coughing and hacking and sneezing....oh my!

Well, I can see my Friday fill-ins were a complete hit!  (she says with her tongue in cheek) 

Thank you Jean!  For your comment and for always being there!  You always make me smile!

So, I think...and I'm not sure, but I THINK I got a virus from PK.  I've heard of computer viruses, but this is terrible.  I went to her site, read about her cold and NOW, now I've been coughing and hacking for 3 days.  I'm sure I got it from her.  Although it's not fun...I have enjoyed laying around watching cheesy television and eating chicken soup!

Bad news on the spanking front.  BUT, good news on the daughter front. 

The wild child got a promotion at work.  This is great news and I'm really happy about it.  The bad news?  Her schedule has changed, so now she's home during the day....which means, our spanking time has disappeared!  Just this very morning Bossman said my butt needed spanked!  But with the wildchild in the other room..... ~sigh~

Well, I'll let you know when this coughing thing lets up!  Hope your week is fantastic!

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The return of Friday fill-ins

I don't know if you noticed, but I seem to be posting a lot more these days.  I love posting, but I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what to post.  My life seems incredibly boring right now....but I'm not complaining, I could do with a little boredom!

My motto for life right now is simple.  Live, laugh, love.  Life is too precious to waste. 

So, lets laugh today. I don't know if my fill-ins are funny, but they make me smile because they are fun to do.  In honor of spanking, I'm going to try and make mine spanking related.

If you don't know what a friday fill in is, it's simple.  They are random sentences with blanks and we get to fill them in. 

My answers will be in bold, if you would like to play along, let me know and I'll link your blog or you can do them right in my comments!

So, let's get going already!


1. My favorite month is October.  It used to be June, but June was bad this year, so I'm going with October because October is right now and I'm happy to be here.


2. When panties are pulled down for a spanking, you can feel a fresh breeze.

3. I love to sniff my fabric softener.

4. A spanking before sex is what I like to have as a treat for breakfast. (Or english muffin with strawberry jam.)

5. The hobby I enjoy most is spanking.  (What did you think I was going to say?  Reading??)

6. Paddles and spoons and backscrathers, oh my!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging with my boys, tomorrow my plans include church and model railroad expo and Sunday, I want to watch football!
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pink stuff

I KNOW, I know, I said I wasn't going to mention BC month.  I can't help it.  This is really annoying me.

Do you know how many pink things there are out there for us to buy?  All under the guise that the money is going to breast cancer research.

Holy pink crap Batman....there is a lot of stuff out there.

Let me give you some examples.

I saw an ad for a breast cancer doll.  She's wearing a cute pink dress with a pink bc ribbon on it.  I also saw and I kid you NOT....pink baby leg warmers.  For real babies.  With pink ribbons on it.......

Also, in the grocery store....pink ribbon razors, pink ribbon soup and in the bakery isle?  Cookies with pink ribbon sprinkles on them.

Not to mention the pink ribbon candles for your mantle.

There are shoes, journels, hats and pins.  Picture frames, lunch coolers and baby booties.  Purses, slippers, flip-flops and ear rings!  I even saw pink ribbon candy.

The list is endless people.  I think people put pink ribbons on stuff, just to sell it.  I'm wondering how much money ACTUALLY gets to the breast cancer research. 

I admit, I have some pink stuff.  I have a hat that was D's.  It's pink and it has a pink ribbon on it.  It's sparkley and it was one of D's favorites.  My mom bought me a diamond pink ribbon pendent for me to wear while going through radiation treatment.  AND, I have a rubber pink bracelet that says "save the ta-tas", that my neice gave me and I wear it every day.

Don't get me wrong, I love pink.  I think you've seen my template here have pink on it a lot.  Pink was the color of my wedding.  I just wonder if we've taken the whole pink ribbon thing too far?  How much of the money is actually going to breast cancer research and how much of this stuff has a pink ribbon on it so you will THINK you are contributing?

So, let's just say.... I'm so grateful that there is research being done and there is so much awareness out there.  If not, I might not be here right now.  I guess I shouldn't complain.  Really, I should do my part and buy more stuff with pink ribbons...right?

I think I'll start with this pink vibrator!

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October?

Would somebody please tell me what happened to September?  How is it that October is already here?

Well, yesterday Bossman and I were getting a little naughty in bed before starting our day.  After the fun, I was laying on the bed with my butt sticking out.  Bossman took a look and noticed that he left a little bruise from the day before.

The man was proud. 

Actually, I was proud of him. 

I am hoping there is more of this action in my future. 



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a quick spanking

There was a 30 minute window between the time the baby was picked up and the time we had to pick up the little man from school.  I didn't have much hope that a spanking would occur as He was in the middle of a video game.  Come to think of it, this was one time when I wasn't even hoping or thinking about a spanking.

As I settle in to a game of Bejeweled, on Facebook, Bossman appears next to the computer.  He watches the game and since the games are only one minute, he doesn't have to wait long until the game is over.  He takes my hand and says "Come with me for a minute."

For a moment, I'm confused.  Did he want to show me his score on his game?  Did he want me to see the new part on the race car he's working on?  Why was he bugging me now?

All those thoughts collided with each other as I stood up from my chair.  When I looked up to his face, the reason he wanted to see me was clear.  Spanking time!

He said it was high time for a spanking.  Although I gave the appropriate response of no, no, no, and I don't want too......he led me to the bedroom.

