Happy New Year

I hope you all had a great holiday season! I had a wonderful time, lots of family, too much food and Santa spoiled me!

Let the meme begin

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
Can't think of a thing!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make new year's resolutions because I always break them. This year I will mainly try and walk the treadmill more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

One of my daughters friends gave birth last month. So weird! Although the mommy is as old as I was when I gave birth to my daughter, to me she is still just a kid!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No

5. What countries did you visit? 

None

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Better health

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 20th. My baby brother got married!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Sadly, I can't think of anything.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I feel like I am a failure as a wife. I know Bossman would disagree, but really this is the one thing in my life that I always feel like a failure at.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I'm always dealing with something health wise.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our truck!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Bossman! He puts up with me, he takes care of me....he is simply the best!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No comment

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, and my sons school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My brothers wedding!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

My theme song, living on a prayer

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happpier!
b) thinner or fatter?  Same
c) richer or poorer? Richer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing. Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating..HA! I mean, I wish I done less excerise....said no one EVER! 

Can you tell I can't think of anything?

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home, on Christmas Eve my whole fam came over and Christmas morning the kids and the wild child's boyfriend were here. It was lovely!

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?

I'm always in love with my family and Bossman!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Parenthood, Orange is the new black. Greys anatomy, Dancing with the stars. I could go on! I like me some TV!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
"Hate"? Blech.

24. What was the best book you read?
Cassie's Space...written by a very dear friend!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm old school, by the time I get into new stuff, it's old.

26. What did you want and get?

I wanted my kids to be home and they were!

27. What did you want and not get?
I have everything I want or need!

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
We are the Millers....so funny, completely inappropriate!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 45 and had a lovely day with Bossman!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can't think of anything.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Jeans and tees

32. What kept you sane?

Bossman

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ellen

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I don't discuss politics

35. Who did you miss?

My sister in law

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Technically, I met him last Dec. but getting to know my daughters boyfriend this year has been awesome.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
Enjoy your family now, the kids grow way too fast!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Take my hand, we'll make it I swear...oh oh, living on a prayer!

Happy New Year everyone!

My Friend wrote a book!

I've been blogging for a very long time.  During that time, I have made some amazing friends.

One of those amazing friends wrote a book.  A spanking book. 

I think you should all go and read it.  I've already purchased it and if it wasn't almost midnight I'd start reading it right now.

Cassie's Space is available now on Amazon. 

Just thought you all might want to know what I'm doing today.  I'm going to be reading.  And if stuff doesn't get done and I get spanked....well...

I'll blame PK! 

But then again, I usually blame most things on PK!  It's usually her fault.

On a serious note though....

I'm so dang proud of her!!!!  I love you PK! 

Your comments make me smile

Thank you so much for all your comments!  I love you all.  Comments make my heart pitter patter.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let's just jump right into the spanking.

I haz some!

Bossman and I have been in a really good place lately.  Of course, this means the kids are about to come home for the holidays, so that good place will probably be gone by the time Thanksgiving is over.

Anyway...spanking...let's talk about it.

So, let's talk about it.  About spanking.

GAH! I don't know what to say about it. 

It was good.  Of course it was good.

It hurt.  Of course it hurt.

So what?  What do I say?

~clap clap~

Snap out of it.  Think woman, think!

Let's start at the beginning. 

A very good place to start....(oh man, now I'm singing the Sound of Music song)

Well, I thought if I started typing things would flow.  But things aren't flowing, I can't think straight about it.  Not that it's been bad, because it hasn't.  It's been good, very good.

Ok, let's just say the spankings have been good, but the after..the after has been great. 

I'll just say it, we've been experimenting with anal.

I said it!  I said anal.

It's so weird, because I can't decide if I like it or not.

No, I can't say that.  I liked it.  I think.  No, I did....I liked it.

But it's weird. 

All I know is we are closer than we've been in a long time.

So I can't complain about that at all!!!

That's it for now.  I'll keep you posted on the rest.

