Today is my son's 9th birthday.
Wow...he's nine? It seems like yesterday when I was big as a house, waiting for him to be born.
Now, he's a 3rd grader. He's smart, funny, beautiful, (but don't call him that to his face because boys can't be beautiful).
He smells like wet puppy when he comes inside after a hard day of playing.
He loves nature and all things environmental.
He loves to read.
He has the temper of a red head, and the heart of an angel.
When he was born, one of the popular songs playing on the radio was about praying for someone like you.
I think the lyrics went like this:
All my life, I prayed for someone like you,
and I thank God, that I finally found you.
All my life, I prayed for someone like you,
and I hope that you feel the same way too.
Now, I know that is a love song, but I was in love. Utterly, hopelessly, in love. He was such a gift and I am so happy that God gave him to me.
It really is a privilege to raise this child.
I'm so grateful for the past nine years and I can't wait to see what the future holds for my son.
Happy Birthday Little Man!
Mommy loves you very, very much!
To Bossman
I can't say this in person. You said write it here. I will try.
I thought I could give up the this lifestyle and it wouldn't matter. I thought I didn't care about it any more, but I do.
I thought I could live without out it, but I can't.
I know summer is coming. I know it won't be easy. I know it isn't easy. I don't care.
I know all these things, yet the yearning won't go away. I crave your dominance. I need your leadership. I want you to show me the way. Can you? More importantly, will you? Is this selfish for me to ask? Yes, selfish. I am very selfish.
I wish you could read my mind and my heart. You could tell me what they say. For I can't understand what they are trying to tell me. It's like it's written in a foreign language. I don't speak this language. I wish I did.
How can I make you understand, when I don't understand it myself?
This is so much more than spanking. This is much bigger than I ever thought possible.
This is me.
Sometimes I love you so much it hurts.
Love,
me♥
I thought I could give up the this lifestyle and it wouldn't matter. I thought I didn't care about it any more, but I do.
I thought I could live without out it, but I can't.
I know summer is coming. I know it won't be easy. I know it isn't easy. I don't care.
I know all these things, yet the yearning won't go away. I crave your dominance. I need your leadership. I want you to show me the way. Can you? More importantly, will you? Is this selfish for me to ask? Yes, selfish. I am very selfish.
I wish you could read my mind and my heart. You could tell me what they say. For I can't understand what they are trying to tell me. It's like it's written in a foreign language. I don't speak this language. I wish I did.
How can I make you understand, when I don't understand it myself?
This is so much more than spanking. This is much bigger than I ever thought possible.
This is me.
Sometimes I love you so much it hurts.
Love,
me♥
Now
"It's time."
Staring at the wall. Hands behind back. Panties pulled down.
Heart pounding. Stomach jumping. Palms sweating. Mind racing.
"Now."
Brush on bed. Back scratcher in sight. Body recoiling. Body bending anyway.
Blood rushing to head. Bottom clenching. Breath holding. Time stopping.
Slap resounding. Breath whooshing. Hands grabbing.
And so it begins......
Staring at the wall. Hands behind back. Panties pulled down.
Heart pounding. Stomach jumping. Palms sweating. Mind racing.
"Now."
Brush on bed. Back scratcher in sight. Body recoiling. Body bending anyway.
Blood rushing to head. Bottom clenching. Breath holding. Time stopping.
Slap resounding. Breath whooshing. Hands grabbing.
And so it begins......
Three things Meme
Three Things That Scare Me:
1. illness
2. 16 year old girls
3. not having internet
Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. my son
2. my daughter
3. All my blogger buddies!
Three Things I Love:
1. Bossman
2. the beach
3. spanking, of course!
Three Things I Hate/Severely Dislike:
1. the backscratcher
2. liars
3. liver
Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. math
2. french
3. why I like spankings
Three Things On My Desk:
1. football the kids signed for my husband for coaching
2. die-cast nascars (mostly number 24)
3. candles
Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Watching Elizabeth and Rosie fight on "The View".
2. thinking about spanking
3. eating yogurt
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. go to New York
2. own my own home
3. drive across country in an RV
Three Things I Can Do:
1. sing
2. forgive
3. worry
Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. play guitar
2. stand on my head
3. stop worrying
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. God
2. country music
3. your intuition
Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. your mother in law
2. disco???
3. your 16 year old tell you the parents WILL be home
Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. how to give and LIKE to give BJ's
2. cook
3. how to make a million dollars watching TV
Three Favorite Foods:
1. cake-batter ice cream with brownie from Cold Stone
2. steak and sweet potato from Road House
3. pizza
Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. The New Zoo Review
2. Bozo the clown
3. Romper Room
Three Things I Regret:
1. not finishing college
2. not seeing my father
3. not telling Bossman about spanking sooner
Three people I tag:
1. You
2. You
3. You
1. illness
2. 16 year old girls
3. not having internet
Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
1. my son
2. my daughter
3. All my blogger buddies!
Three Things I Love:
1. Bossman
2. the beach
3. spanking, of course!
Three Things I Hate/Severely Dislike:
1. the backscratcher
2. liars
3. liver
Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. math
2. french
3. why I like spankings
Three Things On My Desk:
1. football the kids signed for my husband for coaching
2. die-cast nascars (mostly number 24)
3. candles
Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Watching Elizabeth and Rosie fight on "The View".
2. thinking about spanking
3. eating yogurt
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. go to New York
2. own my own home
3. drive across country in an RV
Three Things I Can Do:
1. sing
2. forgive
3. worry
Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. play guitar
2. stand on my head
3. stop worrying
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. God
2. country music
3. your intuition
Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. your mother in law
2. disco???
3. your 16 year old tell you the parents WILL be home
Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. how to give and LIKE to give BJ's
2. cook
3. how to make a million dollars watching TV
Three Favorite Foods:
1. cake-batter ice cream with brownie from Cold Stone
2. steak and sweet potato from Road House
3. pizza
Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. The New Zoo Review
2. Bozo the clown
3. Romper Room
Three Things I Regret:
1. not finishing college
2. not seeing my father
3. not telling Bossman about spanking sooner
Three people I tag:
1. You
2. You
3. You
details, details, details...
It's all about the details, isn't it?
Last week was a pretty good week. Bossman came home 2 times that week and decided spankings were in order. We can't seem to figure out how it's all going to work in our relationship right now. But at least I got some. At this point, I'll take what I can get.
YES, he tried out the brush. Really, it wasn't so bad. I don't think he used it to his full potential. That's fine with me. He really LOVES the backscratcher, which I hate! We have a lot of different things he could use, but he always ends up using the one I don't like. Why? He tells me it's one of his ways to have control.
We've been talking a lot about control. Seems that topic has been coming up a lot around here. Seems I control a lot more than I thought I did. That is a big issue with both of us. Neither of us has figured out how to control our control issues. Does that make sense? I need to figure out how to give up control, and he needs to figure out how to take more control. Sounds a lot easier than it is.
Guess what I got in the mail the other day? It's purple, rubber, waterproof, and it takes batteries.
Doesn't THAT look like fun?
Bossman gave it a try on my today! It's HUGE! But it vibrates at different speeds and it actually was quite stimulating! I had one of the best orgasms! I just need to think of a good name for him. I have a feeling he and I will be getting quite close!
ANYWAY! Baby is doing great. Always fun when there is a new little one around. REALLY fun when you don't have to stay up all night with the little one! I remember those nights well and I don't envy the mommies that have to do that now.
Not sure what is happening with the father person. I heard he came home from the hospital on Friday, but I heard he has a long recovery ahead. I can't call right now. He can't talk and I don't know what to say, so for now, I'll just wait and see what happens.
