Erica has tagged me and since I love this kind of thing...here it goes.
Once you have been tagged, you have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about yourself and say who tagged you. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people you tag and list their names. No tag backs.
1. The beach is a spiritual place for me.
2. I collect dolls. I have at least 50 porcelain dolls.
3. I have huge feet. And very ugly toes. (yuck)
4. My favorite book series is call Outlanders, by Diana Gabaldon. Yes, there are a couple of references to spanking, but that's not really why I like them. Of course the spanking scenes make it that much better. ;)
5. I lived in Germany for 3 years, but can't speak a word of german.
6. My family and I have been on the local news 3 times this year.
7. I'm addicted to Big Brother, and have the live feed running in the background as I write this.
8. My favorite ice cream is cake batter with brownie mixed in from Cold Stone Creamery. If you haven't tried it...do it NOW!!
Since everyone I know has been tagged, I'll tag,
Eva and Elis and Mike
later......
nothing new
I've got nothing new to report. Things have been boring, not even one spanking to report.
But the good news is, the wildchild goes back to school in 2 weeks and the little man goes back in 3. I'm told spankings will resume in full force as soon as they are safely out of earshot.
Bossman has even stated he's thinking of taking a whole day off, just so we can get back on track! I can't decide if that is a good thing or a bad thing. My heart says good, my butt says BAD!
Well, hope you are all having a great week! Heres hoping I can think of something wonderful to write about in my next post!
later.......
But the good news is, the wildchild goes back to school in 2 weeks and the little man goes back in 3. I'm told spankings will resume in full force as soon as they are safely out of earshot.
Bossman has even stated he's thinking of taking a whole day off, just so we can get back on track! I can't decide if that is a good thing or a bad thing. My heart says good, my butt says BAD!
Well, hope you are all having a great week! Heres hoping I can think of something wonderful to write about in my next post!
later.......
training your man????
I watched part of the Today show this morning and I saw a segment that really bugged me.
Mind you, I caught the end of the segment, so I didn't see the whole thing, but the gist of the seg was about training your man. Now, I know that we women always say we are "training our man", or we've "trained him" to do something, like putting his socks in the hamper..things like this, but this segment offended me because....
They were comparing men to animals. They actually had a woman who was an animal trainer, and they were comparing ways that training animals could help you train your man.
Am I the only one that has a problem with THAT???
Since when did our husbands become pets? To be fair, they took an e-mail from a man who wanted to know how to train is wife. Oh yes, I really want to be fair here!
One woman wrote in and said her husband is always late. She calls him an hour before the appointment, half-hour before the appointment, and 15 minutes before the appointment. Yet, they are still late. Do you even want to know what Ms. Animal trainer had to say? She said that he really liked all the attention that she was giving him, even if it was negative, and the first thing she would do was stop calling him all the time. ~sigh~
First of all, the ladies husband is a moron. Anybody that would consistently make himself and his wife late is a moron. Why would a husband be that rude? Don't get me wrong, we all run late once in awhile. But if your wife, or husband is calling and reminding you, every 15 mins, what the HECK is your problem???
Second, do we really crave attention so much from someone that we would want them to call and tell us about said appointment every 15 min? I'm sure those are really pleasant calls to get from wifey. I'm sure they weren't nagging or nasty. Nope, they were probably very pleasant calls. They were probably something like, Hi honey, remember, we have this appointment? I would appreciate you being there on time. Ok dear, love you.... Yeah, that's how they were, I'm sure.
So Ms. Animal trainer says don't call him all the time. Yeah, that will work, I'm sure. I'm sure when the next appointment comes up, and the wifey doesn't call and remind him, he will miss her nagging voice soooo much that he will NOW be on time. Yeah, I'm sure that will work.
All I know is this, I don't try and train my man. We learn and grow from each other. We see what annoys the other, and we try not to do that again. Did I train Bossman to spank me? Nope. I told him what I would like, and he tries to make me happy. (ok, it wasn't that easy, but you get my point)
So, how does spanking fit into all this? If Bossman spanks me for not cleaning the bathroom, is he trying to train me? In my ever so humble opinion, nope. I believe that life is full of consequences. If you don't put gas in the car, you will be stranded on the side of the road. If I don't clean the bathroom, Bossman will spank me. (usually) Consequences. Not training!
Training is for pets, not for husbands. Either that, or Petsmart should start having obedience training for husbands.
later.....
Mind you, I caught the end of the segment, so I didn't see the whole thing, but the gist of the seg was about training your man. Now, I know that we women always say we are "training our man", or we've "trained him" to do something, like putting his socks in the hamper..things like this, but this segment offended me because....
They were comparing men to animals. They actually had a woman who was an animal trainer, and they were comparing ways that training animals could help you train your man.
Am I the only one that has a problem with THAT???
Since when did our husbands become pets? To be fair, they took an e-mail from a man who wanted to know how to train is wife. Oh yes, I really want to be fair here!
One woman wrote in and said her husband is always late. She calls him an hour before the appointment, half-hour before the appointment, and 15 minutes before the appointment. Yet, they are still late. Do you even want to know what Ms. Animal trainer had to say? She said that he really liked all the attention that she was giving him, even if it was negative, and the first thing she would do was stop calling him all the time. ~sigh~
First of all, the ladies husband is a moron. Anybody that would consistently make himself and his wife late is a moron. Why would a husband be that rude? Don't get me wrong, we all run late once in awhile. But if your wife, or husband is calling and reminding you, every 15 mins, what the HECK is your problem???