He grabbed the LV (Las Vegas) backscratcher and sat down on the edge of the bed.  He pulled me between his legs and unbuttoned my jeans.  He pushed my jeans and panties down to my knees and then pulled me over his knee.

He started off with soft taps on my bottom.  They got stingyer and stingyer as he continued.  (Is stingyer a word?)  It's been a while since my bottom has had a visit from the LV, so it hurt even as they weren't that hard.  After a bit, he threw in some hard ones, mixed with the softer ones, and I never quite knew when they would land or how hard they would land.

Before I knew it....and WAY too soon, he stopped.  He pulled me up between his legs, pulled my pants up and handed me the LV.  I put the LV back where it belongs (not in the trash where it should be) and when to my side of the bed and laid down with my head on his chest.  I rubbed my hands on his chest and listened to his heart beat and I thought.....This is good!

We laid that way without speaking until it was time to pick up the little man. 

It's the little moments in life that make the biggest difference.  Enjoy your little moments this weekend!

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BC awareness month

I know, you are probably all sick of hearing it.  Frankly I'm sick of talking about it.

BUT......Since today marks the start of breast cancer awareness month, I would be remiss if I didn't mention it.

I'm only going to mention it once.  Unless I think of something else I need to say about it....in which case, I'll be mentioning it some more.

I'm not sure why breast cancer gets a month.  Other cancers don't get a month....at least I don't think they do.  I'm not sure that's fair.  Cancer is a bad thing, no matter what kind you have!  Why do we single out breast cancer?  Shouldn't it just be Cancer awareness month, instead of breast cancer awareness month? 

I rememeber when I told D about my cancer.  She cried along with me and then she said, "I know this sounds bad, but I WISH I had breast cancer."  She said that because breast cancer gets the most attention.  It gets the most funding.  There is a much better chance of recovery!  And we all know what happened to D.

So, here's the deal.  If you are a woman, do a self-exam.  Don't be afraid to feel yourself up.  Get to know your girls.  That way, when you do feel something wierd, you will know!  Also, don't feel afraid to mention it to your doctor.  Don't procrastinate.  Chances are it's nothing.  Most of the time it is, but if it isn't, you have a better chance of survival if you take care of it early.

Second, I don't care what the hell Obama says, if you are over 40, get a mammo!  Get one every year.  I had one in April of '09 and in December of '09 found my lump.  AND guess what?  I could only feel one lump and when I went for the mammo, it only showed one lump but, the ultasound showed 2.  So...see how fast they can grow?  Skipping a year on your mammo is NOT a good idea.

If you are a man....remind your woman!  Remind all the women in your life.  I know it's scary to think about, trust me, I KNOW, but isn't it better to face it now and get treated than to find it when it's too late?

So, I've done my duty.  I've given my thoughts on BC and I have reminded you all.  What you do from here is your business!

As for me, I'm done with the BC stuff.  I'm ready to move on to spanking stuff!

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The tush dance and sick kids and such...

Last week the little man came home sick.  He was sick all week.  Fever, cough and runny nose.  By Thursday I took him to the doctor.  They said it was probably a sinus infection.  All I know is that boy was really sick.  One sure way to know if your 12 year old son is sick.....see how long he lasts at video games.  When he turns down playing video games...you know he's a sick boy.

I finally sent him back to school on Monday.  Now, I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but I've started babysitting a little girl.  She's 18 months old and just precious.  Her mom works as a PE teacher for an elementary school.  Last week, the mom found someone else to watch the little angel so we wouldn't get her sick.  I thought I'd watch her again Monday.  Monday I got the call that now she's sick.  I doubt that my son made her sick, but who knows!  Luckily, nobody else in this house got sick.

I don't know how many of you watch "Dancing with the Stars" but I thought I'd share my favorite dance from last night.  If you don't want to watch the fluff in the front....fast forward to 1:52.  That is when the dance starts and I promise all you spankos will love it!

Enjoy....


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that spanking feeling

Let's talk about spanking. 

I like it!

I like reading about, thinking about it and I like having my husband spank me.  Ok, wait.  I don't actually like the spanking part.  I DO like the "before" the spanking part and I like the "after" spanking part.  The actually spanking? 

It actually hurts.

The hurt is worth it. 

Before the spanking there is always this weird naughty feeling.  Part of that feeling is me, feeling like a kinky girl.  Feeling like I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing.  Then there's the embarrassed, confused, why-in-the-world am I letting this man spank me, feeling.  There is also the naughty little girl that just needs someone to take care of her, feeling.

All that and the spanking hasn't even started yet.

Once I'm over his knee, well, the feelings change.  I tend to feel it all in the buttockal region.  (Yes, I said, bottockal)

How does that feel?  Well, it hurts. 

I've noticed though, that mood plays into how much it actually hurts.  That and implement.  If I'm in a spanking mood, sometimes it doesn't seem to hurt as much.  Maybe that depends on the time of month.  Sometimes it hurts and it doesn't seem like it's that hard, but it still hurts.  Sometimes I play mind games with myself and see how long I can go before I make a sound.  (that usually lasts about 2 swats in) 

Mostly I wonder why I'm crazy enough to let Bossman spank me.

