Summer

Summer has been crazy busy.  Our dog, Sadie, got her leg surgery.  It was actually 4 grand and not 2. Still, it was worth it.  She is doing great.  I am glad we did it.  It was stressful the first 10 days because we had to keep her from doing anything.  She's such a happy go-lucky dog that she didn't even seemed fazed by the whole thing.  She still tried to jump up when the doorbell rang.  

So I have about 2 weeks left before my son leaves for college.  He's going to be 16 hours away from us.  We are driving up there with him and then we, Bossman and I, are going to take the long way back for a little road trip vacation.

This summer has been filled with watching my son and husband surf.  Weekend trips to see my daughter and just hanging out.  It's been great.

I know most parents are sad when their kids leave for college, but I'm actually excited.  Remember, he's already been going to a boarding school.  I'm used to him being away.  I'm not used to him being THIS far way, but I am already used to it.  I love having him home but I do like it when he's gone.  There is a lot less cooking and cleaning and laundry.  You KNOW how I love laundry!!!

One thing I've been thinking a lot about is spanking.  Nothing has been happening here, boo hoo, but maybe there is a possibility after the boy leaves.  It's fun to think about but I sure home I don't get disappointed.  I guess I should start dropping some hints.  Any suggestions?

That's it for now, what's up in your world?

Dog

I have no words for what is happening in the world today.  I can't wrap my head around it so I'm staying away from the tv today and I'm concentrating on my dog.

I have to take my dog to a special vet today for a consult.  Her regular vet thinks she tore her ACL.  I don't know what an ACL is, but I do know that it is in her leg.

Now, our vet has warned us that this surgery will probably cost around 2 grand.  So I am prepared for that number to pop up today.  What I wasn't prepared for was some of the snide comments I got from people when I told them.

People can be so mean.  Now, I'm not rich by any means, but I'm not exactly hurting for money.  My dog is suffering because she can't put weight on her leg, so we can't take her for walks or play with her.  I don't think she's in too much pain, but honestly, who can tell with a dog?  

The thing is, I've had two different people tell me they would never pay that much money for a dog surgery and they would just put her down.

PUT HER DOWN????

We rescued this dog from the pound when she was a year old.  We rescued her two weeks after I had surgery for breast cancer.  Admittedly I am not a dog person.  BUT this dog has captured my heart.  She's our girl.  She loves me the most.  I'm not the one that takes care of her, Bossman does that.  But for some reason she and I are bonded.  Her name is Sadie, but I should have named her Shadow because all she does is follow me around.

Anyway, the point is....Who tells someone they should just put down their dog instead of giving her the surgery?  I realize, some cannot afford this, but I can.  So, don't tell me not to waste my money.  Don't tell me she's not worth it.  Don't try and make me feel guilty for going the extra mile for my dog.  

If you looked into those beautiful brown eyes, you would totally understand. 

Crazy June

June was absolutely crazy!  It's started on June 1st, when my son turned 18.  Since his graduation was on the 5th, we decided to go up to his school on the 1st, surprise him, and then use a couple of days as vacation as he finished up his school year.  

He was quite surprised when he came downstairs from his upstairs dorm room and found his father and I there with cake and pizza for the whole dorm.  At first he didn't see us as there was a crowd of boys anxious to eat pizza.  I came out of the crowd and said, "I couldn't let my baby turn 18 without a kiss from his Mom."  His eyes got big and he said, "MOM! What are you doing here!"

Needless to say, it was a great birthday!  I was happy to see him and he was happy to see us.

Few days later was the biggest surprise of all.  We flew in his "girlfriend" from Indiana.  He had been dating her for almost a year but had never MET her in person.  I'm sure a lot of us can relate to that in some way or another.  We were in his room helping him pack it up when my daughter showed up with the girlfriend.  She, my daughter, knocked on the door and came in and the girlfriend followed.  He was so surprised I think there were tears!  They just hugged and hugged.  After a few minutes they let go of each other, but then they wanted to leave.  So they took off for a couple of hours and we went back to the hotel.  It was really awesome.