Oh, and the kids are coming home this weekend, so if I don't get a chance to say it.....

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

I love my lurkers!

I've been blogging a really long time. My blogging record is a lot like my spanking record, spurts of a lot of posts then spurts of....well....spurts of nothing.

I'm not really into stats and stuff. I don't know how many post I've written, I don't know how many hits I have on my page on any given day. I know I had a counter on my page at some point....heck it might still be here but numbers don't matter much to me.  I write because I like to write. I write because I hope that something I said could help someone else.

A bonus to this writing is the feedback I get from all of you.

I am still amazed that people read my blog and that people actually comment. Every time I get a comment my heart flutters. Because although I don't write for the comments, I do LOVE getting comments!

Now there is one thing you should know about me...this is hard to admit but.....

I'm a terrible commenter! BUT......I'm a great lurker!

So I get the lurking thing. It's so easy to read a post and then move on to the next post without really commenting. I mean really, who has time for all that signing in and typing and stuff?

Please take time today! This one day, take the time to say hi. You can be anonymous, you can make up a really goofy name and just say hi! There is no pressure here.

I plan on going around and leaving comments on all the blogs I lurk at so they will know that I still read there.

I hope you will join me!

If not, that's ok! I'm still glad you are here!

Those of you that comment, regularly, or just today, I say......

Thank you!

grace

Who's in charge of this fairy tale?

How can I be in charge, if you don't want to give up being in charge?

Bossman asked me this question the other day, and I've been pondering it ever since.

It's not that I don't want to give up being in charge.  I like it when he's in charge.  But I like having my say in things and....well, let's face it, I like things to go MY way.

So this is a real problem in our relationship.

If only he would just do everything MY way, things would be perfect.  He can be in charge and I can have everything the way I like it......

Ok, so I guess that won't work.

I will tell you what works.

Wooden spatulas.

Oh yes, they really work.

Guess how I know.

Fine.  I'll tell you.

Last night, I got a spanking.

A genuine, honest to goodness, spanking.

And boy howdy, it hurt.  It hurt like a dickens. (gosh I sound southern, all of a sudden) 

Bossman decided it was time to jump back into spanking.  He didn't really have a specific reason, but it turns out that afterwards he admitted he DID have a reason.  I'll get to that in a minute.   The important part is that I got a spanking!

Did I mention that the wooden spoon/spatula thingie hurts?  Cuz, it does.  I've got the marks to prove it.  Did I mention there were marks?  Did I mention my butt is still sore today?  Oh yeah baby....it hurts sooooo good!

Afterward we had some fun...and then we talked. 

Bossman told me that he really had a reason but he didn't really tell it to me because I try to talk my way out of stuff.  And guess what?  I'm a pretty good talker!  So after he told me that, we decided that when he felt it was time for a spanking, he wasn't going to tell me why until it was over.  That way, I couldn't try and talk him out of it.  I just have to submit to it and hear why after.

I have to admit....

I like it.

Because he's right. (don't tell him I said that) I DO try and get out of spankings.  And I don't know WHY I do that.  Because why would I try to get out of it if I really want it?  I don't KNOW!

But I do.  I do everything I can to talk my way out of a spanking.  I have very good reasons for doing what I did, or saying what I said.  I'm telling you, I should have been a lawyer!  So now, I just have to get on with it and find out why after.  THEN...I'll tell my side. (did you think I wouldn't?)  But, it will be too late because my butt will be sore anyway.  EVEN if I'm right.  Which, I usually am.  But WHO cares!  Because my butt will be sore. 

And I....

I will be happy.  In turn, I will make Bossman happy.

Then...we will live happily ever after.

Sounds easy right?

Um, yeah.....right.

(Of course I'm gonna need a crown if we are getting into the fairy tales.)

Is spanking back in this relationship?

I wrote this first part last week....

Relationships are a funny thing.  People are always comparing them to roller coasters and I can see why.  One minute you are up, next you are down. 