You remember when I said I was letting go of the anger? I'm still working on that.
later.......
Last week was a pretty good week. Bossman came home 2 times that week and decided spankings were in order. We can't seem to figure out how it's all going to work in our relationship right now. But at least I got some. At this point, I'll take what I can get.
YES, he tried out the brush. Really, it wasn't so bad. I don't think he used it to his full potential. That's fine with me. He really LOVES the backscratcher, which I hate! We have a lot of different things he could use, but he always ends up using the one I don't like. Why? He tells me it's one of his ways to have control.
We've been talking a lot about control. Seems that topic has been coming up a lot around here. Seems I control a lot more than I thought I did. That is a big issue with both of us. Neither of us has figured out how to control our control issues. Does that make sense? I need to figure out how to give up control, and he needs to figure out how to take more control. Sounds a lot easier than it is.
Guess what I got in the mail the other day? It's purple, rubber, waterproof, and it takes batteries.
Doesn't THAT look like fun?
Bossman gave it a try on my today! It's HUGE! But it vibrates at different speeds and it actually was quite stimulating! I had one of the best orgasms! I just need to think of a good name for him. I have a feeling he and I will be getting quite close!
ANYWAY! Baby is doing great. Always fun when there is a new little one around. REALLY fun when you don't have to stay up all night with the little one! I remember those nights well and I don't envy the mommies that have to do that now.
Not sure what is happening with the father person. I heard he came home from the hospital on Friday, but I heard he has a long recovery ahead. I can't call right now. He can't talk and I don't know what to say, so for now, I'll just wait and see what happens.
You remember when I said I was letting go of the anger? I'm still working on that.
later.......
What a weekend!
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and Mothers day.
I guess I should tell you about mine.
Mine started early Friday morning. My daughter and I went to the hospital around 8 in the morning. Labor was in full progress, but my sis was still in good spirits. Around 11, the contractions were getting worse, but there wasn't much progress on the dilation front. Around noon, my daughter was bored and hungry. We decided to head out for some lunch, since it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for awhile. I should mention, I was in charge of going to get my niece from school when the baby was getting closer to coming. My niece is 9 and was planning on being in the delivery room.
The wildchild and I headed out for some food. 20 minutes or so later, my mom calls. It's time to get my niece. I couldn't believe it, just 20 minutes earlier it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for hours.
I went and signed my niece out of school and headed back to the hospital. My mother comes running out of the room, telling us to hurry. She tells my niece that her mom is in more pain than she thought she would be in, so she didn't have to come in if she didn't want too. My niece wants to come in, says she's watched deliveries on the discovery channel and she's not afraid. I go in too! The wildchild decides the labor room is not the place for her. (BTW, having a teen watch someone in labor is a GREAT form of birthcontrol..LOL) The wildchild also decided that she will NEVER be a doctor or a nurse, or frankly, she doesn't want to work anywhere NEAR a hospital. LOL
Anyway, we get in the delivery room right in time. Within 20 minutes, the baby is delivered! How AWESOME! I've never been in the room with someone else giving birth. It's definitely less painful just watching!
Mom and baby are GREAT! Baby boy is certainly a cute one. He started crying before he was even all the way out. He's got loads of hair! He's almost 7lbs and he's 19 inches long. Can you tell I'm a proud Auntie?
So, the same day, our father had heart surgery. He made it through the surgery. That is pretty much all I know right now.
I've decided something the last couple of days and I think it hit me last night. I can't stay angry. I can't be angry with someone who is going through this rough time. I can't even be angry with him when he gets better. It's not fair to him, or to me for that matter.
The things that happened in my childhood are long gone. I can't change what happened and neither can he. What is the point of being angry? It doesn't solve anything and it won't change a thing. The only thing I can do now is move on. I don't have to have a close relationship with him, but I don't have to shut him out completely. I realized that life is too short to worry about all this nonsense.
So, I'm going to carry on with my life. I hope he will be ok and we can someday talk. If that doesn't happen, so be it. It is what it is. That's all it can be.
Anyway, back to my weekend. Because in the end, it really is, all about me!
Mother's day was fantastic. My little man made me a very nice vase at school. They planted a vine and wrapped it around a wire that is shaped like a heart. My son wrote me a card too. Here is what the card said: (I'll type it just the way he typed it in the card. Except his name, of course!)
My mom has the biggest heart ever and I will tell you why. My mom has many special qualities. She is very kind because she loves me. She's also a good cook and always makes me dinner. She's very funny and tells funny jokes. She is very cool and dresses very good. She's very good at reading because she reads ALL DAY! She got me in the habit of reading, so know I can read chapter book in one hour!!!!!
My mom does a lot of things for me. She helps me with my room. One time when I got a new bed, I had to clean my room she helped me. She does all the laundry IN THE HOUSE!!!!! She buys me pokemon cards and one time bought me the colossal pack. Last but not least she loves me.
Boy oh boy do I have a lot of special memories. One of them is when my family got a new car. They got it just for me and my sister. my mom said "We should get this car for the little man because he will love it. It has air condishinging and six seats. The back and front have recliners. The there is the football games. My mom came to every game and could you hear her! She was the loudest!!!! "little man, Little man " yelled my mom. Because of her I made the play 3 times in a row. Man, so many good memories. My mom has the biggest heart EVER!!
So, there you have it! Straight from the little mans heart. It just doesn't get much better than that!
I sure hope you all had as great a weekend as I did.
Oh, I forgot to mention one thing. I DID get spanked two times last week and once today. Too bad I already typed so much today. Otherwise I'd give out the details. ~sigh~ Too bad!
Guess I'll have to save that for another time!
♥ grace
I guess I should tell you about mine.
Mine started early Friday morning. My daughter and I went to the hospital around 8 in the morning. Labor was in full progress, but my sis was still in good spirits. Around 11, the contractions were getting worse, but there wasn't much progress on the dilation front. Around noon, my daughter was bored and hungry. We decided to head out for some lunch, since it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for awhile. I should mention, I was in charge of going to get my niece from school when the baby was getting closer to coming. My niece is 9 and was planning on being in the delivery room.
The wildchild and I headed out for some food. 20 minutes or so later, my mom calls. It's time to get my niece. I couldn't believe it, just 20 minutes earlier it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for hours.
I went and signed my niece out of school and headed back to the hospital. My mother comes running out of the room, telling us to hurry. She tells my niece that her mom is in more pain than she thought she would be in, so she didn't have to come in if she didn't want too. My niece wants to come in, says she's watched deliveries on the discovery channel and she's not afraid. I go in too! The wildchild decides the labor room is not the place for her. (BTW, having a teen watch someone in labor is a GREAT form of birthcontrol..LOL) The wildchild also decided that she will NEVER be a doctor or a nurse, or frankly, she doesn't want to work anywhere NEAR a hospital. LOL
Anyway, we get in the delivery room right in time. Within 20 minutes, the baby is delivered! How AWESOME! I've never been in the room with someone else giving birth. It's definitely less painful just watching!
Mom and baby are GREAT! Baby boy is certainly a cute one. He started crying before he was even all the way out. He's got loads of hair! He's almost 7lbs and he's 19 inches long. Can you tell I'm a proud Auntie?
So, the same day, our father had heart surgery. He made it through the surgery. That is pretty much all I know right now.
I've decided something the last couple of days and I think it hit me last night. I can't stay angry. I can't be angry with someone who is going through this rough time. I can't even be angry with him when he gets better. It's not fair to him, or to me for that matter.