The next day, he graduated!  I'm so proud of that kid!  He is awesome.

The girlfriend stayed for 10 days, coming home with us and hanging out with my son for the week.  They had a great time together.

A week later, my daughter and her husband decided to move.  They have moved 4 times since getting together. This time they moved about 2 hours from my house.  It was lovely having them around the block, but 2 hours isn't really that bad.  Of course they moved inland and it's QUITE hot there.  Too bad for them.  Hopefully they won't move again for a long time.  

Back to the boy.  He broke up with the girlfriend.  Turns out, my son is a bit of a ladies man.  He became friends with a girl at his school and they didn't do any cheating, there were definitely some feelings between them.  So while the girlfriend was visiting, they talked and realized that although there was feelings between them, it wasn't going to work out.  He's going to college in Washington and she lives in Indiana.  The "friend" from school is going to the same college and I think he realized that the friendship could become something more.  He is still friends with the girl from Indiana but for now they broke up.  Ah, young love!  So complicated.

Anyway, that was my June!  How was yours?

18, graduation and surprise

My baby is turning 18 on Wed...then he's graduating high school on the following Sunday.

When I started this blog he was in kindergarten.  So thank you all for going on this journey with me.  I can't believe it's happening.  Somebody send tissues!

It's a bit ironic, but my son has a girlfriend that he met online.  They've been online dating for almost a year.  They haven't actually met in person so for graduation we are flying her in.  He doesn't know this so....SURPRISE!  Not tomorrow, but next Saturday will be the big surprise.  I don't know what he'll do. He's madly in love with her, I've spoken to her on Skype and emails and such and she seems very nice.  I hope so because she's going to be here for a week and a half!

In other news, 

My birthday was fantastic!  Bossman really went out of his way to surprise me and make my day super special.  His gifts were so great.  Unfortunately, he hasn't used the slapped thingie yet.  (What the heck is it called?). I thought maybe spanking might make a come back in our lives.  We had a late night discussion and we're trying to figure out when our relationship was the best and Bossman said he thought it was when we had spanking in our lives.  I agreed and I thought we decided to bring it back. But so far, nothing.

Things are going to be crazy here the next couple of weeks so I'm not holding out hope that it will happen, but I am encouraged that there was some discussion.  So, think positive thoughts for us!!

Lastly,  I think my boy is going to go away to college after all.  We are in the process of working it all out and if it happens he will be 15 driving hours away.  Sending him to boarding school was really hard, we missed out on a lot of things, but we were only 3 hours away and we made it work and it was the best thing we ever did for him.  Sending him to college is like sending him to the moon.  I realize this will be such an amazing experience for him and I am excited for him but, but....but he's my baby.  

I hope everyone out there is doing great.  I hope you are getting all the spankings you want and need!  Thanks for reading.  It means the world to me!

HUGS!

grace

Happy Birthday to ME!

So far Bossman has done really well!

I forgot

The day before my 48th birthday.  Bossman is taking me to a beach hotel for the night and a dinner overlooking the ocean.  It's going to be great, but the weather is crap!  Cloudy and rainy.  Stupid weather! 

In other news...

The other night when Bossman got home, he gave me a kiss, pretty normal action when he gets home.  The kiss though, led to other things, including clothes on the floor leading to the bedroom and a spanking.

I forgot about spanking.  I forgot how they feel.  I forgot how it feels to be pulled over his lap. I forgot how it feels to lay over his lap. I forgot how much it stings.  I forgot how later in the evening my butt feels sensitive and itchy.  I forgot how sexy it is. I forgot how it makes me feel so submissive. 

 I forgot how much I liked it.

I hope I can get some more reminder real soon.

I really hope!

grace

Just thinking...

