Warning, depressing post.

Ever since I had cancer I've been a little paranoid about health issues.  I like to call it canceritis because every pain or weird thing is cancer. (In my mind).   One of my biggest fears is having some sort of health problem and not being at home.  Things my stupid brain thinks about is...what if I'm on this trip and I have a heart attack?  What if I'm far away from home and I need a doctor?

I know it's useless to worry about stuff like that.  If it's going to happen, its going to happen.  I really don't have any control over stuff like that.

On an even more depressing note.  My brothers best friend died on Saturday of a heart attack.  He was only 40.  I personally didn't know him well, I only met him a handful of times, but, as you can imagine, my brother is devastated.  I'm just really sad for my brother.  And for his friends family.  And really for everyone involved!  It's just SAD!  Things like this shouldn't happen and it really shouldn't happen right before the holidays.  I am terrible at handling sad.  I'm sure we are all terrible at it, but it makes me anxious.  When I'm anxious I tend to curl in a ball, hide under my blankets.  BAH!

Well, that's all I've got.  Tomorrow will be better! 

Depressingly,
grace




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7 comments:

  1. CatDecember 07, 2016 8:57 PM

    Hey Grace...sending prayers and positive energy that you pull out of the down state of mind. Sending lots of healing energy for your brother.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. PKDecember 08, 2016 3:10 AM

    So sorry. You're right, no one does sad well. My fear is the same as it's been for almost 29 years. I worry about dying and leaving my kids. I thought I could lay that one aside as they got grown, but I know Mollie needs me emotionally more now than when she was little. Of course you know how much worrying helps you or me. But we can't stop.

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  3. Aimless RamblingDecember 08, 2016 5:29 AM

    I don't know why, but the holidays are always fraught with death of loved ones. As for expecting the worst, don't do that. The mind is a powerful thing - use it to be positive you're going to live to see your grandchildren and great grandchildren.

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  4. an English RoseDecember 08, 2016 9:02 AM

    Hi Grace.Me too. Even though my cancer was in 2004 I have been dogged by health issues ever since. Some days I think I will never be pain free and "normal". Then I realise that sadly this is normal :(. Plod on sweetie, we are still here after all.
    sympathy Jan, xx

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  5. AnonymousDecember 08, 2016 4:41 PM

    Oh Grace, I'm sorry. At work today a nice young man came in to let us know that his mom had passed away. I felt so badly for him. (((hugs))) & prayers

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  6. AnonymousDecember 08, 2016 4:54 PM

    Hi Grace, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment. Also sad to hear about your brother's loss of his best friend. Thinking of you both, and sending warm thoughts and hugs,

    <3 Katie



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  7. TerpsichoreDecember 13, 2016 6:56 AM

    I am so sorry...sending hugs

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