The things that happened in my childhood are long gone. I can't change what happened and neither can he. What is the point of being angry? It doesn't solve anything and it won't change a thing. The only thing I can do now is move on. I don't have to have a close relationship with him, but I don't have to shut him out completely. I realized that life is too short to worry about all this nonsense.
So, I'm going to carry on with my life. I hope he will be ok and we can someday talk. If that doesn't happen, so be it. It is what it is. That's all it can be.
Anyway, back to my weekend. Because in the end, it really is, all about me!
Mother's day was fantastic. My little man made me a very nice vase at school. They planted a vine and wrapped it around a wire that is shaped like a heart. My son wrote me a card too. Here is what the card said: (I'll type it just the way he typed it in the card. Except his name, of course!)
My mom has the biggest heart ever and I will tell you why. My mom has many special qualities. She is very kind because she loves me. She's also a good cook and always makes me dinner. She's very funny and tells funny jokes. She is very cool and dresses very good. She's very good at reading because she reads ALL DAY! She got me in the habit of reading, so know I can read chapter book in one hour!!!!!
My mom does a lot of things for me. She helps me with my room. One time when I got a new bed, I had to clean my room she helped me. She does all the laundry IN THE HOUSE!!!!! She buys me pokemon cards and one time bought me the colossal pack. Last but not least she loves me.
Boy oh boy do I have a lot of special memories. One of them is when my family got a new car. They got it just for me and my sister. my mom said "We should get this car for the little man because he will love it. It has air condishinging and six seats. The back and front have recliners. The there is the football games. My mom came to every game and could you hear her! She was the loudest!!!! "little man, Little man " yelled my mom. Because of her I made the play 3 times in a row. Man, so many good memories. My mom has the biggest heart EVER!!
So, there you have it! Straight from the little mans heart. It just doesn't get much better than that!
I sure hope you all had as great a weekend as I did.
Oh, I forgot to mention one thing. I DID get spanked two times last week and once today. Too bad I already typed so much today. Otherwise I'd give out the details. ~sigh~ Too bad!
Guess I'll have to save that for another time!
♥ grace
angry
I just found out that my father had another heart attack. He is scheduled for triple by-pass surgery on Friday.
This will sound horrible, but I am very angry about this.
I'm angry that he is sick. I'm angry that I don't have the means to see him. I am angry that even IF I had the means, I probably wouldn't go see him, because then it would just be awkward and weird.
I'm angry that he could die and I may never get the chance to resolve my feelings.
I'm angry at myself for feeling guilty about all this.
Damn it! This whole thing just makes me ANGRY!
Want to hear something really weird? This Friday, my sister is having a baby. That doesn't make me angry! That, makes me happy. The baby is a boy. My sis has been in labor since Monday. She keeps going to the hospital. They keep sending her home. So, if there is not action between now and Friday, they will induce.....
Right around the time our father is having open heart surgery.....
Just typing that, makes me CRAZY! (I didn't want to say Angry again.)
Ok, my rant is done for now. But, if you don't mind, keep me and mine in your thoughts this Friday.
Thanks!
♥ grace
This will sound horrible, but I am very angry about this.
I'm angry that he is sick. I'm angry that I don't have the means to see him. I am angry that even IF I had the means, I probably wouldn't go see him, because then it would just be awkward and weird.
I'm angry that he could die and I may never get the chance to resolve my feelings.
I'm angry at myself for feeling guilty about all this.
Damn it! This whole thing just makes me ANGRY!
Want to hear something really weird? This Friday, my sister is having a baby. That doesn't make me angry! That, makes me happy. The baby is a boy. My sis has been in labor since Monday. She keeps going to the hospital. They keep sending her home. So, if there is not action between now and Friday, they will induce.....
Right around the time our father is having open heart surgery.....
Just typing that, makes me CRAZY! (I didn't want to say Angry again.)
Ok, my rant is done for now. But, if you don't mind, keep me and mine in your thoughts this Friday.
Thanks!
♥ grace
Birthday thanks and control part II
Thank you all for the Birthday wishes! My day was great and reading all the good wishes made it even better!
I also want to thank everyone for all the advice regarding control. Amber, I'm definitely going to check out that book you recommended, it sounds like something I could really use. Sounds to me like I'm not the only one in this boat. Isn't it ironic that most of us want to be spanked, or controlled in one form on another, yet, we don't want to give up control?
How does that work, exactly?
I've always been a pretty independent person. So, giving up control is quite a challenge. Frankly, it's quite tiresome always trying to control everything. As mothers we have control. When our babies are young, we control their every move. So it's not surprising that we would start controlling everything in our life.
I've had enough of the control thing. Problem is, I get very irritated when I lose control. I don't like it. Makes me cranky. I need to figure out how to give up some of the control without getting cranky.
Plus, Bossman says I need to learn how to go with the flow. I'm in too much of a hurry to stop and smell the roses. When we are out at the beach, I am always moving to the next thing, never bothering to sit still and just enjoy. I get irritated if Bossman stops me to just kiss me. Stupid isn't it? Why should anyone get upset about that?
So, I know it's not New Years, but it IS the start of a new year for me. Therefore, I am going to make a resolution. I am going to read the book Amber suggested, and I am going to try and give up SOME of the control. I don't think I could ever give it all up, but I'm will to give a lot of it back to Bossman.
Hear that Big Guy? You better get ready, YOU are about to be in control. Hope you can handle it. Actually, I just hope you can handle ME! LOL
♥ grace
39????
Hope you like my new look. I've been tweaking it for about a week and wanted to debut it on my birthday.
New year, new look. I still love my pink flowers, so I saved them and may bring them back someday. But for now, I wanted something fresh and new.
Anyway, this is what happened the year I was born.
Everyone eat a piece of cake for me today!
♥ grace
New year, new look. I still love my pink flowers, so I saved them and may bring them back someday. But for now, I wanted something fresh and new.
Anyway, this is what happened the year I was born.
| In 1968 (the year I was born) |
 Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US North Koreans seize USS Pueblo and 83 man crew in the Sea of Japan Communist troops attack Saigon and 30 province capitals in the "Tet Offensive" Martin Luther King is assassinated in Memphis, TN Senator Robert F. Kennedy is shot in California after celebrating presidential primary victories American troops destroy a town in South Vietnam in the "My Lai Massacre" Peggy Fleming wins Olympics figure skating gold medal The United States Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City take over administration buildings and shut down the university LL Cool J, Lisa Marie Presley, Jeri Ryan, Lucy Lawless, Celine Dion, Traci Lords, Tony Hawk, Kylie Minogue, and Sammy Sosa are born Detroit Tigers win the World Series Green Bay Packers win Superbowl II Montreal Canadians win the Stanley Cup 2001: A Space Odyssey and Planet of the Apes are the top grossing movies The rock musical Hair opens on Broadway The Beatles' White Album and Simon and Garfunkel's Bookends are released Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, debuts on NBC |
Everyone eat a piece of cake for me today!
♥ grace
"Hello, I'm grace and I'm a control freak."
Bossman has been pointing out that I can be a tad on the controlling side.
Did I say tad? I meant to say, I like to control things. EVERYTHING.
This seems a bit off to me. For I keep telling Bossman that I WANT him to be in charge.
Here's the bigger picture. I control things without even realizing that I am doing it. Example, the other night Bossman and I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed. The moonlight was streaming through the windows. I walked into the room first and immediately turned on the light. He walked in behind me and immediately turned it off. I went directly over to my night stand and turned my light on, annoyed that he would turn the light off. He tried to take me in his arms, because he likes to dress me for bed. I, on the other hand, decided I need to take my meds. So I slipped out of his grasp and went to my side of the bed to get my pill.
