thoughts in the middle of the night

I'm awake and I figured I should write because my brain won't shut off.

I just want to thank my angel, Ceeci, for creating this beautiful place to write. I can't stop coming by here, just to look at it. It's amazing and I never could have made this work. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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When I wasn't feeling giddy over my new home in blogger land....I was feeling a little like this:

I feel like I'm on a cliff and I'm about to jump off. I can't see what's at the bottom, but everyone assures me that it's going to be fine and I just need to jump.

See, Monday, life will change for me. I've been living my normal life for almost 3 weeks with cancer. I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. So, life goes on.

Now, I must jump off the cliff.

It must be like having a baby. You find out your pregnant and everyone tells you that life will change, but you really don't have any idea how different life will be until the day the baby is born. Once it's born, your life is changed forever.

Cancer must be like that too. Once I have the surgery, life will change. Even after I heal, life will be changed. I will forever be worried about cancer. I will forever be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next call.

Truthfully? I don't want to jump off the cliff. I like it here. I can see what's going to happen here. I can turn on the light and the scary things disappear. I can't see what's down at the bottom of the cliff. And even if you tell me it's going to be ok....you don't really know that for certain. Nobody does.

I'd like to go back please. Back to Jan 14, the day before I found out I had cancer.

Back when I didn't have to worry about serious things.

Like cancer.

Written while ignoring laundry by::

My kind of statue!

Please read the previous post if you haven't. I'm really interested in what you would do if faced with a similar situation. Everyone had a different thought on it and each thought gives me something more to think about. I think with a decision like this, I should consider all the possibilities!

Now....lets talk about failblog.org.

I LOVE this site. Every single day there is something new on there that makes me laugh. Really, if you want or need a good laugh, spend some time at this site. Trust me, you won't be sorry.

So, I found this picture over there. Whoever posted it, thinks it's a fail, but personally.....I think it's a WIN!





What do you think?

Written while ignoring laundry by::

genes

Funny. When I wrote the post yesterday, I didn't realize how it sounded. When I said I wanted a spanking cancer blog....in my head I was saying spanking AND cancer blog, not a "I'm going to spank cancer blog."

It turns out, that is exactly what I meant. I am going to spank the cancer. I'm going to spank it right out of my body! The strop, backscratcher and paddle are all things that the cancer deserves....and more.

I have to admit. I'm a little worried about how all this cancer stuff is going to affect me. Since the cancer I have is fed by estrogen, it looks like I'll be taking an anti-estrogen medicine....for at least 5 years. Apparently it blocks the estrogen from attaching to the breast tissue. I'll still have some estrogen. Apparently the side effects include all the menopausal stuff. So, early menopause, here I come. What has me worried is how this will affect my sex life. I KNOW. Sounds stupid when I'm fighting cancer to be worried about my sex life...but lets face it...it IS an important part of my life.

I don't want to lose that part of me. I don't want to lose what is between Bossman and me. I don't want to lose the spanking either. That was why I decided to keep this a spanking, cancer, blog. Because I'm hoping that spanking will still be a part of my life and I hope I spank the cancer too!

Yesterday, I had a blood test. This test is to test my genes. They want to see if I carry the gene that makes breast and ovarian cancer hereditary. Since I'm so young, and I don't know my full family health history (my father was adopted) they just want to see if I carry the gene. My doctor thinks I probably don't have the gene...but for peace of mind, we want to see if I do.

If I do....well, the reoccurance of breast cancer and ovarian cancer skyrocket. Some people opt to have their healthy breasts and ovaries removed when they have this gene. The general population has an 8 percent chance of getting breast cancer, if you have the gene...your chances go up to 87 percent.

I won't find out the results for a couple of weeks. If I have the gene, my sister and my children have a 50 percent chance of also having the gene.

So what do you think? Knowing the odds, would you opt to have a full double mastectomy if you had the gene? If you had an 87 percent chance of getting cancer...what would you do?

Written while ignoring laundry by::

under construction

I feel like my life is under construction. I still have wants and desires... like spanking...but I can't ignore my health issues either.

I wasn't sure if I should make a new blog...keep this blog or have two blogs.

In the end...I've decided this will be a spanking cancer blog.

Now, if I can just figure out how to make a template that reflects both things at once.

I lost my old template.....this one looks like I threw up pepto all over it.

I'm frustrated right now....so ignore me and my construction!

Written while ignoring laundry by::

random bits

People have been sending me lovely cards in the mail. I love getting mail. Although birthday cards are a lot more fun to receive, cards are cards and I am touched that people would take the time to mail me something.

I did get a rather disturbing card. It's from a lovely lady that goes to my church. She's a real sweet-heart, so I know the card came from the right place...but nevertheless, it's disturbing. It's a sympathy card. Complete with words like..."in your time of sorrow" and "with all my sympathy". As I was reading it, a thought crossed my mind. WHO DIED? Thank goodness I have a sense of humor! I know it was given from a place of love and concern, but geez....it just was a little too much! Oh well.

Also, while we are talking about things inappropriate....let's talk about another woman from my church. (Listen, I know I shouldn't gossip...but really, this stuff is priceless! It must be shared!) Anyway, this lady that goes to my church is sort of on the annoying side. She's nice enough, but there have been some incidents that have...well...let's just say, she's really annoying! She called one night and I wasn't home. I thought I dodged the bullet. NOPE. She called back and I didn't know it was her. Now....don't get me wrong. It is very, very nice of her to call and find out how I was doing. I appreciate all the kind thoughts and well wishes. BUT....some people just don't know what to say.

She starts out by asking how I was doing. I tell her I'm fine....just waiting around for surgery. I ask how she is doing. 10 minutes later, I have found out all about her problems...including, arm surgery, knee surgery, her husbands gout and her dogs digestive problems. Then...and this is the part that makes me laugh. She tells me to keep my chin up and that I need to watch funny movies. That's right...funny movies. She tells me it will help me feel better. Also, she said I should tell jokes as then I will be able to make everyone around me feel better.

Um, seriously?

I get that humor makes people feel better. I've heard that. It makes sense that you wouldn't want to be depressed all the time and funny things are good for the soul....but...but...

Oh man. I just want you to know that it took a lot of strength to not LAUGH my ASS off right there on the phone.

You know what....just thinking about that phone call makes me feel SOOOOOOOO much better!

*disclaimer* I know she meant well, they all do. Frankly, both the card and the call made my day! I got a great laugh from both! And really, that's what it's all about~

Written while ignoring laundry by::

this, that and the other

Why is it that suddenly everyone in the world has what I have....or knows someone that does?

It's like when you find out your pregnant...or you're just trying to get pregnant and suddenly the whole world is pregnant!

I found out yesterday that my son's teacher just went through the same thing I going through. She has just recently come back to teaching...my son has a substitute for most of the first quarter of school. Of course, I sort of knew what she was getting treated for...but I never really asked.

I don't know about you, but I remember when I was younger I didn't know a single person with cancer. I never knew someone that had died. I suppose I was lucky, but don't you think that things like this are at an all-time high? It seems like that even though we are coming up with more break-throughs and cures and such, more and more people are getting these things.

As for me....I'm in the hurry-up-and-wait stage. I'll have my surgery on the 8th. I won't know much until two days later when they call me with the results. What I do know is this: It's slow-growing, estrogen fed and it's her2 negative. her2 is the "bad" kind. If there is such a thing as a good kind.

Until then, I live my life. My son is away this week at camp and I feel a little lost without him. I thought it would be fun, just me and Bossman, with the wildchild floating in and out...but I miss my son. There are so many things we do together. We do homework, watch our shows, fight over chores, Reminders to take a shower and brush teeth, snacks, video games, more reminders to take a shower and brush teeth. (why do little boys hate to brush their teeth and take showers?) I take him to basketball practice and we read books. And at bedtime....we say prayers. If the wildchild is here, we all say prayers. It's the one time of the day when I know my family is here and safe. So until Friday, I have to say my nightly prayer without him...and it's not the same.

Of course, I know this will all end soon. He'll turn into a teen and hate family prayer time. He'll hate hanging with the family. So, I'll have to get used to it.

But I don't have to like it.

Speaking of not liking something....can I ask a question?

I've got the President speaking in the background as I type this. Why oh why do they have to applaud every single thing he says? This speech would be so much shorter if they would just stop all that clapping.

I guess there isn't an answer to that question.

Next subject....3D movies.

Bossman and I went and saw the movie Avatar. Wow! It was a great movie, but I have a small problem. It made me sick. All that 3D motion made my stomach turn. I'm not usually one to get motion sickness. I can do roller coasters, I can read in the moving car and I can even go on boats in choppy water....but 3D movie with lots of action....Oh boy. I had to close my eyes a couple of times.

