Camping was great! We had loads of fun, the sun was bright, the beach was beautiful as ever. As a family, we got along splendidly. I cherish these moments because the wildchild (who is about to be a junior in high school) will be gone in a few short years, and I just KNOW I'll miss these family times.
Bossman is out of town this weekend. This is not a fun thing for me. I can count on my hand how many times we've been apart overnight. That's one hand folks. One hand.
That might sound a little pathetic, and frankly it sounds a little pathetic to me, but the truth is, we don't like going places without each other. We are not the type of couple that does things separately. Don't get me wrong, we aren't joined at the hip or anything. We have our separate hobbies. But going away, all night, or two nights in a row, we just don't do it.
So here I am, typing in my blog, instead of sleeping, like I'm usually doing at this time. Pathetic, just pathetic.
Another pathetic thing in my life right now is NO spanking. Ok, there was this one, last week when the kids were spending the night at grandmas, but, it's not even worth writing about. It was just a hand spanking, and there wasn't even any fooling around afterward.
It seems that since I know that spanking isn't an option right now, I've just blocked it out of my mind. I haven't focused on it, so it's just not as important as it was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll take anything I can get and I'm not giving spanking up anytime soon but I am just not really in the mood. So when there is an opportunity for a spanking, it seems like it's just something to do, something that we are suppose to do and it doesn't seem to have any meaning.
But yet, something is missing from our lives. It's the one thing that keeps Bossman and I close. It's the one thing that can keep us connected even when the rest of the world is crapping on us. It's the thing that binds our relationship and makes us whole.
~sigh~
I miss it. I miss spanking!
But most of all, I miss Bossman right now.
later.........
better late than never
I know the 4th has past, but check out this link.
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Fathers day
Fathers day is a hard day for me. The only person I celebrate on that day is the father of my children. Bossman is the best father there is. He is caring and loving and he spends a lot of time with our kids. I sometimes envy my children for having such a great father.
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
Clarification
Paul got me thinking about my last post and after re-reading it I realized I didn't really state why I feel weird about my noises and such.
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
weird noises
I hate the noises I make when I'm being spanked. There, I said it!
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
last day of peace
Today is the last day of school for the wildchild. She will officially be a junior in high school next year. She failed history class both semesters so she will be going to summer school.
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
Changes
I decided to change my blog around a bit. I thought I could use a bit of color.
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
Little man turns 8
My little man is 8 years old today!
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
weirdest spanking yet!
Yesterday Bossman gave me a spanking for the remote thing (see previous post) and for being very lazy. (yes, it's true, I spent hours on the computer on Monday, and didn't clean ANYTHING in this house...sigh)
So He put me against the wall. We don't have any available corners in the bedroom, so he has me stand against the wall with my pants down and my hands behind my back. Chest must be against the wall. I'm only standing there long enough for him to get his weapon of choice. In this case it was the most dreaded of all spanking implements, the wooden spoon. He also likes using the 28cent paint stirrer.
Anyway, after he is prepared, he takes me over his knee. He sits on the bed, and pulls me over one knee so my upper body is on the bed. He starts telling me all the reasons that this spanking is way over due. And he starts spanking, first with the paint thingie because it's not as harsh and is a very nice warm up. Everything is going fine until the phone rings. Since Bossman was expecting a business call, he answered it.
Mind you, I'm still over his knee. And he's conducting business. That's right folks, I'm over his knee listening to him talk to clients. Sheez, of all the indignities! Then he takes the paint thingie and wedges it in my butt crack. And still he's talking, and talking and talking. Very, very weird!
Actually, the whole thing was funny, and I was trying very hard not to laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing.
Don't worry, as soon as the call was over, the wooden spoon was introduced to my bottom. GEEZ, how much does that stupid thing hurt? Even after the warm up, that thing really hurts.
Of course, now Bossman has decided that since I LOVE the wooden spoon soooo much that if I decide that the computer is more important than cleaning the bathroom, then I should have a meeting with the spoon. Only. Just. the. wooden. spoon! Oh yikes, I am not too happy about that, but I can assure you that I will be cleaning the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I better go now, Bossman is due home, and I don't want to test him today...my butt is still sore!
later.............
So He put me against the wall. We don't have any available corners in the bedroom, so he has me stand against the wall with my pants down and my hands behind my back. Chest must be against the wall. I'm only standing there long enough for him to get his weapon of choice. In this case it was the most dreaded of all spanking implements, the wooden spoon. He also likes using the 28cent paint stirrer.
Anyway, after he is prepared, he takes me over his knee. He sits on the bed, and pulls me over one knee so my upper body is on the bed. He starts telling me all the reasons that this spanking is way over due. And he starts spanking, first with the paint thingie because it's not as harsh and is a very nice warm up. Everything is going fine until the phone rings. Since Bossman was expecting a business call, he answered it.
Mind you, I'm still over his knee. And he's conducting business. That's right folks, I'm over his knee listening to him talk to clients. Sheez, of all the indignities! Then he takes the paint thingie and wedges it in my butt crack. And still he's talking, and talking and talking. Very, very weird!
Actually, the whole thing was funny, and I was trying very hard not to laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing.
Don't worry, as soon as the call was over, the wooden spoon was introduced to my bottom. GEEZ, how much does that stupid thing hurt? Even after the warm up, that thing really hurts.
Of course, now Bossman has decided that since I LOVE the wooden spoon soooo much that if I decide that the computer is more important than cleaning the bathroom, then I should have a meeting with the spoon. Only. Just. the. wooden. spoon! Oh yikes, I am not too happy about that, but I can assure you that I will be cleaning the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I better go now, Bossman is due home, and I don't want to test him today...my butt is still sore!
later.............
things that make you go, hmmmm...
If I want my husband to be the head of household, if I want to be submissive in this relationship, why do I have such a hard time giving up control?
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Is there anything better?
My son (who is almost 8) made me a mothers day card at school. Yesterday morning, he and the wildchild made me breakfast and brought it to me in bed. Then he gave me the card.
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
We're gonna party like it's your birthday!
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday dear MEEEEE!!! Happy birthday tooooooo MEEEEEE!!
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
shower
He pushes me against the wall and sprays hot water over my body. My hands drift behind my back to fondle his cock. First he washes my hair. While putting the shampoo in my hair, he yanks my head back with a firmness that makes me gasp. I can only close my eyes and drift to the place of serene happiness and contentment. While I'm slowly drifting away, I am jerked back to reality by a burst of icy coldness down my back. My fiery skin is alive from the hotness of the water and the coolness of the soap. And then there is his hands, they are everywhere. They are smoothing the coolness of the soap over my body. They are pushing their way into the cracks and crevices of my body. They are alive and they are hot. I am again lulled into my fantasy land. His hands take the time to explore my slick hot skin. I am still pinned to the wall of the shower. My hands are exploring his balls and his cock. Without even thinking, my hands are slipping and sliding along his shaft.
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
When the kids are home....
there is no time for spanking!
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
life goes on
The spankings have been going great at my house!!! Hooray for me.
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
and the beat goes on...
On my BUTT!!!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
d/d revisited
I got a spankin, I got a spankin!
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
hurt foot
I hurt my foot.
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
stay-fresh socks
I've bought a package of new socks! whoo hoo...don't you just love wearing new socks? They are so soft and comfortable, new socks make me happy.
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
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