Without even thinking about how it looked, or how it made him feel. I didn't even notice the moonlight. Didn't even think about how romantic it would be to have my husband undress me in the moonlight and get me ready for bed. All I knew was that he was trying to deter me from my goal. I had it in my mind what I was going to do when I got in that room and by god, I was going to complete my goal, without interference from my husband.
So, Bossman pulls away and later when we are in bed, he says, I guess we know who's in charge here.
Uh, what? But, but, I want YOU to be in charge. I don't want to be in charge.
Now I realize I always have to be in charge. How will this work if I always have to be in charge?
How do I stop being in charge?
How do I let go?
Maybe a 12-step program?
"Hello, I'm grace and I'm a control freak."
Did I say tad? I meant to say, I like to control things. EVERYTHING.
This seems a bit off to me. For I keep telling Bossman that I WANT him to be in charge.
Here's the bigger picture. I control things without even realizing that I am doing it. Example, the other night Bossman and I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed. The moonlight was streaming through the windows. I walked into the room first and immediately turned on the light. He walked in behind me and immediately turned it off. I went directly over to my night stand and turned my light on, annoyed that he would turn the light off. He tried to take me in his arms, because he likes to dress me for bed. I, on the other hand, decided I need to take my meds. So I slipped out of his grasp and went to my side of the bed to get my pill.
Without even thinking about how it looked, or how it made him feel. I didn't even notice the moonlight. Didn't even think about how romantic it would be to have my husband undress me in the moonlight and get me ready for bed. All I knew was that he was trying to deter me from my goal. I had it in my mind what I was going to do when I got in that room and by god, I was going to complete my goal, without interference from my husband.
So, Bossman pulls away and later when we are in bed, he says, I guess we know who's in charge here.
Uh, what? But, but, I want YOU to be in charge. I don't want to be in charge.
Now I realize I always have to be in charge. How will this work if I always have to be in charge?
How do I stop being in charge?
How do I let go?
Maybe a 12-step program?
"Hello, I'm grace and I'm a control freak."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I got the candle and the cheesecake,
Now all you're wishes will come true and the day will be MAGIC!
Extra BIG HUGS on an EXTRA SPECIAL DAY!!!
Love ya,
grace
Everyone else should stop by Theresa's and wish her a Happy DAY!
what should I do?
Ok, so I mentioned in my last post that my father had a heart attack.
This is a touchy subject for me. Lets just say, I have issues with my father.
Long story short, my father left my mother when I was 5. He was not a very nice man, at the time. He spent some time in prison and was an alcoholic. Not a very pretty story, but that is how it was.
When I was 22, my sister (who is 4 years younger) decided to contact our father. He hadn't contacted us since he left my mother. My sister (bless her soul) thought this would be a great surprise to me so she didn't tell me what she was doing. She simply contacted him and gave him my number, WITHOUT telling me. So, I'm 22, pregnant with the wildchild and getting ready to go out to dinner with Bossman. Phone rings, I answer. "May I speak to Grace?" the voice on the other end asks. Not recognizing the voice I ask who it is. "This is your father." Yeah right. "Who is this, really" I ask the voice. "This is really your father" the voice says.
Huh. First thing I want to know is, how did he get my number? Of course he tells me he got it from my sister. WHAT the hell? How could she do something like that without telling me?
Anyway, after my daughter was born, he decided to come and visit us. Mind you, I haven't seen the man since I was 5. My daughter is about 4 weeks old when he comes to visit. So, now I have to entertain a man that I don't know, who claims to be my father, but I also am a young, new mommy, hormonal and everything. Lets just say, that visit didn't go so well.
Since that time, we've been keeping in contact through phone and letters. He sends cards to the kids for birthdays and holidays but we haven't seen each other since.
The biggest problem I have is that he makes me feel guilty. See, I don't feel the need to send him birthday cards and fathers day cards. He didn't seem to find that a priority when I was a kid. Besides we are all adults now. Furthermore, he's not really a father to me. So the fathers day thing is a mote point.
So, how am I suppose to feel when he has a heart attack?
He leaves in Chicago. That is really far from me. So I can't just go over and visit him.
Here's my problem. I always thought he would just "be there" when I was ready to confront the whole thing. Now, who knows how long he could be around?
He's doing ok right now. He's probably going to get out of the hospital today or tomorrow. So, I guess this means I still have time.
Time for what? What do I do? Should I go and visit him? What happens if he dies, should I be at the funeral? How will I feel when he dies? Will I have regret? Will I always feel like I should have done more?
I should mention that he has reformed. He has been in AA for 20 years.
He has tried. I'll give him that. But I can't decide how I'm suppose to feel. I don't know what I should do.
Right now, if everything goes ok, I've told Bossman I would like to see about visiting him in August. I've said that, but I don't even know if that is what I want to do.
I really just don't know what to do.
This is a touchy subject for me. Lets just say, I have issues with my father.
Long story short, my father left my mother when I was 5. He was not a very nice man, at the time. He spent some time in prison and was an alcoholic. Not a very pretty story, but that is how it was.
When I was 22, my sister (who is 4 years younger) decided to contact our father. He hadn't contacted us since he left my mother. My sister (bless her soul) thought this would be a great surprise to me so she didn't tell me what she was doing. She simply contacted him and gave him my number, WITHOUT telling me. So, I'm 22, pregnant with the wildchild and getting ready to go out to dinner with Bossman. Phone rings, I answer. "May I speak to Grace?" the voice on the other end asks. Not recognizing the voice I ask who it is. "This is your father." Yeah right. "Who is this, really" I ask the voice. "This is really your father" the voice says.
Huh. First thing I want to know is, how did he get my number? Of course he tells me he got it from my sister. WHAT the hell? How could she do something like that without telling me?
Anyway, after my daughter was born, he decided to come and visit us. Mind you, I haven't seen the man since I was 5. My daughter is about 4 weeks old when he comes to visit. So, now I have to entertain a man that I don't know, who claims to be my father, but I also am a young, new mommy, hormonal and everything. Lets just say, that visit didn't go so well.
Since that time, we've been keeping in contact through phone and letters. He sends cards to the kids for birthdays and holidays but we haven't seen each other since.
The biggest problem I have is that he makes me feel guilty. See, I don't feel the need to send him birthday cards and fathers day cards. He didn't seem to find that a priority when I was a kid. Besides we are all adults now. Furthermore, he's not really a father to me. So the fathers day thing is a mote point.
So, how am I suppose to feel when he has a heart attack?
He leaves in Chicago. That is really far from me. So I can't just go over and visit him.
Here's my problem. I always thought he would just "be there" when I was ready to confront the whole thing. Now, who knows how long he could be around?
He's doing ok right now. He's probably going to get out of the hospital today or tomorrow. So, I guess this means I still have time.
Time for what? What do I do? Should I go and visit him? What happens if he dies, should I be at the funeral? How will I feel when he dies? Will I have regret? Will I always feel like I should have done more?
I should mention that he has reformed. He has been in AA for 20 years.
He has tried. I'll give him that. But I can't decide how I'm suppose to feel. I don't know what I should do.
Right now, if everything goes ok, I've told Bossman I would like to see about visiting him in August. I've said that, but I don't even know if that is what I want to do.
I really just don't know what to do.
Update on life
I thought I would update you on my life.
Life, as it does, continues to move forward, even when you don't want it to. Sometimes there is a moment in life when you think, how can people still be living right now? How can life go on?
