a day in the life

it's complicated

Everyone is coming home this weekend. My daughters best friend is getting married and the bridal shower is this weekend. She was the maid of honor at my daughters wedding. The young man is coming home because we need to get his senior portraits done and my daughter is a photographer, so he needs to come home while she's home. ~sigh~ It's complicated but the end result is everyone will be home!!!! I love that!

Bossman and I are ok. We really had a terrible summer. I mean, the summer with the kids was great, but our relationship SUCKED this summer. Bossman pointed out that we fight more when the kids are home. And I guess he's right, but we aren't fighting about the kids, so I'm not sure why that happens.

Bossman says I've given up. He says that I used to put up with all his stuff, but now I don't put up with stuff anymore so that makes things hard. That sounds weird, like I used to just bow down and do whatever he wants. I wasn't like that, but...

Well, see, it's just complicated.

He also said that I talk down to him. He doesn't feel like he can talk to me because I always try and prove him wrong or make him feel stupid.

Not sure about that one.

So, the point is, I don't know. I don't know the point.

Anyway, good news is we are getting along fine now that the kids are away. We are trying to be nice to each other and trying to do more things together.

It's a start.

I hope you all have a great weekend. I know I will!

I'm back, I hope

I just had a terrible time getting into my blog. I almost had a panic attack! It seems when you've been gone as long as I have and you're as old as I am, you tend to forget pesky little things like passwords and such.

BUT, I'm here, I made it. I'm back. I think.

I don't know. Part of me wants to write and part of me says, "why bother?"

Spanking is not happening, so if you are looking for that, try some of the blogs on my list.

As a matter of fact, things are pretty lousy with me and Bossman. I would like to write about these things, just to sort it all out. But it's the sorting out that makes it hard to write about. That and it's just so HARD to write about things that are upsetting.

So, I'll probably write about it later. Or not. Who knows? I'd like to say I'm going to write it all down, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. So, we will see.

Oh, don't worry, we aren't separated or anything. It's just.....just....it's just hard.

So, lets talk about happy things! What have you all been up too? I've missed being around. I've lurked a little, but honestly it's hard to get your heart into something when things are hard at home.

Anyway, I'll tell you what I've been up too.

Last we spoke, I was knee-deep in wedding planning. Yep, it happened! The wild-child has gotten married. She is not longer a wild child or a bridezilla. She is happily married and trying to have babies. Of course I'm not old enough to be a grandma! Thanks for saying that! I love you all!

The wedding was AMAZING! The Bride and Groom looked amazing. Bossman and I looked amazing. The little man, who is 6'4 and not little anymore, looked amazing.

I can see that my kids need new names for this blog. When I started this, the little man was in kindergarten, now he's taller than his dad. The wildchild was driving me crazy and now she's married. Where DID the time go?

Anyway, the wedding was wonderful. Full of love and laughter and plenty of dancing. Who knew Bossman could do the robot?

In case any of you long time readers (I almost said old-timers, but NONE of us are old) remember my old stories about my horrible mother-in-law, well, she wasn't invited to the wedding. So it was a drama free zone. As drama free as a wedding can be, of course.

The wedding was in May, so after that the Man-child came home from school. You'll recall that we are sending him to a academy about 3 hours from us. HANDS down, the best decision we ever made. He LOVES it so so much, he doesn't want to come home. But home he came and the summer was pretty full.

First he and two friends drove to Canada to watch the women play soccer. I know NOTHING about soccer but it was the world cup, so....well that's all I know. I hear it was a big deal....HAHA!

After he came home from that, we hung out for a couple of weeks, then we went to Arizona to visit my adult married daughter. Weird! It's hard to get used to saying that. I mean, you guys...I have a son-in-law!

Yes, she moved to Arizona, which is 8 hours from me....so no I'm not happy about that move. I hope she hates it and moves closer to me. I mean, I really don't want to move to Az, but if I end up with grand babies, I'll have to consider it. (I can't really move there, but maybe we can invent a transporter.)

Anyway, did you know that it's HOT in Arizona? So, so hot! But I liked the area she's in, so that's good.

So this past Sunday we took the Man-child back to school for his SENIOR year of high school. Again I ask, when did this happen? WHEN did this kids get old? I am exactly the same. I just don't get it.