Second, do we really crave attention so much from someone that we would want them to call and tell us about said appointment every 15 min? I'm sure those are really pleasant calls to get from wifey. I'm sure they weren't nagging or nasty. Nope, they were probably very pleasant calls. They were probably something like, Hi honey, remember, we have this appointment? I would appreciate you being there on time. Ok dear, love you.... Yeah, that's how they were, I'm sure.
So Ms. Animal trainer says don't call him all the time. Yeah, that will work, I'm sure. I'm sure when the next appointment comes up, and the wifey doesn't call and remind him, he will miss her nagging voice soooo much that he will NOW be on time. Yeah, I'm sure that will work.
All I know is this, I don't try and train my man. We learn and grow from each other. We see what annoys the other, and we try not to do that again. Did I train Bossman to spank me? Nope. I told him what I would like, and he tries to make me happy. (ok, it wasn't that easy, but you get my point)
So, how does spanking fit into all this? If Bossman spanks me for not cleaning the bathroom, is he trying to train me? In my ever so humble opinion, nope. I believe that life is full of consequences. If you don't put gas in the car, you will be stranded on the side of the road. If I don't clean the bathroom, Bossman will spank me. (usually) Consequences. Not training!
Training is for pets, not for husbands. Either that, or Petsmart should start having obedience training for husbands.
later.....
Beachy kind of day
Thank you all for your cheerful comments!
I took the kids to the beach yesterday and had the best time. Usually I spend my time in my chair reading a book. Yesterday I decided to go in the water. I mean, the weather is still hot, but at the beach it's only in the 70's. The pacific water is usually pretty cold, so most of the time I just stick my feet in.
Anyway, I rode the waves with my son. I boogie boarded with my daughter! Oh boy, it was great fun, and we all came home with a sunburn! I really lathered that sunscreen on too. But the water was great, and the waves were great and it was a great way to forget about lifes troubles.
The car is fixed and the temps are going down. Now if I could just get that spanking.....
later.....
I took the kids to the beach yesterday and had the best time. Usually I spend my time in my chair reading a book. Yesterday I decided to go in the water. I mean, the weather is still hot, but at the beach it's only in the 70's. The pacific water is usually pretty cold, so most of the time I just stick my feet in.
Anyway, I rode the waves with my son. I boogie boarded with my daughter! Oh boy, it was great fun, and we all came home with a sunburn! I really lathered that sunscreen on too. But the water was great, and the waves were great and it was a great way to forget about lifes troubles.
The car is fixed and the temps are going down. Now if I could just get that spanking.....
later.....
ups and downs
I have to admit, I had great fun writing the last couple of posts. It was interesting to go back and analyze our relationship. Funny how our perspective changes when you go back and look at it. I can tell you, those feelings were not so easy to identify when your going through it.
But last week was not a good week for me. Writing those posts was a great way to take my mind off of all of lifes troubles. Our finances are not the greatest right now. This is always stressful. Trying to make a teenager happy, plus keep everyone busy this summer really takes a toll. On top of everything else, our car decided to break down. With only one car working, I didn't get out of the house much last week. Talk about stir crazy! Not to mention the weather has decided to break all the heat records. I'm used to 70's, to have the temps reach 90 and 100...without air-conditioning....ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
All this stress is making me very cranky. I've been flying off the handle over really stupid things, and so I'm not much fun to be around. The kids have been around too much for any spankings, so that makes everything worse. Bossman has had plenty of reasons to break out the back scratcher, but there just hasn't been any opportunity for that.
But this week is much better..thank you very much. The car is getting fixed, even if it is costing us an arm and a leg. Although the weather is still hot, if I keep the fans trained on me the whole time, I won't melt. The finances will work themselves out, they always seem too. But no spankings in the immediate forecast.
I will try hard this week to snap out of the cranky mood. I will....I promise!
later......
But last week was not a good week for me. Writing those posts was a great way to take my mind off of all of lifes troubles. Our finances are not the greatest right now. This is always stressful. Trying to make a teenager happy, plus keep everyone busy this summer really takes a toll. On top of everything else, our car decided to break down. With only one car working, I didn't get out of the house much last week. Talk about stir crazy! Not to mention the weather has decided to break all the heat records. I'm used to 70's, to have the temps reach 90 and 100...without air-conditioning....ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
All this stress is making me very cranky. I've been flying off the handle over really stupid things, and so I'm not much fun to be around. The kids have been around too much for any spankings, so that makes everything worse. Bossman has had plenty of reasons to break out the back scratcher, but there just hasn't been any opportunity for that.
But this week is much better..thank you very much. The car is getting fixed, even if it is costing us an arm and a leg. Although the weather is still hot, if I keep the fans trained on me the whole time, I won't melt. The finances will work themselves out, they always seem too. But no spankings in the immediate forecast.
I will try hard this week to snap out of the cranky mood. I will....I promise!
later......
The end....whew!
It's amazing how I thought this one little story would be a nice little post. Suddenly it's something that just keeps growing....
Once I realized it wasn't always about me, I had to figure out how to make it beneficial for Bossman to want to continue this lifestyle. What was his motivation for doing this? I decided that after every spanking, I would show him what a difference it made in me. Not only me, but our relationship. I showed him how much more submissive I am after a spanking. I showed him how much better sex is after a spanking. And guess what? He got it.
