Nine years later...

Well, it's official, I've been blogging (off and on) for nine years! 9 years ago, I started this little blog, not really knowing how long I would be at it. I figured it would be something to occupy my time and that eventually I would get bored.

I guess I did get bored for a while....but I'm still hanging on to the old blog.  I can't imagine just giving it up.

Over the last 9 years...things have changed.  The little man, is now a young man.  He was in kindergarten when I started this thing, and now he's a freshman in high school.  His sister is all grown up at 22, she was only 13 when I began. She will always be the wildchild though!

Bossman and I have seen our fair share of troubles.  We've gone through the death of his sister, the craziness of his mother ( we haven't spoken too since June.) and cancer. Through it all we have been each others cheerleader, lover, caretaker, and friend.  And we still love each other! Isn't that amazing?

I'd just like to thank you all for reading my crazy words. Some of you are new, but others have been around a long time.  I've met a couple of you in person and it was perhaps one of the most exciting experiences I've had.  We were able to be ourselves in a world where most of the time we can only be our true spanko selves on a blog or in the privacy of our bedroom. I will always treasure those couple of days.

I look forward to continuing my journey on this blog.  It might not be the most entertaining thing around and it may not always be pretty. But in the end it really is just...

A Day In the Life...

of me.


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It's hard...

Yesterday was hard. I knew I was pushing away, but I couldn't seem to help myself.  He noticed. I did try, but he could tell I was uncomfortable. He said when the house is free we would discuss it further. I wonder how much talking I'll be doing during that conversation.

This is hard.

I would like it to be easier...please!

In other news....the young man is heading back to school on Sunday. The wildchild...and she will always be the wildchild....moved back in last month.  She recently got a part time job, to go along with the part time job she already has. Which means she might actually be able to move out again.

So there's that.

I like the empty nest.  I love when the kids are home, but I enjoy when they leave also.  Summer is going to be so long!

I hope you all have a great weekend with good food and family....I know I will!

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It's not about me...or is it?

Life certainly gets in the way when you are trying to live it!

Everything is status quo here.  The young man is here for spring break, so we've had to play it cool around here.  It's hard to even have sex when he's around as his door is right next to ours...stupid!  Why wasn't I paying more attention to that when we bought this stupid house?

With that said, I've been really trying to do things that Bossman likes.  Touching him more, massaging him more...heck, I even gave the man a bj the other night...that is UNHEARD of in this house!

He's loved every minute of it and he's been extra sweet to me as well.  I like it.  I'm still not sure how long it will last because I'm pessimistic that way, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I've had a lot of issues with hormones, due to medication I take, and so there are so many times when I am not in the mood.  With that said, I have to understand that it doesn't mean HE's not in the mood.  I can still be sweet to him without the whole...sex thing...right?

I am a selfish woman.  I want it to be all about me!  I have to understand that it can't always be about me.  I have to understand that he has needs.  I have to learn to keep this mindset.  It's so HARD!  I really want it to be about me, me, ME! 

I realized that the past...oh, I don't know....3 years...have been all about me.  The cancer made everything about me and I got used to it.  I got comfortable in that victim mentality.  I have to step away from that and learn that it's not all about me. (blah!)

So, let's review...it's not about me.  It's not about me.  It's not about me.

Ok, it's about me. 

I just have to remember that it is about me when I do good things for HIM!

I think.....

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Thinking it through

Thank you all for your comments! Some of them were too long to comment on in the comment section. (Hi Amber!)

I have to say I've missed all your comments and insightful takes on my life problems. Heh! Oh, and PK? I was soooooo surprised to see your comment! How did I know you'd be the first to comment?

I've done some thinking.....and Bossman and I have done a lot of talking.  The thing is, our marriage has been going down a rocky path.  Oh, it's not like we've been fighting with each other, or things have been miserable, but things haven't been "happy".  We haven't been close. We've been going through the motions, but our hearts haven't been in it.

I've been blaming myself.  Bossman takes such good care of me, and I've taken that for granted. For a long time, I've noticed that Bossman hasn't been happy. I thought it was because I was holding him back. Back from the things he wants to do in life. Things that I either don't want to do with him, or things that I just can't do with him. It's hard to feel that way. It's hard to think that you are holding the person you love back.