Oh, and the man-child got his drivers license and so we got him a car and we followed him to school so that way he can drive himself home. It's just crazy.

Well, that's what's going on in my life. The Bossman stuff is in the background and we are trying to figure it out, but it's just hard.

I think I already said that.

Hope you all are doing well,

HUGS!
grace

Control?

We are still trying out the whole, "ask for permission" thing. At first it was going fine, then the wildchild came home for the weekend so although I asked, I knew there wouldn't be a spanking.

This week, I've asked and he's spanked once. In my opinion, once is better than none.

Here's the dilemma. I have a whole routine before bed. Part of that routine happens in the kitchen. The second half happens in the bedroom and bathroom. So I've been asking about getting ready for bed AFTER I do my kitchen stuff. (takiing meds and feeding cat) But before going to the bedroom. But last night, I asked and he said he was going to warm my bottom. I said ok, but I really have to pee. Because I hadn't gone to the bedroom yet and that is where I do all my bathroom things, (peeing, brushing teeth, brushing hair) So I went and did those things and when I came out, he said never mind he didn't want to do it because he didn't like waiting for me. Which made me cranky and happy at the same time....HA!

SO...we got into a discussion about when I should be asking if it's alright to get ready for bed. His response is that he wants me to get EVERYTHING done, except getting into pjs and THEN ask.

My thought about this is that it seems silly to do the kitchen things, walk past him (most of the time he's on the computer or watching tv) do the bedroom things, come back out into the living room to ask if I can get into pjs.

Does that seem silly to you?

We discussed it and he didn't really back down, so I will do what he asks, but I had to wonder to myself, WHY? Why is he making into such a hassle? Could it just be that he wants that control and he wants me to do it, even if I think it's dumb?

Certainly it is not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. But this is what I'm thinking about so there it is...

I still want to continue down this road. It's kinda fun and kinda sexy.

I'll let you know how things pan out!

asking for permission

It's a good week in graceland! I've gotten spanked two nights in a row!

Night one was a surprise! I was going into the bedroom to get ready for bed when he came in and pulled me to the bed and bent me over his knee. I was certainly surprised. He spanked for a little while and then we moved on to some more sexy things. It was really really good.

Afterward, we had some time to chat. Bossman said he thought we should have more spanking. DUH, you think????

Of course I agreed wholeheartedly!

We discussed how we could incorporate in more into our relationship. He decided that every evening before bed, I should ask him if it's ok to get ready for bed. See, I have a whole little routine that I perform before bed. Take my meds, feed the cat, go to bedroom, put ipad and phone on the end table and plug them in, go to the bathroom, put on pjs and THEN, get into bed.

So, the reason he thinks I should ask if I can get ready is so he can decide if he wants to spank or not that night.

So last night, I asked. It was weird. I felt a little weird asking but I did it and....

He decided to spank again.

So we went into the bedroom and he spanked me and then told me I could get ready for bed. He pulled my pants down to my knees. Pulled me over his knee. And spanked. It was the good spanking, the kind with just his hand and not the dreaded backscratcher. That man can spank hard with his hand. But still beats the BS.

So, that is what is happening at our house. I will keep you updated on how this works out, but so far, I'm liking it!

Also, I did go to my doc on Friday. He said my kidney had the function of a 70 year old. Dang! My kidney is old! We are going to retest it this week and if its still low I will have an ultrasound to see if there is anything there to be concerned with.

So lets pray for good results!!!!!!!

And let's hope the spankings continue!

doc update

Thank you all for your good thoughts yesterday! I went to the oncologist yesterday and he didn't seem worried about my numbers. He said that he couldn't see anything alarming so he wasn't sure why my primary doctor wants to see me. To say I'm relieved is an understatement! I still have an appointment tomorrow with my primary, but I'm not worried anymore! Life is good people, life is good!

In other news, the Manchild has gone back to school! Bossman and I went out to dinner to celebrate our empty nest again and to talk about our relationship. It was a nice discussion and we are going to try really hard to figure out how to be happy together, instead of happy doing different things. We really want to focus on doing things outside the house together. We really don't have a lot in common outside the kids, so this will be a challenge. We are thinking of joining the local Y so we can swim or play racquetball or something like that. It gets us out of the house and exercise is always a good thing.

So, a bird just flew into my sun room. All I heard is "chirp, chirp, chirp, THUNK!" Poor thing keeps flying into the windows.