I also realized what a terrible homebody I am. Seriously, I'm not a big movie theater fan. I enjoy watching movies at home. I like being able to put a movie on pause if I have to go to the bathroom. I enjoy rewinding a movie if I missed what they said and I really enjoy laying on my sofa with my very soft blue blanket that Bossman got me for Christmas. Plus, I don't worry about having to be quiet.

It's no wonder I never go to the movies....I only went to ONE movie in 09, yet this week, I went to 2 movies.

Chances are....I won't go again this year!

Written while ignoring laundry by::

the plan

Thunder and lightning rocked the house around 5am. Seems ironic since that's how I've been feeling for the last couple of days.

My son came to bed with us. Even at age 11, he's still afraid of the thunder and needs his mom. It was nice laying between my two favorite men.

By 8am I was at the docs office. Seems the tumors aren't so bad. They are slow growing, fueled by estrogen. The bigger one is less than 2 centimeters. They are in the same quadrant of the breast, so the doc feels she can take them both out with a lumpectomy.

Apparently, the lumpectomy comes with some hardware. The morning of the surgery, I go the place where I got the biopsy. With ultrasound, they insert 2 wires. One for each tumor. THEN, they inject some radioactive dye into my lymph nodes. I asked if I would get some Spidey powers and they were pretty sure that I would! I always wanted to shoot people with my web!

Actually, the procedure is called....sentinel-node biopsy. It's blue dye and they say I will actually become smurf-like for 24hrs. So, I'll be Smurfette! The dye will go into my lymph nodes. Once the wires and dye are in me...they will take me across the street to the hospital where the doctor will be waiting. The doc will have a scanner that will show which node is most radioactive and she will remove it. She will send the node to the lab, while doing the lumpectomy, the lab will determine if the all the lymph-nodes need to be removed. If not...good for me and I'll be done. If so, she will remove them at that time.

After all that is done, I will go home. It's out-patient surgery. They claim there isn't much pain associated with this procedure and some patients even go out to dinner that night....however....I plan on milking it for everything it's worth. Surely I can at least get out of doing the laundry!

Anyway, 3 or 4 weeks after surgery, I'll start radiation. I will have to go 5 days a week, for 7 weeks. Apparently, it's a lot like getting an chest x-ray. Not much side effects. Mostly fatigue. Surely, I can milk that too!

At this point, the doc doesn't think I'll need chemo. Thank God for that! Of course the lumpectomy will tell the full tale and so we will see. If I do have chemo, they have guaranteed that I will lose my hair! Yippeeeee! Bald is beautiful!

As horrible as it all sounds, it doesn't sound tooooo bad! Things could be a whole lot worse. For now I'll just have to take it one step at a time.

So that was my day.....how was yours?

life goes on

It's weird how life goes on. In your mind, the world is falling apart. You walk around wal-mart, marveling at how everyone just seems to go about their day. They don't know what you know. You wonder if you should construct a big letter C and pin it to your chest. You ponder others that are walking around, wondering if they too, need a big letter C.

I've appreciated every single comment and email and text and thought that has come my way. They have all been a great comfort and some have made me teary. I wish I could give each of you a hug. I guess the internet hug will have to do.

I have to admit though, I received the best email ever today. The subject line? FUCK!

I LOVE THAT! THAT my friends is EXACTLY how I feel! Before I even opened the email I knew I was going to love it! I mean really, how often do you get an email from someone that starts with that? I hope never. Really, it's never good if it starts with that!

But, this one was good and you know why? Because it tells it like it is.

The email goes on to say how sucky this is. And you know what....it is very sucky! So sucky that the email says it SUCKS MOLDY DONKEY BALLS!

That, my friends is my new favorite saying. I'll probably use it often and frequently! Because it does. It's horrible and it's crappy and it sucks moldy donkey balls!

Finally someone was not afraid to tell my how pissed off they were that this happened because you know what....I'm pissed off too!

I'm learning many things already and my journey has just begun. I've learned that I have such an incredible support system, here in the flesh and here on the net. I come here to the net when I have nowhere left to turn and I find friendship and comfort. I've found that writing it all down is helping to sort it out.

My husband is my rock. He's already shown me such strength. I turn around and he's already there, ready to hold me and comfort me. I've cried a bucket load of tears and he's ready and waiting with the hugs and the tissues. He's looked deep into my eyes and promised me that it's going to be ok. I'm holding him to those promises!

I keep wishing that I could save time in a bottle. I don't want Wednesday to come, but I want to get it over with also. I need a plan, but I don't want to know the plan. I really would like to run away. Far away from this super scary, super sucky situation.

But I can't run. I can't hide. I'm going to have to fight it head on. And...

I'm going to win because...

This SUCKS MOLDY DONKEY BALLS!

3:00 am

I always thought 3am was just a blip on the clock that showed up right around the time I have to pee. Usually I just shuffle myself into the bathroom and shuffle myself back to bed while half way sleeping.

Weird that I'm up right now.

I slept a little. Finally I snuck out of bed. I had to sneak because it seemed that every time I moved Bossman would reach out to hold me. Not a bad thing, but really, the man needs his sleep.

So, what should we talk about? The weather? Ok.

Since I'm over here on the west coast, the weather has been pleasant. BUT, they say starting Sunday we will have massive rains until Friday. I mean, they are telling us to start building the ark. I don't mean to be negative, but since our weather is so boring around here, I find this really hard to believe. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Well, what else is going on in my life?

Oh, my sister got rear-ended by a drunk driver yesterday. (or is that today? What day am I on anyway?) Of course this happened about an hour after I told her the bad news. Oh, wait. He wasn't drunk. He was high on prescription drugs. REAL high. So high that when he hit her and they pulled over, he forgot to put the car in park and so the car hit her again. AND then when he got out of the car, the car rolled and hit her a third time. Everyone is fine....thank goodness! And the guy is safely behind bars...for the time being.

What else is new you ask?

Oh, I have cancer.

Wow. Did I just type that? I have to stare at that for a few minutes. Here, talk amongst yourselves. Topic: Pat Robertson and Haiti.

All pissed off now? Me too! Lets get back to cancer.

Wow, I just typed it again. AND, I just realized I may have to make this blog private. Either that, or I'm going to have to find some other way to refer to my "illness". You know...google and all that....Oh good, something else for me to worry about! (don't worry, I'll give any and all the password if I go private. I seriously can't go this alone. I need you all!)

Lets back track, shall we?

Yesterday, I typed out my experience with the biopsy. If you missed that post, go down a couple...it's right there. I just finished it and pressed publish so all you fine people could read about how much fun I had. I proof read the post....I always proof it after I publish...for some reason I catch all the mistakes there. Then I clicked to my new favorite website failblog.org. Oh how I love that site. I stop by there two or three times a day. I can't seem to get enough of it. Anyway.....

My cell rings. My doc never calls on my cell, so I didn't think anything of it.

It's the doc. "Did you get the results yet?" "UH, no" " Well, It is the big "C"." (ok, SHE didn't say big "C" but I really shouldn't be saying the C word over and over in this blog. Not only is it hard to type and read, but the good people searching google will end up finding me and since my mother will probably be googling it I might want to think about that...anyway...I'm don't think I'll stick with the big "C"... I'm just trying to find something that works. Any suggestions?)

So, I hear the word and my mind just started buzzing. She's still talking..."blah, blah, blah" and I don't hear a word. I try to listen. I hear something about 2 appointments and oncology doctor...but nothing else really computed at that point.

I hang up the phone and I'm not sure what to do next. I feel myself about to fall apart into a million pieces. The wildchild is the only one home and she hadn't yet emerged from her cave. I grab my phone...no, wait, I think I was already holding my phone, and I start walking toward my bedroom. Just as I'm about to pass the wildchilds door, she opens it. I immediatly fall apart. I tell her I have...well, you know.

She hugs me and I cry. Then I realize, I should NOT be doing this to the wildchild. I straighten up and mumble something about calling Bossman. "Don't worry mom, it will be fine."

I go into the bedroom and try and call Bossman. It's one of those times where you really don't want to hear voicemail. Guess what...cell phone voice mail...work voicemail. I call my mom...voice mail. What the heck people? Answer your phone already.

A second attempt at Bossman and he answers. I blurt out...you know...he's quiet for a second and then says he's coming straight now. I'm crying now....so I just say "OK" and hang up. Then my mom calls back. She immmediatly says, "So, what did the doc say?" I choke out the word again. All I hear is "Oh god.....oh-my-GOD!" Then she says...I'm coming over.

