I got a spankin, I got a spankin!
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
hurt foot
I hurt my foot.
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
stay-fresh socks
I've bought a package of new socks! whoo hoo...don't you just love wearing new socks? They are so soft and comfortable, new socks make me happy.
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
slump
I am in a big slump.
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
Where is this all going?
Have you ever asked yourself what this all means?
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
Love letter
Dear Bossman,
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
Has romance died?
Where is the romance?
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
New books
Well well well, here I am again.
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
Happy New Year!
2006?
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Christmas is finally over!
Ok, christmas was two days ago and my house still looks like the chirstmas tree threw up in the living room.
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
A month later.....
So you would think that since I'm not working anymore I would have time to blog.
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Hmmm, I just read Ambers blog...and I'd link it, but I don't know how! (I know, I'm so lame when it comes to computers!)
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
Take this job and shove it!
Hooray for me, I'm quitting my job!!! I don't have to wait on the stupidest people in the world anymore!
The holiday shoppers can kiss my ass, for I won't be there for them to yell at!!!
Can you tell I'm not really happy about this whole quitting thing? Ok I AM so happy!! November 9th is my last day. I'll be throwing the party on the 10th when I'm sitting in my pjs eating bon-bons in front of the tube!
Ok look here's the deal, most customers are very nice. They are polite. They say please and thank you. They don't interrupt you. And best of all, they wait patiently for their turn in line.
That's most people. That's probably you.
Then you get the one's that think the world revolves around them. They think that because I have on the blue vest that I know about every single item in our 10mile long store. They think I know which stereo is the best, which TV has the best menu options, and which cordless phone will let them talk from 4 miles away. They also think that I know where to find size 3 girls underpants and where they might find playing cards and canning jars.
They think all that, even when I'm clearing standing in a cell phone booth.
They think that, even when I clearly have a badge on my vest that says CELL PHONE TECH!!!
And what about the bratty kids? The ones that scream and yell throughout the whole store and the parents do NOTHING!! For god sakes, is there really something in this store that is sooooo incredibly important that you have to stay there with a screaming child? WHAT is THAT important? Is it the tube of toothpaste, or the new bed sheets in aisle 3? SHEEZ!!!! Take your kid outside so I don't have to hear the screaming...PLEASE!!!!
Anyway I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. So now I'll be home, taking care of the wildchild and the little man, but most of all taking care of Bossman. Bossman has been the rock of this family for a long time. Since I work mostly nights, he is the one that takes care of dinner, homework, showers and everything else that needs to be done on a nightly basis with to kids. He is also the one that take the little man to cubscouts, and drives the wildchild to all her assorted things that teens need to be driven to. Not only that, but the man does laundry.
So now it's my turn to step up to the plate. I need to take care of the house and the kids so my man can take care of me.
And btw, he does a fine job of taking care of me!
Love you babe!
later.....
The holiday shoppers can kiss my ass, for I won't be there for them to yell at!!!
Can you tell I'm not really happy about this whole quitting thing? Ok I AM so happy!! November 9th is my last day. I'll be throwing the party on the 10th when I'm sitting in my pjs eating bon-bons in front of the tube!
Ok look here's the deal, most customers are very nice. They are polite. They say please and thank you. They don't interrupt you. And best of all, they wait patiently for their turn in line.
That's most people. That's probably you.
Then you get the one's that think the world revolves around them. They think that because I have on the blue vest that I know about every single item in our 10mile long store. They think I know which stereo is the best, which TV has the best menu options, and which cordless phone will let them talk from 4 miles away. They also think that I know where to find size 3 girls underpants and where they might find playing cards and canning jars.
They think all that, even when I'm clearing standing in a cell phone booth.
They think that, even when I clearly have a badge on my vest that says CELL PHONE TECH!!!
And what about the bratty kids? The ones that scream and yell throughout the whole store and the parents do NOTHING!! For god sakes, is there really something in this store that is sooooo incredibly important that you have to stay there with a screaming child? WHAT is THAT important? Is it the tube of toothpaste, or the new bed sheets in aisle 3? SHEEZ!!!! Take your kid outside so I don't have to hear the screaming...PLEASE!!!!
Anyway I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. So now I'll be home, taking care of the wildchild and the little man, but most of all taking care of Bossman. Bossman has been the rock of this family for a long time. Since I work mostly nights, he is the one that takes care of dinner, homework, showers and everything else that needs to be done on a nightly basis with to kids. He is also the one that take the little man to cubscouts, and drives the wildchild to all her assorted things that teens need to be driven to. Not only that, but the man does laundry.