Since I am a complete wimp, I let the dog in, and ran for the bathroom.

This is what normal, rational people do....

Right?

UPDATE: The bird has left the building!

WHEW!

As long as he doesn't kill her...

Found this online and though it was very interesting. As long as he doesn't kill her, it's ok to slap her.

The only kind of slap I want is on my behind. Thank you very much!

a little bit of this and that

I guess I just have to be patient for this spanking thing to work out. Bossman finally gave me what I needed and it was GOOD!

You may not have noticed, but Bossman posted a comment on my last post. He doesn't always read my blog and since I don't post very often, this was quite a surprise!

I guess he though about it and decided the time was right for a spanking. He took me to our room and said this was just a little spanking, to get us back into the swing of things.

He got right into the swing of things and gave my bottom quite a warming. I forgot how a spanking was. It was all the right things. It was embarrassing, it was sexy, it was painful, it was tingly, it was wonderful!

And then....the next day the Manchild came home. ~sigh~

So, although not much has happened since that lovely night, we have been a lot closer, it seems. I feel more connected to Bossman. Does that make sense? Anyway, it's been great. And the Manchild goes back to school on Wednesday, so we will see if things progress any further. I HOPE so!

In other news, I switched doctors a couple of weeks ago. When I met with the new one, he wanted me to do a blood test to check my iron and stuff. They called last week and said the Doc wants to see me because my blood sugar was high and my kidney function was low. WHAT the HECK! Plus they can't see me until this Friday.

I'm of two minds. One, if it was really urgent they wouldn't be waiting for almost two weeks to see me.....right? And two, I feel fine. So I'm not sure what is going on, but anytime I have to go and see the doc I get a little freaked. I mean, hello....cancer.

Against my better judgment, I googled it. Didn't really mention cancer, so I feel a little better about that. It could be diabetes, but again, wouldn't they have wanted to see me sooner if I had full on diabetes? The kidney thing is weird too. I could just have an infection and didn't know it. I was feeling a little sick the night before, but everyone is sick so I didn't think much of it.

Bossman says not to worry about it until I have to. I can't do anything about it now, so why worry? I actually have a 6 month appointment with my oncologist on Wednesday, so I'll ask him what he thinks. Anyway, Wednesday and Friday are the appointments so if you could send some good thoughts my way, I'll really appreciate it!

On a happier note, when I first started my blog, my Manchild was only in kindergarten. Today I am happy (and scared) to say he passed his driving test. He is an officially licensed driver.

God help us all!

wedding planning

Life is funny. You don't realize time is passing you by until you look at old photos and videos and you see your younger self.

My daughter was in town this weekend and it was all about the wedding. I was nervous about how much things were going to cost. We already are paying a lot for the venue. This weekend we had a meeting at the venue and went over all the details. After that meeting we went and met a friend of mine from high school to talk cake. I hadn't seen her in years so it was a mini reunion. I saw on Facebook that she did cakes so....can you believe she's only going to charge us 160 for the cake? That is for 80 people! She's really good too, so I'm not worried about it being crappy. Then we met with another friend for flowers. She used to own a flower shop and she's been working in flower shops since she was 13. She is going to do all the flowers for 200.

I'm telling you, it pays to know people!

Only bad thing was the dj. He didn't show for the appointment we had with him, so that was not good! But we have other options and we still have some time so it should be fine.

Back to time passing....

My daughter and I brought out the old videos. First of all they are vhs and it's lucky we still have a vhs player. Seeing my daughter as a baby was just eye opening. You just don't realize how fast time is moving and how quickly your kids are going to grow up. You also don't realize how hideous you looked!

Why the heck didn't someone tell me how horrid I looked? Big hair, frumpy clothes....Oh geez! You just never know how you look until you see that! Ha! My daughter says I look better now, so I'm happy about that, but we will see in 20 years what I think.

I'm sorry to say you will probably be subjected to wedding talk until May. It's really all my mind is on. Well, spanking is still on my mind and Bossman did talk about spanking me the other day, but I ended up making love to him instead. Is it bad that I sort of regret that decision now? I mean, don't get me wrong, the sex was great but.... Well a spanking would have been nice. I haven't had one in so long I've forgotten what it's like.

So, what's going on with all of you? What should I do to try and get a spanking? I could use some ideas!