One day he just got it. One day he was spanking me, and he took it farther than he ever had. For you see, up to this point, I could still control the spanking. I knew that if I made too much noise, or wiggled a little too much he would stop. He probably knew this, but he also didn't want to hurt me. Even though I yearned for a really hard spanking, one that would leave a lasting impression, when the going got a little too much, I would just use my little tricks to make it stop. I still don't understand why I did that. Because afterward I would be so mad at myself. Why would I do that? Why would I stop a perfectly good spanking? For heaven sake, it's suppose to hurt, right?
So one day he kept going. Even after I loudly protested! None of my tricks worked, he just decided to keep going until He felt he was done. That wasn't very fun, but let me tell you something, it worked. He finally realized I wasn't going to be mad at him, I wasn't going to be throw him out. He got it. (of course I got it worse. heheh)
So this is where it stands today. My husband spanks me when he needs to, or if the kids are around, then when he can. There really are no hard lines that we have drawn. One of the biggest things in our house is keeping the bathroom clean. Does he spank me everyday if I don't do the bathroom? No. But when he feels the need has arisen for a spanking, he delivers. I don't sit around everyday wondering if I'll get a spanking. If I get one, goodie for me, if I don't, oh well. I've decided I have more important things in life to worry about and my husband just can't spank me everyday. That's ok with me.
It's not an easy road. I believe everyone that takes this road will find different stops along the way. What works for some, does not work for others. If you're going to compare your relationship to someone else's, it won't work. You can take ideas, but you can't live their life. If you try, your setting yourself up for failure. Stories are great for fantasy, but the reality is, it's never going to be the same. Don't set yourself up for that kind of disappointment.
So, did I convert a vanilla? I guess you could say that. But he converted me too. He converted me into the submissive person I was born to be. He shows me everyday what true love is. Without his loving support, I may have never been bold enough to tell him my secret.
And that my friends would have been the biggest tragedy of all!
later..........
Once I realized it wasn't always about me, I had to figure out how to make it beneficial for Bossman to want to continue this lifestyle. What was his motivation for doing this? I decided that after every spanking, I would show him what a difference it made in me. Not only me, but our relationship. I showed him how much more submissive I am after a spanking. I showed him how much better sex is after a spanking. And guess what? He got it.
One day he just got it. One day he was spanking me, and he took it farther than he ever had. For you see, up to this point, I could still control the spanking. I knew that if I made too much noise, or wiggled a little too much he would stop. He probably knew this, but he also didn't want to hurt me. Even though I yearned for a really hard spanking, one that would leave a lasting impression, when the going got a little too much, I would just use my little tricks to make it stop. I still don't understand why I did that. Because afterward I would be so mad at myself. Why would I do that? Why would I stop a perfectly good spanking? For heaven sake, it's suppose to hurt, right?
So one day he kept going. Even after I loudly protested! None of my tricks worked, he just decided to keep going until He felt he was done. That wasn't very fun, but let me tell you something, it worked. He finally realized I wasn't going to be mad at him, I wasn't going to be throw him out. He got it. (of course I got it worse. heheh)
So this is where it stands today. My husband spanks me when he needs to, or if the kids are around, then when he can. There really are no hard lines that we have drawn. One of the biggest things in our house is keeping the bathroom clean. Does he spank me everyday if I don't do the bathroom? No. But when he feels the need has arisen for a spanking, he delivers. I don't sit around everyday wondering if I'll get a spanking. If I get one, goodie for me, if I don't, oh well. I've decided I have more important things in life to worry about and my husband just can't spank me everyday. That's ok with me.
It's not an easy road. I believe everyone that takes this road will find different stops along the way. What works for some, does not work for others. If you're going to compare your relationship to someone else's, it won't work. You can take ideas, but you can't live their life. If you try, your setting yourself up for failure. Stories are great for fantasy, but the reality is, it's never going to be the same. Don't set yourself up for that kind of disappointment.
So, did I convert a vanilla? I guess you could say that. But he converted me too. He converted me into the submissive person I was born to be. He shows me everyday what true love is. Without his loving support, I may have never been bold enough to tell him my secret.
And that my friends would have been the biggest tragedy of all!
later..........
My story part 3
I wrote him stories and letters about how I would like it to be. I had my fantasy within reach. But things didn't go so well at first. Oh he would try spanking me, but I would resist. What was I thinking?? This is what I wanted. But in my fantasy I wasn't a willing participant. How do you become willing, but not willing at the same time? It wasn't the same if I gave into him and just let him spank me. It wasn't nearly as erotic. This was not the way I dreamed it would be. My dreams had my husband being very dominating. In my dreams, my husband would only have to look at me with that look and I would immediately become submissive. Real life was so much harder, and it wasn't nearly as much of a turn on.
Spanking at this point became very important to me. Suddenly, it was all I could think of. It was in my heart. I finally realized that this was a part of me, and I would never be able to take it away. I wasn't sure how it was going to fit into my life because Bossman and I never seemed to be able to make it work the way I thought it should work.
Oh, we had some great times trying it out, don't get me wrong. The first time he actually took me over his knee and spanked me, I couldn't believe this was happening. I was excited, embarrassed, nervous, humiliated. Even though we had thoroughly discussed it, I still was mortified that this was turning me on. I still couldn't really look Bossman in the eye while discussing it. Truth be told, I still can't. It's better said at night, in the dark, where all secrets can be told and there will be no judgment. When a spanking is over, I can't look at him in the eye. He has to make me. He has to make me understand that this is ok. Doesn't that seem odd? I started this whole thing. I wanted this whole thing to take place, yet He has to make me understand that it's ok. He doesn't think I'm a freak, he doesn't think I'm weird. He understands that this is me.