After the spanking the feelings are different.  If the spanking has been particularly hard to take, I tend to be more subdued.  If the spanking wasn't too bad, I just feel childlike.  But also turned on.  We usually don't have sex after a spanking, but if we do....wowza!  It's usually mind blowing.  After the spanking is completely done and my pants are back up, I feel really submissive.  I also feel like I need to be around Bossman, sitting closer to him, holding his hand, or something like that.  I really feel closer to him.  It's a lovely submissive glow that follows me most of the day.

So, there you have it.  I like spanking.  I like the feelings that it brings up.  I like the close feeling I have with my husband.

Now, if I could just figure out how to bottle all this up and sell it.  I'd be RICH!


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Survivor guilt

After thinking a lot about yesterdays post, I think I realized the problem.

I have a bad case of survivor guilt.

I am one of the lucky ones.  I didn't have to lose my hair.  My side effects have been minimal!  Other than having pain from my bad neck, the radiation was a breezy.  My skin just turned reddish tan.  My doctors were very surprised.

So, I feel bad even telling people that I had cancer.  Because they look at me and they see a healthy woman.  (Thank God!)

Plus, I feel like I shouldn't complain.  After everything my sister-in-law went through, mine was nothing.   I truly feel blessed that I didn't have to go through all the stuff she went through.  But I also feel a little guilty that things weren't worse.  I KNOW!  It is stupid to feel that way.  But a small part of me feels the guilt.

Anyway, losing her was hard.  It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I still think of her everyday.  Last week we recieved a package from her husband.  It was her final wish that we have her personal photos and costume jewelery.  Looking through all that stuff reminded me that I am completely lucky.  It also reminded me that I miss her like crazy.  Also, it just doesn't seem fair that she's gone.  I still can't believe that she was here and now she's not.  All that is left is some photos and stuff.  She's gone.  And that is sad.

But, life moves on.  It always does. 

So let's move on with it.....

I've been thinking a lot about spanking and..... (Too bad I have to take the little man to the doctor.  Guess I'll have to discuss this topic later.)

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poster girl....I am NOT!

If you are not living under a rock, you know that breast cancer awareness month is October. Last year, it came and went without much fanfair. Now, maybe it's just me, or does it seem like everything is about BC? Does it seem like, just like Christmas, they start putting out the pink ribbons WAY before the time?

For some reason, I feel obligated to buy all the stuff with pink ribbons.

Here's the real deal.

I am not a hero! I didn't do anything heroic. I did what each and every one of you would have done. I went to the doctor. I got treatment. Just because it was cancer, doesn't make it heroic. I went and had a pap the other day.....NOT heroic...at all!

Every time someone asks about it I tell them it's no big deal.

And it really wasn't.

I had the lumps removed. I had seven weeks of radiation and now I'm done. I'm good.

I'm not heroic. I'm just damned lucky!

I'd really like to move ahead in my life. I'd like to close the BC chapter and move on.

But, the pink ribbons are everywhere! A constant reminder. And, yes....I have one of these on the back of my car.

And truth be told..... I'm really proud of that one!

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stuff

We just got back from Vegas and it was great. We gambled to much money, but we stayed in the best hotel. It was cheap but very nice and comfortable....just the way we like it. We decided to stay on Fremont street instead of the Vegas strip and I gotta say, it was worth it. The price was right, 39 bucks a night, the bed was super comfy and the room was nice. We will probably stay there next time.

The last night we were there, we bought souvenirs for the kiddos. All you parents know that you can't come home without presents! We bought the kids standard stuff, shirts and dice and crap like that. Bossman, however, bought himself a souvenir. Actually, I'm not sure if it is for him or for me.

He bought a backscratcher.

~sigh~

Any of you that have read here for any length of time will know that I despise backscratchers. They HURT!

I'm just going to pretend that he didn't buy it. Maybe if I hide it, he'll forget that he bought it....

Anyway, our trip was great. We made up for our lack of sex. Um boy, yes we did! It was splendid to come back to the room and have sex. Just like that. No worries of someone busting in on us! Somebody should have told me how much fun it is to be a grown-up without kids.

Yes, for all you detail whores, and you know who you are.... There was also spanking. Someone, and I'm not mentioning names, put a wooden hairbrush in their suitcase.

All right.....it was me!

Not sure why I did that, because the last time I had a hairbuttbrushing it was hard and intense. But it was good when it was over.

I've been thinking that spanking is a lot like having a baby. It hurts like hell when it's happening but when it's over it's really really nice. And somehow we forget how much it hurts and do it again.

I've been reading a lot on my kindle. I finally caved and bought 2 spanking books. One was a collection of short stories, mostly husband and wife, really good reads. Since I read them during the ride over to Vegas and any free time, that could explain why we had such great sex...

The other was a collection of letters that people had written about their spanking experiences. Some were husband, wife, some where teens and parents. Some were specific, like birching, or tawes and some were about the difference between sexual spanking and dicipline spanking. It's a very interesting read. I enjoyed reading the different perspectives on the subject.

Tomorrow is 9/11. I'm sure we all remember exactly what we were doing that day. It seems like yesterday. It still so hard to believe.

And yet....time goes on.

Let's enjoy our time, ok?

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A new start on life

Time has certainly flown by, hasn't it?

Last I checked I was headed camping. Camping was a success! We had tons of fun and the Boy went fishing for the first time. Not only did he catch a fish, he gutted it and ate it. (I didn't participate in any of the latter events! YUCK)

Summer has ended for us. The Boy started Jr. High school. Crazy right? I mean, when I started this blog, he was in kindergarten! I'm still amazed at how old my kids are.

