whY?

I'm hoping today is the letter Y. Even if it's not, I'm going with it because it just seems it fits.

The last couple of weeks have really taught me some very valuable lessons. I've never been so sick in my life. So most of the time I kept asking myself why.

Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen now?
Why did my children have to go through this?
Why did Bossman have to be so scared?
Why couldn't I just get better?

The last why is the easiest to answer because today I'm feeling much better. The road to recovery will be long but recovery is what it will be.

The rest of the whys, I can't answer. I don't know why this happened to me. I don't know why it happened now. I don't know why the kids or Bossman had to deal with this. But I do know something.

It doesn't matter. It happpened. It could have been worse. But it wasn't. The truth of the matter is, I have been humbled. Being unable to care for yourself or even make a decision for yourself is hard. I have learned that my husband loves me no matter what. He will do anything possible to make me happy, better, comfortable. I believe my husband would sell his soul for me if he had to. That is a powerful thing to realize. I don't believe I am worthy of such love, but I won't question that love ever again. So "why", for me, doesn't really matter anymore.

But I am grateful for "why". If I hadn't wondered why, I may not be the person I am today. If I had taken things for granted, instead of asking why, what kind of person would that have made me?

I will probably always ask why. I know, I just said, why doesn't matter anymore. And for now it doesn't. It doesn't matter why my husband loves me, he just does. It doesn't matter why I got sick, it just matters that I am getting better. It doesn't matter why my children had to go through this, it will make them stronger people and maybe they will appreciate things more. (I can hope, right?)

Maybe for this day, set aside the why. Just enjoy the because, and leave it at that.

Oh, just thought I'd mention, I REALLY love candied yams . The song Yesterday, by the Beatles, really got me through this sickness. The color yellow is a happy color. Yoodlers make me smile. Anybody remember Yertle the turtle? Spankings are yummy, but IV's are yucky!

Last but not least, YOU ! Thank you all again for your love and support during this very diffcult time. I've read all the comments. I've read all the e-mails. They have made me smile. I've had people that I didn't even know read my blog send me well wishes. For this I am eternally grateful! YOU are the best Y of all!

later.......