My story

Bonnies question over at the Sunday brunch got me thinking. I know you can smell wood burning, don't worry you'll get used to it. I know I have.

Converting the vanilla. Now there's something to think about. Do we really convert someone to this lifestyle or do we just introduce something that we already have a desire for, but just didn't know it?

I believe I was born to be spanked. It took me 33 years to figure that out. Or maybe I should say it took 33 years for me to admit it. For as far back as I can remember, I liked to think about being punished. I hated being punished by my parents, that was something to be feared, but I loved thinking about someone punishing me. When I played school with my friends, I always made sure I was the one that acted up in class and had to stand in the corner. When we played house, I was never the mother, I was always the child that would be naughty and have to be punished.

At the time, I would never have associated that with sex. Heck, I didn't even know what sex was, so I know it wasn't that. Furthermore, I was never a problem child, I never got punished at school, and if I got punished at home, well, like I said before, that was feared.

As a teen, I would fantasize about someone kidnapping me, and blindfolding me, and threating me if I spoke or moved. I would get turned on by thinking about being kidnapped with someone else, usually the latest crush I had, and because we were together we would end up falling in love. I could spend hours making up dramatic stories in my head. I still didn't really associate it to sex.

Then one day something happened. I was daydreaming about some horrible thing happening to me, and I realized, I'm getting turned on by this. Masturbation came next, and I realized it was much better if I was fantasizing about punishment.

Funny thing was, spanking wasn't really a part of it. At the time, it was just the drama of being dominated that could turn me on. The punishments in my dreams were usually standing in the corner, or being tied up or blindfolded. Nothing that really involved pain.

I used to think this was disgusting. This was a horrible thing to think about, and how could I possibly be turned on by something so disgusting? It was a terrible secret, and I was horrified that I could even think such thoughts. So I didn't tell anyone.

When I married Bossman, I was young. We met in high school and got married three years after graduation. He's the only man I've ever had sex with. I'm the only woman he's ever had sex with. Needless to say, we didn't have much experience in the bedroom. We had to learn everything together.

Even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, we didn't really know each other. How could we? We didn't even know ourselves. Was I going to tell him this deep, dark secret that I had? Heck no. He would look at me like I was crazy and then he would leave me.

About 5 years into marriage, this great thing we call the internet popped up. I never even thought of looking up stuff like this on the internet. I got involved in a parents chatroom. Met a great friend. She is still a friend, 8 years later, and we've never met. But we started talking about sexual fantasies. She told me things, I told her things, but not about my secret. Never about that. One thing she did was steer me into erotic websites. There I found all kinds of websites on bondage, bdsm, that sort of thing.

So there it was. Out in the open where anyone could read about it. And other people did these things, and it was more than I ever imagined. So I read, and read and read some more.

After awhile I found out what it was that really turned me on. The bdsm was interesting, but not really my thing. I thought bondage was my thing. So I started showing Bossman some of the sites. I mean really, what's so bad about bondage? I could approach bondage and not feel like a total freak. Honestly, that's what I thought I liked. Lucky for me, Bossman was eager to try bondage. He really thought it was fun, and hey, our sex life was finally getting good.

Meanwhile, I kept reading. I loved reading stories. I would sit for hours and be mesmerized by story after story. Then came the spanking stories.

I noticed that more and more I was reading just spanking stories. Suddenly I was thinking about spanking a lot. But how was I going to approach Bossman about spanking?? Spanking, the act of hitting another person on their butt and causing pain. So for years I just read about it and dreamed about it. I never really thought I would ever tell Bossman that this was what I truly wanted. How could I? He would think I was a freak.

One night we were fooling around with bondage, and somehow he pulled me over his knees. Oh my, I couldn't believe it. He didn't spank, but he was touching and rubbing, I thought I would die. Next day I told him, I really liked that position. Could we try that again? Please?

Next time we tried that, he gave a few swats. Proceeded to rub and touch all the right places. I couldn't believe my good fortune. For by now I was a full fledged spanko. I read spanking stories everyday. I looked forward to being alone so I could look for spanking videos. Finding the websites on d/d was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Finally, I knew what I wanted. I thought back to my childhood and realized, I had this in me all along, I just didn't know it.

This post is getting very long, so I'll continue on my next post. I will tell how I finally got the nerve to talk to Bossman about this, and how we have struggled to implement it in our lives.


later....