Since school has started I've decided it's time to get a new start on life. The summer was a big blur and it's just nice to get back to semi-normal. We've mourned and although we will continue to mourn, we are moving on.

Another fresh start is not having cancer treatment. I went to the oncologist on Wed. and he said I was doing well. BUT....I am anemic right now and it's not due to low iron. So I went and had 5 vials of blood drawn. I should find out the results on Monday. I'm on a drug called tamoxifen for 5 years. Honestly, I thought my life was over. I've been on the cancer blogs and disscussion sites. People taking this stuff are miserible. I was scared! But...I'm doing well on it. I haven't had much of the side effects. The main one being hot flashes. YAY....this probably means it won't send me into menopause! That is a very, very good thing.

Of course I realize that writing all this down means that something is bound to happen. Surely life can't just get back to normal...can it? Let's hope I didn't just jinx it!

So, other than being tired...I'm doing good. Bossman and I are heading to Vegas on Labor day and spending the week there with NO kids. I'm excited for that, I just hope I have enough energy.

Well, enough about me. How have you been? I've missed you all!

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list

1. Going camping today, be home on Thursday, wish me luck!

2. Going to Vegas in September. No kids. Family coming from all parts of US. Will stop to see D's headstone...or whatever it is you call it.

3. Got spanked on Friday. HARD! With the hairbrush. Made sitting the next day really uncomfortable in that itchy butt, sort of way.

4. Got spanked again yesterday with some sort of wooden thing. Still sore from Friday, so all the more ouchy.

5. Today is 8-9-10 day.

6. That's all I've got! Have a good week people!

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The end of a chapter...

This weekend was the closing chapter on D. She'll never be forgotten.....but this weekend was our final act for her. We released her ashes to the sea.

Bossman and I got up at 5:45am Sunday morning. Who knew there was such a time???? I was unaware and frankly, I didn't like it very much. It was still dark but we got dressed and headed to the beach.

D's favorite beach is about 25 min from our house. When we got there, it was overcast. It was about 6:15 as we headed to the pier. I was surprised that there were people out at that time of morning. Lucky for us, nobody was on the pier.

We weren't sure what we were going to do. The ashes came in a box, which came in another box, which held a lidded round glass box...which had a green velvet draw string bag...you know, the kind that would hold a piece of jewelry...which held a little baggie of ashes.

So, Bossman had the green velvet baggie in his pocket and we walked out to the end of the pier. We took a couple of pictures for her husband. Then we stood there and looked out at the ocean. I said, "Ok, lets do this." and the I said some things about D. While I said them, Bossman poured the ashes out. It was sort of magical. The ashes almost looked like a ghost or a spirit as they floated out into the air. The just sort of disappeared into the air.

Bossman and I stood there for a long time just looking out into the vast ocean. Then Bossman carved D's initials into the pier railing. (I KNOW...not only did we unlawfully dump human ashes, we also defaced public property.)

There was no wind and although the sun didn't come out, it wasn't to cold. We sat on a bench and talked about how we had done everything we could for D. Then we talked about Bossman's other sister...she's so far into drugs and alcohol that she will either end up in prison or in the grave very soon. It's so sad. Bossman is the oldest of 3 and he may very well end up being the only one left. We feel so helpless that we couldn't save D and we feel even more helpless that we can't help M, and she's doing it to herself. What a waste of life.

After sitting out there talking for a while we headed back to the car and decided to go out for breakfast.

All in all, it was a very nice, peaceful ending to a beautiful life.

So, that was my weekend....tell me something fun. Tell me what YOU did this weekend!

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the package

Today is one month. One month since D passed. I miss her so much it hurts.

Of course the drama, the drama never dies!

Before I get to the drama, I'll get to the package.

The UPS guy comes to the door yesterday with a package. I had a pretty good idea what was in the package and a quick peek at the return address told me I was correct.

I immediately took the package to my room. I closed the door and started to cry.

The package was D. Well, part of D anyway.

Her wishes were to have part of her ashes spread at her favorite beach and part spread in a horse arena. The rest to be placed in the....what do you call it??....place where they put ashes at the cemetary. It's a wall of sorts, with plaques with the deceased names on it and they put the ashes in the wall.

Anyway....

So, the ashes came. I didn't think it would bother me so much....but I couldn't stop myself from thinking morbid thoughts. Like....

The last time D walked down this hall we were laughing about her flight being delayed back home.

The last time D was here, she was busy curling her hair and brushing her teeth in this bathroom that we just passed.

GAH! I could go on...but I think you get it.

It's just weird.

And, it's also illegal to spread human ashes at our beach. But we'll do it anyway.

Now, I know you are still reading because you want to hear about my drama. Seriously, if I were you, I'd be wanting to read about the drama. Don't deny it....my drama keeps you entertained.

My life would be so boring without all the drama...LOL

So, Sunday evening Bossman gets a call on his cell phone. He checks the caller ID and it's his dad. He picks up the phone and starts listening intently. He's not saying anything and he's getting a frown line in between his eyes. I immediately think someone else has died. He puts his finger up...motioning to me, just a minute....and then he puts his phone on speaker.

All I hear is the Debil screeching in the background and then the phone shuts off.

