Yesterday Bossman gave me a spanking for the remote thing (see previous post) and for being very lazy. (yes, it's true, I spent hours on the computer on Monday, and didn't clean ANYTHING in this house...sigh)
So He put me against the wall. We don't have any available corners in the bedroom, so he has me stand against the wall with my pants down and my hands behind my back. Chest must be against the wall. I'm only standing there long enough for him to get his weapon of choice. In this case it was the most dreaded of all spanking implements, the wooden spoon. He also likes using the 28cent paint stirrer.
Anyway, after he is prepared, he takes me over his knee. He sits on the bed, and pulls me over one knee so my upper body is on the bed. He starts telling me all the reasons that this spanking is way over due. And he starts spanking, first with the paint thingie because it's not as harsh and is a very nice warm up. Everything is going fine until the phone rings. Since Bossman was expecting a business call, he answered it.
Mind you, I'm still over his knee. And he's conducting business. That's right folks, I'm over his knee listening to him talk to clients. Sheez, of all the indignities! Then he takes the paint thingie and wedges it in my butt crack. And still he's talking, and talking and talking. Very, very weird!
Actually, the whole thing was funny, and I was trying very hard not to laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing.
Don't worry, as soon as the call was over, the wooden spoon was introduced to my bottom. GEEZ, how much does that stupid thing hurt? Even after the warm up, that thing really hurts.
Of course, now Bossman has decided that since I LOVE the wooden spoon soooo much that if I decide that the computer is more important than cleaning the bathroom, then I should have a meeting with the spoon. Only. Just. the. wooden. spoon! Oh yikes, I am not too happy about that, but I can assure you that I will be cleaning the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I better go now, Bossman is due home, and I don't want to test him today...my butt is still sore!
later.............
things that make you go, hmmmm...
If I want my husband to be the head of household, if I want to be submissive in this relationship, why do I have such a hard time giving up control?
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Is there anything better?
My son (who is almost 8) made me a mothers day card at school. Yesterday morning, he and the wildchild made me breakfast and brought it to me in bed. Then he gave me the card.
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
We're gonna party like it's your birthday!
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday dear MEEEEE!!! Happy birthday tooooooo MEEEEEE!!
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
shower
He pushes me against the wall and sprays hot water over my body. My hands drift behind my back to fondle his cock. First he washes my hair. While putting the shampoo in my hair, he yanks my head back with a firmness that makes me gasp. I can only close my eyes and drift to the place of serene happiness and contentment. While I'm slowly drifting away, I am jerked back to reality by a burst of icy coldness down my back. My fiery skin is alive from the hotness of the water and the coolness of the soap. And then there is his hands, they are everywhere. They are smoothing the coolness of the soap over my body. They are pushing their way into the cracks and crevices of my body. They are alive and they are hot. I am again lulled into my fantasy land. His hands take the time to explore my slick hot skin. I am still pinned to the wall of the shower. My hands are exploring his balls and his cock. Without even thinking, my hands are slipping and sliding along his shaft.
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
When the kids are home....
there is no time for spanking!
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
life goes on
The spankings have been going great at my house!!! Hooray for me.
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
and the beat goes on...
On my BUTT!!!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
d/d revisited
I got a spankin, I got a spankin!
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
hurt foot
I hurt my foot.
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
stay-fresh socks
I've bought a package of new socks! whoo hoo...don't you just love wearing new socks? They are so soft and comfortable, new socks make me happy.
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
slump
I am in a big slump.
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
Where is this all going?
Have you ever asked yourself what this all means?
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
Love letter
Dear Bossman,
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
Has romance died?
Where is the romance?
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
New books
Well well well, here I am again.
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
Happy New Year!
2006?
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Christmas is finally over!
Ok, christmas was two days ago and my house still looks like the chirstmas tree threw up in the living room.
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
A month later.....
So you would think that since I'm not working anymore I would have time to blog.
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Hmmm, I just read Ambers blog...and I'd link it, but I don't know how! (I know, I'm so lame when it comes to computers!)
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
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