What did you find?

PK, from New Beginnings, said she found herself when she started looking up spanking and blogs on the internet.

I suppose I could say that I found myself....but did I?

Sure, I found things I wanted to read. I found people I could relate to. I found interests that were similar to mine. But did I find myself?

I think I found part of myself. I found the part that I thought was weird and unnatural. I found the part that I was embarrassed about and couldn't share with others in my "real" world.

But I don't think I found me.

See, me was here all along. I just need to acknowledge her. I needed to let her out and let her hair down. I needed to express my feelings to the one person in the world that would understand and wouldn't look down on me for having those feelings. Sure, it was great to read about others and their experiences, but I wanted my own experiences. It's nice to get validated in the blogging world, but that wasn't enough for me. I needed validation from my real life partner. I needed Bossman to validate me.

As for blogging, it's wonderful to find a world in which we fit in. Although to me, the blogging world is sort of a fantasy. Unless you are reading an account of a "real" life story, the stories are pure fantasy. Nice, but impractical when trying to incorporate them into your own life. Too many times I've been disappointed because real life NEVER turns out like the fantasy. Not that fantasy isn't good, but sometimes we put too much hope in thinking that we can make our lives like the stories we read on the blogs.

Turns out, we can't make our "real" partners think or feel the same thing that we read about in the stories. Not only that, but we are unprepared for our own feelings. Fantasies don't begin to describe how angry you might feel. So when you DO feel angry, you don't understand it. I wanted this. I asked for this, so why do I now feel angry about it?

Fantasies don't begin to describe how you feel when your partner doesn't spank long enough, hard enough, too hard, too soft....how your partner doesn't spank evenly on both cheeks. Those are not the things that make a good fantasy.

Even when you move away from the fantasy and you read real life accounts, your real life is NOT going to be the same as mine. Things that may work in your relationship, may not work in mine.

Reading blogs is a great way to get ideas, but don't try to read to much into them. Try stuff, but remember, you and your partner have unique feelings that may not match what someone else was feeling. What works for me, may or may not work for you.

I wouldn't want you to leave here thinking I'm down on blogs. I am not. I've met some really great people doing this blogging thing. Internet friends are awesome. It's great to talk to people that HAVE felt the same things you've felt. It's great to talk about how mean our partners are when they use the backscratcher needlessly. It's nice to be able to exchange ideas and thoughts about spanking. These things can't be done in the "real" world. At least not in my world. So, I come here. I don't really find myself. I find others. And I LIKE the others! Actually, if I get right down to it...I find myself on MY blog, but I find other like-minded souls on their blogs. I take what I can from each of you and I hope you take what you can from me. It's all about the give and take.

And the spanking.

So, what did you find?