I then had a few minutes and didn't know what to do with myself. I walked all the way around the house 2 times and then sat at the computer and wrote the last post. Then I got my phone and texted the twins. Then...I couldn't stop. I had to do something and since the only thing I could do was call people...that's what I did.

Bossman walks in the door and I run to him and start sobbing. He held me tight and I sobbed. Then I sat down on a stool...he kneeled in front of me and he prayed. HARD! More happened in that moment, but it's something he and I shared together.....

After that I kept walking around the house in a daze and he went and made some phone calls. I thought they were work related, but he called our Pastor and he and his wife came right over. By the time they got here, my mom arrived and we all cried and read the Bible and prayed. Although still in a daze, it was comforting.

The whole time my mind kept screaming...."Why ME!" I kept thinking I can't do this...I'm not brave. I'm not like D. How will I look bald? I'm a big baby, I'm not going to be able to do this.....

But, guess what? I have to. I have no choice! I go on Wednesday at 8am to talk to a surgeon. Me! Talking to a surgeon. I'll find out all about my little tumor and what my options are. I guess this means I'll have to have surgery. My mind can't think of that right now. Surgery? *shudder*

All I can think about is the worst. And what about my kids.

When the little man came home from school, I told him. By the time he got home, I was a little more composed. The Pastor had left and so just my mom was here. I dont' remember what I said, but I remember telling him it was going to be ok. He seemed to take it ok....but he's such a sensitive little boy...I don't know how this will affect him yet. It's so sad. No child should have to deal with a parent being sick. Am I sick? I don't feel sick yet.

Well, I don't know what else to say. My mind won't shut off, but if I don't go back to bed, Bossman will be out here looking for me soon and I really should get some sleep.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement! They mean more to me than you will ever ever know.

I guess I'll say goodnight now.....or is it good morning?

5 minutes later....

it's cancer

fun times

I'm led to the small room to change my top. "Gown open in front please."

I'm led to the same room I went to on Monday for the ultrasound. Bossman is already there waiting.

"Let me just explain the procedure again." "blah, blah, blah," "Do you have any questions?"

I pull my left arm out of the gown and lay down on the gurney. The doctor comes in. After cleaning everything and sterilizing everything, it's time to get started.

First comes the local anesthesia. Not much pain, just stinging. Now it's time to find the lump.

The nurse holds the ultrasound probe thingy and the doctor attempts to put the needle through my boob. Since I'm young and my girls are dense, it takes some doing to the get needle in. There's a lot of jerking and wiggling, and WOW, does that sentence sound dirty...LOL It wasn't at all sexy...

Did you know that a needle just won't slip through your breast tissue? Dense stuff.

After finding the spot they want to sample, there is a loud click. And it actually jerks you a little. But luckily, not much pain. After two more goes at that, they put in a little marker.

The marker is shaped like the breast cancer ribbons. It's titanium and when I saw the mammogram there it was....little tiny ribbon in my boob. Actually, two.

After they did the first spot, they go after the second. The second is a little trickier. It's close to my ribs and since they don't want to puncture anything other than the lump....they have to be careful.

The finally get it. I manage to hear the words...that could be a cyst. Since after the first go at it, it was harder to find.

I was happy to hear that.

After we were done, I got another mammo and got to see my little ribbons. They will stay there, so in the future, if it turns out to be nothing, they will know they tested it already. If it turns out to be something, the surgeon will know where the spot is. And if I go through security, they will have to check my boobs. (ok, just joking about the last one...LOL)

One hour later, I was done and on my way home. I spent the rest of the day on the couch with an icepack, just to make sure there was no bleeding and today, I'm fine.

Well, I'm as fine as I can be as I wait for the results.

I'm sure it will be fine.

I'm sure it's nothing.

Hurry up phone....ring already!

hanging in there...

Tomorrows the big day.

I'm actually not to worried about the procedure. They say it's just some local numbing and then a poke. Not even going to need stitches!

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the results. I'm scared to death! It's amazing how many horrible things you can think of. I'm amazed at how morbid I've become.

I'm also amazed at how life goes on.

Bossman threatened to spank me if I didn't get some stuff done around the house yesterday. He was pleased with the results and no spanking was had. (Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm still trying to decide.)

My son's class is going to outdoor school at the end of the month. He'll be gone for 4 days. We had to go to a meeting about it yesterday. Um...4 days? What will Bossman and I do to occupy our time?

My daughter is thinking of going to college to get medical assisant training. I went to a meeting with her yesterday. I forgot how expensive school is. But I'm happy she's finally thinking about her future.

So, life goes on. And then I read some comments from my latest post. And one thing that helped was this:

Grace there are a million benign things it could be. So the odds are in your favor and so are a whole bunch of prayers!

Thank you Theresa! The odds are in my favor! I sooooooooo needed to hear that. Nobody said that. I knew that...but I didn't think of that. I was only thinking of the worst thing possible.

Plus, how can I go wrong with all of you sending up prayers and good thoughts?

So, from now until the results, I am going to remember that the odds are in my favor and my friends are praying.

And really, that's all there is to think about....

two

Thank you all for your wonderful, supportful comments. It's nice to know there are people out there that care. Most of you don't really know me personally, but you care and that makes me feel nice.

I went for the mammo and ultrasound today. Instead of one little lump...they found two. The second one wasn't visible on the mammo, but they caught it on the ultrasound.

I was only joking on the last post when I titled it "one lump or two". Guess I shouldn't joke around so much.

On Thursday I go in for a biopsy.

It's a fun little procedure where they look on the ultrasound and as they find the spots they insert a needle to get some samples. Sounds like a party to me!

I won't find out the results of the biopsy until Friday or Monday.

And I thought THIS Monday was a long time to wait....

Seriously....

I might just go out of my mind.

one lump or two?

I had a whole post just waiting to be finished. In it, I tell the tale of what a wonderful Christmas we had. I also include some rather annoying moments that we had with the mus*lim.

Yes, this Christmas had it all. Presents, family, and even a mus*lim. Bossman and I were accused of being liars and my daughters aunt called her and asked her to go drinking with her....yes, my 19 year old daughter. No, thank goodness she didn't go. Anyway... All in all, a very nice time.

I wanted to finish it and get it posted today. But, I can't. My mind is on something else.

My mind is on my boob. I found a lump. It's right where a woman just doesn't really want to find lumps.

One of the girls has a lump.

I was hoping it was in my imagination and I really didn't feel it. I was hoping, by the time I got to the doc, it would be gone.

Nope.

Still there.

Monday I'll go for a mammo and ultrasound.

Monday....it's a long time from now.

But I can't do anything now.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

I've done all the right things. I breastfed my son for over a year...

I have no family history.

So, it's a cyst. Right?

Please....just tell me it's a cyst....

And if your my friend on Facebook...please don't mention it there....I haven't told my family yet (besides Bossman) we'll just wait until they tell me it's a cyst...then we can tell the family...

hardness

The hardness kit is for the water!!! Good job Meow and PK! Believe it or not...Bossman is the one that suggested I post that!

Everything is going great here! We are having a great time with D. Yesterday we went to the beach and had a great time. For all of you who are in the middle of a winter storm...sorry....we had 75 degree weather here! It was PERFECT! We ate fish and chips and then we pretended to be Bay Watch babes and ran slow motion across the beach. NO, we didn't have on our bikinis! We didn't want to risk indecent exposure. Besides, we had children with us! Last night some kids from our church came by and sang Christmas carols. Perfect end to the perfect day.

Today D is spending time with a friend of hers and then tomorrow we are having a big Christmas dinner. Turkey and all the trimmings and then we will open some presents. D is heading home on Wed. that's why we are doing it tomorrow.

If I don't come back to post I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas! We are all so grateful to be alive and healthy that nothing else really matters.

My wish for all of you is a healthy, happy Christmas. I hope you all get to spend time with your loved ones and I hope Santa brings you everything you want. And don't worry, if you make the naughty list....I hear you get a spanking....so either way is a win-win!

HUGS!
grace

Funny stuff

I LOVE getting Christmas cards! I hang them on the wall and I love seeing just how full the wall is going to get. I try and save the cards. Each year, when I unpack the Christmas decorations, I always go through the old cards. Some of the people that have sent me the cards have passed on. Others have pictures and oh how the kids have grown!!!!!

Today, when I checked the mail, I recieved a card from far away. Far, far away...almost another planet. Well, the other side of the country SEEMS like another planet! They even have a weird dialect.

Although the dialect may be off, I always manage to understand what this person is trying to say. AND, her card says it perfectly! Want to see it?

We all know the answer to that question! YES! YES! YES!

The insides says: " Cause I'd consider it!"

This is BY FAR, my favorite card! Thank you dear friend!!!!!

Also, today I had someone come over. They came over to check something for me. Here....let me show you what they wanted to check.