So now it's my turn to step up to the plate. I need to take care of the house and the kids so my man can take care of me.
And btw, he does a fine job of taking care of me!
Love you babe!
later.....
Cookie day!
Ever have one of those days when you just want to eat cookies?
The other night, nobody felt like cooking, by no one, I mean me. Anyway, Bossman and I are laying on the bed talking. The kids are watching TV in the livingroom. Bossman says, lets have cookies for dinner. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Cookies for dinner? That sounds fun, but I'm a mom and moms know that cookies for dinner is just not a good idea. I mean really....what mother in their right mind lets their family eat cookies for dinner?
So, we called the kids into our room, and said, we're going to make chocolate chip cookies for dinner tonight. My son, who's 7, said, nah uh....your lying.
Nope, I was serious, and after the children got over the shock of it all, they did the happy dance!
We trooped into the kitchen and made the cookies...we gorged ourselves with cookie dough...I KNOW...we could have gotten sick from the eggs, shame on me, what a horrible mother I am. (how come I never got sick from cookie dough when I was a kid?)
Anyway, we had a blast, and my kids will always remember the night we had cookies for dinner! Of course, nobody wants cookies for a VERY long time.
On to spanking news,
We've been trying really hard to get back into the whole d/d thing. It's been hard, but Bossman has been spanking me before he goes to work, after the kids are in school. This time works best for us, but I'm having a hard time getting back into it.
For goodness sakes, this is what I want, so why am I so defiant when it comes to a spanking. Once the spanking is over, everything is GREAT, so why am I having a hard time with this?
Someone once said that maybe spanking is just the middle man for the good stuff. Does this mean that I need spanking to get to the good stuff? I know that I don't, Bossman will give me the good stuff whenever I want, but how come it's easier for me to get there after a good spanking? Even when we really not practicing the d/d on a consistent basis....I still fanasize about it. So what does that say about me?
I don't know, but I know we are happier when we have spanking in our lives.
later........
The other night, nobody felt like cooking, by no one, I mean me. Anyway, Bossman and I are laying on the bed talking. The kids are watching TV in the livingroom. Bossman says, lets have cookies for dinner. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Cookies for dinner? That sounds fun, but I'm a mom and moms know that cookies for dinner is just not a good idea. I mean really....what mother in their right mind lets their family eat cookies for dinner?
So, we called the kids into our room, and said, we're going to make chocolate chip cookies for dinner tonight. My son, who's 7, said, nah uh....your lying.
Nope, I was serious, and after the children got over the shock of it all, they did the happy dance!
We trooped into the kitchen and made the cookies...we gorged ourselves with cookie dough...I KNOW...we could have gotten sick from the eggs, shame on me, what a horrible mother I am. (how come I never got sick from cookie dough when I was a kid?)
Anyway, we had a blast, and my kids will always remember the night we had cookies for dinner! Of course, nobody wants cookies for a VERY long time.
On to spanking news,
We've been trying really hard to get back into the whole d/d thing. It's been hard, but Bossman has been spanking me before he goes to work, after the kids are in school. This time works best for us, but I'm having a hard time getting back into it.
For goodness sakes, this is what I want, so why am I so defiant when it comes to a spanking. Once the spanking is over, everything is GREAT, so why am I having a hard time with this?
Someone once said that maybe spanking is just the middle man for the good stuff. Does this mean that I need spanking to get to the good stuff? I know that I don't, Bossman will give me the good stuff whenever I want, but how come it's easier for me to get there after a good spanking? Even when we really not practicing the d/d on a consistent basis....I still fanasize about it. So what does that say about me?
I don't know, but I know we are happier when we have spanking in our lives.
later........
do children dictate the strictness factor in your house?
I'm wondering if it makes a difference having children in the home as to how strict you are.
My Bossman and I have put the whole d/d thing on the back burner. I've noticed that alot of d/d couples go through ups and downs in the d/d relationship. We find it really hard to be consistent in our house, mostly due to children. I really can't have my Bossman spanking me when the children are home...even when they are asleep as their rooms are right next to ours and our home is very small. We have discussed how different life will be when the children leave the nest, and Bossman has hinted that he would probably be a lot more strict, if he could.
