Like the title? Did it get your attention?
So, we ended up with some time this morning. I wasn't prepared. No, really. I wasn't ready. But he was ready and we DID have time and I have been complaining about NOT having time.
So why wasn't I ready?
It's so freaking frustrating.
Anyway. So we did some things. It started with a spanking. The leather fly-swatter? Nice. The crop? Not-so-nice. The spoon PK gave us? OUCH!
But, like I said...I wasn't in the mood.
So, everything was just off.
Let's continue.
As I recall, there were cuffs involved. Oil was brought out.
And then.....
Then.....
Bossman decided we should try anal. That's right. I said it. Anal.
Now, I know that I said I wanted to try anal. And I do, I mean, I did, I mean....
~sigh~
I don't know what I mean.
I do know that we tried it.
I got really nervous. I was sweating. I got shaky. I got scared.
I tried to relax. I wanted this to work. I wanted to experience it.
It didn't really work out that way.
I got emotional. I thought I was going to cry. My eyes got watery and I couldn't figure out why I was feeling that way. I was trying to hide my feelings from Bossman, I didn't want him to see me break down.
Finally.....
Bossman decided I'd had enough. Remember he couldn't really see how I was reacting, but he knew that it wasn't good.
He brought out our new vibrating egg thingie.
He made it ALL better!
Psst.....
I think I may have squirted.
oooooo000000000ooooooooooo
Yes, the ending was nice. But I was feeling very emotional after everything. I felt like I had let myself down and more importantly, I felt like I had let Bossman down. After we were done we took a shower together and tried to talk about it. Bossman wasn't upset at all. He said it was a good try and we can try again sometime. I just felt the need to have him hold me. The shower was nice and I felt better when we had finished up.
But now, now that I'm home alone and thinking it all through, I can't help but feel like I somehow failed the whole thing. Here, I've been complaining that we haven't had time to try new things, but when the time finally came, I couldn't get in the right mood. The spanking was off, the anal was REALLY off, the whole thing was off. I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.
I can think of all kinds of reasons of why it wasn't good. I can say that the positions weren't right, the timing wasn't right, the light was in my eyes, and the sky was blue. I could tell you that the birds outside the window were too loud, I was thirsty and my pillow wasn't fluffed just right.
But in reality, none of those things matter. Nothing can ever be perfect, so why was it such a let down? Did I expect too much? Was I topping from the bottom...in my mind?
I don't know that I can answer any of my questions and I'm pretty sure you can't either, but it gives me something to ponder....
So, while I'm pondering my shortcomings and failures, tell me, who wants to give me some anal advice? Any words of wisdom to share? Tips, tricks? Things that may have worked for you? What's the key to the magical world of anal and how do I become a full-fledged member of the anal club?
Please help an anal challenged girl. I can use all the help I can get!
I am no expert on anal. I did not get up the nerve to even think of trying until I was nearly 50. I was just plan scared. I still have to really feel very aroused before I want to try.
ReplyDeleteI only get into it after a good spanking, lots of snuggling rubbing, a bit of dominance and one very important thing - wearing a plug for a while before hand (even a small one). Even then everything has to go slow and easy. Rather than him moving forward it better for you to back up. Go at your speed and I would use a fairly thick lube like KY rather than oil.
So I still feel like a beginner but those are my suggestions and like Bossman said, relax. You will do it sometime if you want to. Wait until its right for you!
I am jealous about the possible squirting!!
Hugs,
PK
Start slow, start small, and practice.
ReplyDeleteThe first time a tried, I was not ready and thought I had been wrong about my sexuality.
Start with some small toys, then work up. I usually need a little "toy play" to get me ready for the big..uh...well the big you know!
Let yourself off the hook! I've been where you are, and look at me now!
Go back and read this http://mayye711.blogspot.com/2006/09/chapter-11-training_08.html.
It's pretty close to how I learned, and it did not happen overnight!
And remember Bossman will love you no matter what!