Our relationship is no different.  Right now, things are looking UP!

 Saturday was a great day.  We slept in, which is always fun and we ate some breakfast.  Bossman suggested a shower and so we headed to the shower.  It was so nice.  He scrubbed me down and I enjoyed every minute.  When we got out, he led me to the bed and....and....and....

Yes!  He spanked me!  Of course he used the dreaded back scratcher, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.  It was great.  It was just like old times!  Then, he pulled me to the wall and blindfolded me.  Then he pulled me back over his knee but this time he rubbed my butt.  The rubbing got lower and next thing you know....well....

I'm pretty sure you know what happened next! 

I'm just stunned that it happened. 

Over the last couple of days, we've been going to bed early and together...which never happens and we just talked.  We talked about everything.  We talked about spanking and we talked about our relationship and we talked about all the things that we have been going through. 

People, he is still interested in spanking!  We have had some serious discussions on the subject.  I'm not going to get my hopes too far up....but I am pretty excited that there is at least some talking going on around here.

We are really going to try and make this relationship work and work for the better.  We both want to improve things and I think spanking is going to be a part of it.

This is what's happening now...

We are still in the talking phase of things.  Yes, there was a little spanking the other day, just for fun, but nothing major.  It was a 3 minute backscratcher spanking.  Just enough to sting, but not enough to leave a lasting impression.

Relationships are hard!  Some people make it look easy, but it's not!  The other day, we had a romantic shower. (I love how much of our romance starts in the shower.)  Afterward Bossman suggested I go without a bra.  I said ok.  As we went throughout the day, we through out the day doing  unromantic things like cleaning our bedroom, he would walk past me and touch my boobs.  I was in busy mode and didn't appreciate the attention.  So later that night Bossman says that we shouldn't do that anymore.  He didn't like the way I responded.

~sigh~

I didn't mean to repond that way, but I guess that's how I came off.  It's frustrating that I can't be the way I wish I could be.  The way HE wants me to be.

But, it's not the end.  Bossman just said we would think of other things, to go along with spanking.  We haven't really started anything serious with the spanking, but the talking is good.

It's really good!

Confused much?

Confused much?

First he tells me that we should just forget the whole spanking thing.  I think he said something about concentrating on our relationship before we think about spanking again.

Then....

Then he calls today and asks if I got out of bed.  I say yes, of course I was out of bed. Then he says, "Oh good, otherwise I might have to spank you!"

What the hell!

I told him I didn't want to talk about it.  And I don't!  I mean I've already resigned myself to the fact we weren't doing that anymore. 

Now he wants to resume?

A big part of me want to forget the whole thing.  BUT....of course there is the small part that wants to have a spanking.

Confused much?

You bet!

life after cancer

Let's face it.  Cancer has changed me. 

I don't think I can ever go back to before cancer. (bc)  Before cancer I was not afraid.  I was in a world where bad things didn't happen.  Sure...they happened, but they happened to others, not to me.

Bc?  I wasn't going to die.  I wasn't thinking about dying.  Death was something that happens to really old people.

Life has changed since I heard the words, you have cancer. 

Physically, I'm good.  I'm pretty healthy.  Nothing major is going on.  Mentally?  I may never recover.

I imagine that in a small way I'm actually going through a small version of PTSD.  My own post traumatic stress.  Because, not only did I go through cancer treatment, but my SIL died of cancer...while I was going through treatment.  So, although I am fine...my SIL is gone. 

When you get diagnosed, you accept it.  Your mind goes into auto pilot.  You are just going through treatment and nothing else matters.

Once you are done with treatment....well, nobody tells you what happens after that.

Every pain is cancer.  Every 6 months you have a blood test....and you wonder if this is the time they will find more cancer.  Every time you go to the doc for a test, you know they will find cancer.  Every time your child has a problem you wonder if THEY are getting cancer.  What about your husband, maybe he's got cancer too!