The other night, Bossman and I were talking and he mentioned that he had read my latest blog posts.  Not that I've been posting a lot, but he hasn't read here for awhile.

I asked what he got out of the posts, as honestly I don't really remember what I wrote.  He said that he felt like we should give spanking a go again.

We haven't really been doing much spanking around here.  We had a big blow up about it, last year, I think, and so we stopped.  I still think about it and if I'm being honest, I still enjoy a good spanking clip and a good story, but I sort of gave up the notion that we would be doing it again.  So, thinking about starting it up again is....well it's a little daunting.

He hasn't mentioned it again, so I'm not sure if he's going to start it again or not.  I am really enjoying toying around with the idea in my brain. BUT, starting it up again...well, I just don't know how I feel about that.  

Listen, I'm not going to turn down a spanking.  Okay, I probably will fuss about it a little, but if he pushes a little, I'm sure I'll give in.  I'm interested to see what my actual feelings will be.  I also wonder how he is going to feel about the whole thing.

If anything, it's really fun to think about.

What are you thinking about these days?

grace

Every spanko needs this

Busy life

Things are busy around here these days.  The boy is home from school for spring break and keeping us on our toes.

The girl and her hubby have come over a few times this week for some family games and it's been so fun to just have everyone in the house and laughing together.

The boy is about to graduate.  He has a girl friend in a far off land called Indiana.  Weird thing, they met online and they haven't actually met in person.  I don't know how they met, but hey, what can I say? I've met some people on the internet too.  

Anyway, they have been going out for 8 months.  If you can call it that. I mean, let's face it. Things are a lot different from when I was dating Bossman.  We didn't have email, Skype, texting, cellphones.  So, they probably see more of each other than we did at that age.  They see each other everyday on their phones.  It's crazy, but he claims he's in love.  

Little does he know we've aranged a surprise for his birthday/graduation gift.  He turns18 4 days before graduation.  We are flying her in to surprise him.  It's going to be crazy!  I'm nervous and excited for him.  I just can't believe she's going to keep it a secret.  But so far she has.

I know it's only March, but graduation will be here before we know it.  He wants to go to Indiana for college, (I wonder why) but I just don't know if we can afford it.  Unfortunately we don't have much money saved for his college.  It was hard enough paying for his school he's at now and we've had help with it over the years.  I'll be honest.  Thinking about college is making me nervous.  I want what's best for him but I don't want him going into debt for the rest of his life.  Bossman makes too much money to qualify for much financial aid.  So, I don't know what to do.  We can help some but college is expensive.  Plus, if I'm being really honest, I don't know much about going to college.  Bossman and I only went to a junior college.  I have no experience with this stuff.

We will figure it out.  We have a great Jr. College here in our town that he will probably end up attending for a couple of years, he can get his basics out of the way and can live with us and work too.  

I don't know, it's just a lot to think about.

That's what going on in my life.....how's everything going in yours?

Ta ta, for now.

grace

27

Last weekend Bossman and I celebrated our 27th anniversary. To put that in perspective, when I started this blog we had just celebrated our 15th.  

Also, since I'm celebrating anniversaries, I started this blog in March of 2004, so if my math is correct, I've had this blog for 12 years. My son was in kindergarten, my daughter, 8th grade.  Now, my son is about to graduate and my daughter is married.

It's pretty surprising to me to go back and read some of the things I posted.  Most of it is boring and crap and I was mostly using this blog as a diary.  BUT, It is really eye opening to see how far I've come.  How far WE'VE come.  

We've come a long way.  Mostly good. Some, not so good.  But the important thing is that Bossman and I are still married and still in love.  Our kids are healthy and happy.  I survived cancer! The rest, well, the rest is just gravy!

I have often thought I should close down the old blog.  I don't post much so why should I keep it?  But looking back I realize that it's a documented account of my life....well pieces of my life.  And maybe this should be the name of this blog, instead of a day in the life, it should be pieces of my life. 