After the horrible shooting last week, I often thought that. I thought about the families that lost loved ones and I wondered, how can I be going to the store, buying milk and butter when they have lost their child? How can I be worrying about paying the gas bill while these people are worrying about burying their loved one?
It's hard. It's hard to realize that life does go on, even after bad things happen.
Anyway, even though I wondered about life moving on, it did, in fact, move on for us here in Graceland.
The wildchild is doing EXTREMELY well in independent study! She has already completed 3 of the classes she needed and she only has 2 more to finish before school ends. Her self-esteem has shot through the roof and she no longer feels like a failure.
She is in a play at school right now. Luckily, she is still able to participate in choir and drama while being on the independent study. So the play opened last weekend and will finish up this weekend. It is like a melodrama. She has the lead part. She is the evil Nurse Hatchett. She's fabulous!!!! Of course I'm partial to anyone that came out of my womb.
Last week, we had a garage sale. We sold lots of junk. Then I spent all the money at a garage sale for a new bed for my daughter. In case you didn't know this about me, I'm a garage sale junkie. I LOVE going to garage sales!
Did I mention that my sister is about to give birth. A new nephew is on the way. I can't wait for the new baby. I love when people in my family have new babies, it means I can get my fill of a newborn and yet, still get to sleep at night.
My father had a heart attack last week. More on that in a couple of days.
Two weeks ago, we bought a new car. It's used, but it's new to us. It's only 2 years old and it has less than 20,000 miles on it. I LOVE, love, triple love this car. Our other car is 11 years old. We bought the car used and we got it when my little man was only 9 months old. He's almost 9 now. So you can probably guess, getting a new vehicle was a must. Not only that, but here in California, you have to get your car smog checked every 2 years. This was the year our car decided not to pass smog. Since it wouldn't pass, we couldn't register it. So we spend 400 dollars to fix it. Didn't work. STUPID laws! We took it to a referee. Yes, they have smog refs here. Our car just barely wasn't passing. The rules say, you have to spend at least 400 to fix it, and if it still doesn't pass, they will give you a pass. BUT, you have to get it fixed by a smog certified mechanic. Our mechanic is a very good mechanic, but guess what, he's NOT smog certified. So our reciepts didn't count toward the 400. SO, the problem is now the muffler. It will cost 600 dollars to fix it. BUT before we can take it to the muffler shop, we have to take it to the smog certified mechanic, pay them 100 bucks to tell us what is wrong with it, even though we already KNOW what is wrong with it, then we can take it to the muffler shop. THEN if it doesn't pass, THEN they will give us the pass.
DEEP BREATHE! By the time we did all that, we would have spent around 800 dollars, including all the fees and such. Rather than pay for all that, we decided to put that money into a new car.
Now, I just need to win the lotto so we can pay for the car. That, or I could stand out on the street corner and sell my body to make the car payments. Although I think I have a better chance of making money with the lotto.
Ok, if you are still reading this.... WHY??? This really is boring.
Anyway, I bet you are all wondering...did I ever call my blog friend?
I did!
Actually, I called two of them. Can you guess who they are?
Yep, I called the twins! Elis and Eva!
I'm here to tell you, Elis DOES have an accent. It's the cutest thing you ever did here. Sure enough!
It wasn't weird at all. It was really fun, and I'm looking forward to talking to both of them again, and again and again.
I LOVE you guys!!!
So, there you have it. There is my life in a nutshell. I didn't mention Bossman or the little man, but they are both doing fine as well.
If you are STILL reading this..... I really should send you an award. Really, I should.
later......
Life, as it does, continues to move forward, even when you don't want it to. Sometimes there is a moment in life when you think, how can people still be living right now? How can life go on?
After the horrible shooting last week, I often thought that. I thought about the families that lost loved ones and I wondered, how can I be going to the store, buying milk and butter when they have lost their child? How can I be worrying about paying the gas bill while these people are worrying about burying their loved one?
It's hard. It's hard to realize that life does go on, even after bad things happen.
Anyway, even though I wondered about life moving on, it did, in fact, move on for us here in Graceland.
The wildchild is doing EXTREMELY well in independent study! She has already completed 3 of the classes she needed and she only has 2 more to finish before school ends. Her self-esteem has shot through the roof and she no longer feels like a failure.
She is in a play at school right now. Luckily, she is still able to participate in choir and drama while being on the independent study. So the play opened last weekend and will finish up this weekend. It is like a melodrama. She has the lead part. She is the evil Nurse Hatchett. She's fabulous!!!! Of course I'm partial to anyone that came out of my womb.
Last week, we had a garage sale. We sold lots of junk. Then I spent all the money at a garage sale for a new bed for my daughter. In case you didn't know this about me, I'm a garage sale junkie. I LOVE going to garage sales!
Did I mention that my sister is about to give birth. A new nephew is on the way. I can't wait for the new baby. I love when people in my family have new babies, it means I can get my fill of a newborn and yet, still get to sleep at night.
My father had a heart attack last week. More on that in a couple of days.
Two weeks ago, we bought a new car. It's used, but it's new to us. It's only 2 years old and it has less than 20,000 miles on it. I LOVE, love, triple love this car. Our other car is 11 years old. We bought the car used and we got it when my little man was only 9 months old. He's almost 9 now. So you can probably guess, getting a new vehicle was a must. Not only that, but here in California, you have to get your car smog checked every 2 years. This was the year our car decided not to pass smog. Since it wouldn't pass, we couldn't register it. So we spend 400 dollars to fix it. Didn't work. STUPID laws! We took it to a referee. Yes, they have smog refs here. Our car just barely wasn't passing. The rules say, you have to spend at least 400 to fix it, and if it still doesn't pass, they will give you a pass. BUT, you have to get it fixed by a smog certified mechanic. Our mechanic is a very good mechanic, but guess what, he's NOT smog certified. So our reciepts didn't count toward the 400. SO, the problem is now the muffler. It will cost 600 dollars to fix it. BUT before we can take it to the muffler shop, we have to take it to the smog certified mechanic, pay them 100 bucks to tell us what is wrong with it, even though we already KNOW what is wrong with it, then we can take it to the muffler shop. THEN if it doesn't pass, THEN they will give us the pass.
DEEP BREATHE! By the time we did all that, we would have spent around 800 dollars, including all the fees and such. Rather than pay for all that, we decided to put that money into a new car.
Now, I just need to win the lotto so we can pay for the car. That, or I could stand out on the street corner and sell my body to make the car payments. Although I think I have a better chance of making money with the lotto.
Ok, if you are still reading this.... WHY??? This really is boring.
Anyway, I bet you are all wondering...did I ever call my blog friend?
I did!
Actually, I called two of them. Can you guess who they are?
Yep, I called the twins! Elis and Eva!
I'm here to tell you, Elis DOES have an accent. It's the cutest thing you ever did here. Sure enough!
It wasn't weird at all. It was really fun, and I'm looking forward to talking to both of them again, and again and again.
I LOVE you guys!!!
So, there you have it. There is my life in a nutshell. I didn't mention Bossman or the little man, but they are both doing fine as well.
If you are STILL reading this..... I really should send you an award. Really, I should.
later......
getting real
This was the last comment made on my last post. Guess who wrote it?
My only comment is your first paragraph you asked for people to still think of you as a good person. I ponder how when you first started this blog you just wrote random thoughts without caring what people thought of you. Even though we communicate 110% I kinda wish I had a place to read your inner-unedited thoughts about stuff. You've got an awesome group of friends, just realize that I and I'm sure your friends will appreciate you no matter what you say. Love ya Babe!!
