must be wrong with me, how can this be? How can one feel safe after spankings and empty without? That doesn't even make sense to me, but that's how it is.
later.............
Hi Grace! Dan says the same thing, often. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "C'mon, Amber, there's something"
ReplyDeleteSpankings used to help me too, but we've pretty much regulated those to the bedroom these days. I think you're right, I think it's hormones much of the time.
Maybe it's the attention from the spankings that feels so calming? I don't know; I never figured it out either! :-)