So, are we the only couple that finds it hard to be strict because of children, or are we just not creative enough. Also, is it strictness or consistently that is the problem?
I posted the above comment in a d/d club I'm a member of.
After posting this comment, I went back and read some of the responses. One of the ladies in the club said that she noticed that most couples in a d/d relationship either have no children or have adult children that don't live at home anymore. I have noticed this very fact myself.
Since I have children, I think that strictness and consistency are lacking in our d/d relationship.
For us it is a lot like training a puppy. They say when training a puppy that you should only discipline the puppy at the time of occurrence. I sort of feel the same when it comes to me. I don't want to have a list of things that I'm to be disciplined for later in the week when we have a few minutes. The purpose will have been lost on me. It's too late, by then the momentum is gone, the incident has been forgotten. Why bring it up again? Unless it is still something that is causing undue tension in the house, why even go there again?
Could this be the root of our d/d problems? Probably, but that doesn't mean we've given up on it.
As a matter of fact, I got a spanking this morning.....
But I'll save that for next entry!
later.........
My Bossman and I have put the whole d/d thing on the back burner. I've noticed that alot of d/d couples go through ups and downs in the d/d relationship. We find it really hard to be consistent in our house, mostly due to children. I really can't have my Bossman spanking me when the children are home...even when they are asleep as their rooms are right next to ours and our home is very small. We have discussed how different life will be when the children leave the nest, and Bossman has hinted that he would probably be a lot more strict, if he could.
So, are we the only couple that finds it hard to be strict because of children, or are we just not creative enough. Also, is it strictness or consistently that is the problem?
I posted the above comment in a d/d club I'm a member of.
After posting this comment, I went back and read some of the responses. One of the ladies in the club said that she noticed that most couples in a d/d relationship either have no children or have adult children that don't live at home anymore. I have noticed this very fact myself.
Since I have children, I think that strictness and consistency are lacking in our d/d relationship.
For us it is a lot like training a puppy. They say when training a puppy that you should only discipline the puppy at the time of occurrence. I sort of feel the same when it comes to me. I don't want to have a list of things that I'm to be disciplined for later in the week when we have a few minutes. The purpose will have been lost on me. It's too late, by then the momentum is gone, the incident has been forgotten. Why bring it up again? Unless it is still something that is causing undue tension in the house, why even go there again?
Could this be the root of our d/d problems? Probably, but that doesn't mean we've given up on it.
As a matter of fact, I got a spanking this morning.....
But I'll save that for next entry!
later.........
duldrums of life
Does it ever seem like life just happens?
Everyday life comes and goes...what is the meaning of this?
Why does it seem like every day is the same old thing, and what is the purpose of these same old things that we do everyday?
I go to work, I come home, I fix dinner, and go to bed, and then....I do it again, and again, and again. Why? Why must we run around like chicken with our heads cut off and accomplish nothing?
Ok, the arguement could be made that we are raising our children to be successful happy adult.
Soooooo....what....so they can run around like chickens with their heads cut off and accomplish nothing? Is that really our sole purpose, to populate the world?
I guess I'm just wondering why I bother..... if I figure it out, I'll let you know!
later....
Everyday life comes and goes...what is the meaning of this?
Why does it seem like every day is the same old thing, and what is the purpose of these same old things that we do everyday?
I go to work, I come home, I fix dinner, and go to bed, and then....I do it again, and again, and again. Why? Why must we run around like chicken with our heads cut off and accomplish nothing?
Ok, the arguement could be made that we are raising our children to be successful happy adult.
Soooooo....what....so they can run around like chickens with their heads cut off and accomplish nothing? Is that really our sole purpose, to populate the world?
I guess I'm just wondering why I bother..... if I figure it out, I'll let you know!
later....
Survivor
Ok, I made it through yesterday, I had my pity party with myself and now I feel better! I think it's amazing what a persons death can do to you. I never had to deal with someone really close to me dying. Although it's been a hard journey, I am fascinated with all the emotions that I've had to deal with.
There is something really great that came of my Grandmas death. I got to meet cousins and uncle and aunt that I had never met. We have been keeping in contact with each other, and it's amazing how cool it feels to be related to someone, flesh and blood. All growing up I just had my parents and my brother and sister, we didn't live close to our other relatives. So other than the grandparents, I didn't know my other relatives. Now I feel like I'm part of an exclusive club that nobody else can join...unless of course they are born into it!