Playboy June 1965

A long time ago some friends of our wanted us to help them sell some stuff on Ebay. Actually, they wanted us to sell some old playboys. We tried, but they weren't worth anything. We recently found them in the attic and decided to take a look at them. They are AWESOME!

I know you've heard it a thousand times...I only read playboy for the articles. But honestly, I only read playboy for the advertisements! Most of them are for whiskey and cigarettes. But there are some for cars and clothes.

Did you know that in 1965 you could by a car for 2800 dollars. A sports car even! The clothes were running about 7 dollars for a good pair of shorts and 4.50 for a nice polo top.

Honestly, the naked pictures were few. The center spread only has 4 pages and they are very tasteful. The rest of the magazine has articles and letters and such.

There was one letter that really caught my eye. I wonder why???

I hope you can read it!

Anyway, I've got a whole stack of these old magazines to go through. If I see anything interesting I will let you know. I really hope I have that February issue. I would love to see what Hef wrote about spanking!

Defining moments

Hello everyone! It's been awhile since I've been here. I've been wanting to start back up with blogging but I haven't found the motivation, meaning....I haven't had a good spanking lately!

I might try getting a little more active on here again even if there haven't been spankings. I went back and read some of my archives and there are things that I don't even remember and I'm so glad I wrote them. I feel sad that I have let the last year go by without very many updates. It's like looking back on a journal of your life.

But, I'm not promising anything. I just don't like that kind of pressure!

Anyway, let's talk a minute.

Everyone has defining moments in their life. Marriages, births, deaths. These are all defining moments. My defining moment happened 5 years ago today. I found out I had breast cancer. Sure, I had other defining moments, but this was a biggie!

Somehow and some way defining moments change you. They may change you for the good, or they may change you for the bad. You might not even realize that you are being changed in that moment. I know now that I was changed. It was good change and bad change but I changed and I will never be the same. I don't take things for granted anymore. I try and celebrate little things. I love my family more than ever. I am also more anxious. I am more of a homebody, just wanting to stay home where it's safe. Yes, I was changed. Even my body changed. Well, when they take a couple of lumps out of your boob, it tends to change too.

I went back and read my archives for 2010. A lot of things happened that year. Mostly centered around the cancer. I was surprised at how I had so many things to write about. I was surprised that I still had a little humor in there too.

Many things happened that year. My 36 year old sister in law died that year.

One thing that didn't happen that year. I didn't die. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I guess what I am trying to say is Thank you. Thank you for reading this blog, even when there are hardly ever updates. Thank you for being there in 2010 when I needed you the most. Thank you, Dear Readers for caring about someone that you didn't even really know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 5 years ago today was the scariest day of my life, but you were there with me. I wish I could give you all a hug, but that would be hard, and weird and expensive. Well, that's just not practical. So all I can really say is THANK YOU! Just know this, when you read someones blog and you think about them, well, I believe it's sending good vibes out into the universe to that person. If you leave a comment, it makes them smile. For one moment, you've changed that person.

I just thought you should know.

Anyway...

So, what was your biggest defining moment? Did it change you?

If you want to read about mine, go back to my archive and start with January 2010.

Now, lets go celebrate life! I'm heading out for an afternoon with Bossman. Maybe I'll talk to him about spanking. This blog needs MORE spanking!

Love you all!
grace

Love our Lurkers!

Welcome to my blog.

Thanks so much for taking the time to come and read my nonsense! I've been blogging here for a very long time. I've had my ups and downs on this blog and a lot of you have been here. I really appreciate the time you take to leave me messages or to email me. It doesn't matter what name you use or even if you don't use any name. Just the fact that you are thinking of me at that moment is good enough!

Thank you readers! Thank you lurkers!

If you feel comfortable...leave a message! I'd love to hear from you!

Someone posted these old ads on Facebook and I just don't know what to think of them.

Well, I mostly think they are funny!!!!

Love you all, xoxo

grace

one step forward

Things are looking up in graceland. We are trying really hard to just be more loving to each other and not be so upset all the time.

It's a small step, but it's working so far. This past weekend we had pictures done of the two of us. We were suppose to do them for our 25th anniversary, but we never got around to it. I guess 6 months late isn't too bad!