More importantly though, I think Bossman has felt neglected.  Honestly, I haven't been holding back on purpose, but I've gotten into a pattern of just going through life, not really thinking about my husbands needs.  Sure, we've had sex, but it's always the same old thing.  No excitement. Almost like a chore.  My husband needs me.  He needs me to attend to his needs as much as I need him to attend to mine.

As I've been thinking about this, it came to my attention that maybe I need to be more submissive.  I don't really like that word, but I have to call it what it is.  I need to submit to him. I need to take care of him in all aspects of life.  I need to give him the affection he needs, I need to take care of him emotionally, not just physically. If I do that he will be happier and if he's happier, I'll be happier. Our marriage will be happier for it.

So, we've made a commitment to give this a go. We are going to try and be more attentive to each others needs. Yes, we talked about incorporating spanking, to make me happy, and about me being more open to giving him what he needs, attention from me.  Personally, I've decided to be more open about things in the bedroom. I need to be more worried about making him happy than about getting it over with.

It sounds so easy when I write it down, but I think it's going to be hard.

What do you think?  Any ideas?

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confused and bruised...

I'm still not sure how I feel about what happened the other night.  It was a lot more intense than I thought it would be and I'm not just talking about the spanking part of it.

I think I'll just write what happened and see how I feel about it after I write it. Sometimes that helps me think things through.

When I last left the tale, I said that Bossman told me he would spank me again as soon as the wildchild wasn't around.  Turns out, that was the next night as she had to work.  He asked me when she was due home and I told him, not really thinking about what he had promised.  After dinner, he proceeded to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom.  As soon as he reached for my hand, I remembered the promise.  I wasn't too thrilled with the prospect.  After the spanking the day before, I realized that my butt was still sensitive, since I have not been spanked in a couple of months.

He immediately took my pants off and pulled me over his lap.  He gave me a long hard hand spanking.  Then there was a visit with the backscratcher.  Then there was some wall time.  Then I was back over the bed for another round with his hand.  It wasn't as bad as I though, I mean, it hurt like crazy, but it wasn't to the point where I couldn't take it. 

Then he started talking.  As he talked, he didn't like the way I answered some of his questions, or the tone I was using and he started spanking again.  It was then that I realized, this was serious.  This was a serious talk and this wasn't just for fun.

His talk centered around me being more affectionate.  I'm not the most affectionate person in the world.  I am not one to touch him without a reason.  I mean, I hug, I kiss....actually, now that I think about it, I'm not that bad.  I feel that I am affectionate, but I feel like it's never enough for him.

This is really hard to write about.

I feel like I don't make him happy.  He feels that when I push him away, it's  me rejecting him.  I say, it's not rejection, it's me just not wanting to be messed with right then. 

Is that rejection?  Aren't I allowed to NOT want to be touched once in awhile?  What does a couple do that is not compatible in the affection department.  I honestly don't think I hold back.  I just am not that touchy feely.  BUT, I touch him.  I hug him, I snuggle up to him.

Just typing this up is making me upset.  I should go back to the story....

He talked and I listened, but apparently, I didn't get it.  I started crying.  I tried stating my side, he said it was the same argument and I wasn't hearing him. 

Then it was over.  Only I was upset.  AND, I realized my butt was bruised up nicely.  I wasn't upset about that.  I was worried that HE would be upset by that.  It was dark in the room, so he didn't see it.

He started walking away, but then he realize I was still upset so then we started talking again. I tried so hard not to bring up the same stuff I always do.

I tried to really understand where he was coming from.  I'm still processing it.  I realize that he just needs more affection than I.  That when we dressing and he grabs my boobs, it's just being playful.  I don't like it, but he sees it as me rejecting him.  I could grab at him all day long and he would LOVE it.  So he doesn't understand it.  He told me I was beautiful and that he, as my husband, should be able to touch me whenever he wanted.  I have to try not to be so sensitive about it......

Well, this is getting rambly and I'm not sure how to end it....

I should let you know, he's actually quite proud of the bruises.  After talking to him yesterday and showing him, I asked how he felt about them and he said it was about time, I need that more often.