I don't know what she was saying, but Bossman heard plenty. Apparently, she was trying to make my FIL call us for info. I'm not sure WHAT info she wanted....but info is what she wanted. According to Bossman, the Debil was using her most hateful tone...which I think is her normal tone, to tell the FIL to call us and find out something. The FIL, using his most whipped voice ever, was telling her she better stay close so he says the right thing.

Bossman was PISSED!

So mad that he immediately went into the bedroom so he could call them back.

He told his father that he wasn't going to tolerate the Debils tone of voice anymore. He wasn't going to talk to her and as far as he was concerned he didn't want anything to do with her. He told his father that she was hateful and rude and unless and until she apologized and stopped acting hateful he was never going to speak to her again. He told his father that she will be lucky if he shows up to her funeral! He also told his father that he would be very happy if he divorced her. He told his father that he has lost ALL respect for someone that allows his wife to talk to him with that tone....and he wasn't putting up with it anymore. He said if his father wanted to talk to him about other things, that was fine, but he was DONE with his mother.

The FIL didn't say anything. At the end of the speech, the FIL asked if there was something else going on with D. (Uh...what??) Bossman, in the heat of anger, said, "Yes, but I'm not telling you!" and then he hung up the phone.

Now, I'm not sure what info they were after. The only thing left with D is the ashes, but I just recieved those yesterday. I mentioned to an Aunt, when D first passed, that we hoped her hubby would honor her wishes about the ashes at the beach....but that was at the beginning and I didn't know anything then.

So, we can only assume that the Aunt asked the Debil what was happening with the ashes. The Debil must have wanted to know. BUT, guess what?

We decided not to tell anyone about the ashes. Bossman and I decided to honor D's ashes alone, just the two of us. We already had the memorial, so there isn't a need for another, and we weren't about to tell the Debil about the ashes. As it is, Bossmans youngest sister said something about having some ashes to wear around her neck....eww! Bossman and I both agree that is just too creepy and D wouldn't have wanted that!

So, hopefully, this ends the drama portion of the summer. Hopefully the Debil will not call here anymore. Bossman made it perfectly clear that he was done with her. One morning soon, Bossman and I will get up with the sunrise, take D's ashes to the beach and fufill her final request.

I am under no grand illusion that the Debil drama is over. But from past experience, I know she won't call here for a long time. It will probably be months before we hear from her again. Now that D is gone she has no reason to call....or have her minion call...here anymore.

For that.....I am truly grateful!

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Drama free table for one....please?

Thanks for all the comments. I've been reading them and some of them (NICK) cracked me up!

The memorial was very dignified and I know D would have been happy with it. And yes, the Debil wore her hajeeb. (Is that what they call it??)

So, I bet you are all wondering about the condom. What a proud moment that was in my life.

I suppose you could say I brought it on myself. Of course I knew that when we went out of town that she would have "the boy" over. Although he's really not a boy....

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. A very good place to start, according to the Sound of Music....LOL

When D died, we had to go to Vegas. The wildchild didn't want to go. She said she could only handle one memorial service so she opted to go to the one here in town. That was fine with us, as we needed someone to take care of the dog.

So, on the day we are heading back from Vegas I get a call from the wildchild. She tells me that this boy she likes is taking a train from Southern Cali, to visit her. Actually, she said he was going to move here.

The story goes, the boy, (Oh wait, he's a MAN....he's freaking 26.) was living with his grandma, and the grandma got put in a nursing home and he was now homeless. He figured he might as well be homeless here in our town instead of being homeless there. Where he grew up. Where his family is.

So, he decides to take a train here. My daughter....19 years old.....told him not to come, but he came.

When we got home from Vegas, she was just going to pick him up from the train. I asked where he was staying the night, but the wildchild had no idea where he was staying.

Around 11 that night, he's still here. Bossman started calling homeless shelters...but they don't answer at 11 at night. Mind you, this is a guy we don't know. We only met him once before. So, we tell the wildchild he can't stay here. She's upset, because she's has a kind heart and doesn't want to just leave him on the street. Frankly, neither did we...but we didn't invite him or tell him he could stay with us. AND...he's 26 YEARS OLD!

So, the wildchild finds a friend to let him sleep on the couch.

And this is how it works out for the next 2 weeks.

Every morning he shows up at my door for the wildchild. He leaves with the wildchild when she goes to work, he comes home with the wildchild when she gets off of work and she takes him to the friends house at 11 at night.

Every time I saw the wildchild, he was with her. Oh, did I mention he had NO money. He had nothing. So she was buying him food and driving him everywhere.

So now, we are going to Disney. Of course the wildchild can't go because she has to work and she has a leech hanging on to her.

We KNEW she would have him over all night. I mean, I'm not as dumb as I look...

But what could we do? We had to just pretend we didn't know.... Of course I gave her the safe sex talk, which she totally poo-poo'd.

We get home from Disney and I'm vegging on the couch. It had been a LOOOOOONG drive home and I was tired. The little man walks into the living room and says, " I don't know what this is, but the dog just brought this from the wildchild's room." He's looking down, so I look down and there is the used condom....on his foot.

Um.......

Right......

So, he scurries out of the room and I pick up the thing....YUCK....and walk to the wildchild's room. I knock because god knows what I'll find in there....and when she opens the door, I hand her the condom and say " I have a present for you." And then.....I slam the door.