It's a vicious cycle.  Time is helping.  The last couple of years have been bad.  I didn't want to leave the house.  Just going to the store made me anxious.

I can go to the store now.  Everyday I am grateful that I am still here.  I try not to dwell on the things I have no control over.  I steer clear of the news.  I try to only see positive things.

But....it's always there.  There is always going to be another blood test.  There is always going to be aches and pains. 

Somehow, I just have to find away to live with it.

baby steps

My first step in trying to find my happiness is to exercise.  At the beginning of the year, we bought a new treadmill.  Of course we haven't really used it much.  I could give you all the reasons, but in the end it was laziness.

I've decided that I would walk on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes a day to start.  Probably not on weekends, but if I can do it during the week, I'll be happy.

I really have no excuse to not use it.  It's by the TV, it has a great view of our backyard and I have plenty of time. 

So, can you guys remind me of all that when I tell you I stopped doing it?

Why is it so hard to get motivated? 

In other news, Bossman and I are slowly getting back on track.  I don't know if we will ever get back to spanking.  He has made no move or mention of it and I just don't want to face the rejection, if rejection should happen.That really makes me very sad.  I HOPE it's not over. 

Any ideas on how I can get that back on track?

We are, however, talking and spending time together.  The other morning I woke up around 6 with a nightmare.  Bossman woke up and we snuggled together and one thing led to another.  It was a lot like the old us.

I know it's going to take time, but it's frustrating.

I just want to go back. 

Anybody willing to lend me their time machine?

the kids who are not kids anymore

Let's not talk about my problems today.  It's just too overwhelming and depressing and I am tired of that.

Let's talk about my kids!!! 

I can't really call my son the Little man any more.  He's 15 and 6"1.  He's almost as tall as Bossman.  It's so weird to have to look up to him.  So now he's just a young man. 

He is doing SO SO well in school!  He loves that school so much!  If you had asked me two years ago if I would consider sending my son to a boarding school 3 hours away, I would have said HELL no!!!  But it really was the best decision we ever made! He is thriving!  He is getting all A's except for geometry!  Poor kid, math is NOT his subject!  When he was in junior high he was getting b's and c's....so to have almost all A's?  Well, it's just amazing!!!  The dorm deans have told us that he is a natural leader in the dorms and everyone loves him.  His nickname is Sunshine!  He's always been my sunshine and now others are seeing that for themselves.

The wildchild?  She's not so wild anymore.  She's decided to settle down and stop partying.  She found a job 3 hours in the opposite direction of my son.  Funny how Bossman and I ended up in the middle.  She loves her new job and she and her boyfriend are moving into an apartment together this weekend.  Brand new- just built- apartment. She is so excited about life and she has confessed that she thinks the boyfriend will propose to her soon!  I'm thinking he may wait for her birthday or Christmas.  It's all very exciting.

So, there you have it!  Things aren't all doom and gloom around here.  Bossman and I just need to figure out how to transition from kids to no kids.

I need to figure out my new identity in life.

Maybe I can be the next......

Shoot, I can't even think of what I can be the next of! BAH!

ramblings of a crazy woman...

This blog is becoming my own personal therapy sessions so....if you don't want to read the ramblings of a crazy woman, I would click on to something else!

Things are ok around here.  Its amazing how life just carries on, even when you think it can't possibly carry on when things are crumbling around you.

Bossman bought me some beautiful roses the other day.  That's always a pick-me-up when things aren't going well.  It was very nice to think of me in that way.  I know that he is trying.  I guess I need to try too.

Yesterday we bought a new truck.  Well, it's 3 years old.  BUT, she's a beautiful truck. She pretty much has all the bells and whistles.  I feel like we won the lottery.

Here's the part I struggle with......

Part of me would love to go out and show everyone our new truck.  I would love to post pictures of her on facebook.  But part of me is embarrassed.