Bottom line is, I DID feel a lot better after the whole episode.  I mean I felt a lot better letting go of all the emotion that was bottled up inside.  BUT, I also felt and still feel confused. 

The spanking and the talk didn't really go hand in hand.  I was getting spanked and that was good, (or bad) and then we were talking about emotional things and that was bad.  Putting them together?  I don't know....  We ended with the promise of trying to change.  I will try and be more affectionate and less quick to push away and he promised to spank more.....so that's good, right?

I know this is confusing, but I could really use some feedback....anybody have some?

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Whole lot of nothing

The spanking that was promised did happen last night.  It actually turned out quite emotional. I think I need time to process the whole thing before I write it all down. I promise, I will!

In other news...the little man is coming home for spring break today. He'll be home until the 31st, so there won't be time for spanking.  But there will be time for spoiling my boy.

I'm thinking of changing the look of my blog.  Although I love it so much and I love the picture, I think I need a change. Plus I would love to be able to use the threaded comment feature, which doesn't work on my template.  I've tried to get it to work, but it doesn't.

Did I mention my butt is a little bruised?  Yeah, it was that kind of spanking....

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Unplanned spanking

I promise this was not planned.  We didn't discuss it.  I didn't even tell Bossman I had started posting again on the blog.  I mentioned I was thinking about it....but I didn't tell him I had.

So imagine my surprise when.....

Well, lets start at the beginning.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that I was sexually abused as a child.  Don't worry, I'm not going to talk about it.  BUT....because of that I have issues with Bossman touching my breasts.  It doesn't bother me when we are having sex, but at other times, it just feels wrong and sometimes gives me the heebe jeebes.

This has been an issue for our whole marriage.  It just BUGS me!

Anyway, long story short...we were snuggling in bed and because it's that time of month, it wasn't going to go any further than snuggling.  Snuggling was good, but then it just started getting annoying.  Then my son called, (to tell us he made it on the varsity softball team at school...YAY him!!) and while I was talking to him, Bossman kept touching my nips.

GAH!  So annoying!

The dilemma is, it shouldn't be annoying.  He wasn't trying to be annoying.  He was trying to be loving and sexy and, and, and....

So, after my son hung up, I just got irritated and huffy and, well, Ok, I'll say it....BRATTY!

Then we jumped in the shower.  He was still being annoying and I was getting upset.  We have a seat in the shower...We call it the bj bench...I'm sure you can guess why...and I just sat there getting upset.

Bossman decided to take matters into his own hands.  First he washed my hair and body.  THEN...then...

Well, then he started spanking me.  IN the shower!  Do you realize how much that hurts?  Wet bottom and wet hand? 

I kept telling him to stop because....OW!  He said he was sick of my attitude and felt this might help me change it.

After a few slaps and me dancing around the shower, we got out.  He immediately pulled me over his lap for some more.  I'm not gonna lie...it hurt like hell and I wasn't too happy about the situation.  I kept begging him to stop and his response was he wanted me to feel it all day.  (Mission accomplished my friend!)

After he finished, he had me stand at the wall.  I was still naked.  He got ready for work and while he was getting ready he lectured me.  He told me that I was beautiful and that he should be able to touch me without me getting huffy.  He said it was causing strife in our marriage and he didn't like that.  He wants things to get better and he doesn't want that to be between us.  He doesn't like feeling like he is doing something wrong when he's trying to be loving. 

He also said that for now, he was going to do all the talking and I was just going to listen.  He said that tomorrow, or the next time the wildchild is out of the house, he was going to spank me again.  He said THEN, I could tell him my feelings on it.  BUT for now, he just wants me to think about it so we can have a rational discussion.

Boy did I pick a great time to start blogging again!!!!

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about the whole thing.  I know how my butt feels...  but the rest of me?  I'm just not sure what to make of it.  Bossman and I have gone round and round about this before, what will make this time different?  How can I change my feelings about this?  Is it even possible?  Do I just need to be more conscience of how I react to him, so I don't hurt his feelings? 

I have a lot of thinking to do.  A lot.

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Jumping back in

I thought I'd give blogging another try.  I am warning you now, I don't have much to say regarding the whole spanking thing.  There just hasn't been much of that happening around here.  I did tell Bossman I was thinking of blogging again and I hope he would help give me some things to blog about.

