life goes on

It's weird how life goes on. In your mind, the world is falling apart. You walk around wal-mart, marveling at how everyone just seems to go about their day. They don't know what you know. You wonder if you should construct a big letter C and pin it to your chest. You ponder others that are walking around, wondering if they too, need a big letter C.

I've appreciated every single comment and email and text and thought that has come my way. They have all been a great comfort and some have made me teary. I wish I could give each of you a hug. I guess the internet hug will have to do.

I have to admit though, I received the best email ever today. The subject line? FUCK!

I LOVE THAT! THAT my friends is EXACTLY how I feel! Before I even opened the email I knew I was going to love it! I mean really, how often do you get an email from someone that starts with that? I hope never. Really, it's never good if it starts with that!

But, this one was good and you know why? Because it tells it like it is.

The email goes on to say how sucky this is. And you know what....it is very sucky! So sucky that the email says it SUCKS MOLDY DONKEY BALLS!

That, my friends is my new favorite saying. I'll probably use it often and frequently! Because it does. It's horrible and it's crappy and it sucks moldy donkey balls!

Finally someone was not afraid to tell my how pissed off they were that this happened because you know what....I'm pissed off too!

I'm learning many things already and my journey has just begun. I've learned that I have such an incredible support system, here in the flesh and here on the net. I come here to the net when I have nowhere left to turn and I find friendship and comfort. I've found that writing it all down is helping to sort it out.

My husband is my rock. He's already shown me such strength. I turn around and he's already there, ready to hold me and comfort me. I've cried a bucket load of tears and he's ready and waiting with the hugs and the tissues. He's looked deep into my eyes and promised me that it's going to be ok. I'm holding him to those promises!

I keep wishing that I could save time in a bottle. I don't want Wednesday to come, but I want to get it over with also. I need a plan, but I don't want to know the plan. I really would like to run away. Far away from this super scary, super sucky situation.

But I can't run. I can't hide. I'm going to have to fight it head on. And...

I'm going to win because...

This SUCKS MOLDY DONKEY BALLS!