When I look back at my life, I am quite certain that I have had spanking tenancies from a very early age.
I loved playing games that involved someone being in charge. That included playing house, with me being the child, playing school, with me being a student, or doctor, with me being the patient. Notice, I was never the one in charge.
As a child, I had no idea that this was anything sexual. All I knew was playing the student and having to stand in the corner was the best part of the game. Funny, when I look back, my parents made me stand in the corner at home, but that was never a punishment at school. I think I got that from "Little House on the Prairie." Remember how Willy was always standing in the corner? That must be why I loved that show so much!
As I got older, and my step-father got meaner, spankings made an introduction in my house. My step-father spanked me up until the 8th grade. If you ask me, that is way too old to be spanking a child. But it happened. Weird part is, that was NOT something I enjoyed. Nothing about it was fun. And it didn't lead me to nice tingly feelings later...if you get my drift.
So, where did it come from? Where did this submissiveness come from? My mother was certainly NOT submissive. She is amazing and independant and I can't imagine her ever being submissive to anyone. She was quite the woman's libber...ready to take on the world and all that stuff.
So, looking back, I can't find a single thing that leads me to where I am now. I just know that it has always been there.
Of course, I had to find it. As I got to be a teen, my thoughts of punishment, (not parental, just general) did give me the tingly feeling, which in turn, led to sexual exploration of the masturbation kind. Of course then it was just wrong and dirty and all those other things.
I admit, one of my teenage fantasies was being kidnapped with a hunky strong man. See, we would both be kidnapped at the same time, but the hunky strong man would try and protect me. I would take a story like that and make up all sorts of scenarios. (nice way to occupy your mind while delivering newspapers.) Of course the end result was always that the hunky guy would fall in love with me and once we were rescued we would be together forever. No, I never had spanking in these daydreams, I don't think I had evolved to that point yet. But, I was always helpless. I was always submissive! Always.
So, I was born submissive.
Unfortunately I was not so quick in figuring it all out. As I eluded to, I did have thoughts of punishments as a teen and I realized that those thoughts would give me the tingles. Although, it wasn't spanking that I thought of. It was standing in the corner, being tied up, being held hostage, being forced into doing things non-sexual. It wasn't until the internet and years of reading BDSM stuff that I realized that the spanking stories were the ones that pushed all my buttons. Not the master/slave ones, not the extreme pain and torture ones, it was the spanking and punishment ones. Standing in the corner, mouth washings, spanking, even things as silly as writing lines, those are the things that give me that tingle.
The movie "Pretty Woman" has been brought up on a couple of blogs that I read and somehow these thoughts just came out of my fingers as I was typing a post about the movie. What do all these ramblings have to do with Pretty Woman? Pretty Woman is the movie where I realized I want my man to be like THAT! I want him to take charge when people are mean to me. I want him to tell me to stop fidgeting. I want him to slug a guy that tries funny business with me.
And when I want to leave, I want him to come and ask in that aching voice, "Please stay."
And when all else fails, I want him to show up on his white horse (or white limo) and I want him to save me.
Although I didn't know it at the time, I married a man like that. He takes charge, he sticks up for me, he would slug someone if they tried anything with me. He has asked in that aching voice "come back." And more than once, he has showed up with his white horse and saved me.
If only there had been a spanking scene in "Pretty Woman"......
Women...do you think you were born with the submissive trait? I feel like maybe all women are born with it, it's just some of us suppress it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe we are not all born that way....but I do know one thing....
I was!
Hi! I found your blog a few days ago and I'm really enjoying your posts!
ReplyDeleteI have memories of playing spanking scenes with my barbies when I was around 4 years old, so I absolutely feel as if I was born this way!
I love Pretty Woman! Edward is such a swoon worthy character. The "stop fidgeting" line has always been one of my most favorite parts :) ::off to go watch it for the hundredth time::
Look forward to reading more!
LizzyBee
Grace, blessed is she who knows what she needs and gets it.
ReplyDeleteI do believe that we are hard wired to a degree.
Many of us deny this, but we are happier when we accept our basic nature.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Me too, Grace! Born submissive. Actually, I had a great need for autonomy in general, but oh my thoughts/fantasies!