I'm sure you all know what that person was here for....but before I tell ya....why don't you try and figure it out. I know you all LOVE a good quiz. Just leave me a comment with your guess.

Oh and tomorrow....D is coming! I'll be busy...but I'll pop by and let you know what the answer is......

maybe.....

Happy Birthday PK!

But be careful because if you're too naughty, you might end up like this:

And we all know that the only thing that will fix that is this:

Have a great one!

Love you!

grace

Lights, cookies, rain and the line of fire

The boys are stringing the lights up outside the house. I just made a batch of chocolate chip cookies and it looks like it's going to rain! For CA, it doesn't get any Christmasyier....(is that a word?)

Only person missing is the wildchild and she's at work. Bummer for her. But she'll be home tonight and we will go out and get the tree and decorate it together!

Remember the picture I showed of my bedroom? Well, scroll down...it's right there silly!

Anyway, last night saw Bossman sitting in that exact corner of the bed. It also showed me, over his knee with my pants down to about my knees. Close to the edge of the bed was the ever dreaded back scratcher...or BS, as I like to call it, and the wooden spoon. Um, yeah. It was like that!

I'm not sure what took over Bossman, but heaven help my butt...IT HURT! It was a long spanking, one of the longest he's given and today, I have BUTT ITCH. We've had this discussion before....tell me I'm not the only one that gets butt itch the day after a particularly hard spanking???

Today, he's been nothing but dominate. He smacked my butt HARD with the hair brush this morning while getting ready for church because I said something he didn't like and THEN, this afternoon when he told me the cat box needed cleaning and I told him he should do it himself, he led me to the walk-in-closet in our bedroom, pulled down my pants and used the BS 3 times hard, on my back side. OUCH!

Let me just say, he was in the middle of doing the lights and I wasn't doing much of anything....so the request wasn't mean or anything like that....I just don't like being told what to do....LOL Great submissive..huh?

Let's just discuss the BS for a minute, k?

I've never had a cane used on me so I don't have a reference, but I'm thinking that the BS is a lot like getting a cane. If he uses the handle part, it smacks across my tush and leaves a line of fire. What do you think???

Anyhow, that's my weekend so far. How's yours going?

before and after

Thank you all for your support regarding D. She didn't have to be admitted to the hospital yesterday, they got her fever down and are pumping her full of antibiotics. Hopefully this will keep her out of the hospital until next week when she goes back to Houston.

On lighter news, I thought I'd post some pics of my sanctuary bedroom. You'll remember that I mentioned we just painted it.

Let's look at some before and after photos...shall we?


This is my bedroom the day we got into the house. Notice the beautiful peach walls and ceiling and the wonderful vertical blinds.

This is after we moved in. Someone fell on my dresser drawers, so that is why everything is piled high upon the dresser. I don't know if you remember me mentioning the clock that can be viewed from the moon....but there it is on my jewelery box...shining brighter than ever.

Here's the almost finished room. We took down the hideous blinds and got the curtains. Painted the walls blue and the ceiling white. We have some moulding we are going put up and we haven't painted the trim yet. But....isn't it purrrrrrrrttttttyyyyyyyy???
If you can't tell, we made it into a beachy theme. The pic above the bed has sea shells in it. There is an ocean pic next to that and then another pic like the one you see, on the other side.

In case you were wondering, we got Bossman a nightlight and gave the beacon of light to the little man.

Also, for those interested.... you are viewing Bossmans side of the bed. You will also note that this is where I receive most of my spankings.....right there at the foot of the bed.

Yep.....right there.

Yes, there is more that goes on in that bed. But, I'll have to leave that to your imaginations!

Enjoy!

Why not me?

I was laying all cozy in my bed this morning. The little man and Bossman had just headed out the door and the wildchild was at a friends house. I snuggled back under the covers, warm and toasty, just thinking about the day ahead and all I wanted to watch on the dvr accomplish.

The phone rang and from the caller ID I could see it was my SIL, D. I picked up the phone, ready to shoot the breeze.

Yeah, I wish. She was calling to tell me that she was being rushed to the hospital with a 103 degree fever. ~sigh~

This has been a rough couple of months for D. She has been in and out of the hospital more times than I care to remember. She almost died in Oct when they couldn't find the blockage in her liver and she turned as yellow as an Easter Egg. The finally found the blockage and were able to save her in the nick of time.

Then she came home from Houston and got a blood infection. That landed her in the hospital for more than 2 weeks.

Then....just last week...she had an allergic reaction to the chemo, that she's already had 8 treatments of....and she could have died.

Now this.

After I hung up the phone with her, I spent some time thinking. I began to think the question that we've all asked ourselves. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Why isn't this happening to someone like Charlie Manson? Why not the guy that just killed the 4 officers in Washington? Why not the people that committed murder and are waiting on death row?

And...why not me? (no, I haven't committed murder, but I HAVE thought about it!)

Why am I being spared? Why do I get to cuddle up in my nice warm bed, in my nice cozy house, with my nice healthy children and husband?

I've decided it's simply the luck of the draw. We don't know why it happens and we don't know when it will happen to us. Every ache and pain I have...it's cancer. I just know it's cancer. It's bound to be cancer one of these days....right?

All I know for sure is this. I am DAMN lucky. Today I'm lucky. Today I am healthy. I'm fed, I'm clothed and I am warm. (except my feet, which are never, ever warm.)

Are you lucky today? I hope so.

And, if you don't mind, could you send some good thoughts D's way today? Thanks!

those crazy teens

Thanksgiving was a success! By success, I mean, no mus*lim, the turkey didn't burn and enough leftovers for today! Plus, we didn't kill each other, we had a great time together without fussing! YAY us!

Usually we do the Black Friday thing. Bossman and I went and got a paper so we could look at all the ads. Yes, I looked them all up online, but there is something about seeing it on paper that makes it easier for me. We looked through all the ads and we just weren't impressed. There didn't seem to be much that we needed bad enough to get up super early. Then, the wildchild called.

She left about 8pm to go to a friends. Hey, we had her for the whole day, so I wasn't going to complain. She called a few hours later and said she was going to spend the night. She told me she and her friend were going to go to Wal-mart around 3am, just to see who was there and how many people were there. I told Bossman her plan and he called her back. He told her if she was going to do that, could she just stay there and get some stuff that we saw in the ad. Of course, being the crazy teen she is, she was more than happy to do that.

She came home and got the list and the money. At 6am I heard her come in the door. I got up to see if she was successful.....

YAY! She pulled an all-nighter but she and her friend got everything on the list! Including a blu-ray player for 78 bucks! Also a sweet leather computer chair for 35!

Apparently they had quite the experience! Loads of people and not much moving space, but they made it a mission to get everything we asked for. We told them they didn't have to go and if they couldn't get everything, it was ok, but they were determined. She tells me they made quite the team. One would wait in line while the other pushed and shoved their way through the crowd to get the items on the list.

I guess that's the benefit of having a crazy teen!

So, how was your Thanksgiving and did you get any great deals on Black Friday?

Grateful

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it. I have tried all week to put it aside and not even worry about it. But in the back of my head it's always there....and I can't help but think about it.

Back in 2006, on Thanksgiving day, I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Since that day...I've never been quite the same.

If your new here and would like to read about it....the story is here.

You just don't forget things like that. Fortunately, I got better. So why can't I stop thinking about it? Sure, the anniversary of such an event would make you think about it more, but I think about it at other times. I have fears that something like that could happen again. I have fears that something horrible will happen to me in public. Heartattack or something similar. I worry about things happening to me when we go on car trips. I don't worry about car accidents, I worry about me getting sick. Sometimes, I think it hinders me from enjoying life. I haven't cancelled anything yet because of it...but I think about it. I see things on TV and I think...wow, I could never do that. My son went on a field trip last week and had a two hour bus ride with no bath room stops. I was thinking about how I could never have done that.

I've been trying to work through it. I see how irrational it is. I can do things. I do things all the time. I've managed. I've taken car rides all the way to Vegas and although we made lots of potty stops...nothing bad happened!

I don't know why I'm so obsessive about this. I do know that I'm trying to stop. I'm trying very hard to push those thought aside and enjoy life.

One thing I know for sure....it's the night before Thanksgiving and I feel fine. I don't think I'll need to make a trip to the ER. Hopefully! Everyone at my house is fine.

So, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty darn thankful for my health. I'm thankful for the health of Bossman and the kids. Although D has had a really rough month, she is doing OK now...so I'm grateful she is still alive for another Thanksgiving. Although she can't be with us tomorrow, she will try and come for Christmas.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Enjoy your family. Enjoy your health.