So I survived yesterday...and tomorrow Survivor starts! Oh how I LOVE that show!!! I simply can't wait! And they are teasing us by telling us that 2 old survivors will be on the show! I hope it's Rupert...I love that man! Another great survivor would be Johnny Fairplay!! That would be GREAT!!
Now lets talk spankings...or lack thereof!
I'm not getting any. Nope nothin', nada, zip, zero, zilch!
School is back in session, we've had lots of time, and the worst is Bossman keeps telling me he wants to start up with the discipline again. But has he? Do I have to remind him everyday? Geez I think I'm bratty enough, so that can't be the problem.
What's a gal gotta do to get a spankin around here? When I figure it out....I'll let you know!
later.....
There is something really great that came of my Grandmas death. I got to meet cousins and uncle and aunt that I had never met. We have been keeping in contact with each other, and it's amazing how cool it feels to be related to someone, flesh and blood. All growing up I just had my parents and my brother and sister, we didn't live close to our other relatives. So other than the grandparents, I didn't know my other relatives. Now I feel like I'm part of an exclusive club that nobody else can join...unless of course they are born into it!
So I survived yesterday...and tomorrow Survivor starts! Oh how I LOVE that show!!! I simply can't wait! And they are teasing us by telling us that 2 old survivors will be on the show! I hope it's Rupert...I love that man! Another great survivor would be Johnny Fairplay!! That would be GREAT!!
Now lets talk spankings...or lack thereof!
I'm not getting any. Nope nothin', nada, zip, zero, zilch!
School is back in session, we've had lots of time, and the worst is Bossman keeps telling me he wants to start up with the discipline again. But has he? Do I have to remind him everyday? Geez I think I'm bratty enough, so that can't be the problem.
What's a gal gotta do to get a spankin around here? When I figure it out....I'll let you know!
later.....
In Memory
Today is the first anniversary of my Grandmothers death.
I'm really sad today. But I don't want to tell Bossman. I know he won't know what today is. I'm not mad that he won't remember, he's a man, so I expect that from him. But still I'm sad. I would like to wallow in my sadness. But I can't. I have to clean the house, pick up children from school. Cook dinner. You know...normal everyday life things.
But my Grandma died last year...on this date. I loved her. I will always love her.
How did I manage a whole year without her? How did I manage not calling her, telling her about my family..my life?
How did I manage?
I guess it just goes to show, life goes on. As much as I miss her, I still had to live. I still had children to take care of. I still had dinners to cook, I still had to clean the house and go to work. And I still think.....is this really important? Doesn't it all seem meaningless?
What is the purpose of our lives? Because once your gone...nothing matters anymore. So why are we here?
Oh I know. So we can cook dinner, raise our children, and die.
I guess I'm in a cynical mood. Can you tell?
Ok, I'll go now. I'm go live my life. I guess I should start with the house.........
later......
I'm really sad today. But I don't want to tell Bossman. I know he won't know what today is. I'm not mad that he won't remember, he's a man, so I expect that from him. But still I'm sad. I would like to wallow in my sadness. But I can't. I have to clean the house, pick up children from school. Cook dinner. You know...normal everyday life things.
But my Grandma died last year...on this date. I loved her. I will always love her.
How did I manage a whole year without her? How did I manage not calling her, telling her about my family..my life?
How did I manage?
I guess it just goes to show, life goes on. As much as I miss her, I still had to live. I still had children to take care of. I still had dinners to cook, I still had to clean the house and go to work. And I still think.....is this really important? Doesn't it all seem meaningless?
What is the purpose of our lives? Because once your gone...nothing matters anymore. So why are we here?
Oh I know. So we can cook dinner, raise our children, and die.
I guess I'm in a cynical mood. Can you tell?
Ok, I'll go now. I'm go live my life. I guess I should start with the house.........
later......
in threes
They say that bad things happen in threes. If this is true, then Bossman has one more bad thing left to look forward to. Very ominous huh?
Bossman went to the funeral for the lady that died on Friday. Even though funerals aren't fun, he really wanted to see the children in another setting other than an accident scene. He says it was the saddest funeral he's ever been too. I can imagine. I didn't go with him. I just couldn't. Does this make me a bad person. Bossman says he would have been there for me. I feel bad that I didn't go with him to support him. But I just couldn't, I couldn't face those children, that husband, her friends. Does that make me a coward? Maybe, but I just couldn't.