Over the past 5 years we have tried a bunch of different things. We tried rules. Nope, that just wasn't going to work. We realized early on, that if we had a list of rules that was going to make him into a policeman. He was going to have to police my every move. And I expected him to. I would deliberately break a rule, just to see if he would punish. More times than not, he wouldn't. Poor man. He was trying to earn a living, raise his children. Why did I think he needed to police me too? But I thought he should, and if he didn't, I was very unhappy. Would I tell him? Heck no, asking for a spanking isn't in my vocabulary. It still isn't. Besides, my fantasy did NOT have me asking for a spanking. My strong, dominate husband was suppose to know when I needed to be spanked. Everyone woman knows that their man is suppose to read their mind. I'm no different. If he couldn't tell when I needed I spanking, well I'll be damned if I was going to tell him. I would just continue on my bratty way and to hell with him.
You probably guessed, that didn't work so well. And when that didn't work, we would throw d/d out the window. Thank goodness I live in a one story house, and d/d is made of rubber, because it kept bouncing back and never really broke. Every time we would throw it out the window, I would say to myself, fine, I don't really need it, I can be happy just reading it on the internet. And I could. If I had to. If push came to shove, and Bossman said, no way, I'm never doing that. I could live. I would survive and we could still be happy together. I would always wish it was there, but I would survive. I would still read about it on the internet, I would still dream about it, but I would live. For spanking will never, ever, be more important than Bossman.
But I'm one of the lucky ones. Bossman knows me better than I know myself, and by now he has figured out, I need this. So we keep working at it. Bossman noticed something about me and our relationship. I was more submissive after a spanking, and we, as a couple, were much happier. I was a happier wife, and our sex life was much better. MUCH better! So Bossman realized, we have to make this work.
We threw the rules out the window. Lucky for me, they were on paper and the paper blew away. Now he just tells me what he expects. If I let those expectations drop, I will probably get a spanking. Notice I said probably. This was hard for me learn. I had to learn that he wasn't always going to spank me when I thought I needed it. He was going to spank me when HE thought I needed it. What? He's the one in charge? DUH, Oh yeah, that was the part I was missing. Even though I am the one that brought this to our relationship, if it was going to work HE was going to have to be in charge.
So let me get this straight. If I want my husband to be in charge of my house, If I want my husband to dominate this relationship, then I have to stop topping from the bottom.
That's right, I said it. I have to give up control. What? How was I suppose to do that? I was the one that knew the way I wanted it. I had done all the reading, I had looked at all the websites. Me, me, me. This was all about me, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
There comes a point in any relationship when you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your partner. When we start dating someone we worry about how we look, how we smell, what we will say. When you've been with someone a long time, does it really matter if you fart in front of them? Nope, not really. There are so many times when I've only thought about myself, and I didn't think about Bossman. I only cared about how he was treating me, I didn't stop and think about how I was treating him. That's a hard thing to admit, no matter who you are.
It's not always about me.
Although this blog is all about me, the rest of my life isn't, so since my kids need to be fed at least once a day, I better get to it.
later........
Spanking at this point became very important to me. Suddenly, it was all I could think of. It was in my heart. I finally realized that this was a part of me, and I would never be able to take it away. I wasn't sure how it was going to fit into my life because Bossman and I never seemed to be able to make it work the way I thought it should work.
Oh, we had some great times trying it out, don't get me wrong. The first time he actually took me over his knee and spanked me, I couldn't believe this was happening. I was excited, embarrassed, nervous, humiliated. Even though we had thoroughly discussed it, I still was mortified that this was turning me on. I still couldn't really look Bossman in the eye while discussing it. Truth be told, I still can't. It's better said at night, in the dark, where all secrets can be told and there will be no judgment. When a spanking is over, I can't look at him in the eye. He has to make me. He has to make me understand that this is ok. Doesn't that seem odd? I started this whole thing. I wanted this whole thing to take place, yet He has to make me understand that it's ok. He doesn't think I'm a freak, he doesn't think I'm weird. He understands that this is me.
Over the past 5 years we have tried a bunch of different things. We tried rules. Nope, that just wasn't going to work. We realized early on, that if we had a list of rules that was going to make him into a policeman. He was going to have to police my every move. And I expected him to. I would deliberately break a rule, just to see if he would punish. More times than not, he wouldn't. Poor man. He was trying to earn a living, raise his children. Why did I think he needed to police me too? But I thought he should, and if he didn't, I was very unhappy. Would I tell him? Heck no, asking for a spanking isn't in my vocabulary. It still isn't. Besides, my fantasy did NOT have me asking for a spanking. My strong, dominate husband was suppose to know when I needed to be spanked. Everyone woman knows that their man is suppose to read their mind. I'm no different. If he couldn't tell when I needed I spanking, well I'll be damned if I was going to tell him. I would just continue on my bratty way and to hell with him.
You probably guessed, that didn't work so well. And when that didn't work, we would throw d/d out the window. Thank goodness I live in a one story house, and d/d is made of rubber, because it kept bouncing back and never really broke. Every time we would throw it out the window, I would say to myself, fine, I don't really need it, I can be happy just reading it on the internet. And I could. If I had to. If push came to shove, and Bossman said, no way, I'm never doing that. I could live. I would survive and we could still be happy together. I would always wish it was there, but I would survive. I would still read about it on the internet, I would still dream about it, but I would live. For spanking will never, ever, be more important than Bossman.