Anyway, I will leave it here.  I will post when the mood strikes.  

And, I will continue to try to get Bossman to spank me!

Ta ta for now,

grace

Perfect day

Yesterday was the perfect day.  

Bossman had the day off work so we hit the road!

We are blessed beyond belief to live on the California coast.  The ocean is magnificent.  The beaches are amazing, the cliffs are glorious.  And when we've had rain the hills and mountains turn green and beautiful.  Right now we are experiencing highs in the 80's.  Just perfect. (Don't ask me where El Niño is because I haven't seen him!)

About an hour or two away from us the is the most beautiful highway.  It curves along the coast.  If you look up scenic routes in America, this road is sure to pop up as one of the best.  If you've heard of Hana road in Hawaii, well, this road is probably just as glorious.

So Bossman and I headed up the road.  Last time we were there was on our 20th wedding anniversary.  Since next month we are celebrating 27, I guess it's been a while since we were up there.

It's still as beautiful as ever and we enjoyed our day so much.  I had such a great time I want a do-over!  

Here are some pictures of our glorious day.  

Enjoy!

 Yes those are zebras!

The only thing that could have made this day any better would have been....

A spanking!

Toodles!

Just life

Life is going pretty well for me these days.  Today was a balmy 78 out, so the wildchild and I went for a walk on the beach.  It was lovely!  The hills all around our area are a lovely shade of green now and it was just great.  

Couple of weeks ago I had a little scare.  Seems when you've gone through cancer, any little pain you get makes you worry.  I like to call it canceritis because even if I stub my toe....yep, I think there is cancer in my toe.  Anyway, couple of weeks ago, I had some pain in my abdomen.  After a week, I figured I better go in and see my doc.  I had an ultrasound and then...well, then they didn't call me for 5 days.  And it was the weekend and so I sort of forgot because by then the pain was gone.  But then they called and the nurse that called told me false info.  AND then I panicked!  She told me I had a 10 cm cyst and referred me to a gyn.  I called them for an appointment and they said I was a priority so then I REALLY freaked out. They gave me an appointment for the next day.

Bossman came with me to the appointment.  I got there at 2:45.  They didn't call me in until 4:40.

I was sooooo mad!  I had already gone twice to find out what the problem was and just when I got up to reschedule the appointment, the nurse came to the door and called me in.  The only reason I waited so long is because I really thought it was going to be some bad bad news.

Turns out, the nurse told me false info.  The cyst is only 4 cm and very common.  Everything else looked fine and she had a feeling that the cyst was probably gone.  So, I'll be having another ultrasound next week to make sure, but she was so confident that everything was fine that once again, I can breathe easier.  I just hate stupid things like that.  I really hate being afraid all the time.  I try not to go there, I try to realize that I just have to take things as they come, but honestly, it's really, really hard.

In other news,

Bossman and I are getting along really well lately.  Ever since the kids moved out and the boy went back to school, we have been doing really well.  Just this evening, I was jumping in the shower and Bossman was helping me undress.  I grabbed my shoes to put them away and he wasn't happy that I pulled away from him, so he pulled me over his lap and gave me a few whacks with the back scratcher.  Good god, that hurts like hell!  But it was only a few and then he sent me to my shower.  You know what?  I grinned like a goon through the whole shower!  Later on, we were watching a movie and one thing led to another and well, sex in the living room recliner was amazing!  

The boy is coming home on Wednesday.  I haven't seen him since the holidays, so I'm looking forward to seeing him.  Also, I redid his whole room, paint, carpet, new bed....the works!  I hope he likes it!

Well, that's what's going on here!  Hope things are good in your world!

Toodles!

Phone cover

I was looking at phone cases on Amazon because mine broke.  Now you would think that buying a phone case would be pretty easy.  As I scrolled down the page I came across this one.

Can you imagine?

Anyway, just thought I would share.  I'll try and catch up with you all sometime this week.

