ok...so this week has been much better than the last. So why would I still be feeling down? I think it's because I can never count on anything. Nothing is for sure...I mean anything could happen. I could check the bank account right now and there would be no money. That's the way my life works.

Here's the other problem. I like to be spanked. If I'm not spanked regularly, I get cranky. Isn't that wierd? I hate admitting that. It's just not normal. But then I go to my spanking sites, and everyone there is happily discussing spanking, and everything seems normal again. Bossman seems happy spanking me, but I still feel wierd even talking about it with him. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I like this kind of stuff. To top everything else off, being a church girl doesn't help much. Does God think this is too kinky? Is it ok as long as your doing it with your husband? Maybe God doesn't like this and I won't get to heaven. Maybe when the judgement is called, he'll look at me and say "sorry, your way to kinky to be in heaven." ~sigh~ I don't know.

later.........