Anyway, we got them done and they turned out great. There is one where we are looking into each others eyes with our foreheads pressed together and by golly, we look like we love each other!

I don't think we have any pics like that of us and frankly, that picture makes me smile every single time I look at it. I'd show it to you all, but then I'd have to kill you all and that is just so much time and money and work.

In other news, my favorite red-head is coming home tomorrow! He hasn't been home since August 10th! I've missed that kid! I did get to see him a couple of weeks ago when we went up to watch him play football. He's a stud. Everyone up there at his school just loves him and I'm so glad we sent him up there. I've stocked the friger (as he used to call the refrigerator) with all his favorite foods and although he's only going to be here 5 days, my cupboards will be bare when he leaves! But I don't mind that at all!

This weekend I went with my daughter and the bridesmaids and maid of honor to pick out their dresses for the wedding. They are beautiful! I had a little run in with the manager there and my momma bear claws had to come out. See, my daughter used to work at this bridle store. Now when we got there, we had an appointment so it's not like we just barged in or anything. Seems while the maid of honor was getting changed, she and another of the girls over heard this manager talking about my daughter in a not-so-nice tone to another associate that works there. I didn't hear it, so I don't know what was said, but my daughter was UPSET! Now if there is one thing I've learned about brides it's....DON'T upset them! They are the center of the world and you must treat them as such!

So, after we got the dresses we wanted, I had to pay for one, so I sent them all outside and then I got the manager to the side and had a discussion with her! She claims she wasn't being rude, but the fact remains that my daughter was upset. And I told her so!

It was very exciting and it's good to know that my momma bear skills are still there!

Well there is just one thing missing from this post. Spanking!

HE knows I need one. I know I need one. But all he does is talk about it.

In his defense, he's been busy, busy, busy so there hasn't been much time, but golly I would sure like there to be some time. A nice stingy butt is really all this gal needs!

That and a pair of shoes to go with my pretty pretty dress!

more advice please!

Bossman and I are having a bit of a rough go at things lately. Seems we just can't get on the same page about anything.

This is affecting our marriage. We are still at the place where we realize we don't have that much in common and so we don't know how to handle things.

We need things to do together. More importantly, we need some ideas for spicing up the sex life.

Yes, anal is still on the back burner. But I need ideas on getting out of the rut, before I try something like anal.

I want to know what you and your other half do together. You know, on a daily basis. Do you just watch TV? Do you take walks, play games....what do you DO?

We are trying to watch our weight, so we haven't been going out to eat as much. We seem to spend a lot of time just watching TV in the evenings. Or, I go in one room and watch my shows and he goes in the other and plays on the computer. It's just so frustrating!

Besides what you do in the evenings....what do you do to spice things up in the bedroom? I know that seems like a silly question, coming from someone that likes spanking. You'd think spanking would spice things enough.

But our sex life has become bland. It's boring. It's the same ole' thing.

So...give me your best ideas for spicing it up. Candles? Oils?

I don't even know where to begin!

more wedding stuff

Interesting how life is.

When your kid is a baby, you know everything. You are a hero and you can do no wrong. Once they become teens....oh, well you know NOTHING. You are a loser and you are old and dumb.

Suddenly they become adult. They are at least willing to listen to you, even if they don't agree with you.

When my daughter got engaged, one of the first things she did was start looking for a venue. She lives about 2 hours from me, so she said she wanted to get married somewhere down by where she lives.

Ok.....

BUT, all her bridesmaids and friends are HERE! (her grooms family and friends are from the east coast)

I didn't say anything. I just let her go look. Looking isn't that fun when its just you and him and nobody to help. I gently told her that getting married up here might be a better choice because we are all here and because her daddy knows a LOT of people in this town and we could probably get some great discounts.

NO mom. I don't want to get married there!

HHmmmmm.....

After about a month or two, she finally decided that MAYBE she would like to come and look at venues in our area. We have some beautiful vineyards around our parts so she wanted to look at those. Bossman has some contacts in that industry so maybe a discount could be had.

BUT, there is one very, very nice hotel in our town. Johnny Depp stayed in this hotel. Shirley Temple stayed in this hotel. It's got a beautiful garden. AND, Bossman is good friends with the owner. Again I say....DISCOUNT!

Daughter says...."No, NO, NO!" "Mom, we are NOT getting married in that hotel. (Mind you, she has only seen the outside and never saw the gardens.)