Just enjoy!

painting and stuff

I suppose I should point out that the controversy I was alluding to in my other post was not something that had to do with our community. I enjoy reading the mommy blogs....I AM still a mommy....and there was a lot of drama there. I should have made myself a little clearer on that. The drama has long since past. I guess I just wrote it to let off some steam and to let everyone know why I hadn't been blogging. I got burnt out on the whole thing. I was tired of the crap and since I was already feeling down, blogging just made it seem worse. I am happy to report that I am feeling much better. I'm not sure when I'll quit allowing blogging drama to upset me so much...but maybe someday I will learn. In any case, I am sorry if you thought for a minute I was talking to any of YOU! And by you, I mean, all of you that commented or lurked. Soooooo.........

*brisk clap clap*

Moving on....

Thanksgiving will be a quiet affair around grace*land. There will just be the four of us, with the possibility of a boyfriend (not mine..LOL) joining us. We shall begin getting out the christmas decorations and watch movies and watch lots and lots of football. Football is not my favorite, but it's just not Thanksgiving without it droning on in the background.

We are super excited about decorating for christmas this year. Our new house has plenty of yard for decorating. Our old house was small and no room. We have stuff that we haven't been able to use because we haven't had room. It will be wonderful!

In other decorating news, I finally got motivated enough to start painting. My bedroom is pretty much finished, but we did just buy some crown moulding to put around the top. BUT, it looks marvelous and if I ever remember to take a picture during the day (why the heck is it getting dark at 4:30?) I'll post some before and afters. I am quite proud of it. It's the first time we've lived in a house where we could have walls any color. NO more white walls! Unfortunately, the people that lived here before us adored the colors peach and aqua.

Um, yeah. The living room, kitchen combo is aqua from head to toe! The ceilings are tall and it's a whole lotta aqua going on in there. Did I mention the carpet matches? It's a lot like living in a fish tank. I feel like swimming in there. As a matter of fact, now that I just typed that, I realized it's like the color of the inside of a pool. Thank goodness there is a huge brick fireplace that breaks up the color. I can't wait to start painting it, but the room is HUGE and daunting and I'm considering waiting until after the holidays to make that kind of mess. I'm thinking a nice soft yellowy gold....something like that. I think it will look nice with the carpet and since my sofa is a milk chocolate brown, I think it will be pretty. I will NOT be painting the ceiling that color. That is just TOO much of one color. Had the previous owners NOT painted the ceiling that color, it would probably be fine...

The rest of the house is peach....lots and lots of peach. Floor to ceiling peach. UG! But it's better than white! And now my room is blue with white trim and white ceiling....so at least I don't have to look at the peach anymore.

Seriously, have I bored you enough with all the paint talk? I think I bored myself.

So, I'll just wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. (in case I don't post again this week)

For those of you on the other side of the pond....have a really Happy Thursday!

gift idea

Are you unnoticed in a crowd?






Do you sit unnoticed on the sidelines while others are picked?





Try the latest scarf fashion and you too will be the center of attention..................

um....

I suppose you can already tell that I changed things up a bit in here. I stopped by to see if the place was still standing and I noticed that things got a bit messed up. Seems as if part of my blog just up and vanished.

Rather than try and fix it, I thought it was time for a change. Unfortunately, it's been a really long time since I changed my blog (without help) and of course I screwed it up. I lost all my links! I saved the actual template, but I didn't realize that it wouldn't save my blog list for me. Soooooooo....

I have a lot of them on my laptop, so when I finish being lazy and open the laptop I will be able to input a lot of the links. But some of them I didn't have bookmarked, so if over the next week, you don't see your link and want me to add it...please, let me know! It really isn't an oversight, it's just incompetence on my part.

I don't really know if this means I'll be back more regularly. I actually got a little tired of the blogging world and stepped out of it for awhile. Truth be told, I still lurked around, but I just got a little sick of some of the people I see on all the blogs. I found if you lurk around long enough, you will find people in other parts of the blogsphere. People you don't expect to find. People you didn't think you would find on certain type of blogs. And, if you read the comments, you find these people saying things that they probably wouldn't say on "other" blogs....if you know what I mean.

And as a result, I found some people that seemed a little two faced. I don't mean that they were two different people...goodness knows we've been through that enough times. No, what I mean is that the comments they make to one person, can be totally different than comments they make to another.

Yes, yes, It's the same ole' thing...you can't trust people on the internet and people can say whatever they want. I get it. I just don't have to like it. I don't think it's nice to talk about others behind their back because you don't think they will ever see what you have written. I think it's the cowards way out of things. Don't get me wrong...I'm not talking about actual blogs. I think we can write whatever we want on our own blog. I'm talking about comments. I don't like it when people get bashed in someone elses comments and have no recourse. They don't have a chance to defend themselves. Sure, what we don't know won't hurt us... but seriously? What if they do see it? Or what if someone tells them? And since I saw it...then I know how truly awful you are. Although the blogsphere seems really small....it's NOT! It's huge and you don't know what blogs I read, anymore than I know what blogs YOU read. All I know is this....I saw what someone wrote and I lost all respect. Because if this person can write what they did about someone else...god knows what they are writing about me!

Ok...I'll get off my soap box. I'm not even sure why I felt the need to write this. I'm not trying to cause drama. Besides, this happened a while ago and now that I've been away for awhile I realize I don't need that kind of stuff in my life. I've got much bigger things to worry about. But I know I'll see this person on blogs that I read and I will have to grin and bare it...because if I say something...that will open a big ole' can of worms....and I'm not about to go there. I'd rather hide in my shell...thank you very much!

So, in other, and much more exciting news, spanking has resumed in graceland! Last week was a stellar week of spanking and sex. We have a nice ottoman in our living room and it's now loving referred to as the fucking stool. Feel free to use your imagination! Of course we can't call it that in front of the children. My daughter would be horrified.

As it is, I had to have a discussion about "women" things with my daughter. She's never had the "exam" and she's up for one tomorrow. As I was telling her things, I was telling her about my female health issues and mentioned something about it being hard to have sex when certain things were happening to me and she told me that she threw-up a little in her mouth while I was talking...LOL Apparently she doesn't want to contemplate the thought of me and her father doing the nasty...I don't know why not! It's how she was made...LOL

I feel myself getting some pep back. Maybe this means I'll find more things to write about.....

Or not...

facebook etiquette

Opps..."My BAD!" I accidently deleted this post last night. Thanks for the email comments! I wouldn't have noticed so quickly without having you all keeping me on my toes. AND...for those of you reading this for the first time...you'll appreciate the use of "my bad". LOL

I'm on facebook a lot! I have a lot of people as my friends, some are from my teenage years, some are family, some are from church and some are just people I hang with now. As a matter of fact...some are blogger friends.

Now, my side of the family is pretty spread out. Most of my family in in the Chicago area. That is where my mom grew up and it's where her brother and his family live. Actually, the brother (my uncle) moved to Florida. So see, I've got family in chicago and I've also got family in Florida.

I don't know this side of my family very well. My mom married an army guy and we moved around a lot. I had never met my uncle or cousins until about 5 years ago when my grandma died. Now, we are all on facebook and we are getting to know each other through our comments and our pictures and stuff.

I also have a few of Bossmans family on my facebook. One of them is Bossmans aunt. She lives a few hours from us and we've spent a little time with them on holidays and such. She happens to be the m*uslims sister. Although she's not quite as kooky as her sister...she has issues too.

Last week I posted a video of my daughter performing a song she wrote. She is playing the guitar and singing. She was performing in a coffee shop. I put in on facebook because I'm proud of her and I wanted my family to see what a talented daughter I have, since none of them have met her.

Heres where it gets crazy....(I know, so far this has been a boring story)

As I expected, the usual family and friends commented on what a talent she is. Bossman's aunt..I'll call her K, left a very nice comment. Then...my cousin...we'll call him S, left a comment. The comment was... and I quote:

That was very cool! Tell her she looks and sounds great!

Now, does anyone see anything wrong with that comment? Don't be shy...please..if you see anything remotely harsh or judgemental or bossy, tell me...before you read the rest of this.

Of course there is NOTHING wrong with that statement! It's a very nice statement.

So, why did K feel the need to leave S a comment in his inbox? Not sure...but this is what he sent me....

I got this message from K, I believe. What's up with this?

"The Wildchild's talent can stand on it's own. Telling everyone to tell her she's great is a little controlling, don't cha think. People know talent when they hear it. Tell her yourself, and allow us to do the same. thanks....no offense! "

Did i say something wrong?

Hope you're doing well!

Ok, I changed the names...but this is exactly what he sent me!