After the funeral Bossman came home not feeling very well. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out at home. Towards evening, Bossman started to get a toothache. Why do medical and dental things always happen on a weekend? Saturday, Bossman can't function. His tooth was killing him. Lucky for him the dentist is our friend, so we called him, because let me tell you, when tylenol with codeine doesn't work, what option is left? (oh we even tried whiskey, but don't worry, he was just swishing, he wasn't mixing drinks with codeine!)
Our dentist met us at his office, just as my husband was about to lose it from the pain. He does something to the tooth to make it better, gives us a prescription for demeral and sends us on our way. Poor Bossman! He was a mess. Poor guy. Sunday we wake up to half his face swollen. I felt so bad for him. He just went through a really bad week, and suddenly now he has to deal with his teeth? Ugh! Anyway, the dentist assures us that the swelling will go down with antibiotics. And Thursday? Root canal day! Oh goodness, it just doesn't end for him.
The swelling has gone down so that is good, and he's trying to function normally today, but geez how much can one person take? He's my hero!
Ok, don't get whiplash as I change the subject....
School has started!! You can't see this, but I'm doing a happy dance!
Summer was great, but the kids back in school is even better. I know have free rein of the computer to blog without people looking over my shoulder. I know can be on the computer without the insistent whine of someone....when's it my turn on the computer? I can know read dirty rauchy blogs without worry that little eyes will see something inappropriate!!! Hooray for me!!! This also means we will be getting back to spanking! (this for me, is good, but not so good for my butt) I have to admit, this has been a missing piece to our life. It's not that we can't function without it, but god, life is so much better with it!
So in the face of tragedy, I am counting my blessings. Aside from the tooth issue, everyone is healthy. My dearly beloved is still alive. And the kids are back in school!
So things are getting good. Lets hope that third bad thing already happened and I didn't even notice!
later........
Bossman went to the funeral for the lady that died on Friday. Even though funerals aren't fun, he really wanted to see the children in another setting other than an accident scene. He says it was the saddest funeral he's ever been too. I can imagine. I didn't go with him. I just couldn't. Does this make me a bad person. Bossman says he would have been there for me. I feel bad that I didn't go with him to support him. But I just couldn't, I couldn't face those children, that husband, her friends. Does that make me a coward? Maybe, but I just couldn't.
After the funeral Bossman came home not feeling very well. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out at home. Towards evening, Bossman started to get a toothache. Why do medical and dental things always happen on a weekend? Saturday, Bossman can't function. His tooth was killing him. Lucky for him the dentist is our friend, so we called him, because let me tell you, when tylenol with codeine doesn't work, what option is left? (oh we even tried whiskey, but don't worry, he was just swishing, he wasn't mixing drinks with codeine!)
Our dentist met us at his office, just as my husband was about to lose it from the pain. He does something to the tooth to make it better, gives us a prescription for demeral and sends us on our way. Poor Bossman! He was a mess. Poor guy. Sunday we wake up to half his face swollen. I felt so bad for him. He just went through a really bad week, and suddenly now he has to deal with his teeth? Ugh! Anyway, the dentist assures us that the swelling will go down with antibiotics. And Thursday? Root canal day! Oh goodness, it just doesn't end for him.
The swelling has gone down so that is good, and he's trying to function normally today, but geez how much can one person take? He's my hero!
Ok, don't get whiplash as I change the subject....
School has started!! You can't see this, but I'm doing a happy dance!
Summer was great, but the kids back in school is even better. I know have free rein of the computer to blog without people looking over my shoulder. I know can be on the computer without the insistent whine of someone....when's it my turn on the computer? I can know read dirty rauchy blogs without worry that little eyes will see something inappropriate!!! Hooray for me!!! This also means we will be getting back to spanking! (this for me, is good, but not so good for my butt) I have to admit, this has been a missing piece to our life. It's not that we can't function without it, but god, life is so much better with it!
So in the face of tragedy, I am counting my blessings. Aside from the tooth issue, everyone is healthy. My dearly beloved is still alive. And the kids are back in school!
So things are getting good. Lets hope that third bad thing already happened and I didn't even notice!
later........
one moment in time...
One minute your driving down the road, just minding your own business, and suddenly your life changes forever.
My husband was driving home for lunch on Monday, when suddenly on the other side of the road, a guy runs a red light, a lady slams into him, turns her car the opposite direction, and a SUV slams into her driver side door.