Huggs
Theresa
aka anal expert
This is something we do maybe twice a year. Seriously, it's not a frequent occurence in our house. But when it does happen, Nick is really gentle with me, which is the biggest key to success, that and LOTS of lube! Actually, I used to be one of those girls who thought I would NEVER try anal. Then one morning early in our marriage, it happened in the nicest way possible. We were still snuggled up asleep in bed, both naked from the night before, and apparently still sort of lubed up. Nick was spooning me, then all of a sudden, he forked! That woke me right up! But because I was literally as relaxed as I could be, and the angle was just right, he slipped right in. I very carefully nudged him, asked him if he knew where he was (no really, I mean do you know exactly where you are?), and we decided to go with it. And I've found that spooning, er forking, is the best position for us to get it in with the least discomfort. Once we're there, we can carefully roll over so that he's on top, and since it's a lot tighter, it works just fine with rocking rather than, um, pounding. But either way, you shouldn't feel like you failed at it - kudos to you for trying! And if it's not something that will work for you, hey, nobody says your sex life won't be just as good without it!
ReplyDeleteGo very very slow, probably just fingers to start, maybe just vibration at the nub or just slightly inside. If you take it slowly enough and over time it will come. It did for me, but it took a while... now I'm happy it did, and I crave it when I feel the need to be especially submissive...
ReplyDeleteLove,
Carye
1) You're not a failure!!
ReplyDelete2) I've not, um, tried it, but one of my friends said that her advice was to get quite drunk, because then you are automatically relaxed, lol.
Good luck, and repeat after me, "I am not a failure"
Eliane
Lots of lube and start with his finger then some toys and then you will be ready. Be patient and you will be ready.
ReplyDelete*hugs and grins*
Grace, the advice above is mostly good, a drink or two at the most.
ReplyDeleteTake your time, it took Mel and I a couple of months and take it at your speed.
Toys or finger's and plenty of lube.
Remember you are both still young and you are not a failure.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
As everyone else said, start slow and small. Have you ever tried a small plug when you are by yourself? You have all the control in that situation and that may help you to relax. Also, as the plug,finger,whatever is being inserted, push against it like you are trying to push it out. That should help the muscles relax. And go easy on yourself, I have to be in just the right mood for anal play, and I think that that is true for many women.There have also been times when I thought I was in the mood, eager for it even, but it just didn't work out. Give yourself a pat on the back for trying. Many wives won't.
ReplyDeleteAll the above advice sounds great (I have to agree with NOT having too many drinks tho!). I've done anal, and actually find that I like it. Sometimes when I was really turned on during sex, I'd get this urge to 'go anal' and things were more than 'good' LOL!
ReplyDeleteSomething I have found that helps me is to play with the 'egg thing' while he's playing 'back there'. I then associate the good feelings the egg is giving me with his playing around in other areas.
Best advice of all I can offer is three things:
1. Go slow, go very slow
2. Use lots of lube and be prepared to add more lube during anal.
3. Know you're not a failure. Whether anal happens or not, you're lucky to be even thinking about it with someone you love and trust :)
~ Terri
your blog somehow got lost in my list of bookmarks and I just found you again
ReplyDeleteanyway - I've done the anal thing plenty when I was a stupid teenager- and am off it now :(
I'll spare you the details... but I'll tell you this...
1. if you can tolerate lube (I can't) USE IT and lots of it
2. go SLOW!!
3. bear (bare? - too tired to care hehehe) down a bit but as if you were trying to poop - (sounds gross I know - but you WON'T!!) for some reason it helps ease things in
I love anal, and my best advice is stop blaming yourself! Some days are off for anything in the bedroom, and that's probably not a great day to try anal if you're just learning. I would try by agreeing not to do anal for a while, but doing a lot of anal playing ( his hands touching, rubbing, without, then with lube). You should use whatever you need (masturbating, vibrator) to make sure this is pleasurable and more and more exciting for you. Advance to doing the same things, but he uses hands and penis - you won't always know which is which and since you aren't worrying about intercourse, you can just relax and enjoy the sensations. Gradually, as part of the game, he can begin to press a little more with you guiding him - again starting and stopping as you learn to enjoy those sensations (again without worrying about intercourse). I've never used a butt plug, but if you do these exercises very gradually you will probably be able to stay relaxed enough not to need one. He absolutely must stop, wait, and go as slow as you say at each point while you get used to things. In time, you will learn how to relax yourself, but that is a learned skill. You kind of have to learn what it is you are trying to relax by feeling it.