I was shocked! Why would she feel the need to email someone she doesn't even know and say something so stupid? He wasn't telling people to tell her she's great...he was telling ME to tell HER that she was great. He isn't friends with her on facebook, they don't know each other, so why would he tell her anything?

Well, needless to say, I was a little ticked off! I mean...seriously? Don't tell my friends what they can and cannot say to me. If he had said something offensive...maybe I could see it....but this? This is just dumb!

So, I wrote her an email...I'll be honest...it wasn't very nice.

I pretty much told her that she must have misunderstood what was being said and that if she has a problem with something that someone says on MY post then she should talk to me about it. Unless I post something controversial, something that I want people to debate...I don't need her to offend people that make nice comments about my daughter!

Then...I committed the unpardonable sin. I deleted her from my friends list!

Now, she did email me back and apologized, but it wasn't a very nice apology, in my book...she sent me this....

Ok OK Ok, my bad. I DID misunderstand. I don't know him, though why does that matter? Anyway, I just know how fragile young talent can be, and I wouldn't want the wildchild thinking that people have to be prodded to tell her she's great. That instills insecurity. Sorry I embarrassed you girl. Pass on my apologies. Though he doesn't sound too forgiving at this point. Please forgive the screw up. I'm a little protective because of my own daughter I guess. Does S own a beebie gun. Sure hope not!

First of all....please don't say "My bad" when apologizing to someone! It's just no good form. It's slangy and it's just something you say when you are trying to be cool. It's fine when goofing around...but if you want to be serious...don't say MY BAD!

Second thing is... My daughter went and read the comments and because she's 18 and immature, she made comments about how ugly she is and how she hated the video. BUT, she thanked everyone for their nice comments. K felt the need to go to my daughters facebook and post on her wall a lecture about how she shouldn't be posting things about herself and she should just take comments nicely.

Now, her point to the wildchild was valid....but....do you lecture someone in public or do you message them in private? AND...isn't it MY job to do the lecturing?

Anyway, back to the point...if I even have one. I deleted her. Now, my kids and my husband did not delete her and that's fine...I don't expect them to. If they want to delete her they can. The only reason I deleted her is because I want to have peace of mine that when I post something about my kids, I won't have her insulting my family or friends.

Does that sound reasonable?

Well, after the last email she sent...I didn't respond. I was over and done with it and I moved on. Oh...I apologized profusely to my cousin and I hope he doesn't stop commenting on my stuff.

So, today, she sent me another email. This is what it said:

I am sorry I offended your friend! I totally misunderstood his comment. My bad, as I said. You didn't have to take me off of your friend list. That's kinda harsh dontcha think. We are FAMILY.

Again with the "My bad"?????

Um....I told her in my last email that he was my FAMILY and I explained the whole thing that I just told you guys....but still...I get this email back.

I haven't responded...instead I come to you. What do you think I should do next? I've already moved on. And although I was upset by the whole thing...it's not like I'll never talk to her again.

So should I make her a friend again? Should I write her another note...or should I just ignore the whole thing? (I like the 3rd option the best)

And finally I ask the biggest question of all...

What's for dinner? What is facebook etiquette, anyway?

Love our Lurkers Day!

I love my lurkers! There....I said it! I LOVE my lurkers!

See, I too, am a lurker. I read tons of blogs without commenting.

I know I should. I mean really....who doesn't love a good comment? Any comment really...except the bad comments...the mean ones...people probably don't like those kind of comments...

ANYWAY...I do love getting comments.

So, why don't I leave comments? Well, most of the time I don't feel like I have anything to contribute. I mean, most of the time, people have left some really great comments and I feel like I just can't compete with what they have said. Sometimes people have already said what I was going to say.

Let's be honest though....

Most of the time, it's just pure laziness. ~sigh~ yes, I admit it! I'm lazy! Sometimes I just don't feel like signing in to blogger, typing out the comment and then...if there is word verification, I gotta try and read the words and type them in and if I get it wrong I have to do it over again and then sometimes blogger eats my comment and I can't remember what the heck I wrote and if it was long then I have to type the whole thing over again and then and then and then.....

Well, I think you are getting the point!

But today...today I'm asking, no I'm begging, Please, please, please please, with sugar on top, will you leave me a comment? It doesn't have to be long. You don't even have to sign your name. As a matter of fact, I can't remember if I have word verification on, but as soon as I'm done typing this...I'm going to turn it off so YOU won't have to worry about that.

Listen, I know, sometimes it's just a pain to leave a comment and frankly, I bet if you've been reading a lot of blogs today, people all over have been begging for your comments. So, you are probably already signed into blogger, which means that is ONE less step for you to do here at my blog.

See, it's easier than ever to leave a comment today!

In all seriousness though, I am very happy to have readers. I do like getting comments and would love to hear from you. So, if you are at all in the mood to leave a comment today, please do. I'll be happy to hear from you!

And, if not. That's ok too! I still love ya for stopping by!

Have a great day!

Thanks

Thank you all for the positive encouragement! Bossman is right...things are never quite as bad as they seem. We thought Bossman was having a tooth pulled last Thursday (the day of the last post) but he will have it pulled Friday. (As in next Friday) They don't seem to think it will be that bad.

We won't know anything about D until Wednesday or Thursday. For now, she's ok.

The other SIL, well, she just needs to pull her head out of her butt and take the help that is offered her. Otherwise there isn't a damn thing we can do for her.

As for the shower....looks like the insurance might pay for some...so we might be able to fix it. Still unsure how it's all going to work, but between the home insurance and the home warranty, we may just scrape by without much out of our pockets.

So, I think I'll take some of the advice you all gave. Since I have it on great authority that the sky is NOT falling down, possibly just some dark clouds, I will enjoy the rest of my house. I will go out in the back yard, watch the birds, breathe the fresh air and remember to enjoy the life I have, dark clouds and all!

I hope you all have a great weekend. Mine is already turning out really nice!

to do list

Take Bossman to get a tooth pulled.

Wait for word on D. Her liver is failing....

Wonder if Bossmans other sister is still living in her car with a broken nose that her boyfriend (hopefully EX!) gave her this weekend.

Tear out shower in new house that has leaked all over the little mans closet. Since it looks like the home warranty and the home insurance won't pay...we will now have to re-do the whole thing ourselves...with money we don't have!

Watch for falling sky.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

I posted this in 2006. I just added the video.

I'll never forget.





I was still in bed, trying to catch a few more winks before I had to get up and take the wildchild to school. My phone rang. Who could be calling so early in the morning? It was a friend. I met her at the other end of town and she drove her son and my daughter to school. She said he son wasn't going to school that day. Had I turned on the TV yet? No, I hadn't. "It's bad" she said. What? What happened? Something is going on in NY. Turn on your TV. Ok. Thanks for telling me.

I reached for the night stand for the remote. Bossman asks, "what's up?" D just said something is going on in NY and I should turn on the TV.

There is was. A plane had hit one of the towers. I didn't want to look, but I couldn't look away. Should I take my daughter to school? We decided yes, this was too much for a child to watch, and by then, we knew it was the only thing that would be watched on that day.

Right before I left to take her to school, a second plane hit. It was just too much. I got in the car and headed off for the 30 min drive to her school.

In the car I didn't want to turn on the radio. I knew it would be bad. My daughter was only in the 6th grade at the time. She wanted to know what was going on. I told her there was a plane accident in NY. At the time, I didn't know that one of the towers had fallen. I didn't know that terrorist had attacked our country. I didn't know.

At the time, my daughter was going to a private christian school. I knew that whatever was happening, would be taken into consideration at the school. Although I had strong feeling that I wanted to keep my daughter close to me. I knew my daughter would be in good hands.

After dropping my daughter off at school, I turned the radio on. It was then that I found out that one of the towers had fallen. I switched the radio off. I couldn't understand what was happening, but I wanted to get home. I needed to get home to my husband and my 3 year old son. My daughter was safe, I knew that, but I almost turned around to take her home. I didn't turn around, because I knew this would be bad and I didn't want my daughter to see me upset. So I went home.

My son was watching Blue's clues in the bedroom and Bossman was glued to the TV in the living room. I got home in time to see the second tower fall. I went in the bathroom and cried.

The rest of the story doesn't need to be told. I'm sure everyone has a similar story to share. It's a day that will forever be etched in our hearts and our minds.

I'll never forget.

God Bless America!

clocks and flu

Our bedroom is bigger now. We had a stereo in our old room. It had a clock on it. Because the alarm clock is on Bossmans side of the bed, I always used the stereo clock as my main clock in the night.

Without the stereo, I can't see what time it is when I wake up. This was a problem. So...Bossman and I decided to buy another clock for the room.

We head to the store to buy a clock. Since the room is bigger, we thought we should get one with big numbers. Turns out, you can see this clock from the MOON!

