Life exploded and now we are cleaning up the aftermath. Thank you all for your good wishes that you sent my way. I needed them and they made me smile!
Anyway, on to the story.
My daughter decided to try alcohol. When my daughter tries something, she tries it in a big way. She went to spend the night at a friends house. Remember, she just got her license the week before. Bossman let her take his car. She was only going to be about a mile away. About 12:30 in the morning, Bossman wakes me up. The wildchild is home and she is drunk.
WHAT?
Apparently, the wildchild and her friend went down to 7-11 to hang out with boys. (no she wasn't in Bossmans car, the boys picked them up) The boys had vodka. I think it was vodka. Anyway, the offered her something to drink. She decided to have some. Why not? She was going to be at her friends house that night so we would never find out about it..right?
Except, she doesn't KNOW anything about alcohol. Remember her tonsils? Well, because her tonsils were still sore she hadn't had much to eat that day. MOST of us know what happens when you drink on an empty stomach....right? Of course, SHE didn't know that. We also know that vodka is STRONG! Again, she didn't know that.
So, she went home with her friend and promptly got violently ill. To the point where the friends parents got scared and brought her home.
By the time she got to our house she was a mess. She was stinking drunk and practically incoherent. She was cry and babbling about how someone spiked her water. So we thought someone HAD spiked her water. Apparently the "friend" told her to say that to us so she wouldn't get in trouble. Well, we weren't sure what the problem was with her. Oh, we knew she was drunk, but we didn't know if drugs were involved. So we took her to the hospital. Actually, Bossman called the ambulance. They took her to the hospital.
Turns out (thank god) that she was just drunk, there were NO drugs involved.
Alls well that ends well, right?
Wrong!
Of course she is grounded for life. She has no computer privileges and the cell phone is the thing of the past. She has ruined her summer, for we can't trust her as far as we can throw her, and forget driving....driving for her is a thing of the past.
But see, when all this happened, Bossman was PISSED! Well, I was too, but when I say PISSED, I mean PISSED! He didn't want to speak to her, he didn't want to let her out of her room. It was awful.
I don't deal well with that kind of pressure. When our family is out of whack like that, it makes me sick. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. The little man didn't know what to think of the whole thing. He slept through it all, so all he knew was that his sister was in BIG trouble.
Well, the good news is, Bossman has calmed down. 3 days later, we had a talk with her and he told her everything he was feeling. He has made a conscience effort to get along with her so things are much calmer now.
Don't get me wrong, she is still grounded.....forever! But at least our family is getting along better.
I hate this. She's about to be a senior. She is not a trouble maker. Other than two years ago when she and her friend snuck out of the house to meet boys, she has done pretty well. YES, I know, she ditched school too. ~sigh~
So, now I feel like a bad parent. Although my daughter is not pregnant or on drugs, she always seems to make really dumb decisions about things. She is a follower and that is scary. If she keeps following people instead of doing what she knows is right, it will lead her down a very scary path. Bad things can happen to her if she continues.
So please...tell me I'm not alone with this. Tell me I can survive my daughters teen years and most importantly, (Theresa) tell me that BOYS are easier than girls!
I could use a drink right now......
NOT!
You poor thing. You can survive. I just know this because you are strong. I wish I had a magic answer.
ReplyDeleteGet some professional advice. That's what they are there for. Michael tutors and counsels troubled kids through the church. Look for something like that, kids helping kids.
I know she is a good good kid... peer pressure can be really hard for some kids to resist.
Huggs and more Huggs!
Theresa
I have no stories of my kid. Boys are a ton easier and Mollie hasn't quite gotten to that age yet. I can tell you about me. I had perfect parents who raised me well. Taught me right from wrong, the whole bit. Three of my friends and I obtained 2 bottles of wine when we were 15, when back to one girls house and drank both bottles. We didn't get caught. I drove once in college when I was probably under the influence. I didn't get caught. The not getting caught part is the only difference between the wildchild and me. I feel like I turned out okay. I know she will!!
ReplyDeleteLove you,
PK
You are not the first parent this is has happened too nor will you be the last.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately some kids are followers. My oldest was "the ring leader.
I too when i was a teenager got drunk ..like most did and even tried driving.
The only difference now is the OFFENSE IN MUCH MORE SERIOUS.AS of July 1st where i live the laws changed.You don't get your driver's liscense until MUCH OLDER!! YOU CAN GET YOUR LERNER'S PERMIT BUT NOT YOUR LICENSE.
YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. STICK TO YOUR GUNS ON THIS ONE.
I think most parents of teens go through this and they are most always good kids!...Good luck!!
You are not alone, Grace. I just got off a year long roller coaster ride over my son (who is a grown man but acts like a 12 year old) for dui. It cost me lots of money, lots of lost sleep, untold stress and one ungrateful young man who expected us to just fix it for him. He's actually lucky he did not go to jail.
ReplyDeleteI still lose sleep over the boy/man but my advice to you is to love the wildchild, keep the lines of communication open. My other piece of advice is that you and Bossman be on the same page. Create a united front on this and any other issues that come up. I cannot stress this enough because it nearly cost my marriage.
Hope I haven't offended but this struck a serious chord for my emotions and my heart.
All the best to you.
