Couple of days ago, Bossman gave me quite the spanking. It was everything that I love and hate all combined.

First he said he just wanted to spank me because he felt like I needed it. It was nothing specific, it was "just because". So first he pulled down my pants and panties, and then had me stand in the corner. Why is that such a turn on for me? I don't get it. I feel so lame doing it, but it's also so freakin' hot.

He kept coming up to me and slapping my bottom. He said it was warm up. Ok fine, but then got out the backscracher and started slapping me with that. God that thing hurts. So then he led me out of the corner, and I thought, hey that wasn't so bad, but then he said now it's time to get over my knee. WHAT? I thought we were done. I, of course, started whining, complaining, but I thought you were done.....

He didn't accept that. Instead he positioned me over his lap and started the real spanking.....with the paddle. OUCH. That's about all I can say. It hurt, it burned, and it was so HOT!!! I kept thinking, I hate this, I love this, I hate this, I love this.... Could someone turn off the voices in my head?

Anyway, I felt extremely subby, and very loved. Sometimes I wonder if I could do something to make him do that again, but its so random in our relationship that I'm not sure what would make him do that again. Plus, I am not the type of person that wants to be bratty on purpose, just for the sake of discipline. I really want discipline to be real, that's why I hate the fact that I find it hot. But I suppose if I didn't find it hot, then I wouldn't be interested in having in my life. But I suppose that's really not true either, because I know of lots of couples that don't find discipline hot, but still have it in their lives.

Well, Bossman assures me that he will be disciplining me when the need arises, so I will continue to hope that this will be a bigger part of our lives, once again. I will continue to have a love/hate relationship with this. And hopefully we will be happier for it.

later.........