Now, I'm not sure how Bossman didn't notice all this going on....but he didn't. I wasn't sure what my next move was going to be, so I went and sat back down....to think.

About 30minutes later, I'm still sitting there trying to decide what the hell I was going to do. Bossman comes into the room and tells me the little man isn't feeling well and when asked he said he was sick and that the wildchild was in big trouble. Heh.

So, I had to tell Bossman what happened.

cue the scary music.

He was NOT a happy camper.

BUT, to his credit, he decided to let me handle it. Um, yeah.....I wasn't sure what the heck I was suppose to do.

So, meanwhile, they somehow snuck out of the house. I called her and told her to get back home so we could have it out and DON'T bring him with her.

When she came home, I talked and talked and talked. I told her he wasn't welcome in our house anymore. I told her it was disrespectful to pull that crap in our house. I told her I was glad she used a condom, but did she KNOW how many people that guy has slept with? Because she just slept with all of them. I said I hoped to god the condom didn't have a hole or break because we'll know in 9 months.

So, she left. Then she told him to GO HOME!

Of course he had to find someone to send him money. I think he finally got his mother to wire him some money because she took him to the train station and he's GONE! YAY!

The little man is fine....and YES, he knew exactly what it was....why do you think he brought it to me on his foot??? Smart kid.

As for the wildchild??? I don't know what the heck I'm gonna do with her. I'm thinking it's time for her to move OUT! GAH!

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remind me again....

Ok, Disney was ok. It was lovely watching my son have such a good time. We took his friend with us and the two boys cracked us up the entire time. It was africa hot there and I was miserable, but Oh well.....it's life. I couldn't go on most of the rides, due to my neck, but I still managed to go on some. Anyway, I survived and now I just want some peace and quiet!

Oh wait....I live with a 19 year old and a 12 year old...there is no peace or quiet in this house.

Oh...and there was drama when we returned from Disney with the wild child. I don't call her the wildchild for nothing.....she delivered right on schedule. But I'll tell that story another day.

Today, I'll finish up the Debil story.

When last I posted. I had just finished telling you how we were having a memorial for D in our town and we were bracing for the debil. This will be the first time she's stepped foot in our church for numerous years and YES, she would wear her hajeeb? (you know....the head scarf thingy)

We had managed a few discussions with my FIL. We told him we didn't not want drama. If there was to be drama, Bossman and his father were going to get up and escort her out of the church. We already warned the sound guys to turn off her mic...should she get a hold of one.

The FIL assured us that she didn't want to say anything at the memorial. YAY! I was so relieved!

Until the day before the memorial. The FIL calls. I answer. He says the Debil has decided she wants to speak at the memorial....

cue the scary music.....

I think I said...."uh, no?" Yes, I do have a way with words, don't I?

I then handed the phone to Bossman. Smart move on my part....

Bossman listens a few minutes and then says things like, nope, no, NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

He realizes that the Debil is listening in on the conversation. He tells his father that his mother is not a nice person, she's burned all her bridges and WHAT in the HELL could she possibly need to say to our church?

Now, let me clarify. We are not mean people. We sent them a copy of the eulogy and we asked them if they had anything they would like to add. FIL called and wanted me to add a few comments that he remembered...which I did. THEN he called and said that the Debil wanted to have her name in the eulogy changed..... That's right folks, she wanted her name different from the one she uses and the one that everyone knows her by. THANK god it wasn't a mus*lim name. So, although we were NOT happy.....we did it. Just to limit the drama. We also asked them for pictures because I made a slide show. The FIL....he brought me ONE...ONE picture is all they could come up with. Apparently they were in a shed somewhere in the back and they didn't have time to get to them....although.....they had 2 weeks....

Thank goodness I had pictures.

So now suddenly, she wants to speak that the memorial.

Um NO! That wasn't going to happen. Bossman told them NO! After a very uncomfortable conversation with his father, Bossman hung up the phone. He had said no and I was very happy.

Of course, it's never as simple as that. A couple of hours later there was another call from the FIL. This time he was alone. He tried to tell Bossman that she wasn't going to say anything bad, but she wanted to clarify things. What thing? You ask? She wanted to make sure that everyone knew she was raised by her parents and they were good people dammit! (Ok, I added the dammit for dramatic purposes....LOL)

Bossman told his Dad no again. He and the pastor were the only two that would be speaking at this memorial. If the Debil got out of hand...we would deal with it.

Finally, the day of the memorial, the FIL called and said she wasn't going to be speaking after all. DUH!!!! Of course she wasn't. We weren't letting her and that was that.

Now, doesn't it strike you all funny that WE...Bossman and I...are the ones doing the memorial, instead of her PARENTS???

Well, the memorial was a success! The Debil behaved herself and everything was nice. She sat in the back of the church and was very cold to us...but we could have cared less.

After the service, we had a pot-luck. I waited to see what the Debil had in store...but amazingly enough, everyone was very kind to her and she behaved herself. I think she enjoyed the attention everyone was giving her. The people of my church are AWESOME! They treated her with kindness and warmth. I was really proud. I was proud of Bossman for being such an awesome brother and speaking such wonderful words about his sister. I know D would have been really, really proud of how everything turned out.

When we went to say goodbye to the Debil, she was sitting with a few of our church friends. People she's known for 20 plus years. We walked up and she told Bossman that he did a really great job and she was proud of him. So, that was nice. Until...