There were 4 children in her car. There were 2 children in the SUV.
My husband was there. He saw the whole thing take place. He was the first to get out of his car to see if anyone needed help. He pulled children out of the car. He watched in horror as they took over an hour to get the childrens mom out of the car. He tried to comfort the children as much as he could. The people in the SUV were fine. The guy that ran the red, injured, but fine. The police take statements, and then with nothing left to do, my husband comes home not knowing if the mother is ok.
Home....everyone at home is doing normal things. My son is playing on the computer. I am watch some mundane thing on tv. Something that isn't even important. My husband walks in with haunted eyes. Eyes that tell you something is not right. Eyes that have seen things that nobody should have to see. It was all in the eyes.
He tries to convey what happened. But I was at home, doing normal everyday things. Besides you hear about car accidents everyday, and as long as it isn't anyone you know...life just goes on...right?
That night, on the news, the story is right there. Top story. The lady, with the four children in the car with her...died. The lady who was just driving along, probably having a very normal, everyday life..died. And with her was an unborn child.
The children my husband helped pull out of the car, they were all fine....as fine as they could be knowing that they were there when their mom died. The youngest child is about a year old. She was safely in a infant seat. The second was about three, she too was safely in a child seat. The older boys, 8, and 10, safely wearing seat belts. Their mother...a hero.
I can't begin to tell you how this as affected our lives. My husband could have been the one hit. My husband could have been the one who died. But he was going the other way. My husband watched as a life was instantly lost. Two precious lives. The mother and the unborn child. Gone. Just like that.
Life is so precious. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Have you told the people in your life how much you love them? Have you told them how much they mean to you? Do it now. Stop reading this and call your loved ones, tell them you love them. Tell them they are important to you. Otherwise, how will they know?
Life for my husband will never be the same. Neither will mine. I almost lost the most precious person in my life. And yet....I was the lucky one. A husband is now having to deal with the loss of a wife and a baby. And still he has to raise his other children. I still have my husband. I still have my precious children. Why do I get to be the lucky one? Why did that woman have to die when she had so much to live for?
I wish I knew the answer to that.....
later.....
My husband was driving home for lunch on Monday, when suddenly on the other side of the road, a guy runs a red light, a lady slams into him, turns her car the opposite direction, and a SUV slams into her driver side door.
There were 4 children in her car. There were 2 children in the SUV.
My husband was there. He saw the whole thing take place. He was the first to get out of his car to see if anyone needed help. He pulled children out of the car. He watched in horror as they took over an hour to get the childrens mom out of the car. He tried to comfort the children as much as he could. The people in the SUV were fine. The guy that ran the red, injured, but fine. The police take statements, and then with nothing left to do, my husband comes home not knowing if the mother is ok.
Home....everyone at home is doing normal things. My son is playing on the computer. I am watch some mundane thing on tv. Something that isn't even important. My husband walks in with haunted eyes. Eyes that tell you something is not right. Eyes that have seen things that nobody should have to see. It was all in the eyes.
He tries to convey what happened. But I was at home, doing normal everyday things. Besides you hear about car accidents everyday, and as long as it isn't anyone you know...life just goes on...right?
That night, on the news, the story is right there. Top story. The lady, with the four children in the car with her...died. The lady who was just driving along, probably having a very normal, everyday life..died. And with her was an unborn child.
The children my husband helped pull out of the car, they were all fine....as fine as they could be knowing that they were there when their mom died. The youngest child is about a year old. She was safely in a infant seat. The second was about three, she too was safely in a child seat. The older boys, 8, and 10, safely wearing seat belts. Their mother...a hero.
I can't begin to tell you how this as affected our lives. My husband could have been the one hit. My husband could have been the one who died. But he was going the other way. My husband watched as a life was instantly lost. Two precious lives. The mother and the unborn child. Gone. Just like that.
Life is so precious. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Have you told the people in your life how much you love them? Have you told them how much they mean to you? Do it now. Stop reading this and call your loved ones, tell them you love them. Tell them they are important to you. Otherwise, how will they know?
Life for my husband will never be the same. Neither will mine. I almost lost the most precious person in my life. And yet....I was the lucky one. A husband is now having to deal with the loss of a wife and a baby. And still he has to raise his other children. I still have my husband. I still have my precious children. Why do I get to be the lucky one? Why did that woman have to die when she had so much to live for?
I wish I knew the answer to that.....
later.....
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