It takes time to develop relationships. So why do we feel the need to hurry things along in life? Elis talked about wasting time in her relationship by not communicating things to her husband. Same thing happened to me. In my situation, I think it just took that much time before I was willing to share such a deep, dark, not exactly normal, secret. For such a long time, I thought it was wrong and weird to want a spanking. To tell someone would cast me in a different light. It would make me "unperfect". Not that I am perfect, but that I was different from the norm.
I've often thought that sometimes it just might take people that long to get comfortable enough to communicate at such a deep level. How did I know how my husband would react if I asked something so, out of the box, of him? Maybe he would have thought I was too different, and decide to leave. He might look at me differently. He might not love me anymore. Lucky for me, none of these things came to light. Lucky for me, my husband loves me no matter what sort of kink I might have.
Sometimes it makes me sad that people don't give relationships enough time to grow. We have such a throw-away society. Sometimes I feel like our society doesn't care so much for "long term relationships". Shows like Who wants to marry a millionaire and My big fat fiancee mock the long term relationship. They make you believe that love can be found in a short period of time and that you will be happy. How can anyone truly know someone in such a short period of time? How can you open up and tell all your deep dark thoughts to another person without knowing them very well. In todays world, people have no problem with divorcing or leaving relationships, without even giving them a chance to thrive. Had I given up on my relationship when things got rough, I would have lost my soul mate. Because I chose to stay with my relationship, I learned how much Bossman really, truly loves me.
People don't seem to have the patience to endure the hard times. Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think people should stay in abusive, hurtful, relationships. But I do think people should not be so quick to get out when things get a little tough. I think they should take the time to work on it. If they don't, they could lose the best thing that ever happened to them. If they take the time to work on it, and it still doesn't work, well, at least then, they know they tried.
If your still reading this, then take this from me. Don't give up so easily on something so important. When the going gets tough, don't immediatly bail. Work on it. Communicate. Take time to think. If you give up too soon, you could be giving up something more precious than gold. The very thing that you've been trying to find, could be right in front of you. But if you give up, you could lose it forever.
later.....
Very well put. I grew up Catholic and no one in my family every divorced. Sadly after my parents died, my brother did. People do give up to early. But you are also right that some marriages need to end. I just think the numbers have gotten quite high.
ReplyDeleteWhen ever I hear a celebrity talk about how wonderful their spouse and relationship are, I think yeah yeah. And typically less than six months later they are splitsville.
Once again very well put. And I am glad you stuck it out. Looks like the effort paid off for you!
Hugs
Grace~ Amen!!! Wow. What a post!! The first 11 years of my marriage were very very good. Then it all fell apart. The next nine were hell. We should have been divorced by the 15th year but we made a promise and because of that promise we took a stand. Then around year 20 something happened. I don't know what exactly. I just know that the downward spiral we'd been trapped in suddenly changed direction. And now? Yes. My soulmate. My best friend. And he just happens to finally be in the next room. But it's okay. We're working up to it. It's going to be a good night.
ReplyDeleteEva
Grace,
ReplyDeleteBoy did you say a mouthful!! Nick and I never really went through bad times. We never contemplated divorce - at least I know I never did. But I ignored my place as a wife to be only a mother. If I hadn't trusted him enough to open up to him - and yes it really takes years to have that much trust - would we have stayed together when the children left? If we had would we have been like roommates? Awful questions to think about. I am glad we were not one of the ones that gave up.
We had good role models my folks were married 55 years and Nick's parents just celebrated 59.
Great post!!
Elis
Great Post Grace! So much said in such a short post. I completely agree. I think many give up too soon. it is interesting that others have commented that they too are in very long term relationships and those around them. I am like that too. My husband and I have never had really hard times. We waited to have kids and we've been married 17 years now. Everyone I know and all my childhood closest friends that I still have contact with have either never married or never divorced. I only have 1 sister-in-law that did (2 times). My parents and his both are/were married (until my fathers death). It is so sad to see people divorce so quickly especially when kids are involved. it just tears me up. I know my husband and I will be together forever. We talk and care about eachother and both look at marriage as you do.
ReplyDeleteCaryagal
Outstanding post Grace, I do so agree.
ReplyDeleteI'm a widower, I have no doubt that if my Mel were still living we would still be going strong.
Every marriage goes through good and bad, these days it seems that when things get rough couples walk away, such a shame.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Grace - that's an amazing post! I agree 100% and it's very sad to be in the minority as a married couple these days. We've had our ups and downs through the years, but I could never stop loving him. And I just hope I don't outlive him, 'cos I never want to be without the Raven.
ReplyDelete(Golly - you must have really hit a soft spot in me!)
Keep writing please, I'll return.
Sky
I sure appreciate all your comments. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
ReplyDeleteToo bad the rest of the world doesn't take heed!
Hi Sky! And Welcome!
HUGS!
grace