Toodles!

Happy New Year!

I know it's the 18th but it's never to late to say, "Happy New Year".

So, Happy New Year!

I'm done typing Happy New Year!

So.  I almost forgot I had a blog.  But then I saw this little app with a B on it and wondered what it was and it turns out it's the blogger app and when you open it you can do things like post on your blog.

Huh...who knew?

Last time we spoke, it was love your lurkers day.  I love my faithful readers that stopped by to comment even though I haven't posted in forever!  Thank you!  

I vowed then and there to post more often and then...I forgot!

But before LOL day, I told you all how my wildchild and her H...Hus...husband moved into my house. Still can't believe that girl is married.  So, they moved in. It was crowded!  And then, then the manchild came home from school and we were quite the houseful.  But it was great.  We had a great time over the holiday.  The best part of the holiday season was New Year's Eve.  That's the day the Mrs. and Mr. moved out.  Would you believe I ran around the house naked?  HA!

The good news is, they moved around the block from me.  I can walk to their house.  So great!  So close yet so far away!  We love it!  The manchild went back to school and my house is now back to just being ours.  The manchild will graduate in June and my house will again have to be shared with him, but we have 6 months to enjoy the quiet!  

I hope you all had a great Christmas.

I did a lot of this...

  Santa was extra good to me.  I got an iPad pro with the keyboard cover and that is one of the main reasons I'm able to type out this post.  It's so great!  It's like a laptop and a tablet at once.  So easy and convenient.  LOVE it!

Well, I don't want to shock your systems with an extra long post so I'll go now.  Can I promise I'll post more? Not really.  But I'm running out of excuses so....

Toodles!

Love our Lurkers!!

Have you ever had one of those days? Well, I'm having one of those weeks! Thank goodness it's over!

Just so you know, I had this whole post typed and ready to be posted yesterday. I thought I had scheduled it for midnight. After running around like crazy today, I grabbed my iPad, ready to see any comments I might have. Imagine my disappointment when there were no notifications of new comments in my email. I was so sad!

In a panic I log onto blogger and there is my post. Sitting in the draft file.
So stupid of me!

Anyway, not sure if I missed all the fun, but here is my post for all you lurkers!
I love you all!


Ah, lurkers.

I love the lurker.  Mostly I love them because I AM one.

Lurking is easy.  You read, you move on to the next one.  No muss, no fuss!

As a blogger, I know how wonderful comments can be.  They can lift you up, they can bring you down, they can piss you off.

I'm lucky.  I get very, very few negative comments.  The people willing to comment on this blog are so nice and friendly.  Very supportive.  An uplifting comment or thought can really lift a persons spirits.  They make you realize that even though you may think you are going through something alone, you aren't.  Others are going through something similar, or even something worse.

But, I understand not commenting.  You might read other comments and think "that's what I was going to say."  So you don't comment.  You might think that nobody is really interested in what you have to say. (I am!)

Anyway, I appreciate any comment I get.  I am grateful that you took the time to leave me a message, even it's just to say Hi.

So, please, take time today and comment. I promise, I'll be nice.

Love you all,
grace

Going crazy!

This past week has been nuts! Bossman and I haven't had time to fight with each other, which is a good thing. We've been getting along rather well which is a nice change of pace. I'm sure when everything dies down we will seek some counseling. I'm pretty sure that is a good idea.

So...first the wildchild and her hubby moved in. Now, we don't really have an extra bedroom, so they moved into the manchilds room because he wasn't due home until thanksgiving. HAHA! Guess who's sleeping on an air mattress in the living room? Hahaha!

The wildchild has been getting headaches and stuff and she went to the eye doctor last week. Turns out, she has a pseudo tumor. Basically she has fluid behind her eyes which is acting like a tumor. Good thing she came back home so mama could take care of her. If she doesn't get it treated she could go blind. She will have a MRI and a spinal tap to rule out anything else, but they are pretty confident that's what it is. They are also confident that treat will keep her vision in tact.