We go and view some vineyards. Very nice...very expensive!

Finally she says, "can we go look at the hotel, because the grooms family is probably going to stay there."

We go and have a tour.

Now, Bossman and I are letting the Bride and Groom talk to the tour guide. We are meandering through the gardens, looking at the flowers, even stopping to take some pictures. We aren't keeping up with the little tour, we are just enjoying....until I hear....

"DAMN! I hate when my mom is always right!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That, my friends, was music to my ears!

So the wedding is being held at the hotel and YES....Yes, we did get a GREAT discount!

mother of the bride

Before I jump into wedding stuff, I just have to say that nothing anal has happened yet.

I got so many responses! I appreciated each and every one of them. I got comments and I got emails. I forwarded Bossman the emails and he read all the comments on my blog. Thank you for all the advice. We plan on trying some of the suggestions, but the timing has been off for us so we haven't pursued it. YET! We will. But with anal, you know, you gotta be in the mood!

In other news....my daughter is getting married. I know I already told you all, but I've been so horrible at blogging that I thought I would remind you. As much as I'd like to think I'm on the top of all your thoughts, I'm sure you have other things to think about besides me and my daughters wedding.

The planning is going well....thanks for asking! I know I said she was bridezilla, but she really has been good about everything. That's because I've learned to NOT give my opinion and to like everything she likes! YES, it's going great! HA!

We've secured the venue. We've secured a photographer. We've purchased the wedding gown. See, things are progressing. AND, costing a fortune! Luckily I only have one daughter!

Couple of weeks ago, we went down to visit her and the fiance. We decided to head to a bridal shop in her area, as she lives in a much bigger city than I do. We went in looking for veils. We spent a lot of time looking at the veils and we found the perfect one. As we were heading to the front to pay, my daughter says we should look at dress for me. Now? Nah, I'm not in the mood to look at dress for me, besides, the wedding is still 9 months away. Come ON, MOM! Lets do it...please?

So we look at dresses. She finds one she likes and asks me to try it on. GAH! NO! NO! NO!

So I try it on.

There is no mirror in the dressing room....stupid! So I have to come out. I think it looks ok, but I'm thinking it's a little much.

I walk out and my daughter just stares at me. THEN...I see tears shining in her eyes and she LOVES it.

Guess who bought a dress?

The first and only dress I tried on. I have to admit...I look pretty darn good in that dress. Pretty hot for a mother of the bride!

So, I need fashion help. I need shoes! Not silver shoes, although I think silver would look good, my daughter says no to silver.

So I need shoes and they can't be HIGH because I'm 5'10 and I don't want to tower over everyone.

Anyway, here's the dress...

What do you think?

anal, yes or no?

Thank you all for the comments on my last post. It seems as if we are all going through something right now in our relationships. My man-child is going back to school this Sunday, so I'm hoping a little alone time will get us out of our funk.

I'm also hoping to convince him to spank me. I mean really, is that too much to ask?

So a friend suggested....Ok, it was PK! She suggested that one way to get in a more submissive state of mind was to try anal. More specifically, she suggested a butt plug.

I've always been fascinated with anal. It's definitely a turn on for me. Problem is, we haven't had much success in this area. I get too afraid and tense up. It's just such a different feeling and it makes me nervous.

Trust me, we've done all the things you should do, lots of lube, fingers first...you know, all that stuff. I just can't help it, it makes me nervous and I start sweating and it's just NOT good!

I want it to be good...I really, really, want it to be good.

So, what am I doing wrong? Is there something else I can try?

Also, any butt plug suggestions? I'm thinking I would like to try one but it's really hard to shop for one online....who can tell how big or how small online? What should I look for in a good plug? Shapes and sizes...I just don't know!

I would appreciate some suggestions!

Anally challenged,
grace

problems? I got them.

If you've read here for any length of time, you know that I hate dirty laundry. Really, I hate laundry period. So it's natural that I wouldn't want to air my dirty laundry. That's not to say that I don't...I mean, I've told you all when there are problems. But it makes me uncomfortable to admit it.

Part of the problem is, I don't want us to look bad. Maybe if I don't tell you there are problems...they won't exist.

Yeah....I tried that....it doesn't work.

When you are having troubles, lets say it's your marriage, do you admit it to people? Do you have a special friend that you can vent too?

