Almost 40

Ok...it's offical, I'm almost 40.

It's not so bad really. I mean, I don't feel older, I don't think I look older, at least I hope not. My daughter probably wouldn't agree with that. Why is it when your a kid or a teen you think anyone over 20 is old? Then when you finally get to be "old" you really feel like, hey I'm not old, this is young!

So, the wildchild is getting F's in most of her classes. Which really means I don't think she's moving on to high school. I keep remembering when she was a baby, I thought, gosh, she is so perfect. I'll never let her get in trouble. She'll get good grades, be the popular cheerleader, and she'll never have a messy room. HA HA HA! What was I thinking? Who was I trying to fool? She is completely opposite of that. And you know what, she's not so bad. She's a good kid, she has a good heart, and she is really beautiful. The bad grades and messy room, they are little things compared to what she could be. She could be pregnant, on drugs, and shoplifting. So I have to get over the fact she may not make it to high school this year. But why do I feel like such a failure? I mean really, Bossman and I have done everything we can think of to help her. We've had her tested, we've talked to all the teachers, (numurous times) we've had meeting, we have her get her book signed, shoot, we've grounded her from everything. Sigh~ We've done it all. And she has done nothing. That's the bottom line, she's lazy and doesn't want to do the work. Too bad we can't open her brain and insert all the material, but alas, techology isn't that advanced yet.

Have I ever said how lucky I am? Bossman is crazy about me. Although we've been married 15 years, it still amazing to me how much he loves me. Actually, it's scary. I don't feel like I can ever measure up to his adoration. Am I even worthy of his love? I don't feel worthy. That's what it all boils down to....I don't feel worthy.

Something to think about.

Later.........