There has been a lot of banter regarding spanking but no real action. Part of that stems from the fact that the wildchild moved back home.  It's hard to find a quiet moment when you have a young adult roaming the house.  Of course, I can't really use that has the full excuse as she is gone from the house a lot too. 

So what is the excuse for not spanking?  I don't really know.  We could blame it on my health, as we just have to take each day as it happens and can't plan too much ahead.  We could blame the kids.  All I know is, I miss it.

So what's been going on with you guys?  I've been lurking on your blogs so I'm not completely out of the loop. 

Aside from my health, things are going fine around here.  Bossman and I just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary.  We had a lovely time at a local hot spring hotel.  Each room has a hot tub on the patio and the water is from the hot spring.  Because we were locals, they upgraded our room to a suite, so that was lovely.  We had a lovely time together.

The little man is coming home this Thursday for spring break.  It will be nice to have him home!  We go to see him every 2 to 3 weeks and we speak to him every night on the phone.  He is thriving at this school and it was absolutely the BEST decision we made regarding his schooling.  He LOVES it.  I miss him like crazy, but because we speak to him everyday I feel like we are still close.....and the time we have with him is extra special.  Sure, I wish sometimes think of the things we are missing but we had to make the sacrifice because I believe he is going to be such a better person for it.  Besides summer break starts at the end of May and the way this year is going, it will be here before I know it.

I really hope I can get back into blogging.  I really miss it.  I went back and read some of my first posts and my little man was only 5!  It's fun to look back at the way life was.  I want to keep documenting life....even if it is a little boring, it's my boring!

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Long weekend

It was Parents weekend at my son's school.  It was a long weekend.  On Sunday, he had a half day of school and we went to all his classes with him.  His school day is quite long.  On a normal day, he gets out of school at 5.  He has 11 periods.  You don't have to feel too bad for him because he has 2 periods off, one of which he does janitorial work in the dorm.  He gets paid for that.  Plus they are the 2 periods before lunch and he has an hour for lunch, which means he has 3 hours of free time in the middle of the day.

It was fun to see how his day went and to meet all his teachers. After going to all the classes I found a new appreciation for his school.  It is such a great environment.  Of course, all the teachers love my son.  The English teacher and dorm dean told me they thought he was a born leader and they suspect he will be president someday!  You know I liked hearing that!!!

We came home Sunday, bringing the son with us.  He is home for the entire week.  Of course wouldn't you know that he is now sick!  He's running a fever.  I'm sad that he is sick for his vacation, but I'm also glad that he is home and sick, so I can take care of him and not be worried about him up at school.

Both kids are home this week, the wild child stayed at our house while we were gone for the weekend so she could take care of the dog.  Then she decided to stay the rest of the week instead of going home for a couple of days and then coming back for Thanksgiving.  Which means I have been washing dishes non stop and I just spent a fortune on groceries! 

It's all good though, I love having them here.  They make me laugh and it's nice to have people around the house, even if they are pigs!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  I hope your day is filled with love, laughter, turkey and pumpkin pie.  And if your lucky, maybe even a spanking or two!


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Thanks!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments!  We all have a story don't we?  I feel way better knowing that I am not the only one with these problems.  I also am glad to know that you all don't think I'm mean or heartless.

I hadn't thought about the fact that I lost him when I was a child.  That is exactly right.  So I've already mourned losing him.  I'm sad that he died.  I mean, he was a human being and it's sad when someone dies, but I am not losing my father....I already lost him.

Things will be fine between my sister and I.  She has always been the drama queen in the family, so putting all her drama on facebook is what she does.  I'm used to it.  I seriously thought I would find out that he died on facebook, so at least she texted me.  I should know better than to expect an actual call from her, that is not her style.  I still think it's crap that people do so many things over texting.  Giving bad news, breaking up with someone, inviting someone to birthday party.....it seems these are all acceptable texting behaviours.  I don't like it!

So, new topic!