Here's the deal.  Bossman and I have struggled financially since the day we were married.  Over the last 12 years Bossman has worked his butt off and has done really, really well financially.  I'm so proud of him!  The last 4 years have been amazing.  We can comfortably send our son to a private boarding school.  We can send our daughter money when she needs it.  We can buy stuff at the grocery store that is NOT mac and cheese or top ramen or spaghetti.  AND, it's great.

But, I feel like I'm being judged.  I don't have the mentality of someone that has some money.  I still have the top ramen attitude.

I don't want people to think we have money.  Does that even make sense?  I haven't even told my family or friends about the truck because I don't want them to judge.  I don't want them to wonder, how can they afford that?

I've heard money can change people and I don't want anyone to think I've changed. 

I'm still the wal-mart shopping, top ramen gal.

I know....I'm sure everyone is thinking that this is such a dumb problem.  I bet you are all wishing you had this problem.  I get that. 

I guess I'm just wondering why I feel this way.  I should be happy and enjoying it, but I'm not.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying driving my new truck.  But I just don't want anyone to look at me, or notice that it's new. 

Also, I guess I'm nervous that something could happen and it could all be gone in a flash. 

I can't believe how blessed we truly are.  God has blessed us beyond what we ever though possible.

See....I'm crazy!!!!  I can't even enjoy life when things are good.

Ah hell.....

Let's go for a drive!

More to the story

You all are so supportive!  I am so lucky that you all are still reading this blog!  Thank you so much!

As with any story, there are parts that get omitted because it's too tedious to type out or it just doesn't seem important. 

Some of the things happening to us have nothing to do with the spanking or sex.  Some just have to do with life. 

Life has changed for us.  Our kids are gone.  Of course the Son will be home for holidays and summers, the Daughter has moved out for good. (of course this could change.)

This leaves Bossman and I alone.  We have realized that we have NOTHING in common.  NOTHING!

I'm a homebody, he's a go-getter.  He wants to go out and I would rather stay home and read a good book.  He likes to race cars and he wants me to go to the racetrack with him.  I would rather stay home, go to lunch with a friend, read a book, garden. He likes watching sports on TV.  I like cheesy sitcoms.

The list goes on, but I think you catch my drift. 

I also have a problem.

I realized that I don't have a purpose.  I have lost my purpose in life.  The kids are gone.  For the last 23 years, I have taken care of them.  Now......now what???  I don't know what to do with myself.  I find myself wandering around the house, watching TV, doing nothing.  Going out to the store is the highlight of my day.  On a good day, I will go to lunch with my friend.  Whoo hoo! My life is a hotbed of excitement.  I feel so worthless.  I mean, what IS my purpose now?  Even Bossman is pushing me to do something.  He asks me what I want to do.  The problem is...I DON'T KNOW!!  So that makes me feel bad.  He tells me I'm wasting my life.  He's not being mean, he just doesn't want me to regret anything later.  But...I just don't know.

I know, there are so many things I could do.  I can do ANYTHING I want, and yet, I don't know what I want to do.  I have no desire to do anything.  I could volunteer somewhere, I could join the Y.  I could babysit, I could get a job......

I could. 

Ever since I got the big C, I've changed.  I've become anxious and nervous.  I don't like doing new things, I get too anxious for that.  The medication I take gives me crazy side effects like achy bones and no sex drive and yes, depression and anxiety are also on the list.  I could take something for the depression and anxiety....I actually tried that and I ended up in the ER.  So I am dealing with it on my own.  I've actually improved somewhat.  The anxiety is less, but still......it's never not there.  I've learned how to deal with it better.  Honestly, I don't think I'm really depressed.  Although I'm confused about life right now, I am not laying in bed with no will to live.  I don't feel like crying all day.  I feel like I am an upbeat person, most of the time.....

But....I'm guessing Bossman wouldn't agree.

So, therapy sounds like something I should consider.

I googled it.  There are so many to choose from.  How would I even begin to pick one?

I'm just going to have to do it.  I think I can do it.

Can I do it??  I should do it...

failed at being submissive

Hello!  Long time, no see. 

