The truth of the matter is, d/d is not working for us.
As much as I would like for my relationship to work on a d/d level. It ain't happening.
Maybe it's a time factor. Maybe it is a willingness factor. Maybe the kids get in the way. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can make excuses all I want, but the truth is, it just isn't working. I want it to work. I WANT that relationship. You know the one I'm talking about. Consequences, results, spankings, control, love, tenderness, honesty, trust....all those things.
So, I ask myself, why isn't it working? What is the main reason for this lack in our life?
Of course, all the things I mentioned above are true. We have kids and a very small house. We have life obligations that make fitting d/d into our life pretty impossible right now. I have health issues that have made being in the mood much harder than usual. You would think that if we truly wanted it to work, we could make it happen.
This leads me to believe that we are not meant to have this type of relationship right now. Maybe someday...maybe, but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
Now I'm wondering about the molds we try and fit ourselves into. Amber and I were recently e-mailing each other. She mentioned in my comments that she was a little jealous of the fact that I had people I could talk to about the common interest of spanking. She and her husband are not into d/d. They tried it. It didn't fit into their life. BUT, if you read Ambers blog at all, you find that she is very submissive. They have a relationship that doesn't exactly fit into any of your typical submissive molds. They are not into BDSM. They are not into spanking, they are not into d/d and they are not into d/s. So, what mold do they fit in? I think they are making their own mold.
So, after thinking about that for a while I started thinking of my own mold. Where do I fit in?
I've begun to think that I don't fit into the mold that I created anymore. I may have to recreate myself. I go around reading spanking blogs and although I enjoy the stories, I feel like I have nothing to say, or comment about. I don't relate to BDSM blogs. So, where do I fit in?
Bossman is still very dominate. He is still the head of our house. He is still loving and caring and all those things. That part is not lacking. I still have the best husband ever. Spanking just seems very far removed from our relationship right now.
Well, I don't have any answers. As a matter of fact, after reading this post, I realize it's just a ramble about nothing.
Oh well, it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. Usually I write whatever is floating in my brain. So, welcome to my brain. Scary, isn't it?
Anybody got a mold I can use?
later..........
Grace,
ReplyDeleteI hear ya - welcome to real life... Try a butter mold - it'll be great fun in the bedroom, and help us all remember that we don't really have to fit anywhere but with each other.
You will figure something out. I love you blog and it inspired me to open up to my boyfriend about wanting a spanking (just last week). And I got one and I loved it. I read some of the BDSM blogs but they are very far from what I want, and when I found yours I was like "YES! I can relate." So just know that your honesty was very helpful to me and probably other people, too. Good luck on your journey!
ReplyDeleteThat's absolutely right, Grace! It's your blog, and you can write whatever you want. I so enjoy reading your thoughts, and I hope you'll continue to share them in the honest, candid, open style that I have come to admire so much.
ReplyDeleteI think that you've just hit upon the fact that it's important that the molds into which we allow ourselves to be placed are "moldable" rather than rigid, because our lives are always evolving and we are continually having to adapt our "molds" to fit our current situation, and our growing, changing selves. Our core values and priorities may remain constant, but our expressions, our needs, and our opportunities change.
Some famous words seem to apply...."To every thing there is a season..." Perhaps this is not the "season" for spanking for you right now. Perhaps it will come around again in due time.
I hope this doesn't sound too philosophical! I just wanted to say again that I appreciate reading your blog, and I respect you. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of being flexible and open.
Wishing you well...
Kristi
Grace,
ReplyDeleteYour post has me thinking so much that I think I'll do a post instead of a comment! My mold keeps changing shapes too. I still love everything you write!! Whatever else waxes and wane please keep writing for us!
Hugs,
pk
Grace,
ReplyDeleteIf your relationship is great, and it sounds as though it is, what else matters? Certainly not abstract labels or theoretical concepts. Grow the lifestyle that works for you! You and Bossman don't need molds. You already have a winning formula!
I do hope you'll keep thinking and continue writing.
Hugs,
Bonnie
Wow! WOW-EE-WOW! Do you know how difficult it is for people to admit something isn't working in this venue of...whatever. Whatever "lifestyle" or take-your-pick.