Most of you know, I live on the West Coast.  Most of the time, we have fine weather.  Usually, 70's.  Last week, 91.  This weekend, 58.  Sheez, Mother Nature needs to make up her mind already!  Of course, this is the first time since probably April that we've turned on the heater and guess what....it didn't work.  Now I am not going to complain...because what about the people in New Jersey that haven't had power for 2 weeks?  I feel so so bad for them because just going two days without a heater was horrible.  But I am a survivor....so you know, I toughed it out.  Actually, we bought a portable heater...LOL  Don't worry though, the heater got fixed today, but the weather is back up to 75, so all is warm in my world.

Lastly, lets talk about the empty nest.

It's so good!  Of course I miss the kids, but MAN, it's nice to know that when I buy some food it will still be in the fridge when I want to eat it!  When there is a mess that is made, I know that it was either me or Bossman.  The sink doesn't fill with dishes five minutes after you wash them.  I'm telling you, this is great!  I only have to do 3 loads of laundry a week.  A WEEK!!!!  How cool is that?

I'm sure you are wondering, what about the spanking?  I figured we'd be at it all the time.  I figured there would be a lot more sex too.  HA!  I figured wrong!

I suppose there is more sex.  I mean, we don't have to time it for early morning anymore.  We don't have to worry about someone hearing us, so that's a good thing.  The spanking?  Well the spanking isn't going that well.  We've had lots of talk about it, but then it just doesn't seem to come up that much.  There is a tad more than usual, but nothing really to write about. 

I think I should tell Bossman I'm blogging again so he can start spanking more then I will have something to write about....in my spanking blog....in which I don't talk about spanking anymore! HA!


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Death

So, I thought I'd give this blogging thing a try again.

I'm just going to jump in with both feet.

My father died this weekend.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might remember my father left us (my sis and I) when we were small children.  My sister contacted him when I was 22 and pregnant with the wildchild. She gave him my number, without warning me ahead of time.  Surprise, instant father!

If only it were that easy!  Instead, it was awkward and weird.  He would send weird birthday cards that said things about watching me grow up and stuff like that.  Kinda creepy.  He came to visit when the wildchild was 6 weeks old.  Again...it was awkward!

It was always easy to put him out of mind because he lived in the midwest, so I didn't ever have to see him.  Then, a couple of years ago he moved 8 hours away.  Still far enough to put out of my mind.  He continued to send cards and call once in awhile.  That was fine with me.  Couple of months ago, his wife decided to leave him.  He was very sick and on dialysis and she didn't want to take care of him. My sister decides to move him to our area.  I never went to see him.

Couple of things you should know....

My sister never asked for help.  She never consulted me, nor did she include me.  She didn't even ask if I wanted to see him.  Fine, fine and fine.  It's all fine.  I chose not to be involved.  If I wanted to be involved I could have asked.

Now he's gone.

I wondered how I would feel and it turns out, I feel ok.  I'm not upset that I didn't go see him, I don't feel any regret.  I didn't know him and he didn't know me.

My sister, on the other hand, is annoying me.  First off, she texted me the news that he died.  Seriously, when did the world become so self absorbed that we don't have the common courtesy to call people when someone dies?

Second, when she texted me, she said, and I am quoting...."my dad died last night."

HER dad died.  Regardless of everything, the man was MY dad too!

Third, I'm grateful I didn't find out over facebook, but it was posted there soon after I found out.  Like moments after I found out.  She is now posting all these morose poems about seeing his face in the stars and blah blah blah!

People, I may sound crass, but let me tell you, the man was not that great.  He left my mom with 2 children under the age of 5 to take care of with no job.  He was a alcoholic and he did time in jail.  He also has a son, somewhere out there, that we never even knew about.

Now that he's dead, he's become a saint or something.

Of course, I'm not completely hard hearted.  I realize my sister has suffered a loss.  I feel bad for her.

She did what she had to do for him.  I didn't feel the obligation seeing as how he didn't take care of us. You know...you reap what you sow....or whatever.

So, do you think I'm hard hearted? Did I have an obligation to him? I hope not, because I don't like being mean and a very small part feels like I was mean.

It's not that I didn't forgive him, it's just that to me, he was merely the sperm donor.
Is that wrong?

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LOL Day

Welcome to LOL day!  I should be welcoming myself since I've become quite the lurker these days.

Yes, I still lurk around reading all your posts.  Although its easy to lurk and not leave a comment, as a writer it is very exciting to get comments.  So if you can, leave a comment.