But I'm one of the lucky ones. Bossman knows me better than I know myself, and by now he has figured out, I need this. So we keep working at it. Bossman noticed something about me and our relationship. I was more submissive after a spanking, and we, as a couple, were much happier. I was a happier wife, and our sex life was much better. MUCH better! So Bossman realized, we have to make this work.
We threw the rules out the window. Lucky for me, they were on paper and the paper blew away. Now he just tells me what he expects. If I let those expectations drop, I will probably get a spanking. Notice I said probably. This was hard for me learn. I had to learn that he wasn't always going to spank me when I thought I needed it. He was going to spank me when HE thought I needed it. What? He's the one in charge? DUH, Oh yeah, that was the part I was missing. Even though I am the one that brought this to our relationship, if it was going to work HE was going to have to be in charge.
So let me get this straight. If I want my husband to be in charge of my house, If I want my husband to dominate this relationship, then I have to stop topping from the bottom.
That's right, I said it. I have to give up control. What? How was I suppose to do that? I was the one that knew the way I wanted it. I had done all the reading, I had looked at all the websites. Me, me, me. This was all about me, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
There comes a point in any relationship when you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your partner. When we start dating someone we worry about how we look, how we smell, what we will say. When you've been with someone a long time, does it really matter if you fart in front of them? Nope, not really. There are so many times when I've only thought about myself, and I didn't think about Bossman. I only cared about how he was treating me, I didn't stop and think about how I was treating him. That's a hard thing to admit, no matter who you are.
It's not always about me.
Although this blog is all about me, the rest of my life isn't, so since my kids need to be fed at least once a day, I better get to it.
later........
My story part 2
You may not have guessed this yet, but Bossman is a very smart person. So he knows a heck of a lot more than I do about the computer, which leads me to how he found out what I was truly into, on the computer, that is.
Ok, so I didn't know I had to delete my history from the computer. All my wonderful little spanking clips that I found on the net. Bossman found them. It wasn't hard to do, they were right there on the real player when he went to play something else.
Lucky for me, he was fine with it. He started asking me questions about it. But I was shy about it. I brushed it off. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I liked it, I didn't know why it turned me on, and I couldn't possibly discuss it with him. But I wanted to. Lord knows I wanted to.
So at night, when we would snuggle in bed, I would bring it. As long as I didn't have to look at him in the face, I was fine. As long as the lights were out, and I was spooning him and facing away from him, I could get brave. And so we would talk about it. I would tell him stories that I read, I would tell him about people that I read about that did this as a daily thing. I told him about d/d.
After that, I started leaving him things to read. Bossman isn't much of a reader, but I knew if I left short stories and articles in certain places, he would find them and read them. I started leaving them in a folder on the computer, so he would read them when he was alone, for I could never be around when he was reading them.
Once this was out, between us anyway, I started writing him letters. I would tell him how I feel about him, I would tell him what I wanted him to do, and I would try and tell him my feelings about this whole spanking matter. This was the time in our life when communication was high. We'd been married for over 10 years by then, but never had we told things like this to each other. It was a break-though. Who knew that communication was such a powerful force in a marriage?
This was also a terrible time with the rest of our life. We were struggling financially. He was ready to make changes to his career, but it was going to mean moving in with the in-laws, and uprooting our family. It meant being poor for awhile. By this time, our son was a baby, our daughter was probably about 9. This was one of the first times in our life we would be separated for more than a day. We would be apart, me with the kids, him trying to pass tests and get a job.
This was the first time in our marriage that we realized, we need each other. We couldn't live without each other. Life was at an all time low, but our love for each other was at an all time high. Something finally clicked. I realized that no matter what happened, this man was my one and only. I could tell him anything, and he would still love me. I knew it was finally safe to tell him my secrets.
When we finally ended up in the same house again and life settled down, we started talking about spanking again. I was hinting around that I would like to try d/d. How does a couple just suddenly try something so drastic? It seemed so easy in the stories and in the lives of others. How hard could this be? Could we also achieve the level of submission that I had read about? Could I be that kind of wife? And could he be that kind of husband?
This is turning out much longer than I thought, so I'll leave it like this for now.
later.....
Ok, so I didn't know I had to delete my history from the computer. All my wonderful little spanking clips that I found on the net. Bossman found them. It wasn't hard to do, they were right there on the real player when he went to play something else.
Lucky for me, he was fine with it. He started asking me questions about it. But I was shy about it. I brushed it off. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I liked it, I didn't know why it turned me on, and I couldn't possibly discuss it with him. But I wanted to. Lord knows I wanted to.
So at night, when we would snuggle in bed, I would bring it. As long as I didn't have to look at him in the face, I was fine. As long as the lights were out, and I was spooning him and facing away from him, I could get brave. And so we would talk about it. I would tell him stories that I read, I would tell him about people that I read about that did this as a daily thing. I told him about d/d.
After that, I started leaving him things to read. Bossman isn't much of a reader, but I knew if I left short stories and articles in certain places, he would find them and read them. I started leaving them in a folder on the computer, so he would read them when he was alone, for I could never be around when he was reading them.
Once this was out, between us anyway, I started writing him letters. I would tell him how I feel about him, I would tell him what I wanted him to do, and I would try and tell him my feelings about this whole spanking matter. This was the time in our life when communication was high. We'd been married for over 10 years by then, but never had we told things like this to each other. It was a break-though. Who knew that communication was such a powerful force in a marriage?