One of the friends at the table knew how much work I had done for it. So she said, Grace did a lot too! The Debil just glared at me. HAHAHAHAHA! Whatever, you old bat! LOL

So, now that it's over I can breath a sigh of relief. It's going to be a long time before life can get back to normal, but I'm just glad D isn't suffering anymore. I will miss her. She and I would have spent hours on the phone discussing the Debil and all her drama. We called it the "mama drama".

Oh, and the name change in the eulogy? Bossman skimmed over it so fast...I don't think anyone noticed....LOL

Next post: What to do when your dog carries a used condom out of your teenagers bedroom...

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Who put the fun in funeral?

We promised the little man we would take him and a friend to Disneyland this summer. We promised that when I was done with treatment we would take him. And we were suppose to go two weeks ago.

Then....well...you know what happened.

But now, now we will go because...

We promised...dammit!

So....

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to Disney we go....

We leave tomorrow. I'm not to thrilled. I just started new meds and I'm tired from the last two weeks and, and, and.....BLAH!

But, we will go. And dammit...we will be HAPPY!

Lord knows we could use some happy right now. Plus, Friday will be D's birthday and what better way to celebrate than at the happiest place on earth....right? Somebody agree with me!!!!

Before I go, I'll leave you with a tid-bit of mus*lim goodness.

SHE....wasn't invited to the memorial in Vegas. As a matter of fact, there was a time when D said she didn't want her parent coming to her memorial OR to even know where she was going to be buried.

I'm pretty sure that was D's way of protecting her husband and his family. I mean, his family did everything for her and the mus*lim? Well, for the first year and a half, after D was diagnosed....they didn't even speak. It was only last December, when D came to visit us that she decided to visit her mother and father. So, the last 6 months have been sort of a reconciliation. BUT, no love fest. The, (well, I shouldn't call her the muslim...for that is disrespectful to muslims when I use it in a derogatory way...right?.....let's see, lets just call her the Debil, like in the Waterboy) Debil loves to talk about all things islamic. Every conversation includes the words mohammad and quran, even though we have all clearly told her we are not interested in that kind of stuff.

The Debil thinks that she is the head of the household. We should honor and respect her...LOL and that she should be able to tell us ANYTHING and we should respect her enough to listen to what she has to say. EVEN if she tries telling my then 8 year old son that the Americans bombed the world trade center and that the air force base near our house has hidden bunkers with prisoners in it that the Americans are torturing.

Also, she also hates everyone....she's told and aunt that she hates me. I'm a back-stabbing liar. She's told my daughter that the aunt is a bitch. (yes, apparently the Debil cusses) She's told Bossmans youngest sister that we are all liars.

Yes, the Debil likes to pit her kids against each other. Isn't that what parents are suppose to do?

As a result of this charming personality.....the Debil has no friends. She has no life outside of her computer where she chats it up with others of her kind. She's even gone so far as to tell us all that she wants to change her last name to a friends last name that she met online. I don't know his last name....but his first is.....well, you guessed it....it's mohammad. I'm not sure where this guy lives...but she sends him money and wants to move to his country.

Of course, I know what your thinking.....where the hell is her husband? I think he lives in candy land. It's the land of gum-drop forest and candy cane lanes. According to him, he's just along for the ride and.....I kid you not....he's just waiting for Jesus to come again.

That pretty much sums up why the Debil wasn't invited to the memorial. Did I mention that she hates D's in-laws? D's MIL made the mistake of calling the Debil and asking for money. The money was to help D travel to and from Houston. You know...to save her LIFE?? The Debil didn't like that. So, the Debil told the MIL off. So, you can probably guess how the MIL feels about the Debil. Not to crazy about her....

So, back to the memorial. D didn't want the Debil there and the in-laws were in full agreement. We were the only family to attend the one in Vegas. There was NO mention of the Debil at the memorial. As a matter of fact, there is an online memorial page and the biography doesn't even list the Debil as a survivor. As hateful as the Debil sounds....even I couldn't believe they weren't mentioned as survivors.

Regardless of how the picture has been painted....when Bossman and D were growing up, they didn't have a terrible childhood. There was no abuse, the Debil wasn't mus*lim yet and although they were raised in a strict christian home....it was not terrible. So, although the last couple of years have been bad...I do think they should have been listed as survivors.

AND....they are her parents and although they are misguided...LOL They are also mourning the loss of their middle child.

Needless to say, the Debil was not happy when she found the website. Nor was she happy that she wasn't invited to Vegas.

Since we live 6 hours from Vegas and D grew up where we live, we decided to have our own memorial. We couldn't keep the Debil from coming to ours. For one, the Debils hubby goes to our church. For two, we weren't planning on hiring bodyguards to keep the Debil out of our church.

We were....I should say...I was completely worried that the Debil would cause trouble. She hates everyone at our church. She hates me....and she's not very happy with Bossman, since he hasn't talked to her for 2 months. As a matter of fact....she was really pissed that we didn't call her with our condolences. But we didn't care. We were doing the memorial and she wasn't going to ruin it.

Except she wanted to say something at the funeral.

Too bad I don't have time to tell you the rest....LOL

I'll let you know if Disney really is the happiest place on earth. Frankly, I don't think so. I think the happiest place on earth is my couch with a cool drink and a good book. But, I could be wrong.

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life goes on...