Interesting thought from an interesting reader. (I've heard he's quite handsome too!)
Anyway, he's right. I DO have an awesome group of friends! If you're reading this, you are one of them whether you comment or not.
As for the innermost unedited thoughts.....
Point taken!
So watch out, inner most thoughts are about to arrive.
I NEED spanking in my life.
Here's the deal. We haven't had much spanking in our relationship lately. Actually, I think I've only had 1 spanking since our anniversary.
At first I thought, that's ok. I don't mind. I didn't even think about it that much. I still read blogs and spanking things, but honestly, I wasn't that crushed that I wasn't participating. I really was ok with it.
Then....
On Monday, for some reason, Bossman and I ended up home alone. I honestly didn't even have spanking on my mind. I was busy doing something very important. (probably watching tv.) Bossman walks in and takes my hand. Now, when I'msitting on my butt watching tv busy doing something important and Bossman grabs my hand like that, I KNOW what it means. I was really surprised.
So he took me into the bedroom with the pretense of spanking me because I forgot to take out the trash can on trash day after he asked me to do it. SORRY, I forgot! It really wasn't my fault. It usually isn't my job. He always does it. Furthermore, he was rushing out the door when he asked me. So, it was Super easy to forget. Not really a spank-worthy moment, if you ask me. But he decided to spank me that day.
Now, I have some thoughts about that.
I wasn't really prepared. I was under the impression that we were NOT really going to engage in the spanking part of our life for awhile, and I was ok with that. I am the type of person that likes to know what is going to happen. I like to plan things. I like to be in the KNOW. I want to know where I stand.
So I don't like things thrown at me unexpected. When he came to me and said "I'm going to spank you" I was thrown for a loop.
I guess this would fall under the category of consistancy. I don't want to be spanked for random things. I want to KNOW that spankings WILL happen if certain things aren't taken care of. I want to know that I am being held accountable. I don't want to be held accountable sometimes, I want ALL or nothing.
Ok, not true. I'll take sometimes. Sometimes is better than nothing.
But here is the biggest problem. After he spanked me that day, I couldn't help but wanting MORE. Suddenly my mind was consumed with spanking. I wanted to read everything I could about spanking, related to spanking. I was became obsessed. I went to blogs that I love, blogs that I hardly read, new blogs that I have been wanting to read, but haven't been in the mood for. (thanks Reesa)
So, what do I do with THAT? I really, really want spanking in my life. But spanking doesn't fit into our life right now. Once in awhile we may have time, but overall, it just doesn't seem that it will work very well.
I guess I just need to be happy with what I get. I don't know where to put my want or need. I don't know how to put it aside. I can put it aside short term, but I guess I can never really set it aside forever.
I guess it all boils down to this:
Once a spanko, always a spanko.
later.....
My only comment is your first paragraph you asked for people to still think of you as a good person. I ponder how when you first started this blog you just wrote random thoughts without caring what people thought of you. Even though we communicate 110% I kinda wish I had a place to read your inner-unedited thoughts about stuff. You've got an awesome group of friends, just realize that I and I'm sure your friends will appreciate you no matter what you say. Love ya Babe!!
Interesting thought from an interesting reader. (I've heard he's quite handsome too!)
Anyway, he's right. I DO have an awesome group of friends! If you're reading this, you are one of them whether you comment or not.
As for the innermost unedited thoughts.....
Point taken!
So watch out, inner most thoughts are about to arrive.
I NEED spanking in my life.
Here's the deal. We haven't had much spanking in our relationship lately. Actually, I think I've only had 1 spanking since our anniversary.
At first I thought, that's ok. I don't mind. I didn't even think about it that much. I still read blogs and spanking things, but honestly, I wasn't that crushed that I wasn't participating. I really was ok with it.
Then....
On Monday, for some reason, Bossman and I ended up home alone. I honestly didn't even have spanking on my mind. I was busy doing something very important. (probably watching tv.) Bossman walks in and takes my hand. Now, when I'm
So he took me into the bedroom with the pretense of spanking me because I forgot to take out the trash can on trash day after he asked me to do it. SORRY, I forgot! It really wasn't my fault. It usually isn't my job. He always does it. Furthermore, he was rushing out the door when he asked me. So, it was Super easy to forget. Not really a spank-worthy moment, if you ask me. But he decided to spank me that day.
Now, I have some thoughts about that.
I wasn't really prepared. I was under the impression that we were NOT really going to engage in the spanking part of our life for awhile, and I was ok with that. I am the type of person that likes to know what is going to happen. I like to plan things. I like to be in the KNOW. I want to know where I stand.
So I don't like things thrown at me unexpected. When he came to me and said "I'm going to spank you" I was thrown for a loop.
I guess this would fall under the category of consistancy. I don't want to be spanked for random things. I want to KNOW that spankings WILL happen if certain things aren't taken care of. I want to know that I am being held accountable. I don't want to be held accountable sometimes, I want ALL or nothing.
Ok, not true. I'll take sometimes. Sometimes is better than nothing.
But here is the biggest problem. After he spanked me that day, I couldn't help but wanting MORE. Suddenly my mind was consumed with spanking. I wanted to read everything I could about spanking, related to spanking. I was became obsessed. I went to blogs that I love, blogs that I hardly read, new blogs that I have been wanting to read, but haven't been in the mood for. (thanks Reesa)
So, what do I do with THAT? I really, really want spanking in my life. But spanking doesn't fit into our life right now. Once in awhile we may have time, but overall, it just doesn't seem that it will work very well.
I guess I just need to be happy with what I get. I don't know where to put my want or need. I don't know how to put it aside. I can put it aside short term, but I guess I can never really set it aside forever.
I guess it all boils down to this:
Once a spanko, always a spanko.
later.....
mission impossible
I hope this won't color the way you think of me. Usually, I'm a very honest and kind person. I try to teach my children right from wrong. I have morals and values.
So please, try not to judge me.
Saturday the fam came over. Now if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my mother-in-law is a quack. She is one taco short of a combination plate. She is NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is the dullest tool in the shed. She has completely lost all of her marbles. How my amazing wonderful husband came out of this woman still baffles my mind. Sometimes I wonder...was there a baby switch?
Anyway, I guess you are probably realizing that my MIL came over to my house on Saturday. (very smart of you) We had a fun time, looking at old pictures, being very silly. (my SIL came over too, and she is LOADS of fun.)
At one point of the day, things were crazy. People were laughing, joking, just having a ball. I noticed that my MIL was putting a box in her purse. The box, was some coffee that she had given my daughter in November, when my daughter got a coffee maker for her birthday. Now, just so you know, my daughter hasn't made coffee for a long time, and nobody else drinks coffee around here, so the coffee maker and different coffees are all sitting on the counter. During lunch, the MIL had asked if she could make a pot of coffee. No problem, go right ahead.
Back to the story. I saw my MIL putting this box of coffee in her purse. Now remember, the place was crazy, so when I saw her putting the coffee in her purse, I didn't really question it. I figured she has asked my daughter if she could have it back since my daughter didn't drink it.
Now fast forward to Easter morning. We get up, we sort through our baskets that the Easter bunny had left. (yum yum) We search the house for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden through out the house. Then we eat breakfast. Mind you, it's just my little family, the kids and Bossman. As we sit down to breakfast, I remember the coffee. I ask my daughter if she gave the coffee to her grandma. Nope, she didn't. Didn't even know Grandma took the coffee. Asked Bossman the same thing...nope, he didn't either. So I tell them what I saw the day before. MIL sneaking coffee into her purse.