Writing has become a chore.  It has become something that I have to work at. I haven't felt the urge to write because things haven't been good in our relationship.

So I sit here staring at a screen, the cursor blinking, waiting for the letters and words to come pouring out.

Part of me wants to write it all out.  I want to lay it all out for everyone to see.  Part of me wants to keep it hidden...embarrassed to have to admit that things aren't going well.

And they aren't.  Going well, that is.

Also, as I struggle to admit that things aren't going well, I wonder how much I should spill here.  Because honestly, there are things I'd like to say, without Bossman reading it.  There are deep feelings that I don't feel like admitting to him right now.  I wish I could keep it private from him.

Who am I kidding?  He doesn't read here.  Besides, we've talked.  He pretty much knows what's going on.

So, how do I even begin?  I don't know how to start a post explaining how bad our relationship is right now.  I don't know how to admit that spanking is probably over, for good.  I can't begin to describe how hurt and upset that makes me.  It makes me sick thinking about it.  Maybe this is the part that I don't want Bossman to know.  I don't want him to know how devastated I am that this part of our relationship is ending.

I know what you are thinking.  You are wondering what happened.

I wonder the same thing. 

How did this happen?  I never expected it.  I didn't think this would happen to us. 

So how did we get here? 

It all started when Bossman decided to use spanking for something serious that was between us. 

See, I don't like being touched, or should I say groped.  I don't like washing the dishes and having him come up behind me and grab my boobs.  I don't like changing my top in front of him because I know he'll try to grab them, or tweak them or something.

I just don't like it.  Nothing will ever change it.  Not even spanking.  We tried it....and when it didn't work, Bossman gave up.  He decided that if I couldn't submit to that, what was the point?  Because if I was truly submissive, then he could decide what to use spanking for, not me.  If I decide that, then I'm in control.

Now, don't get the wrong idea.  He is just a normal man, with normal feelings toward his wife.  He wants to be able to touch me whenever he wants.  I get that.  BUT, I can't change my feelings.  I can't do it.  I tried....I tried so hard!  But I just couldn't.  It's just so hard!!!! 

I feel so sad!  I caused this.  I couldn't be submissive enough and that is what I wanted to be all along.  I let myself down and I let my husband down.  This is my fault.  My husband was just doing what I wanted.  And I failed!

Since this happened....(early summer) Things have been bad between us.  Nothing mean or nasty, more like we've turned into roommates.  He's waiting for me to make a move.  He wants me to initiate sex.  He stopped touching me completely.  I feel like he's given up on me.

This is the opposite of what it should be. 

What's next?  I just wish we could go back.  Back to the way things were.  Things were good then.  They weren't perfect, but they were way better than they are now. 

We are trying, trying to figure out how it's going to be between us now. 

I'm just so mad at myself.

And really, really sad.

National Orgasm Day

Written while ignoring laundry by

Christian domestic discipline

This article  was posted on Facebook by a friend of mine. The article talks about Christian domestic discipline.  The article itself isn't that bad, but the comments left behind are horrible.

What do you think about domestic discipline the Christian blanket? I think the comments would not have been so harsh had they just talked about domestic discipline and had left the Christian part out of it.

Personally, I feel like if you have two consenting adults then there should be no problem. What people do behind closed doors is their business.

Please read this article and tell me what you think, because right now, the world thinks we are nuts!

Bdsm makes for better mental health? Interesting!

Very interesting article. What do you think?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/bdsm-better-mental-health-study_n_3390676.html?utm_hp_ref=

Confusion

Confusion is nothing new when it comes to this thing we do.  Post after post, blog after blog you will find someone confused about the whole thing.  We don't understand our feelings. Why do we like being spanked? Who knows? We are confused by that. Why do we want more? Why do we want less? What is our partner thinking? Should I try and get out of it? Should I ask for more? Am I crazy for letting him spanking me? So. Much. Confusion!

I'm no different! I am confused all the time.  I want a spanking. I don't want a spanking. It's crazy.