Of course, I should be talking to myself and taking my own advise.

I'm thinking I deserve a spanking for not being a good commenter.  Also, now that I think about it, I deserve a spanking for not blogging!

Since I haven't been writing, I will not be surprised if there are no comments.  BUT....if you are still reading and lurking...HELLO!

I do feel the itch to blog again.

Maybe I will.

Did I mention the wildchild turned 22 yesterday?  She was only 13 when I started this blog.

Just thought you should know.

Anyway, have a nice LOL day! It may mean love our lurkers, but I hope you laugh out loud today too!


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Your lazy blogger and commenter friend,
grace

Thanks Bonnie!

Bonnie,

I will never forget the day you highlighted my blog. I was giddy with excitment. I couldn't believe that someone, YOU, noticed little ole' me!

Thank you for all you do regarding the spanking community. It wouldn't be the same without you!

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girl pens

I'm not sure why the world has to have everything gender specific. 

I'm not sure why, but I do know this...

The world has gone too far!

Check this out...

Do you see the big "for Her" on the label?

That's right people!  These pens are for the ladies!

Seriously?

Because of this, I now have to go out and buy girl pens.  And heaven help me when I'm on the phone and can't find a "girl" pen and have to use a boy pen.  I may not be able to read my own writing if that happens.  It will probably look all mannish. 

A friend, has suggested that if I don't use these pens, if I use the mannish, manly, man pens, I will probably start peeing standing up.

Does this mean if a man uses the lady pens, he'll likely start peeing sitting down?

The world has gone nuts!

I've heard there's a Dr. Pepper soda out there that is suppose to be for men.  What happens if I drink it?  Will I grow a penis?

This has all gotten to be too much!!!!

But if you really want a good laugh, go to amazon and look up these pens.  Then read the reviews!  Trust me, I am not the only one that is asking these questions!

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good news

Rather than leave a downer post up, I thought I'd share some good news that is happening around here.

Bossman just aquired a big client!!!  On the same day, and not related, they decided to give him a office.  It's a nice office with 2 windows. 

This may not seem like such a big deal but it's HUGE!  He's been working for the same company for 10 years.  He's been in a cubicle for all this time.  It's a small little space that barely holds a desk.  Everyone in the entire office can hear him when he's making call and talking to clients.  He will now be able to go into his office and, get this, shut the door!!!!

The new client is also exciting!  It means we can pay for our sons school!!!  We won't have to eat top ramen and potatoes.

Bossman mentioned today that he couldn't wait until the wild child is gone so he can pull me over his knee and give me some smacks!  So, all is not lost in the spanking world!

Things aren't so bad around here after all.  See what a difference a day makes. 

Of course, it could all go to hell tomorrow.  That, my friends, is life!

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the next step is??

I've survived the first week of my son being gone.  It's been a long week and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now that he is gone.  My oldest is leaving on Saturday.  Yep, she's leaving too.  For a while there I didn't think I'd ever get an empty nest and now they are both going to be gone so quickly.

I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave the boy.  Seriously, I physically felt ill!  Obviously I got over it, but I just wasn't prepared.

Unfortunately, he doesn't get very good phone signal up at the school.  He can still call, but we can't skype.  But he's already gone to town twice and skyped me so I got to see his very cute face.  At first he was texting a lot during the day, but now, a week in, he's barely texting.  He's already getting used to life without me. ~sad~

In spanking news...

Ok, so here's the story.  Bossman and I were home alone one evening and he decided he wanted to spank me.  He tried to get me up from the sofa but I didn't want to.

He said he was going in the bedroom and I should meet him there.  Again...I didn't want too.

I finally went to the bedroom door and said I didn't want a spanking.  I wasn't prepared.  He just kept asking me to come to him.  I didn't.

Finally, he gave up.  He said he wasn't going to fight with me.

What am I?  Stupid?

I don't know what I was thinking.  I don't understand why I did that.  I kept thinking I was being stupid, but I just didn't want to give in.  So, I didn't.

We didn't have a fight about it, but things were tense for awhile.  I said I was sorry and he said that it was fine, but he wasn't going to force me.  He said we'd try again sometime.

And that was that.

