Junk mail fun

I was cleaning out the ole' junk mail folder and realized that if anyone actually saw the junk mail I get, they would think I was a perv. Actually, they would think I was a poor, fat, perv.

Here are actual examples of the junk mail I received. These are the subject lines.

1. Does your wife tease you for the size of your manhood? First of all, I don't have a wife. Second of all, SHAME on the wife that teases a husband for that!

2. Hottie Janice sporting her double d's. I'm guessing double d's doesn't stand for dunkin' donuts.

3. Good bye belly fat. Hello thigh fat!

4. View photos of local singles. I'm guessing Janice would not be welcomed with her doubles.

5. Someone named Phoebe sent me this one: Make it grow. Do you think she wants to tell me how to make my hair and nails grow?

6. Competitive loans. If I'm getting a loan, I definitely want one that is competitive. Those non-competitive loans, they are so boring.

7. Brenda gets double stuffed in digital qaulity. First, that is how they spelled qaulity. Second, who want to see double stuffed in analog? Third, do you think they mean oreo cookies?

8. Fallen a little low on dough? I think if your dough is low that means you didn't put in enough yeast.

9. More dvd's then you could ever jerk off too. Again, this is how they spelled it. Also, If I'm going to jerk off to something I would not want it to be a dvd. I have way more class than that.

10. Valerie wrote to inform me that... fran turned out to be a transy. Does anyone know what a transy is? Can this be cured with a pill? What is the recovery time? Is it contagious?