ReplyDeleteThe parental spankings I got just caused anger and maybe even a bit of shame. They certainly did not give me that 'tingle'.
I was 4, too, when I remember doing anything I could to initiate spankings games with friends. Games of house etc.. and I never wanted to be the one doing the spanking! Every non-related person I fancied was instantly in the starring role as a stern yet loving authority figure/spanker/caretaker. I spent countless hours just 'thinking' - running senarios in my mind over and over.
It actually took me a long time to understand that it was sexual... late teens/early 20's. I mean, really, before the internet, where could you learn - and who could you talk to about stuff like that!
When I met Paul, we both knew we loved spanking play - but he wanted a DD relationship! The final say! Say what? Early on, he occasionally spanked 'for real', and then to my surprise, I finally realized and accepted that I needed/wanted that dynamic, too.
But like you said Grace... it was always there. Thanks for post! Lilly
Yes I was born submissive too. When I was very very tiny (1 or 2 years old at most), I used to pile pillows on top of me and pretend I was "caught" and couldn't get away. I'd pretend a large man was coming to kidnap me, too or simply lie on top of me. I had no clue what sexuality even was so there was never anything more than that in my fantasies, it was all very vague but I would squeeze my legs together while I thought about being trapped and pretend with all my might that a man was either lying on me or picking me up and carrying me away. It felt good, that's all I knew.
ReplyDeleteAnd it wasn't because I was sexually abused because I never was. And it wasn't because I wasn't loved as a baby/child because that's untrue; I had an abundance of love from my parents and grandparents and siblings.
And my dad only spanked me two times and I also never connected it to anything regarding my submission. Still don't and I'm still one of the few submissive women I know that doesn't have a "thing" for spanking. I just love feeling sub and being told what to do and having a strong man TELL me what to do.
As I got older and read more, learned more, my fantasies became more detailed. Now the man would take me in his strong arms and kiss me and fondle me, laughing at my struggle to flee. Then I found D/s themed books and oh boy! I still remember how embarrassed I was when I realized how turned on parts of those books made me.
And who knows? Maybe your mom was secretly sub. God knows I come off as very strong; only when Dan chooses to "sub me out" in public would anyone notice anything. Other than that, I am assertive.
I think my mom and my grandmother were submissive to a degree. Strong women but submissive to men.
Runs in the family! :)
Thoughtful post, thank you for writing it. :)
I have become more submissive, it is a release of what was always within me. It is very freeing feeling when all day at work you have to be in charge then come home to a dominant loving HoH. I think I was born with it. My beloved Grandmother was submissive and I adored watching he in her relationship with my Grandfather. I am soo glad to let my submission out. The best thing is J loves it even more
ReplyDeleteCiao
I Gal
Oh you little provocateur, what a yummy post you've posted.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it interesting that in hindsight we can so clearly see the signs? Isn't it tantalizing to know that we so freely played at those games until the rules were thrust upon us as we grew older? I think that in many ways I repressed my core being just to please everyone around me. After all, doesn't that go hand-in-hand with being submissive?
I don't have to pretend any more. Instead of hiding, instead of playing games until I thought it was safe to dive into the deep end... I jumped! Look where I landed! From the beginning, Mr. Smith has known who I am and what I need. I've watched him grow because of our relationship. He's the one in charge. He leads. He knows and I know that we're in the right place, with the right person. It's freeing.
Gosh, it seems like so long ago that I began exploring. In reality, it's only been three years. I saw what you saw. Some of the BDSM stuff caused a huge rush, but most of the time it was images of dominance that did it. The torture stuff caused me to cringe. I don't want purple tits, thank you very much. What I reacted to the most was the control. I didn't want to be hog-tied, just bound. I didn't want to be flayed, just spanked. I didn't want to be humiliated, just corrected. Like you, it was discovering the spanking stories that brought it all full circle for me. It was like coming home.
I am submissive. I celebrate it. I was born submissive. It's comforting to know I'm in such good company.
*hugs*
CeeCi
I definitely have had feelings of submission and desire to be spanked since early childhood...though it was not until much later that I began to understand my feelings...
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