Aloha? Can I go back now?

Hawaii was awesome! We had such an amazing time. This picture was just one of the hundreds that we took. We had an amazing view of the ocean from our balcony. We had room service on that balcony. We snorkeled, we relaxed by the pool and we spent one whole day just driving....



Quite simply, this was probably the best vacation we ever took.

I came back feeling refreshed and relaxed....



That relaxed feeling certainly didn't take long to disappate. Monday was just a terrible day. Maybe it was just the let down of leaving our vacation. Maybe it was just hard to get back into the routine of daily life. Maybe, it was the fact that we had a million things to do that day.



Or Maybe, maybe it was the fact that I had to start radiation.



I went to the appointment and I had to drive Bossman's car. He has a very cool looking mustang, it has special features and such that make it impressive looking, (if you like that sort of thing). I had to drive it because he and the little man were taking the dog to a training session. Can't have the dog in the sports car.

When I walked into the appointment, I was asked by the guys/techs, if that was my car. They informed me that they loved mustangs, one of them has a mustang.

Anyway, we carried on with the appointment. Yes, I was the popular one with cool car....LOL

After the appointment, I went to Petsmart, where they were training the dog. They were finished so I took the boy and the dog home and let Bossman have his car back. Before getting into the car, I started telling Bossman that his car was very popular with the guys at the docs office.

I didn't see the harm in saying it. I thought he'd be interested. Usually he's pretty proud of his car and happy when people make comments.


Apparently, telling him that two GUYS were the ones doing the radiation, didn't sit well with him.

Apparently, he's not happy that two guys get to look at my boob everyday.

He didn't say anything to me, but I could tell immediatly by his body language that he was suddenly in a BAD mood.

Whatever..... I just headed home. I realized on the way what he was probably mad about....but frankly, what the hell am I suppose to do about it??


I figured by the time he got home, he'd be ok.

He wasn't.

So, I fixed dinner and tried not to get upset with him. I kept telling myself that this is a stressful time and we just got back from vacation and so I should just leave him alone. Which I did.

Now, right before we left for our trip, we had our shower fixed in our bathroom. It's been broken since we moved into the place and we were finally able to get a friend to come over and do the work for us. (He's a contractor) The shower was drying while we were gone, so it was suppose to be usable when we got back. All we had to do was put the sliding doors back on and put up the shower head.

Bossman....was upset with me, so he went into the bathroom to put the doors back on the shower. One of the doors broke.

When I say broke, I mean it shattered into a million and one pieces....all over the shower, the floor...everywhere.

I didn't hear it....but he came out to get the broom and told me. I grabbed a broom and went to help clean it up. It was a MESS. I helped for a while...neither of us saying anything to each other, and then suddenly he asks why I'm in there. I say I'm helping, he says he doesn't need help.


Fine.

I leave.

Well, breaking the shower door didn't help improve his mood.


After dinner, he went to play softball.

After the softball game, he got a speeding ticket.

You can guess that he wasn't in the best of moods when he got home.

Two days later....we still aren't talking much.

So much for that relaxing feeling I had upon returning from our trip.....

I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this. Part of me understands his frustration. I'm sorry all those things happened the day we got back from our trip. Yes, it was not a good Monday.

Part of me wants scream at him for treating me like I'm doing something wrong. I can't help who the techs are at the radiation place. Frankly, the radiation is scaring the hell out of me and I don't have him to talk to about it. I have to go to this place every single day for the next 7 weeks and have 2 beams of radiation on my boob. Right now, my boob is so marked up with sharpie markers that every time I take off my shirt, I feel like a freak. I have two marks that they put see-through stickers on, and I have to leave them on. Plus they outlined the whole boob from under my arm pit to the middle of my cleavage. This is apparently the area that can become affected by the radiation. The skin will probably start looking like a sunburn and in about a week, I may start feeling sharp pains in my boob and under my pit. I can't shave my pit or wear deodarant on that area either.

I understand that this is a stressful time for him. But it's a stressful time for me and I don't need him acting like this right now. I need to lean on him. I need to cry out my frustation and have him hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. Right now, I haven't even told him anything about it. I didn't tell him how I lay there and they all leave the room and I have my head turned away, but the thingie is in front of me for the first shot and so I can't see anything but the thingie....but the thingie moves when they do the second shot and then I can see a sign blinking on the wall that says, beam on, beam on, beam on......


And just seeing that blinking sign that says beam on for the 30 seconds that it's on, scares the crap out of me...because that beam is shooting right into me.....and for those minutes...


I'm all alone in there. And I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.


So....


I'm sure things will work out. They always do. I know he's just upset and he had a bad day. I'm sure this will all just be a blip on the screen of life and everything will be fine.


But, I really would like to go back to Hawaii. For 5 whole days, I felt really good and I didn't even think about cancer.



Real life sucks!

But just so I don't leave you feeling depressed, I thought I'd leave you with a picture we took of a statue that was in our hotel.

If this picture doesn't cheer you up....nothing will.

Isn't that a great butt???

Written while ignoring laundry by::