When someone I love dies, I start obsessing over death. Of course my own bout with cancer has doubled that obsession. Every little thing is cancer. Cancer, cancer, cancer. The bump on my elbow? Cancer. The zit on my forehead? Cancer. I have what some would call canceritis. I'm hoping it will go away soon.

Dying is such a personal, emotional thing. It's so frustrating for us to sit back and watch this dying thing. It seems like we should be able to stop it. Surely there is something we can do to stop this thing called dying.

D is gone. I am left to contemplate life and death. Sometimes I wonder how we can all go on. I mean....D DIED! She's dead. She isn't going to call me on the phone and grouse over the mus*lim. How is it that I still took a shower today and washed my hair and she didn't? Couldn't? How do we still manage to laugh and eat and play and love, when she can't?

Of course, life goes on. It's weird how that happens. It feels like everyone in the world should just stop. On the day she died, Bossman and I went out to the store. I kept wondering why everyone was still shopping. Didn't they know someone had died...that very day? It almost seemed wrong for us to be shopping.....it seemed out of place. But we did it and life went on....

Why do I always feel like laughing at funerals? Something always makes me laugh and the harder I try not to laugh, the worse it is. It's so inappropriate. Lucky for me, this laughing came at the end of the Vegas memorial and we were outside, so I was able to hide it pretty well.....

Before I tell you what made me laugh, let me explain the memorials. Yes, there were 2. The musl*im was not invited to the Vegas one. I know....seems harsh not inviting the deceased own mother....but D did not want her mother there. She made that very clear to those of us around her. I believe she was protecting her husband and his family from her and her drama. I'm glad she did. The Vegas service was beautiful and her Vegas family did a great job. Bossman, the little man and I were the only ones there from her family. Trust me....it was better this way.

The memorial was nice. Bossman did the eulogy and it was very sad but I think we honored her well. D's husband said it was good. It was hard to write it. But between Bossman and myself I think we did a good job. After Bossman did the eulogy, there were words of comfort from a clergy person. She was an interesting Reverend. She had spiky gray hair. She seemed nice. But why do they go and pray to the picture? There was a big picture of D in the front and she did some sort of prayer thingy to the picture. I'm not sure what religion that is, but I thought it was kind of funny. (I don't mind that sort of thing, it just struck me as funny)

BUT...that was not the part that made me laugh. After the words of comfort, they asked us to step outside because they were going to release doves. I've never seen that done before....so I thought that would be cool.

We get outside and they ask D's hubby to hold one of the doves. He was to release it after the other doves. Apparently, the doves symbolize the angels leading the way to heaven and the dove that D's hubby would release would symbolize D's spirit following them to heaven.

Um....ok. Sound kind of neat....so far.

While they are explaining this to us...the lady in charge of the doves doesn't know D's hubby's name. Um....why are you not prepared? So as she's letting out the doves and she's talking, she has to lean in to ask him his name. Um...NOT cool! How do you not know the widowers name?

Anyway, they release the doves and there is music playing and it's actually kind of peaceful. We stand there for about 5 minutes watching the doves fly around and then...

Well, then the lady says it's the end of the dove ceremony. And we are all feeling peaceful until she says...

"For those of you worried about the doves...don't be worried. They live on the other side of the field and will come home when they are ready."

Um......What? So those aren't really angels? LOL That wasn't D's spirit? LOL

OMG! Way to break the mood lady....LOL

It was all I could do to keep from laughing.

Everyone was jerked out of the peaceful moment. It was a little awkward, but plenty funny and I kept thinking that Darla would have loved that! She would have cracked up with us.

But, I suppose you would have had to have been there....... LOL

Next post: How to piss off a mus*lim. Or: How hateful can one person be???

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My hero, my friend, my sister...

On June 27th, D fell asleep and didn't wake up again. Her body battled hard to stay alive, but the cancer was too powerful and her liver was too weak to take any more.

She was 36 years old. Friday July 16th will be her 37th birthday. The birthday she won't celebrate with us.

You all know her as the cancer patient. That's really all I've told you about. But she was so much more than that. I'd like to share a tiny bit of her with you.

Her passion was horses. She's had a horse since she was 12 years old. (which is the same year I met her.) She had everything horses and went so far as to buy a NFL Colts watch...because it was pink and it had a horse shoe. (She wasn't into football...LOL) Her latest horse was a rescue horse from Hurricane Katrina. Her favorite type of riding was dressage. I'd tell you more...but I know nothing about horses.

She loved the color pink. Hence the pink watch. She loved having her nails done and having her hair done and she loved looking good. She was beautiful.

D loved life. She loved everything about it. She loved animals. She had a dog that passed away last year and she had that dog for 17 years. That's almost half of D's life. That dog was her baby. D had no children of her own.

Her husband....he's devastated. He was the love of her life. He was sleeping with her when she took her last breath. He was D's angel.

The last 2 weeks have been harder than I ever thought possible. We went to Vegas for her funeral and then a week later had our own memorial here in our town. Both tributes were beautiful and sad and hard. Bossman gave the eulogy at both. His sister would have been proud! He did an amazing job.

Now that the memorials are done....we must move on. And we will. She would have wanted us to mourn and then get on with life.

Now that I've written the sad news.....BOY do I have stories to tell. Even in the saddest times....funny stuff happened. AND no memorial could be complete without drama from the mus*lim. So...stay tuned....

But for now.....hug your family! Be grateful....Be happy!

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