This was also a terrible time with the rest of our life. We were struggling financially. He was ready to make changes to his career, but it was going to mean moving in with the in-laws, and uprooting our family. It meant being poor for awhile. By this time, our son was a baby, our daughter was probably about 9. This was one of the first times in our life we would be separated for more than a day. We would be apart, me with the kids, him trying to pass tests and get a job.
This was the first time in our marriage that we realized, we need each other. We couldn't live without each other. Life was at an all time low, but our love for each other was at an all time high. Something finally clicked. I realized that no matter what happened, this man was my one and only. I could tell him anything, and he would still love me. I knew it was finally safe to tell him my secrets.
When we finally ended up in the same house again and life settled down, we started talking about spanking again. I was hinting around that I would like to try d/d. How does a couple just suddenly try something so drastic? It seemed so easy in the stories and in the lives of others. How hard could this be? Could we also achieve the level of submission that I had read about? Could I be that kind of wife? And could he be that kind of husband?
This is turning out much longer than I thought, so I'll leave it like this for now.
later.....
My story
Bonnies question over at the Sunday brunch got me thinking. I know you can smell wood burning, don't worry you'll get used to it. I know I have.
Converting the vanilla. Now there's something to think about. Do we really convert someone to this lifestyle or do we just introduce something that we already have a desire for, but just didn't know it?
I believe I was born to be spanked. It took me 33 years to figure that out. Or maybe I should say it took 33 years for me to admit it. For as far back as I can remember, I liked to think about being punished. I hated being punished by my parents, that was something to be feared, but I loved thinking about someone punishing me. When I played school with my friends, I always made sure I was the one that acted up in class and had to stand in the corner. When we played house, I was never the mother, I was always the child that would be naughty and have to be punished.
At the time, I would never have associated that with sex. Heck, I didn't even know what sex was, so I know it wasn't that. Furthermore, I was never a problem child, I never got punished at school, and if I got punished at home, well, like I said before, that was feared.
As a teen, I would fantasize about someone kidnapping me, and blindfolding me, and threating me if I spoke or moved. I would get turned on by thinking about being kidnapped with someone else, usually the latest crush I had, and because we were together we would end up falling in love. I could spend hours making up dramatic stories in my head. I still didn't really associate it to sex.
Then one day something happened. I was daydreaming about some horrible thing happening to me, and I realized, I'm getting turned on by this. Masturbation came next, and I realized it was much better if I was fantasizing about punishment.
Funny thing was, spanking wasn't really a part of it. At the time, it was just the drama of being dominated that could turn me on. The punishments in my dreams were usually standing in the corner, or being tied up or blindfolded. Nothing that really involved pain.
I used to think this was disgusting. This was a horrible thing to think about, and how could I possibly be turned on by something so disgusting? It was a terrible secret, and I was horrified that I could even think such thoughts. So I didn't tell anyone.
When I married Bossman, I was young. We met in high school and got married three years after graduation. He's the only man I've ever had sex with. I'm the only woman he's ever had sex with. Needless to say, we didn't have much experience in the bedroom. We had to learn everything together.
Even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, we didn't really know each other. How could we? We didn't even know ourselves. Was I going to tell him this deep, dark secret that I had? Heck no. He would look at me like I was crazy and then he would leave me.
About 5 years into marriage, this great thing we call the internet popped up. I never even thought of looking up stuff like this on the internet. I got involved in a parents chatroom. Met a great friend. She is still a friend, 8 years later, and we've never met. But we started talking about sexual fantasies. She told me things, I told her things, but not about my secret. Never about that. One thing she did was steer me into erotic websites. There I found all kinds of websites on bondage, bdsm, that sort of thing.
So there it was. Out in the open where anyone could read about it. And other people did these things, and it was more than I ever imagined. So I read, and read and read some more.
After awhile I found out what it was that really turned me on. The bdsm was interesting, but not really my thing. I thought bondage was my thing. So I started showing Bossman some of the sites. I mean really, what's so bad about bondage? I could approach bondage and not feel like a total freak. Honestly, that's what I thought I liked. Lucky for me, Bossman was eager to try bondage. He really thought it was fun, and hey, our sex life was finally getting good.
Meanwhile, I kept reading. I loved reading stories. I would sit for hours and be mesmerized by story after story. Then came the spanking stories.
I noticed that more and more I was reading just spanking stories. Suddenly I was thinking about spanking a lot. But how was I going to approach Bossman about spanking?? Spanking, the act of hitting another person on their butt and causing pain. So for years I just read about it and dreamed about it. I never really thought I would ever tell Bossman that this was what I truly wanted. How could I? He would think I was a freak.
One night we were fooling around with bondage, and somehow he pulled me over his knees. Oh my, I couldn't believe it. He didn't spank, but he was touching and rubbing, I thought I would die. Next day I told him, I really liked that position. Could we try that again? Please?
Next time we tried that, he gave a few swats. Proceeded to rub and touch all the right places. I couldn't believe my good fortune. For by now I was a full fledged spanko. I read spanking stories everyday. I looked forward to being alone so I could look for spanking videos. Finding the websites on d/d was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Finally, I knew what I wanted. I thought back to my childhood and realized, I had this in me all along, I just didn't know it.
This post is getting very long, so I'll continue on my next post. I will tell how I finally got the nerve to talk to Bossman about this, and how we have struggled to implement it in our lives.
later....
Converting the vanilla. Now there's something to think about. Do we really convert someone to this lifestyle or do we just introduce something that we already have a desire for, but just didn't know it?