Debbie :)
Grace, on this I cannot help, all I can do is send love and positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up, be one with her father and love her.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Grace, you most certainly are not alone in this. I have a daughter 23, and a son 21. I never ever had problems with my son. My daughter didn't give me a lot of problems, but the crowd she ran around with caused me some concern. My daughter was not much of a follower, but on occassion she did end up where she shouldn't have been and one particular case when the school called me and said there were drugs involved. Sure enough there were some pills involved, but knowing what I do know from experience, there was no damage done, except a bit of broken trust. It did take all summer and me laying some heavy guilt on her, but that was the last of any problems with her. You all will get through this and she will turn out just fine. Communication is so important, but so hard at her age.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, boys are easier! *g*
~Hugs for you all!
Oh, I found out lots of things after the Girl grew up, lol! Like the time she got drunk on vodka at school around 16 and stood in the quad yelling at a boy she liked, saying, "I'm way cuter than your girlfriend, Toby! WAYYYY CUTER!" as her friends dragged her off. hehehe...of course, I can laugh now but at the time I would have been VERY upset if I had known that story. But she didn't tell me about it until years later.
ReplyDeleteThe Boy never took drugs or drank anything until he was 19; just wasn't interested. Even today, he doesn't drink. He might have a beer but that's about it and he's 25. And yet, he was the one I was most worried about.
But our Girl, Lucy, went to parties at 17 and 18 and we knew there'd probably be drinking at some point. But instead of saying she couldn't go, however, we told her she could take her car if she would be the designated driver. She really loved that idea, she was proud of her car, bought it herself with her part time job earnings and paid for her own insurance too, so she went to a lot of parties with the status designated driver and thus had a reason to stay sober. Plus the other kids respected her status and didn't pressure her.
Everyone eventually grew up and stopped the behavior. Our lovely daughter is now 29 and engaged, as you probably know, and she is the last of all her friends to get married.
Everyone has settled down. All my fears came to nothing.
Anyway, I say, don't ground your daughter "forever"; that isn't going to help her learn how to handle peer pressure when she grows up. Talk to the school about it as Theresa suggested; they have counselors for this and group sessions with other kids in the same situation so she can learn coping skills. If you ground her from all social activity, she isn't going to learn how to cope with the lure of drugs and alcohol. And in just a short couple of years she'll be able to do what she wants to do anyway, so use this time to get her to trust you. Getting mad at her isn't going to do that; she'll just hide even more next time she needs your help. Bossman wants to do what is right, I know that, but she needs to feel she can look towards you two for guidance, not avoid you two for fear of being punished.
Go back and talk to her again. Tell her how bright she is, how proud you are of her, how you know this was an unfortunate lapse in her judgment, that you know she usually makes very good decisions, that her friends probably look up to her and she can set a good example. It doesn't matter if all of this is 100 percent true right now or not; telling her you feel that way about her will help her develop better emotional strength in these tough high school years.
Tell her she can come to you with *anything* and you won't get mad. That you're are here to help. And encourage her to get a part time job; that'll keep her busy and out of trouble. If she has her license, she should be working during the summer and on weekends and/or after school; at least, that's what I told my kids they had to do when they got their license. There was no goofing off all summer for the teens. They both worked part time even into college. This helped them make mature decisions socially as well.
Just my two cents. Feel free to ignore it. :)
Oh and btw, I'm glad she threw up and was ill and all that. That was probably the best thing that could have happened! Now she knows the consequences, the embarrassment, how horrible it must have been for her.
Awesome. Good lesson in there. :)
Theresa, now you see why I have such great respect for you??? You did such an amazing job with your son!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being there for me!
PK, you turning out OK??? Hhhhmmm...I have to think about that one! HAHA!
mtch, yes, the laws are tougher here too! Luckily she didn't drive our car to or from where she drank! But I can't even imagine what would have happened if she had tried to drive home like that!
Debbie, I'm so sorry for all your trouble that you've gone through. It's so tough to know what to do when it's your child. Adult or not he is still your child. Thanks for your words of encouragement. You are not the first one to tell me to have a united front with Bossman. Very good advice!
Paul, all I can ask for right now is love and good wishes! Thank you!
Maggiedear, I shall just repeat that over and over...boys are easier, boys are easier, boys are easier... That should help get me through.
Amber, Thank you! It's nice to know that others have gone through this stuff and made it to the other side. You are right about the grounding, and I did exaggerate a little. She won't be grounded forever, but she probably will be until school starts. It starts August 15th.
As for her getting sick, YEP, it was the BEST thing that happened. I am actually grateful that she got sick. It was a HORRIBLE experience for her and it's one she doesn't want to repeat! She has repeatedly told me that she will NEVER drink again. Of course, that will fade, but I do think it left a great impression on her.
Thanks for all the advice and just good wishes. Sometimes it's nice to know that others have gone through this stuff and actually made it through.
HUGS!
grace
I'm late, as usual, but just wanted to say, that although I was lucky enough not to have similar experiences with my kids, I do think it was more luck than anything. This kind of thing sure does NOT make you a bad parent. Some kids experiment and drag their friends (like Wild Child) along, that is sometimes how they learn. Some do it in little ways, that the parents probably never learn of, others make a big splash--intended or not. The big thing is learning from the experience, and still feeling safe to come to mom and dad after.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Kallisto
I've been on vacation and not gotten to keep up for a while, so I'm late in adding my support here, but I just wanted to say that you sound like wonderful parents to me, and I'm sure that Wildchild has learned something very valuable. Making a mistake in judgement doesn't change her intrinsic character, it just makes her wiser. I'm glad that things have settled down and that your family life is back to "normal."
ReplyDeleteKristi