Let's just say I'm really mad at Bossman. Trust me, it could happen. Anyway, I'm really mad at him and I need to vent. I call my best girl friend up and tell her all my troubles. I tell her all the stuff that's bugging me about Bossman. Problem is, I don't want her to look at Bossman the wrong way. I don't want anyone to think bad things about him. Because we WILL make things right and I don't want the bad stuff to be in her mind.

We all have troubles, none of us are perfect. So if I'm having trouble with Bossman or in our marriage, that doesn't mean I hate Bossman. And...it doesn't mean you should hate him either.

On the outside, people think we are the perfect couple.

I like that they think that. But I also wonder...does that make me a fraud?

But, I've realized something.

We are the perfect couple. Perfect couples have problems too. If we didn't have problems, I'd be worried.

Speaking of problems....I'm just gonna talk about it here. Please don't think bad of Bossman, or me for that matter. We are just two people trying to work things out.

Bossman and I are in two different places in our life right now. Now that the kids are mostly gone, we find that we don't have that much in common. Actually, we don't have anything in common. The only common thing we had was the kids. I'm a homebody. Bossman is NOT!

Honestly, I'm writing all this, but I don't really even know what the problem is. All I know is we are fighting almost every night. Every night is a struggle because we start off talking and end in a big blow up. It's stressing me out, causing me to not sleep and it's just exhausting. Our blow ups are not about any specific thing. Every night it's something new. Not even big stuff, but it ends up being big stuff. I say stupid things that don't need to be said, he says things that hurt my feelings.

It's just HARD!

And I just don't know what to do about it...

follow me

When you and your partner go to the store, who gets out of the car first?

Who follows who?

Are you the type of person that takes a few minutes to gather everything before you get out, or do you just jump right out?

This is one of Bossmans biggest pet peeves. I go my own way. He takes longer than I to get out of the car and I just jump right out. I take the path of least resistance and he....well, he's behind me, so I don't know what path he takes.

He thinks I take the opposite path that he does, but honestly, I don't think about it, I just do it. I just go.

So I've been trying to work on it. I've been trying to wait for him, to walk next to him, to follow his path.

It's HARD! Sometimes he's so SLOW! I have NO patience for slowness.

But...

Submissiveness comes in many forms. This is just one of the many ways that I am NOT submissive.

It really does bug him though....

So.

I'm trying...

life lesson

I don't know about you, but for me, this sums up my spanking life. Also, I think it's beginning to sum up the rest of my life.

There hasn't been much spanking going on. Bossman and I have once again entered the land of disconnect. It's not a pretty land, it's barren and cold. It's ugly in this land. Trying to get out of this land is like trying to climb up a slippery slide...you get part way up and and suddenly you are sliding down again.

Last week, the man-child went camping with friends and we were left home alone. Bossman thought this might be the perfect time to get a spanking in. While over his knee, he started telling me things that had been on his mind. Things that were bugging him.

A normal person probably wouldn't have thought that this was a good time to argue. Nobody has ever accused me of being normal.

Of course I started arguing. He stopped the spanking to listen to me and although I had valid reasons for my actions, he didn't really care. See, it didn't matter what the reasons were....he was hurt by what I had done.

I see that now, but at the time, I just wanted to have my side heard and mostly, I wanted to be RIGHT!

I had a very good reason, but that didn't stop Bossman for being hurt. I couldn't see that at the time, and I certainly couldn't see that while he was spanking and then Bossman got frustrated and then....then we just stopped.

The spanking stopped, the talking stopped....everything just stopped. Our nice little spanking session came to a screeching halt.

The next day, we talked and he said to tell him when I was ready to finish the spanking. He knows how much I HATE telling him things like that. I told him I was ready when he was, but he wasn't buying that. He said I had to come to him and tell him that I was READY, this minute, to finish what we had started.

So, the next day, I told him I was ready. AND...he finished what he started. With the backscratcher.

But still....it wasn't the same. I had ruined it.

I want so badly to be submissive. But...I'm not. I want things to be like they are in my head. Not just with spanking, but with everything. Bossman told me that unless things are done the way I think they should be done, then I'm out. I lose interest. I guess I need to think about that. Is that true? Is this how I truly am and I am just unwilling to admit it?

I think he's right.

But, I don't know how to fix it.