Meanwhile, the manchilds has been calling saying he's not feeling well. Last week his school took him to urgent care. They said it was a virus and he would be fine in a couple of days. Again I say...haha!

On Thursday I called him and he wasn't in class because he still felt like crap. I told him to come home.  I took him to the doc the next day and they thought he had an abcessed tonsil. Saturday he was even worse so we took him to urgent care and they gave him a steroid shot. Monday they wanted an ear nose throat doc to see him so we drove an hour away because our insurance is stupid! They said it was tonsillitis. Gave him some more meds! Hopefully he's feeling better tomorrow, or else we have to go back to the doctors.

Today I took the wildchild to the eye doctor. She had to have her pupils dilated. Good news is her vision is fine, but she needs to take care of the fluid.

So they are sleeping in the living room, the manchild probably won't go back to school until Thursday or Friday.

My house is full!

So that's what's going on in my life....how's your life going?

Being nice is hard

It's Saturday!  And I'm writing a post. And I've written a post at least once a week for the past few weeks.

These are all reasons to be excited.

BUT, the most important reason to be excited is...

My daughter is moving back to CA.

More importantly, she's moving in to my house for the next couple of months, with her husband, of course.

Her moving back is amazing.  I am so excited that she is moving back and she will be around her for the holidays and everything.

I'm not too excited that they are moving in with us for awhile.  BUT, I'll take the good with the bad and be happy, happy, happy.

On to other news....

Bossman and I are trying really hard to get along.  I hope that her moving in will not make things worse.  However, I'd like to point out that it is extremely hard to be nice.

I mean, I'm trying.  One night I had a really nice dinner made when Bossman got home.  We ate together and talked and it was nice.  But the next day I wasn't feeling it.  I didn't know what to do to be nice.  It was HARD.  I just wasn't in the mood.

I felt like if I tried everyday it would get easier, but it was really hard get in the mood.  I guess I've just been so unhappy for so long that trying to be nice and happy was hard.

It was eye opening.  I'm so used to being mean that it seemed unnatural to be nice.  I FORGOT how to be nice.

I'm working on it though.  AND, I think he's working on it too.

It's a start.

Did I mention the wildchild is moving back home with her husband?  Next week?

Well, she is.  In case I forgot to mention it.

Ok, carry on with your weekend.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Be nice

We had a big talk last night and Bossman said we just need to be nice to each other,

Apparently that is the answer.  Be nice.

I guess I'm not being nice.  Again, I was told that I've given up and I'm not being nice.

So, I need to be nice.

NICE?

Nice!

Nice.

I'm just trying to wrap my brain around that concept because I didn't really think I was being mean. But....I guess I am. I'm a big, big meany.

I did want to clarify the whole walking with him in parking lots.

I usually do.  I've gotten a lot better at making sure I don't walk ahead and that I am next to him and I even go so far as to hold his hand...shock!

So this latest parking lot thing was just a, well, it was a misunderstanding.

It was evening, it was crowded by the door when I dropped off the cart.  I grabbed the HEAVY bag and made a bee-line to my car.  That's it.  It wasn't meant to be a slight.  It was meant to get to the hell out of the crowd and to my car in the fastest way possible.  That's it.

There is so much more that was said last night.  Processing it all is hard because after all that I'm just suppose to be nice.

If only it were that easy.

If only.

confused life

I feel like things are slowly falling apart in my marriage.  Of course every marriage has it's ups and downs, it seems like lately we've had way more downs than ups.

I go though days thinking that things are ok and then I turn around and things aren't good at all.  I'm often surprised at the things Bossman says to me as my intentions are never what he thinks they are. Often I try and defend myself and try and tell him that those weren't my intentions at all.  This just makes him feel like his feelings are invalid and I should just apologize and not try to defend myself.