Well, we all start laughing. We can't believe that MIL, stole coffee from us. Has she asked any one of us, we would have gladly given it to her, for the wildchild hasn't been drinking coffee.
So suddenly, an idea forms. Guess who we were going to eat Easter dinner with? MIL. Guess whose house we were going to be going to? Again...MIL. So, while sitting around the breakfast table we decide we are going to steal it back.
That's right people. Bossman and I decided that we should teach our children petty thievery. In case things don't work out well for them in traditional careers, we wanted them to have something to fall back on. Aren't we GREAT parents?
So around the table we start planning our strategy. We come up with funny hand signals. Everyone has an assignment. Little man is going to distract grandpa. Wildchild has the biggest purse, so she is going to do the actual stealing. The little man told me that I could sit on the couch and pretend to watch TV. OH-my-goodness. We laughed sooo hard when he told me that. I had to pretend to watch TV. Aren't we the sneaky ones?
Anyway, the code words were... The Kittles has meowed. (Kittles is our cat.) Once we heard those words, we knew that the deed had been done. All we needed was the mission impossible song going in the back ground.
We had the best time planning that mission. We all laughed so hard we could barely keep the food in our mouths.
So, bet you are wondering, did the plan work? Yes, it worked. I pretended to watch TV, the little man distracted his grandpa, and while the MIL went into the bathroom, the wildchild took back the coffee.
So there you have it. It was probably one of the best Easters we have had. Oh, and I wasn't sick. So that made it even better!
Yes, I know, I'm a horrible parent. Teaching children to steal from their own grandparents. Someone should call the authorities right away!
But in the end, she stole from us. And anyway you slice it, that was just WRONG. So we weren't ACTUALLY stealing, we were just taking back what was rightfully ours to begin with. The NERVE of some people!
Now I'm just waiting until she finds it missing. Will she be bold enough to call us on it? Next time she comes over, I'm thinking of taking it out and asking her if she wants it because we don't drink it....LOL.
Well, watch your purses and pockets while you visit. You never know what our NEXT mission will be.
MMMMMAAAAWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
later...
So please, try not to judge me.
Saturday the fam came over. Now if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that my mother-in-law is a quack. She is one taco short of a combination plate. She is NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer. She is the dullest tool in the shed. She has completely lost all of her marbles. How my amazing wonderful husband came out of this woman still baffles my mind. Sometimes I wonder...was there a baby switch?
Anyway, I guess you are probably realizing that my MIL came over to my house on Saturday. (very smart of you) We had a fun time, looking at old pictures, being very silly. (my SIL came over too, and she is LOADS of fun.)
At one point of the day, things were crazy. People were laughing, joking, just having a ball. I noticed that my MIL was putting a box in her purse. The box, was some coffee that she had given my daughter in November, when my daughter got a coffee maker for her birthday. Now, just so you know, my daughter hasn't made coffee for a long time, and nobody else drinks coffee around here, so the coffee maker and different coffees are all sitting on the counter. During lunch, the MIL had asked if she could make a pot of coffee. No problem, go right ahead.
Back to the story. I saw my MIL putting this box of coffee in her purse. Now remember, the place was crazy, so when I saw her putting the coffee in her purse, I didn't really question it. I figured she has asked my daughter if she could have it back since my daughter didn't drink it.
Now fast forward to Easter morning. We get up, we sort through our baskets that the Easter bunny had left. (yum yum) We search the house for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden through out the house. Then we eat breakfast. Mind you, it's just my little family, the kids and Bossman. As we sit down to breakfast, I remember the coffee. I ask my daughter if she gave the coffee to her grandma. Nope, she didn't. Didn't even know Grandma took the coffee. Asked Bossman the same thing...nope, he didn't either. So I tell them what I saw the day before. MIL sneaking coffee into her purse.
Well, we all start laughing. We can't believe that MIL, stole coffee from us. Has she asked any one of us, we would have gladly given it to her, for the wildchild hasn't been drinking coffee.
So suddenly, an idea forms. Guess who we were going to eat Easter dinner with? MIL. Guess whose house we were going to be going to? Again...MIL. So, while sitting around the breakfast table we decide we are going to steal it back.
That's right people. Bossman and I decided that we should teach our children petty thievery. In case things don't work out well for them in traditional careers, we wanted them to have something to fall back on. Aren't we GREAT parents?
So around the table we start planning our strategy. We come up with funny hand signals. Everyone has an assignment. Little man is going to distract grandpa. Wildchild has the biggest purse, so she is going to do the actual stealing. The little man told me that I could sit on the couch and pretend to watch TV. OH-my-goodness. We laughed sooo hard when he told me that. I had to pretend to watch TV. Aren't we the sneaky ones?
Anyway, the code words were... The Kittles has meowed. (Kittles is our cat.) Once we heard those words, we knew that the deed had been done. All we needed was the mission impossible song going in the back ground.
We had the best time planning that mission. We all laughed so hard we could barely keep the food in our mouths.
So, bet you are wondering, did the plan work? Yes, it worked. I pretended to watch TV, the little man distracted his grandpa, and while the MIL went into the bathroom, the wildchild took back the coffee.
So there you have it. It was probably one of the best Easters we have had. Oh, and I wasn't sick. So that made it even better!
Yes, I know, I'm a horrible parent. Teaching children to steal from their own grandparents. Someone should call the authorities right away!
But in the end, she stole from us. And anyway you slice it, that was just WRONG. So we weren't ACTUALLY stealing, we were just taking back what was rightfully ours to begin with. The NERVE of some people!
Now I'm just waiting until she finds it missing. Will she be bold enough to call us on it? Next time she comes over, I'm thinking of taking it out and asking her if she wants it because we don't drink it....LOL.
Well, watch your purses and pockets while you visit. You never know what our NEXT mission will be.
MMMMMAAAAWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
later...
Happy Easter!
Whatever your religion, whatever your beliefs, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your family and friends.
That, and I hope the Easter bunny is VERY good to you.
Oh, and don't try and tell me the Easter bunny is not real.
I won't believe you.
He brings eggs and candy.
Don't question the power of the BUNNY!
HUGS!
waiting...
Don't you ever feel like your waiting for something to happen? Life is just humming along at a pretty good clip, but in the back of your mind you're waiting for something to happen.
I don't even know what it is I'm waiting for. Am I waiting to win the lotto? That will take awhile since I don't even play. Am I waiting for the kids to be grown? What then? Bossman and I will sit around staring at each other. What EXACTLY am I waiting for?
Don't you ever think in your mind, when I lose weight, THEN I can do this? Or when I get that raise at work, THEN I can to that? Why is it I'm always waiting for something else to happen?
Seems like I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, and then suddenly, I look around and think, where did the time go?
Bossman and I had a long talk last night. We talked about the lack of d/d. We both realized that it just isn't fitting into our lives at the moment. This doesn't mean we are going to eliminate spanking, but it's just not a top priority right now.
It's weird. Last time we went through this, I was devastated. I thought life as I knew it was over. I didn't think I could ever be happy without d/d in my life. I really didn't think we would ever be the same. I totally panicked. I freaked out.
This time...not so much. Of course I wish I could make things different. I wish I could make my life just like the so-called perfect ones I read about online. So, maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Perhaps, I'm waiting for my life to suddenly be perfect. Surely I'm going to wake up one day and everything will be exactly the way I always dreamed it would be.