I believe I was born to be spanked. It took me 33 years to figure that out. Or maybe I should say it took 33 years for me to admit it. For as far back as I can remember, I liked to think about being punished. I hated being punished by my parents, that was something to be feared, but I loved thinking about someone punishing me. When I played school with my friends, I always made sure I was the one that acted up in class and had to stand in the corner. When we played house, I was never the mother, I was always the child that would be naughty and have to be punished.
At the time, I would never have associated that with sex. Heck, I didn't even know what sex was, so I know it wasn't that. Furthermore, I was never a problem child, I never got punished at school, and if I got punished at home, well, like I said before, that was feared.
As a teen, I would fantasize about someone kidnapping me, and blindfolding me, and threating me if I spoke or moved. I would get turned on by thinking about being kidnapped with someone else, usually the latest crush I had, and because we were together we would end up falling in love. I could spend hours making up dramatic stories in my head. I still didn't really associate it to sex.
Then one day something happened. I was daydreaming about some horrible thing happening to me, and I realized, I'm getting turned on by this. Masturbation came next, and I realized it was much better if I was fantasizing about punishment.
Funny thing was, spanking wasn't really a part of it. At the time, it was just the drama of being dominated that could turn me on. The punishments in my dreams were usually standing in the corner, or being tied up or blindfolded. Nothing that really involved pain.
I used to think this was disgusting. This was a horrible thing to think about, and how could I possibly be turned on by something so disgusting? It was a terrible secret, and I was horrified that I could even think such thoughts. So I didn't tell anyone.
When I married Bossman, I was young. We met in high school and got married three years after graduation. He's the only man I've ever had sex with. I'm the only woman he's ever had sex with. Needless to say, we didn't have much experience in the bedroom. We had to learn everything together.
Even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, we didn't really know each other. How could we? We didn't even know ourselves. Was I going to tell him this deep, dark secret that I had? Heck no. He would look at me like I was crazy and then he would leave me.
About 5 years into marriage, this great thing we call the internet popped up. I never even thought of looking up stuff like this on the internet. I got involved in a parents chatroom. Met a great friend. She is still a friend, 8 years later, and we've never met. But we started talking about sexual fantasies. She told me things, I told her things, but not about my secret. Never about that. One thing she did was steer me into erotic websites. There I found all kinds of websites on bondage, bdsm, that sort of thing.
So there it was. Out in the open where anyone could read about it. And other people did these things, and it was more than I ever imagined. So I read, and read and read some more.
After awhile I found out what it was that really turned me on. The bdsm was interesting, but not really my thing. I thought bondage was my thing. So I started showing Bossman some of the sites. I mean really, what's so bad about bondage? I could approach bondage and not feel like a total freak. Honestly, that's what I thought I liked. Lucky for me, Bossman was eager to try bondage. He really thought it was fun, and hey, our sex life was finally getting good.
Meanwhile, I kept reading. I loved reading stories. I would sit for hours and be mesmerized by story after story. Then came the spanking stories.
I noticed that more and more I was reading just spanking stories. Suddenly I was thinking about spanking a lot. But how was I going to approach Bossman about spanking?? Spanking, the act of hitting another person on their butt and causing pain. So for years I just read about it and dreamed about it. I never really thought I would ever tell Bossman that this was what I truly wanted. How could I? He would think I was a freak.
One night we were fooling around with bondage, and somehow he pulled me over his knees. Oh my, I couldn't believe it. He didn't spank, but he was touching and rubbing, I thought I would die. Next day I told him, I really liked that position. Could we try that again? Please?
Next time we tried that, he gave a few swats. Proceeded to rub and touch all the right places. I couldn't believe my good fortune. For by now I was a full fledged spanko. I read spanking stories everyday. I looked forward to being alone so I could look for spanking videos. Finding the websites on d/d was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Finally, I knew what I wanted. I thought back to my childhood and realized, I had this in me all along, I just didn't know it.
This post is getting very long, so I'll continue on my next post. I will tell how I finally got the nerve to talk to Bossman about this, and how we have struggled to implement it in our lives.
later....
The worst part
The worst part was having him come in unexpectedly, grab my hands and tell me to stand in the corner. Yep, definitely the worst.
The worst part was I didn't give in readily, and I whined like a baby. He gave in and had me sit on the bed instead. Oh yes, that was the worst.
The worst part was sitting on the bed, waiting, wondering, thinking. I was so nervous, that had to be the worst.
The worst part was when he came and sat on the bed and I was standing between his knees and he told me I had to pull down my own pants. I hate pulling down my own pants. That was the worst.
The worst part was being pulled over his knee with my pants and panties down around my ankles. My bare bottom a very easy target. Absolutely the worst.
The worst part was when the first slap of the bamboo backscratcher slapped down on my bare bottom. Oh ouch, that was the worst.
The worst part was when he kept spanking my bottom with that horrible, evil thing, and I started making those weird noises and kicking my legs. Embarrassing, for sure the worst.
The worst part was since I haven't been spanked for awhile, it hurt like hell. Oh boy did it hurt. Oh was it the worst.
The worst part was after it was over, he led me to the bathroom so I could look at the damage in the mirror. Oh the humility of it all. The worst, for sure.
The worst part was when he made me put my pants back on, without panties, so I could feel it the rest of the day. That had to be the worst.
Actually, now that I think about it, the worst part of the whole thing is....
I can't wait for it to happen again.
That's the worst.
later.........
The worst part was I didn't give in readily, and I whined like a baby. He gave in and had me sit on the bed instead. Oh yes, that was the worst.