So, I told you I was trying to get out of the habit of pulling away when he goes for the breasts. Mind you, I'm talking about outside the bed.  Bossman has been trying to help with spanking. It's not helping.  I mean it helps, but it doesn't. See? Confusion!

Have you ever found yourself angry after a spanking? I found this to be the case. After thinking it through, I realized it wasn't the spanking that was making me mad, it was the reason he was spanking.  I don't want to be spanked for that. It doesn't seem fair. I've been topping from the bottom so long that I want to pick the reasons for the spanking. I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all.

I realize that I am being a brat. I finally have him spanking me for something serious and I don't like it.  I should be happy about it. I'm finally getting him to engage in this thing seriously. So why am I unhappy about it?

We talk about it, but I'm afraid to say too much. I don't want him to give up. So I don't want to say what I'm really feeling. Plus, how am I really feeling? It seems that every day I feel something different. I certainly don't want to sabotage what I've got going.

So now I don't know what to do.

I'm so confused.


Written while ignoring laundry by:
grace

moody

Ever been in a mood?  You know, the....I don't want you to touch me....mood.

Last week, I was in the don't spank me, don't touch me mood.

I really started thinking....do I really want to continue the spanking thing? 

Two times, Bossman wanted to spank me, and I talked him out of it.  I TALKED him out of it!  Who am I and what have I done with grace?

The first time, he didn't spank.  He let me get away without one.  I thought I would feel bad about it, but I felt relief.  That's when I started thinking that I don't really need to be spanked anymore, I thought I was over it.

The second time, I begged, I pleaded, I whined, (shudder, I hate when I whine!) and still, he decided to spank me.  I called him every name in the book. (ok, I did that in my head, but still...) I tried wiggling out of it.  Nope, he spanked.  I wasn't happy about it but I also wasn't sad about it either.

Hmmm, ok, maybe I wasn't ready to give it all up after all.

Today, we were snuggling in bed waiting for the wildchild to leave for work, so we could have some fun.  Bossman told me that when we were done, after we showered, he was going to spank me.

I don't know about you, but a spanking on a wet bottom?  NO thanks!

I thought he was going to forget.  We had a good time in bed and a nice shower so I thought I was going to get out of it.  NOPE.  He remembered.

He spanked, I whined.(GAH!) Then he told me that I wasn't allowed to say no to a spanking anymore.  Unless I wanted to end the whole thing, I couldn't refuse a spanking.  He said he knows when I'm not feeling good, but he knows when I'm just trying to get out of it.  He said I can't keep confusing him, either I'm in....or I'm out.  No more wishy washy stuff.  (ok, for the record, he didn't say wishy washy, but that's what he meant.)

So, my bottom is sore....but I am good.

But seriously.....have you ever been in a mood?

Written while ignoring laundry by:

grace

Thanks PK!

I love it, I love it, I love it!  It says Happy Birthday inside and stuff about me being her favorite person ever.....Ok, I may have exaggerated that part a bit, but I think you get the point.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!  I love getting mail from a friend.  And kinky mail that vanillas find funny....well that's just icing on the cake!!!

PK?  You know I love you, right?

HUGS!!!

grace

gracepaloosa week

It's gracepaloosa week!!!!!!

What?  You haven't heard of it?  Maybe that's because I just made it up!  It's a week celebrating me!  Me, me me...it's all about me!

Ok, it was my birthday on Monday, so you don't have to worry, I haven't lost my mind.  Ok, I've lost my mind, but that's a different story for a different day....

Anywho....it was my birthday and we celebrated with cake and presents, as any good birthday should be celebrated.  Now that I've reached the mature age of 45.....HA!  Who am I kidding?  I am not mature.  So lets just celebrate all week! Cake for everyone!!!!

I had a serious post I was going to write, but this is my birthday week and I don't feel like being serious.

So, serious stuff later....for now....

Let's keep the party going!!!!!!


Written while ignoring laundry by:

grace