Even on the dimmest setting this clock is BRIGHT! So bright, in fact, that the other night, while laying in bed with Bossman, we were discussing the clock and I was complaining that it was way too bright. To prove my point I started making shadow puppets on the wall. That's how bright this clock is! Of course, we both started cracking up. (I suppose you had to be there...LOL)

Well, the clock has a new home in the garage. Sorry, but I like sleeping in the dark, not with a sunlamp lighting the room.

Now lets get to the serious stuff. The little man is sick. He's been sick since Sunday with a fever that won't go away. My sister was here Saturday for a BBQ with her family. Turns out my sister tested positive for the swine (H1N1)flu on Tuesday. I took the little man to the doc on Tuesday and the doc didn't think he had the flu, he thought he had a sinus infection because although he had a fever he didn't have any other flu symptoms. BUT....yesterday I got a call from a friend whose son had hung out with the little man the day he got sick. The boy came home sick from school yesterday. I told her about my sis. She took her son to the doc which performed a h1n1 test on him and it was negative...he just has the regular flu.

So, I'm pretty sure that my son has the flu. Today is the first day he hasn't run a high fever so I think he's finally getting better. Whether he has swine flu or not...I don't know. But since he's on the mend, I guess it doesn't matter, unless the rest of us get it. So far...the rest of us are good!

Oh, and my sister is doing fine also!

still unpacking

So....we are still unpacking. Who knew I had this much junk stuff? I thought I got a rid of a lot of things, but it turns out...I didn't. Luckily, there is a lot more space to store stuff...so all my junk stuff looks really organized!

I don't have much to write about. Bossman has hinted on several occasions that he was going to straighten me out...but so far, nothing. Some could call this a good thing, but I don't. I'm cranky and disagreeable. I can't help it, moving brings out the worst in me.

If you get bored this weekend...please check out my new favorite website. I promise you will laugh! The website is http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Hope you have a great weekend!

Hey diddle diddle

As I was unpacking a box of books, I came across some old books that my mother had given me last year. Most of them were nothing of interest. I did find an old nursery rhyme book. Some of the front pages are ripped, so I looked it up online and it was first copywrited in 1947.

Anyway....this book is super funny! Some of the poems are old favorites like "Mary had a little lamb" and things like that.

But, I didn't know some of the other verses of these poems. For instances, "Old Mother Hubbard", we all know the first verse:

Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she got there
the cupboard was bare
and so the poor dog had none.

But...did you know the second verse?

She went to the bakers
to buy him some bread,
but when she came back,
the poor dog was dead.

WHAT? The poor dog died? How could this happen? And furthermore...this is a childrens book! But don't worry, this is the third verse.

She went to the fruiterer's
to buy him some fruit
but when she got back
he was playing the flute!

Isn't this the funniest thing? Bossman and I were cracking up. One minute he's dead and then he's alive again. Nothing like confusing our children.

Another poem I found is really my all time favorite. I had never heard this poem before. After reading it Bossman and I have decided it's a tad on the pornographic side.

Here's the poem...tell me what you think.

Little Pussy

I like little Pussy
Her coat is so warm;
and if I don't hurt her,
she'll do me no harm.

So I'll not pull her tail,
Nor drive her away,
But Pussy and I
Very gently will play.

She shall sit by my side,
and I'll give her some food;
and she'll love me because
I am gentle and good.

I'll pat little Pussy,
and then she will purr,
And thus show her thanks
for my kindness to her

I'll not pinch her ears,
nor tread on her paw,
Lest I should provoke her
to use her sharp claw.

I never will vex her,
nor make her displeased,
For Puss doesn't like
to be worried or teased.

By Jane Taylor

Maybe Bossman and I have a sick sense of humor...but this poem just cracked us up. I actually hate the word "pussy" and this poem is just over the top. If you read it with a sexy voice...it can be very erotic! LOL

Lastly, for all you spankos, I found the perfect poem for you!

There was a little Girl

There was a little girl, who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
and when she was good, she was very, very good,
but when she was bad she was horrid.

She stood on her head, on her little trundle bed,
with nobody by for to hinder;
She screamed and she squalled, she yelled and she bawled,
and drummed her little heels against the winder.

He mother heard the noise, and thought it was the boys
playing in the empty attic,
she rushed upstairs, and caught her unawares,
and spanked her, most emphatic.

This one was by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Ah, childrens poems. Who knew they could be such great entertainment?

Drive by blogging

I haven't much time to blog. I should be cleaning or unpacking something. But my back aches and my feet hurt and everyone is gone for the moment...so I will give you all a quick update.

Having your own house is fantastic but moving SUCKS! (and not in a good way)

We've lived in our rental for 8 years. The carpet is 19 years old. You don't realize how dirty you are until to take everything out of a room...or a whole house. We are freaking dirty people! I am disgusted at how much dirt we were living with and didn't even notice!

Luckily, we don't have to clean the carpet or do much to the walls, as they will be painting and replacing carpet.

As for the new house...it's great! It's full of stuff and I am so overwhelmed I don't quite know where to begin. I can't seem to make the furniture work the way I want it...so everything is sort of haphazardly placed until I can take the time to fully think about it.

One of our dressers was old and someone fell on top of a stack of drawers and they all BROKE....so I have clothes scattered everywhere...I'm not sure what we are planning on doing about that!

Other than that....we are still alive! Thank goodness I have a full week to clean the old place...I've been going there everyday and doing a little scrubbing...fun fun fun!

Oh and guess how we introduced ourselves to the new neighbors? We had the little man crash his bike in the middle of the street! That happened yesterday and THANK goodness he didn't get hit by a car. The little man was down the street when it happened and Bossman was out working in the garage when a neighbor comes running down the street, asking if he was the little mans father. Bossman takes a look down the street and sees the little man sprawled across the road. And people holding up his head. He thought the little man had been hit by a car. I was at the store and I got the frantic call to come home immediately! I got another call a few minutes later saying the little man was fine but was pretty banged up!

He's fine, just some road rash on his left side of his body...head, shoulder, hand and knee! Poor kid!

Oh, I don't recommend that method of introductions. Going to the door with cookies would probably be a better choice!

Anyway, that's what's going on in my world....now I better get going I gotta go clean or unpack something!

termite tent

Since there were some that didn't quite know what a termite tent was....I thought I would post a pic. Mind you....this isn't my house. My house won't be tented until next week.
So...here you go.....a termite tent!




They will leave then tent on for 24 hours....then let the house air out for another 24 hours and THEN....we will finally get to go into our new house! We will probably be able to go in on Thursday or Friday of next week.

Termite go in....but they don't come out!

Anyway...that's what's going on in my world. I'm glad to see there are still people getting spanked! I'm heading over to MaryAnns to read about her spanking!

After that....back to packing!

Just checking in

Just thought I'd pop in and say a quick "hi."

HI!

So, what's new with you? Things good? Life good? Everyone doing ok? Has anybody, beside Ronnie, gotten a good spanking lately?

I'm insanely jealous that the LA Kink group got together without me. I'm so sad that I couldn't be there! Remember being a kid and your friends ask you to come out and play and your mom says no because you have to stay in the house and do your chores? That's how I felt this weekend! SAD! (This is the part where you all lavish me with sympathy and tell the gang how mean they were for meeting without me!)

Actually, I am glad they got to meet. I'm sure we will get together again and when we do, it will be all the more sweeter! I am so excited about the house, I can almost forgive them for meeting without me!

So, no spankings to report here. Things are busy, busy, busy! I can honestly say, I really, really deserved a spanking last week. But things got hectic and I think Bossman forgot about the "incident".

I suppose some of you detail whores (PK) want to know exactly what a perfect little angel like me needs a spanking for. It's not that exciting really.

Really, it's not.

See, last week, my neck pain was acting up. The neck pain is an ongoing issue with me. It's sort of a medical mystery. I get it every 6 to 8 months. It's a radiating pain, sort of an ache, in my neck and shoulder. It's not a sore muscle. I can move my arm and shoulder freely. But it throbs. And it moves. And it hurts worse when I breathe. Since breathing isn't really something I can stop doing, that's kind of the problem. I noticed that it hurts really back when I'm breathing heavy.....like walking fast....or sex. You know, things that make you breath more...

It also hurts more when I sit on something soft like my sofa or if I slouch and don't sit up straight. Laying down is also painful, but after laying down for a few minutes it tends to get less painful.

Doctors don't know what it is. It comes when I least expect it...hangs around for a week or two and then is gone as fast as it came. I've had tests and x-rays, but nobody really knows what it is.

Anyway.....I think it has to do with some sort of inflammation. There is some medication that the docs gave me for it...but it makes me feel weird and I don't really think it helps. BUT...Bossman thinks I should take it.