The worst part was sitting on the bed, waiting, wondering, thinking. I was so nervous, that had to be the worst.
The worst part was when he came and sat on the bed and I was standing between his knees and he told me I had to pull down my own pants. I hate pulling down my own pants. That was the worst.
The worst part was being pulled over his knee with my pants and panties down around my ankles. My bare bottom a very easy target. Absolutely the worst.
The worst part was when the first slap of the bamboo backscratcher slapped down on my bare bottom. Oh ouch, that was the worst.
The worst part was when he kept spanking my bottom with that horrible, evil thing, and I started making those weird noises and kicking my legs. Embarrassing, for sure the worst.
The worst part was since I haven't been spanked for awhile, it hurt like hell. Oh boy did it hurt. Oh was it the worst.
The worst part was after it was over, he led me to the bathroom so I could look at the damage in the mirror. Oh the humility of it all. The worst, for sure.
The worst part was when he made me put my pants back on, without panties, so I could feel it the rest of the day. That had to be the worst.
Actually, now that I think about it, the worst part of the whole thing is....
I can't wait for it to happen again.
That's the worst.
later.........
new links
Look, I figured it out. I got links!!!!
I did not ask Bossman for help, Hooray for me!
Anyway, it took me awhile to figure it out, so I'll be putting more up later, when I have more time.
Gotta run, little man is B-O-R-E-D! I guess that means I've been on this computer too long!
later......
I did not ask Bossman for help, Hooray for me!
Anyway, it took me awhile to figure it out, so I'll be putting more up later, when I have more time.
Gotta run, little man is B-O-R-E-D! I guess that means I've been on this computer too long!
later......
catching up
Camping was great! We had loads of fun, the sun was bright, the beach was beautiful as ever. As a family, we got along splendidly. I cherish these moments because the wildchild (who is about to be a junior in high school) will be gone in a few short years, and I just KNOW I'll miss these family times.
Bossman is out of town this weekend. This is not a fun thing for me. I can count on my hand how many times we've been apart overnight. That's one hand folks. One hand.
That might sound a little pathetic, and frankly it sounds a little pathetic to me, but the truth is, we don't like going places without each other. We are not the type of couple that does things separately. Don't get me wrong, we aren't joined at the hip or anything. We have our separate hobbies. But going away, all night, or two nights in a row, we just don't do it.
So here I am, typing in my blog, instead of sleeping, like I'm usually doing at this time. Pathetic, just pathetic.
Another pathetic thing in my life right now is NO spanking. Ok, there was this one, last week when the kids were spending the night at grandmas, but, it's not even worth writing about. It was just a hand spanking, and there wasn't even any fooling around afterward.
It seems that since I know that spanking isn't an option right now, I've just blocked it out of my mind. I haven't focused on it, so it's just not as important as it was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll take anything I can get and I'm not giving spanking up anytime soon but I am just not really in the mood. So when there is an opportunity for a spanking, it seems like it's just something to do, something that we are suppose to do and it doesn't seem to have any meaning.
But yet, something is missing from our lives. It's the one thing that keeps Bossman and I close. It's the one thing that can keep us connected even when the rest of the world is crapping on us. It's the thing that binds our relationship and makes us whole.
~sigh~
I miss it. I miss spanking!
But most of all, I miss Bossman right now.
later.........
Bossman is out of town this weekend. This is not a fun thing for me. I can count on my hand how many times we've been apart overnight. That's one hand folks. One hand.
That might sound a little pathetic, and frankly it sounds a little pathetic to me, but the truth is, we don't like going places without each other. We are not the type of couple that does things separately. Don't get me wrong, we aren't joined at the hip or anything. We have our separate hobbies. But going away, all night, or two nights in a row, we just don't do it.
So here I am, typing in my blog, instead of sleeping, like I'm usually doing at this time. Pathetic, just pathetic.
Another pathetic thing in my life right now is NO spanking. Ok, there was this one, last week when the kids were spending the night at grandmas, but, it's not even worth writing about. It was just a hand spanking, and there wasn't even any fooling around afterward.
It seems that since I know that spanking isn't an option right now, I've just blocked it out of my mind. I haven't focused on it, so it's just not as important as it was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll take anything I can get and I'm not giving spanking up anytime soon but I am just not really in the mood. So when there is an opportunity for a spanking, it seems like it's just something to do, something that we are suppose to do and it doesn't seem to have any meaning.
But yet, something is missing from our lives. It's the one thing that keeps Bossman and I close. It's the one thing that can keep us connected even when the rest of the world is crapping on us. It's the thing that binds our relationship and makes us whole.
~sigh~
I miss it. I miss spanking!
But most of all, I miss Bossman right now.
later.........
better late than never
I know the 4th has past, but check out this link.
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Fathers day
Fathers day is a hard day for me. The only person I celebrate on that day is the father of my children. Bossman is the best father there is. He is caring and loving and he spends a lot of time with our kids. I sometimes envy my children for having such a great father.
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
Clarification
Paul got me thinking about my last post and after re-reading it I realized I didn't really state why I feel weird about my noises and such.
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
weird noises
I hate the noises I make when I'm being spanked. There, I said it!
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
last day of peace
Today is the last day of school for the wildchild. She will officially be a junior in high school next year. She failed history class both semesters so she will be going to summer school.
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
Changes
I decided to change my blog around a bit. I thought I could use a bit of color.
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
Little man turns 8
My little man is 8 years old today!
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
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