ReplyDeleteGrace, it's asking a lot of a man to have this kind of control over time - slow torture, so be prepared to pay up in other ways unless you're really cruel. :) Sorry to be so wordy, but hope it helps - it's worth the effort!
Grace, don't beat yourself up over this. You tried something your husband asked for, even though you weren't ready. That in itself is a success. You've gotten some great advice so far, but here are a few thoughts:
ReplyDeleteThe best time to try anal is when you are highly aroused. Even with plenty of experience, my Hubby still warms me up each and every time. Start with activities that are already good and arousing. Then he can progress to rubbing, with a finger or a vibrating bullet, maybe even licking if he gets the urge. After that move on to penetration with a finger or a small toy. Build up from there. Let yourself get used to each phase and get comfortable with it before moving on. My Hubby goes through all the stages each time we do anal and sometimes just to enhance regular sex without the anal.
When you're ready for the real thing, I heartily agree with advice that's come before.
Use a thicker lube instead of just oil. We use the regular KY, but I'm sure there are others that are good also. Go at your pace.
Have him be still and you move onto him so you can go slowly and get comfortable a bit at a time. There are still times that I have to do this even with experience. Sometimes it's just better than others. Sometimes it just doesn't work.
Don't feel guilty for topping from your bottom. It's your bottom and if you need to top from it the first few or many times until you are comfortable letting him take the lead, that's okay. I doubt you started spanking letting him wail away at your bottom without telling him what felt good. He loves you and I'm sure he will appreciate your efforts.
You might also want to try it with only the lube and no oil. If you're at all sensitive, the oil could irritate and hinder your efforts.
Good luck and have fun trying.
Hi Grace,
ReplyDeleteNice post. I thought being highly aroused would help, but I couldn't tolerate it. The time it worked great was after a lot of great sex when I was completely relaxed and almost asleep. He played with my pink, warm bottom, a finger slipped in and back out. I wiggled. He tried again. Gradually it just kind of worked. I was so completely relaxed I didn't even bother to get worried about it.
Good luck
Maryann
Well, I was 50 when we tried (I think, was it...two years ago?) and I'm 52 now.
ReplyDeleteAnd we tried and tried and got the lube and the anal thingie and I tried drinks and we tried D/s and we just tried like crazy.
We never made it, lol! :)
It was interesting trying, though and we tried our best! :)
If it isn't your thing, then it isn't; if it isn't hot when you do it, then don't. If it's wonderful and fantastic, then do it.
Don't let other people's experiences influence you as I believe now we did. I mean, really...whatever it is, if it's great and you both enjoy it, great.
If it isn't so great, so what? Do something else.
You two have plenty going on that is awesome. :)
Personally I love anal. Not all the time, or every time. but I definitely enjoy it. One great way to lead up to it is a spanking (even a light one) with lots of caressing and probing in between swats.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember, start with one finger, then two before you move to penetration.
You all did NOT let me down!
ReplyDeleteI knew if I came to all of you, you would cheer me on and give me good advice.
I've asked Bossman to read this post and all the comments.
Don't worry, we are not giving up and we are taking any and ALL advice we can get!
You guys are the best!
HUGS!
grace
Me and my DH had lots of problems the first couple times, but once learned you'll enjoy it. The alcoholic beverage is good advice. The first time we were successful, I had drank two margaritas with dinner so I was quite relaxed. Another thing is your partner has to be really hard. If it's his second go around that night, you might have problems.
ReplyDeleteHi Grace,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say that at least he ASKS...sometimes anal is part of punishment for me aftter a spanking and although I dont like it I have to admitt Im MUCH more submissive afterwards which he loves :(