A new Sheriff in town

The law has been laid down at my house.

Bossman is the long-arm of the law. He carries with him a badge and very mean looking backscratcher. If I wasn't sitting on the evidence, I would hardly believe it. So for all you detail whores, and those of you more refined detail connisseurs, and I think you know who you are, here it is.

Monday started off as most Mondays go. I got up to make the little mans lunch, and fix him breakfast. Bossman takes him to school on his way to work. I then headed back to my very warm and comfy bed. After a mid morning nap, I got up and surfed all my favorite blogs. After surfing, and watching cheesy morning shows, I decided I should get dressed. Ok, it was 1:00. Sheez, do you have to know EVERYTHING??

I got dressed and looked around. Wow, this house is a mess, I thought. So, I decided to do what any normal person would do. I went and played Zuma on the computer while watching Peoples Court.

It was about that time that Bossman came home for lunch. I made grilled cheese and we watched the Peoples Court. Then, it happened.

He stands up and comes over to me. He turns off the tv and grabs my hands to pull me off the couch. I know what this means and I'm not too happy about it. Remember, my butt was just toasted a day and a half ago! But Bossman says we need to talk and talking is much better in the bedroom. I had a bad feeling I wasn't going to like this talk!

First thing he does when we get into the bedroom is stick my nose against the wall. That wall and I are becoming such great friends. I think I should name the wall. Wall seems so impersonal. But, I digress...

Bossman then pulls my sweats down to my thighs. Did I mention the fact that I didn't really get dressed, I mostly just changed out of my pj bottoms into my sweats. Well after a few minutes of fuming, me, not him, he pulls me over his lap. I wasn't a very happy camper, seeing as how he had the BS in his hand. I tried to protest. I tried whining. I tried all my regular tricks for getting out of it. Didn't work.

After a couple of hours of stinging slaps from the BS, Bossman said we needed to talk. Ok, it was more like a couple of minutes, but it's hard to say for sure since there wasn't a clock handy for me to time it with. Have you ever tried to have a normal conversation while laying over someones knee? It's HARD!

Just when Bossman was about to start talking, the phone rang. Oh great, I thought this was my big break. I thought I was saved by the bell. Once again, I was wrong. Unlucky for me, the phone was sitting right next to him on the bed. ~sigh~ So much for my luck. He held a conversation with whoever was on the phone while I was still over his knee. He continued swatting my behind every once in awhile, I think that was just to make sure I didn't fall asleep. After about an hour long conversation...again, I didn't have a clock nearby, so it could have been a minute or it could have been an hour... he finally hangs up the phone.

Now it was time for the conversation. I will try and be as accurate as possible with this conversation, but I was under stress, so I can't promise that this will be accurate. Have you ever had a conversation with someone while over their knee while they are wielding a BS?? I may have already asked that question, but remember the stress I was under!

So, needless to say, Bossman did most of the talking. He talked about things like cleaning and getting dressed and..well...This is mostly what I heard....

Bossman: "Young lady, you need to get back into the swing of things, things like laundry and a clean bathroom...blah, blah, blah, blah, What do you think?"

Me: "Ah, what?"

Bossman: swat, swat, swat, with the BS

Me: "Oh, yes, ouch, yes, your right honey!"

Well, needless to say, I think I got the picture. It all boils down to this. I need to get off my lazy butt and do something around this house. I need to get dressed during the day instead of staying in my pjs until just before the kids come home from school. I need to clean the bedroom and bathroom everyday, and if I don't....well the BS is going to be used alot more often.

Finally, I had a deadline. I had to take care of stuff today, or the BS would be used again. As much as that sounds like fun to all of you, my butt has had just about enough...at least for the next day or two! So I think instead of writing this, I better get moving. I really don't want another date with the BS today.

So, I think I'll take my pillow off the chair and put it back on the bed, of course I'll be getting dressed and cleaning the bedroom and bathroom. Last time I was in the bathroom I heard the toilet brush calling my name.

I'll tell you what, the long-arm of the law has spoken, so as a law abiding citizen I think I'll follow the law.....

at least until tomorrow!

later.........