I see his point. There have been times when I've taken it and it has gotten better. But I don't know for sure if the meds helped it...or it just was one of the times when it died down. (it does that) So, when I got the pain last week, Bossman wanted me to take the pills.

He brought them to me while I was laying in bed and then he went into the bathroom. I pretended He thought I took them....and I didn't tell him that I didn't. He just ASSUMED I took them. (we all know what happens when you assume things!)

Later that day, we were out running errands. He asked me about the pain and the pain wasn't too bad. It seemed better. So I told him that it was feeling better. He said, "I guess those pills helped." In the "I told you so" tone of voice.

I couldn't help it.....I had to tell him the truth. I had to tell him I didn't take the pills. If I hadn't told him, he would have continued to think the pills were helping and I wanted him to know that the pain was less...without the pills!

So, I told him.

He said if ever there was a time I need a spanking.....it was then! Good thing we were in the car and not at home.

Since then....we just haven't had the time and I think it's been forgotten. BTW, the pain is still around a little, but I hardly notice it. I think it's on it's way out.

Other than that....we've been doing nothing but packing. The house is full of boxes. The papers are getting signed today. The money is exchanging hands on Friday. The termite tent is going up on Monday and we will be able to start moving next Thursday!

Next Thursday is also the first day of school! YAY! So between all the packing and moving, I have to go school shopping with the little man. Who, by the way, is NOT so little. The boy is 11 and I have to buy him adult sized clothes! He already a size 8 and 1/2 in shoes and that is MEN size. He has also outgrown the boys department in pants and shirts!

When did he decide to grow? Who allowed this to happen? I know I didn't give permission for this.

As for everyone else....things are going fine. D is still on treatment and feels like she has a new lease on life. She's planning a visit for next month...so we are excited about that. The other SIL is doing ok.... Don't get me started on the MIL....she's decided to start calling me again....THANK goodness for caller ID! AND......

The wildchild has decided to move to Arizona. Her plan is to move in the beginning of next year. She saving up her money for the big move. Don't ask me why she wants to move so far away...I don't know why, other than she has found out it's way cheaper than CA, and she wants to live in a bigger city. She has no interest in school, so don't ask what she's going to do for a living. BUT, she's 18 and she has not responsibilities....so I guess if she wants to take on this adventure then....good for her.

I'm betting she'll be home in 6 months! LOL

I guess that's if for now. I am hoping to get back to this blogging thing after the chaos dies down. Maybe I'll have something thought provoking to blog about. (keep dreaming grace, keep dreaming!)

Until then...I hope all is well with you! I'm still around and still try to read some blogs when I'm trying to relax.

Enjoy the end of summer!

ZZZZZZ!!!!

I can't believe we made it to Z! There have been weeks when I've thought of skipping it and I think I was late a couple of times but YAY! I made it!

Before I get to the Z's I'd like to give a small update on life. Both of the SIL's are doing well. Well, D is doing GREAT and is so happy that the cancer is retreating! She feels like she has a new lease on life! I am so happy for her and selfishly, I'm happy for the rest of us. I certainly wasn't looking forward to a life without D!

As for the other SIL...well, who knows? Bossman has offered to help her get on her feet, but she is unwilling to do anything to help herself. She is in denial that she has any sort of drinking or drug problem. Everyone that knows her, knows she has problems with both. Not much you can do with someone when they don't want to admit they have trouble and are unwilling to do anything to help themselves. All I can do now is pray that she doesn't try it again.

Isn't in ironic that I have one SIL that want so bad to live and has had to fight for her life and one that is ready to throw it all away at the drop of a hat? The MIL has surfaced. We've only had contact with her about 3 times this whole year. Out of the blue she decided to call. Of course there was a whole lot of denial. Of course SHE didn't do anything to cause us to not want to talk to her and she can't understand why any of us wants to stay away from her. Of course she thinks that it's all about her being a muslim. (it's not...but she doesn't want to admit that she's done anything...so being muslim is a good excuse for us to not talk to her...right?) Of course, she knows that Bossman won't talk to her...so she calls during the day when she knows I'm home and she blocks her number so I don't know who's calling.

Of course!

But I am a good DIL and I have talked to her a couple of times. I've been very nice and she's been nice too. If I only have to speak to her once in a while...I can handle that!

As for the house.....WE got it! The underwriter has signed off the loan and we are giving our 30 notice on Friday! We will probably be moving the weekend of the 20th of August! I can't WAIT! I'm so excited! Bossman is taking the last 2 weeks of August off of work so we will have 2 weeks to move. It's going to be a chore moving 8 years of stuff...but I'm looking forward to sorting through all the stuff! I'm sure that after a day or two of sorting...I'll be sick of it!

So, that's life in Graceland....things are humming right along!

Now...on to the Z's!

Zebras
zippers (sexy when pulled down....YUM!)
zoinks! Scooby and Shaggy are my favorite!
ZZZZZZZ I love my sleep! My bed is comfy!

Well, I guess I can't think of any other z's! I sure did enjoy doing Gratitude Tuesday! It's nice to take time and be thankful...especially when life is sucking!

So, go....be grateful!

Y?

Just when you thought life was getting good. The good news from D was amazing and it turns out it was even better. There were over 20 tumors in her lungs...2 months ago. Now they only see 3. How's that for good news?

Yes, last Monday was great until.....

I was home alone Monday evening. Bossman was playing softball and the little man went with him. The wildchild was at work.

I get a call. Without boring you with the details, the call came in stating that Bossmans youngest sister (she's about to be 30) was found on the beach unconscience. Apparently, she tried to commit suicide.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if she was dead or alive. The in-laws didn't call me...it was someone-who knew someone-who got a text from someone, type of thing. I thought of calling the in-laws, but it's been so long since I had talked to them, and I didn't have their number. I knew Bossman had his Dad's number...but he was playing a softball game and I knew he probably won't answer. I would have gone to the softball field...but it's about a 20 minute drive from my house and by the time I got there the game would have been over.

What to do..what to do? I decided to call the hospital to see if she was there. I told the hospital I was her sister. I DO have the same last name, so it wasn't a stretch. This is exactly what I said. "Hi, someone called and told me my sister was brought to the hospital. Can you confirm if she is there?"

They said I had to talk to my father.

I freaked OUT! Seriously. I thought she was dead! By this time, I knew the game was probably wrapping up, so I tried Bossman's cell. He picked up! I tried not to freak out on the phone...but he could tell by my voice that something was bad. I told him and he phoned his dad immediately. He called me back within 5 minutes and said she was still alive but in a comatose state.

Apparently she took a handful of tranquilizers. She had been texting people and telling them that the next time they saw her she would be dead. Some of her friends started looking for her. Thank goodness....someone went to the beach and found her there unconscience. If they hadn't found her in time....well.....you know.

Anyway, long story short, the next day they put her in a pych ward for a night and now....lo and behold...she's fine.

But, she's not fine. She's got serious problems, but doesn't want to face them. There isn't much you can do when a person doesn't want to help themselves. She says she's going to get counselling. Oh how I hope this is true!

I can't tell you how scared I was. I really thought she was dead. I've known her since she was 7 years old. I took her on her first scary ride at the amusement park. Yeah....it was scary scary stuff.

So...on Y day, I have to ask Y? Why do that to yourself and then claim you are OK? Why put your family through such a scary thing and then deny that you have problems?

Seriously....I don't really want to know the answers to those questions. They don't have answers really. It's a mental thing that I can't understand. I know that...I just want to know why.

I think you have to be brave to kill yourself. Most people would probably disagree and say it's a cowards way out. I don't think so. I can't imagine killing myself. I am not that brave. I could never ever go through with it. I would be too scared. Maybe that's the key. Maybe if life is scary for you, killing yourself isn't so scary.

I don't know. I'm just typing things that are popping into my head.

Anyway, I am grateful today. I am grateful that she is still alive. I am grateful to her friend for finding her in time. I am grateful for Bossman, who is by far the best big brother a person could ever have. She is lucky to have him for a big brother.

Y...lets think of other Y things.

Yo yo's
yams (with marshmellows)
yawns
Yarn
Yippee
Yoodle
Yikes
Yes (isn't it nice when the answer is yes?)
yard stick (don't know why I, but I think yardsticks are HOT)
yard sales (I LOVE going to yardsales. There are so many good things that people don't want...LOL)
yearn
yellow
Yosmite
Well, that's all I can think of. It's been a rough week, but it could have been worse. We should know by Friday if the loan is a done deal on the house. THEN...I can start packing!!!

I hope your week was better than mine. Mostly I hope you all have a great week. I know I'm going to try!