So I sit here pondering my actions.  I wonder why I did that.  I still enjoy spanking stories and videos, so it's not like I'm not into it anymore.  I just can't figure it out.

I can't really figure out much lately.  I am confused about this life of mine.  I'm not sure what the next step in my life is.  I feel like I don't have much to offer.  I thought maybe it was time to get a job, but I am sick a lot and I feel like I would have to call in sick a lot.  I wander around the house aimlessly.  I do the basics and then I'm tired.  Oh so tired.

I know what you're thinking.  This girl is depressed.  Yes, it could be.  I'm not sure about that.  I told the doctor about some of my anxiety and stuff and he wanted to prescribe something but you know what.....GAH!  I don't want to take another pill.  I already take 5 different pills.  I don't need another.  Plus, I'm the type that is going to get the side effects and the side effect of some of those medications scare the bejesus out of me.

Most days I feel ok, I just feel like I need to do something with myself.  Figuring it out is the problem.

I hope I can get back on track.  Maybe baby steps, like walking around the block would help.

Maybe a spanking would help. 

Maybe....

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and so it begins...

The last couple of weeks have been hard.  A good hard, but hard.

The time finally came to send our son off to school.  The school is 3 hours away.  I know, it seems crazy, there aren't many that would send their freshman off to school, unless it's military school. 

This school is great.  It's going to be such a great experience for him.  We just have to get through the first couple of weeks because right now, I can't help but wonder what the heck I was thinking.

The minute we left him, as we were pulling away the tears started. I didn't think it would be that hard, but it's not like I was taking him to college.  I should have had 4 more years to get used to the idea.

I know we made the right decision.  I just wish it wasn't so hard.

My daughter is finally deciding to move out.  For her, I'm excited.  She's 21, it's time she left the nest and started her own life.  But going from a full house to an empty house is going to be hard.  Much harder than I thought.

So, does this mean spankings are on the horizon? 

Only time will tell.

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facebook part 2

What I really want to know is....when did it become acceptable to talk about people on facebook or to text that person with a problem instead of actually calling and talking to the person?

My sister-in-law is nuts.  She's a drug addict and she drinks alot.  She is over 30 and lives on peoples sofas.  She hasn't had a job in 3 years and she's tried to kill herself 3 times in 3 years.  Yes, the girl has issues!

We have tried to help many times.  She's the kind of person that you can never do enough for.  We've learned long ago not to give her cash.  We have put gas in her car, we have bought food and things for her at the store and Bossman has helped her with her car numerous times.  That's only the tip of the iceberg.  We've done so much for her it's unbelievable.

I'm only telling you this, so you will know who I'm talking about. 

On Fathers day, we went to visit with this sister.  It was at the in laws house, which we hadn't talked to any of them for over 6 months.  We had a lovely visit, the only downside was when we asked SIL about her health and she related that she's been having headaches.  When Bossman questioned her on her medication, she said that because of her financial situation, she had to sell her pills.  Um....yep, she sells her pills for cash.  Isn't that illegal?  Why would you tell someone that?  Also, why would you say that in front of your 14 year old nephew?  Needless to say, we are so proud!

Anyway....the facebook incident.   My FIL came to our house to pick something up and we got into a discussion about something that happened a long time ago in Vegas, that involved the SIL. 

A few days later....SIL posts on facebook.....

"Certain members of my family are talking to my father and trying to sully my already sullied reputation.  You know who you are.  If you really wanted to sully my reputation, you should just call me...I can give you all kinds of things to talk about."

It went on from there.

I should point out a few key things here.  One, neither Bossman or I are friends with her on facebook.  Two.  My kids are friends with her on facebook.

Now, you should know....I'm one of those really noisy parents that likes to get involved in my kids business.  I'm sorry, if you are under 18 and live under my roof I have the right to snoop on your facebook and your phone.  So, I was snooping on my sons facebook when I saw the post.  (Why yes, I do have his password!)

I couldn't believe what I was reading.  Furthermore, I couldn't believe that people that I don't even know commented on it.  It wasn't very nice either!

The bottom line is...I talked to my FIL.  There was nothing mean about it and it was NOTHING that my FIL didn't already know.  The incident in question happened 4 years ago and it's not even important.  Why my FIL felt the need to share with my SIL is beyond me.  He's not that kind of guy.  He's always been the guy that doesn't give his opinion and keeps his mouth shut.  Not that there was anything to keep his mouth shut from...but still.

