When someone I love dies, I start obsessing over death. Of course my own bout with cancer has doubled that obsession. Every little thing is cancer. Cancer, cancer, cancer. The bump on my elbow? Cancer. The zit on my forehead? Cancer. I have what some would call canceritis. I'm hoping it will go away soon.
Dying is such a personal, emotional thing. It's so frustrating for us to sit back and watch this dying thing. It seems like we should be able to stop it. Surely there is something we can do to stop this thing called dying.
D is gone. I am left to contemplate life and death. Sometimes I wonder how we can all go on. I mean....D DIED! She's dead. She isn't going to call me on the phone and grouse over the mus*lim. How is it that I still took a shower today and washed my hair and she didn't? Couldn't? How do we still manage to laugh and eat and play and love, when she can't?
Of course, life goes on. It's weird how that happens. It feels like everyone in the world should just stop. On the day she died, Bossman and I went out to the store. I kept wondering why everyone was still shopping. Didn't they know someone had died...that very day? It almost seemed wrong for us to be shopping.....it seemed out of place. But we did it and life went on....
Why do I always feel like laughing at funerals? Something always makes me laugh and the harder I try not to laugh, the worse it is. It's so inappropriate. Lucky for me, this laughing came at the end of the Vegas memorial and we were outside, so I was able to hide it pretty well.....
Before I tell you what made me laugh, let me explain the memorials. Yes, there were 2. The musl*im was not invited to the Vegas one. I know....seems harsh not inviting the deceased own mother....but D did not want her mother there. She made that very clear to those of us around her. I believe she was protecting her husband and his family from her and her drama. I'm glad she did. The Vegas service was beautiful and her Vegas family did a great job. Bossman, the little man and I were the only ones there from her family. Trust me....it was better this way.
The memorial was nice. Bossman did the eulogy and it was very sad but I think we honored her well. D's husband said it was good. It was hard to write it. But between Bossman and myself I think we did a good job. After Bossman did the eulogy, there were words of comfort from a clergy person. She was an interesting Reverend. She had spiky gray hair. She seemed nice. But why do they go and pray to the picture? There was a big picture of D in the front and she did some sort of prayer thingy to the picture. I'm not sure what religion that is, but I thought it was kind of funny. (I don't mind that sort of thing, it just struck me as funny)
BUT...that was not the part that made me laugh. After the words of comfort, they asked us to step outside because they were going to release doves. I've never seen that done before....so I thought that would be cool.
We get outside and they ask D's hubby to hold one of the doves. He was to release it after the other doves. Apparently, the doves symbolize the angels leading the way to heaven and the dove that D's hubby would release would symbolize D's spirit following them to heaven.
Um....ok. Sound kind of neat....so far.
While they are explaining this to us...the lady in charge of the doves doesn't know D's hubby's name. Um....why are you not prepared? So as she's letting out the doves and she's talking, she has to lean in to ask him his name. Um...NOT cool! How do you not know the widowers name?
Anyway, they release the doves and there is music playing and it's actually kind of peaceful. We stand there for about 5 minutes watching the doves fly around and then...
Well, then the lady says it's the end of the dove ceremony. And we are all feeling peaceful until she says...
"For those of you worried about the doves...don't be worried. They live on the other side of the field and will come home when they are ready."
Um......What? So those aren't really angels? LOL That wasn't D's spirit? LOL
OMG! Way to break the mood lady....LOL
It was all I could do to keep from laughing.
Everyone was jerked out of the peaceful moment. It was a little awkward, but plenty funny and I kept thinking that Darla would have loved that! She would have cracked up with us.
But, I suppose you would have had to have been there....... LOL
Next post: How to piss off a mus*lim. Or: How hateful can one person be???
Written while ignoring laundry by::
Grace: How nice that you could laugh at the dove story. Talk about a woman being clueless. I know that it has been so difficult for you and hope that you can move on and realize she would want you to. And will forward to your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteFD
I laugh at memorials too. Not the part in church, that part is always too solemn for me to laugh about but after. When we're outside or at someone's home or wherever. I can't help it, I need to reaffirm the fact that we're all still here and we love and miss the one that's gone. I am usually the one to tell a funny story about the deceased ("Remember this? Remember THAT? OMG!"). This was even true for my own mom, but of course, the memorial was a few months after she died.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I refused to go to my friend's funeral, she died of cancer too, at 36 as well. Breast metastasized to bone. I was 36 too. And my mom had *just* died not long before and well...I just couldn't go. So I didn't.
If she knows this, I'm sure she forgives me. :)
Oh and I have knee cancer, had it for years. And a brain tumor, same thing. Years, now. One day it will get me.
Fuck, I'm having a glass of wine, fuck it. ;P
"Here's to D! You touched many people and you were well loved. Best of all, you had the guts to stand up to your old bat of a mom who is acting like an ass to her children and whom I hope wakes up soon to that fact before it's too late. CHEERS!" *clink clink*
:D
Glad you are back, missed you. :)
~~Amber
Doves are so cool. I've never seen that done at a funeral either. Beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteGrace, Thanks for sharing the Dove story. Yep, She should've had his name on paper or something to help her remember it. I am sure D would've understood you wanting to laugh. I look forward to more remberences of her life. She sounds like a really special lady and thanks for sharing her with us.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe she didn't know his name and the abrupt way she ended the dove thing was funny! All this stuff just makes me want to talk it over with D.
Amber...I'm always the one with the funny stories too. We had some great ones with D. You know, she also loved cars and we laughed when we realized that she had over 17 different cars in 11 years. Plus she could drive Vegas traffic like nobodies business. I used to ask for a blindfold when I would drive with her...LOL
Eva, The dove thing would have been way cooler if she hadn't ruined the mood. But watching those doves fly against the blue sky and the Nevada mountains was pretty awesome.
Jean, D would have laughed with me about the doves. I really wish she was here. She and I would have spent hours talking on the phone about the lastest "mama drama" as we liked to call it.
Sorry for your loss :(
ReplyDelete