This goes against my nature.  I guess it's my nature to always be right.

The other day we came out of the grocery store and our car was parked pretty far away.  As I walked out of the doors, I made a bee-line for my car.  I had about 4 bags of groceries and they weren't light.  I really wasn't paying attention to where Bossman was.  I was just walking to my car.  I though he was right next to me.  I was wrong.

Later that night he said that wasn't how people in love act.  I should have paid attention to where he was and walked next to him.  I honestly couldn't believe this was a big deal.  I certainly wasn't purposely trying to walk away from him.  I simply was walking to the car thinking he was right behind me.  I mean, it was crowded and there were lots of people around, it really wasn't a slight of any kind, but Bossman took it as such.  He then went on to say that he feels like I've given up on our relationship and I don't care what happens to him anymore.

That is so far from the truth I don't even know what to say to that.

Of course his feelings matter and of course, I feel bad that he feels that way, but WOW, it just seems so harsh.  Honestly, I think he and I feel the same way, because I feel like he doesn't care anymore about our relationship.  In my eyes, he has given up.  He doesn't initiate anything anymore.  I pretty much have to be the one to start anything. I've said something to him about it and he says it's because he fears he will be rejected.  He also says he can't tell me anything because I under mind him and I just try and be right all the time.

Lets' be completely honest here.  I may not be as submissive at I wish I was, but I certainly don't want to be completely in control of everything.  I don't want to be the only one to initiate things.  I don't want him to just wait for me to do everything.  I don't feel like I'm under minding him, I feel like I'm sticking up for myself and trying to explain my point of view.  But then he feels like his feelings are valid.

Our marriage has never been this way.  So why does he NOW think that I will reject him?  Sure, I don't have the greatest sex drive.  BUT, I still like sex.  AND...if we are being completely honest, I have NEVER had that great of a sex drive. SO...I feel like I'm the same as I always was. I don't feel like I've changed.

But...he does.

So. What do I do to change things?  I'm so confused.  I'm hurt.  I'm frustrated and I'm tired.  I'm tired of going to bed mad and I'm tired of things being fake.  Because in the end it feels like we are just pretending that we are getting along, until the next fight.

And the fights are getting closer and closer together.  And I just don't know where to go from here. We've talked about counseling but Bossman is really busy at work this time of year and we say we should do it and we don't.

I really don't even want to post this because it sounds horrible and I don't want to admit that any of this is true.  But the reality is, I have no where to go.  I have no outlet to talk these things out.  I don't want to admit it to my friends because I don't want them to get mad at Bossman.  I can't talk to my family about it for the same reasons.  I don't want anyone to get mad at him because it's not him.

It's me.  I seem to be the problem.  And I don't know how to fix me.

Not what it seems

I'm a Facebook person. I love being able see what family and friends are up to. It makes me feel connected to the people that live far away from me. I also enjoy posting pics of my family...or pics of me and Bossman. 

One of Bossmans friends commented that he wished his relationship was as good as ours. 

Huh.

Last week a friend of mine came over for the afternoon. I've known her since 8th grade. She's single and she's the type of person that will have sex with anyone. But she really would like a serious relationship. She was the maid of honor at my wedding. She is always telling me how lucky I am to have Bossman. She is jealous of our relationship.

I am always surprised when people say that about me and Bossman. It's so interesting to realize that our outward appearance is so much different than our actual relationship. I sometimes wish our relationship was as great as people think it is. I wondered, are we living a lie?

As I was thinking that over I realized that maybe I am not seeing things the right way. MAYBE, our relationship is pretty great and I just don't see it. When I post a pic of us at the beach, we ARE having a good time. We are enjoying each other's company. I AM very lucky to have a husband that loves me and hasn't given up on our relationship.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. I have to remember how lucky I am and I have to appreciate what I realize is something I take for granted.

It's easy to say, harder to remember.

Also hard to remember...things aren't always as they appear.