Well, this story is long...isn't it? 

Long story short.  Bossman got pissed, called his family, heard his mom in the background calling me lovely lovely names.....and then got even more pissed.

Apparently I'm an effing bitch.  That coming from a strict muslims mouth.

Needless to say, things didn't end well.  One of the comments left on the original post was from Bossmans uncle who we don't even talk to.  He said some horrible, horrible things about Bossman and how wonderful the SIL is.  He called us hypocrites, said Bossman was pompous and on and on and on....

They are all blocked from our facebooks now.  Including my sons.
So back to my original question...

When did it become ok to air your dirty laundry on facebook?

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facebook and my father

Thanks for all the comments on the last couple of posts.  I did read them all, and they made me smile, I'm just to lazy too comment on each of them.  Sorry!

Lets talk about social media for a few minutes.  Unless you live under a rock, I'm sure you are familiar with facebook.

I love facebook.  I love playing the games on facebook (Yes A~, I even loved farmville for a while there...).  I love seeing what others are up to in their lives, including family that I otherwise wouldn't even know.

What I don't like about facebook is how personal people get.  I hate people that put up posts to make us feel sorry for them, or to get them attention.  My sister....she loves putting personal stuff on facebook.

I am not that way.  I like posting funny things, uplifting things, or nothing.  I like facebook to be cheerful, not sad.  Listen, I don't mind if someone announces a death, or if they need prayers for illness or things like that....but honestly, I only need you to post it once, not over and over again just to get attention.

This brings me to my sister.  Or should I say my father....

For those of you that don't know, let me quickly explain about my dad.  He abandoned my mother with 2 small children.  I was 5, at the time.  He didn't pay child support or contact us.  When I was preggers with my daughter (21 years ago) my sister found him...without telling me.  Gave him my number and he called out of the blue.  He visited once, when my daughter was 4 weeks old.  Since then, there have been some phone calls and cards, but that is it.  I send him a christmas card and maybe call once or twice a year.  SOOOOO....

My sister, on the other hand, visited him a few times.  I suppose she has had more contact with him.  Now, he's on dialysis and not doing well.  He lives in Arizona.  He needs to be in a convalescent home.  His wife has left him.  My sister has somehow gotten herself involved in this mess. This is where facebook comes in.

See, nobody bothered to call me and tell me what his health status is.  I found it out on facebook.  My sister would post things like....Please pray, my father is thinking of quitting all his treatment and will probably die soon......

And this....this is how I find things out.

For a while there, I would joke....not that it's funny...but I would joke that I needed to check facebook to see if my father died.  Kinda sad.

So, now my sister is having him moved to a town near us.  Apparently the wife has gone crazy and my sister has taken over his power of attorney.

I don't know how I feel about all this. 

Part of me doesn't care.  I know, that doesn't sound very nice, but honestly, I don't know the man, he was merely a sperm donor.

Part of me is pissed at my sister for getting involved and for moving him here. 

I am being so selfish.  I should care.  But I feel like he didn't do anything for us...why should we be helping him now.  Not that I'm helping.....I am not doing a thing to help.  My sister hasn't asked for any help, I think she knows I wouldn't help.  Does this make me a bad person?

Also, part of me thinks my sister is just doing all this for the attention.  Clearly all the facebook posts are a big cry for attention.  I have thought of blocking her just so I don't have to see her posts, but I do like finding out what's going on with my nephew.  Plus, how will I find out if he dies?  I'm pretty sure she would post it on facebook before she calls me.

Furthermore, what happens when he's in a nearby town?  I haven't actually seen the man since I was 23.  Last time I talked to him was in May.  Are they....my sister and him...going to expect me to go and visit him?  At this moment, I just don't think I'm going to do it.  BUT, will I regret it later?

There is just so much turmoil going around in my mind.  I don't know what to think.  He's being moved here next week.  I found that out on facebook too.

I haven't even told you about my sister-in-law posting something on facebook about me that wasn't even true.  I guess I'll save that for another post.






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God has a sense of humor.....

Thank you God for the round earth!

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