ReplyDeleteIt's like...almost unheard of. And very difficult to do. I know, because every time we've switched directions, there is a panic inside, sort of, because we don't know where we are going yet.
And that can be very scary. Especially the first time.
Kudos to YOU GUYS! WOW!
And damn straight you can do anything you want to do. Maybe it'll work later, maybe it won't, hell, maybe we'll start spanking again! lol
One never knows. :) *grins*
WELL DONE!
The others said it all so well, so I will just say that I am keeping you in my thoughts, and I am sure you will find a recipe that works for you and Bossman!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kallisto
I think there's nothing lonelier or more discouraging than feeling as if you're on the outside looking in. It's so easy to get caught up in the things we read and see online, especially when they are things we want. Comparing our lives to others becomes a slippery slope to unhappiness. It's impossible to know how much of what we read is even true.
ReplyDeleteGrace, don't worry that your relationship has shifted, it sounds strong and solid. The reality of your daily life takes precedence over everything. There is a time and a place, it just may not be here and now.
Thank you so much for having the courage to write these words. This is the place I have found myself for many months and you know what...it's okay. I post what I want. There is much, much more to me and my life than any label will ever convey.
ciao bella~
CeeCi
Grace, everyone here has said it so well.
ReplyDeleteYou have your life with Bossman and the children and you are happy, what else is important.
Don't worry about labels, be happy with what you have, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
I think you are right. We need our own molds. And watch out cause kids do grow up, and it gets scarey!
ReplyDeleteHuggs
Theresa
Anon1, a butter mold sounds good, what about a jello mold, that sounds even better...right?
ReplyDeleteAnon2, Congrats on coming out to your boyfriend. I'm glad you were able to relate to me, for sometimes if feels as if I'm the only one. Spanking will still be here, just not in the same capacity as I would like.
Kristi, Too philosophical? Never! Thank you for saying such kind things. You are right, for everything there is a season. I just hope I figure out when the spanking season starts.
Bonnie, we DO have a great relationship. Don't you just HATE labels?
Amber, Thanks for your enthusiasum! I really have you to thank for talking about not fitting in. Take the spanking out of my relationship and it comes very close to what you and Dan have. Aren't we lucky to have such great husbands? Spankings come and go, but good husbands can last a lifetime!!!
Kallisto, thank you for your nice comment. We will figure it all out. This I'm sure of.
Ceeci, it's so hard to NOT compare yourself to others. That's what we humans seem to do best. You read great things onliine and think, I want THAT. But you read and what you get can be totally different, and not at all what you expected, or wanted. That is the hardest thing for me to deal with.
Paul, Tomorrow could bring d/d back, or could push it further away. Since I have no crystal ball, I'll have to just wait and see what happens. But we are happy. That much I know.
Theresa, what does having the kids grow up, sound so good right now? Not that I don't love my kids, but I'm ready to have my husband ALL too myself. I realize though, that I have to live my life for the now, because we don't know what tomorrow will bring.
HUGS Everyone!!!!
grace
This same thing happened to Gerald and me. I desperately wanted a d/d relationship. I'm a submissive and longed to "live the fantasy." However, it just didn't work for us. I won't bore you with the details... suffice to say that it just didn't fit into our relationship. I tried and tried to pound that puzzle piece in there, but dammit! it wouldn't fit.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't read your blog because it's a spanking blog or a d/d blog or any other kind of blog. I read it because I enjoy you.
Happy Anniversary! Love the template change too.
ReplyDeleteTotally can understand what you're saying about lack of privacy, lack of time, health issues and life obligations creating real challenges. We face the same hurdles too. All we can do, is our best to find a mix that works. Not sure what label we'd put on our results either. It's a little of this, a little of that... a bunch of one thing, and none of the other!
We'd share our mold with you, but we're not even sure what it is... lol.
We do know this, we're happy to be sharing this journey with each other and we take joy in what we have. That it doesn't meet the legal definition of some specific label... that's peanut shells in this brief nutty life we get.
:)
~Todd & Suzy