I guess that isn't going to happen. But you know what, I'm not so devastated about the d/d thing. I think it's because I know it's not dead forever. Bossman even said that he missed it too. So, I know it's still there. When it happens, it happens. I can't sit around waiting for it. I can't pine away for something like that. If I do, I'm missing out on the good things in life.
For instance, we had the hottest sex EVER last night. Maybe it was all the talk about d/d. Maybe it was the Nora Roberts novel I was reading..hot hot hot. Whatever it was, boy did we connect. And connect. And connect. Thank goodness I didn't sit around waiting for THAT to show up. I would have missed out on something wonderful.
Comparing my life to something I read or think about will never work. Life doesn't work that way. I realized I can't force my husband to act like the husbands in those stories. Funny, but I don't even think I would force him, if I could. If I did that, he wouldn't be the man he is. He wouldn't be himself. I want him to be HIMSELF. If he WANTS the d/d thing, great, but I can't and won't force it on him. It would never be good that way. It would be forced and not natural.
Now, I have to stop myself from waiting. I need to live my life in the here and now. I need to enjoy my children and enjoy my husband. I need to stop waiting for the happily ever after. I want to live the happily right now!
later......
I don't even know what it is I'm waiting for. Am I waiting to win the lotto? That will take awhile since I don't even play. Am I waiting for the kids to be grown? What then? Bossman and I will sit around staring at each other. What EXACTLY am I waiting for?
Don't you ever think in your mind, when I lose weight, THEN I can do this? Or when I get that raise at work, THEN I can to that? Why is it I'm always waiting for something else to happen?
Seems like I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, and then suddenly, I look around and think, where did the time go?
Bossman and I had a long talk last night. We talked about the lack of d/d. We both realized that it just isn't fitting into our lives at the moment. This doesn't mean we are going to eliminate spanking, but it's just not a top priority right now.
It's weird. Last time we went through this, I was devastated. I thought life as I knew it was over. I didn't think I could ever be happy without d/d in my life. I really didn't think we would ever be the same. I totally panicked. I freaked out.
This time...not so much. Of course I wish I could make things different. I wish I could make my life just like the so-called perfect ones I read about online. So, maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Perhaps, I'm waiting for my life to suddenly be perfect. Surely I'm going to wake up one day and everything will be exactly the way I always dreamed it would be.
I guess that isn't going to happen. But you know what, I'm not so devastated about the d/d thing. I think it's because I know it's not dead forever. Bossman even said that he missed it too. So, I know it's still there. When it happens, it happens. I can't sit around waiting for it. I can't pine away for something like that. If I do, I'm missing out on the good things in life.
For instance, we had the hottest sex EVER last night. Maybe it was all the talk about d/d. Maybe it was the Nora Roberts novel I was reading..hot hot hot. Whatever it was, boy did we connect. And connect. And connect. Thank goodness I didn't sit around waiting for THAT to show up. I would have missed out on something wonderful.
Comparing my life to something I read or think about will never work. Life doesn't work that way. I realized I can't force my husband to act like the husbands in those stories. Funny, but I don't even think I would force him, if I could. If I did that, he wouldn't be the man he is. He wouldn't be himself. I want him to be HIMSELF. If he WANTS the d/d thing, great, but I can't and won't force it on him. It would never be good that way. It would be forced and not natural.
Now, I have to stop myself from waiting. I need to live my life in the here and now. I need to enjoy my children and enjoy my husband. I need to stop waiting for the happily ever after. I want to live the happily right now!
later......
the truth is...
The truth of the matter is, d/d is not working for us.
As much as I would like for my relationship to work on a d/d level. It ain't happening.
Maybe it's a time factor. Maybe it is a willingness factor. Maybe the kids get in the way. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can make excuses all I want, but the truth is, it just isn't working. I want it to work. I WANT that relationship. You know the one I'm talking about. Consequences, results, spankings, control, love, tenderness, honesty, trust....all those things.
So, I ask myself, why isn't it working? What is the main reason for this lack in our life?
Of course, all the things I mentioned above are true. We have kids and a very small house. We have life obligations that make fitting d/d into our life pretty impossible right now. I have health issues that have made being in the mood much harder than usual. You would think that if we truly wanted it to work, we could make it happen.
This leads me to believe that we are not meant to have this type of relationship right now. Maybe someday...maybe, but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
Now I'm wondering about the molds we try and fit ourselves into. Amber and I were recently e-mailing each other. She mentioned in my comments that she was a little jealous of the fact that I had people I could talk to about the common interest of spanking. She and her husband are not into d/d. They tried it. It didn't fit into their life. BUT, if you read Ambers blog at all, you find that she is very submissive. They have a relationship that doesn't exactly fit into any of your typical submissive molds. They are not into BDSM. They are not into spanking, they are not into d/d and they are not into d/s. So, what mold do they fit in? I think they are making their own mold.
So, after thinking about that for a while I started thinking of my own mold. Where do I fit in?
I've begun to think that I don't fit into the mold that I created anymore. I may have to recreate myself. I go around reading spanking blogs and although I enjoy the stories, I feel like I have nothing to say, or comment about. I don't relate to BDSM blogs. So, where do I fit in?
Bossman is still very dominate. He is still the head of our house. He is still loving and caring and all those things. That part is not lacking. I still have the best husband ever. Spanking just seems very far removed from our relationship right now.
Well, I don't have any answers. As a matter of fact, after reading this post, I realize it's just a ramble about nothing.
Oh well, it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. Usually I write whatever is floating in my brain. So, welcome to my brain. Scary, isn't it?
Anybody got a mold I can use?
later..........
As much as I would like for my relationship to work on a d/d level. It ain't happening.
Maybe it's a time factor. Maybe it is a willingness factor. Maybe the kids get in the way. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I can make excuses all I want, but the truth is, it just isn't working. I want it to work. I WANT that relationship. You know the one I'm talking about. Consequences, results, spankings, control, love, tenderness, honesty, trust....all those things.
So, I ask myself, why isn't it working? What is the main reason for this lack in our life?
Of course, all the things I mentioned above are true. We have kids and a very small house. We have life obligations that make fitting d/d into our life pretty impossible right now. I have health issues that have made being in the mood much harder than usual. You would think that if we truly wanted it to work, we could make it happen.
This leads me to believe that we are not meant to have this type of relationship right now. Maybe someday...maybe, but now doesn't seem to be the right time.
Now I'm wondering about the molds we try and fit ourselves into. Amber and I were recently e-mailing each other. She mentioned in my comments that she was a little jealous of the fact that I had people I could talk to about the common interest of spanking. She and her husband are not into d/d. They tried it. It didn't fit into their life. BUT, if you read Ambers blog at all, you find that she is very submissive. They have a relationship that doesn't exactly fit into any of your typical submissive molds. They are not into BDSM. They are not into spanking, they are not into d/d and they are not into d/s. So, what mold do they fit in? I think they are making their own mold.
So, after thinking about that for a while I started thinking of my own mold. Where do I fit in?
I've begun to think that I don't fit into the mold that I created anymore. I may have to recreate myself. I go around reading spanking blogs and although I enjoy the stories, I feel like I have nothing to say, or comment about. I don't relate to BDSM blogs. So, where do I fit in?
Bossman is still very dominate. He is still the head of our house. He is still loving and caring and all those things. That part is not lacking. I still have the best husband ever. Spanking just seems very far removed from our relationship right now.
Well, I don't have any answers. As a matter of fact, after reading this post, I realize it's just a ramble about nothing.
Oh well, it's my blog. I can write whatever I want. Usually I write whatever is floating in my brain. So, welcome to my brain. Scary, isn't it?
Anybody got a mold I can use?
later..........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)