Why do we do "this thing we do"? Why do we like it? Why does a grown woman, an independant woman, a strong woman, want someone to spank her butt.
Why?
I believe that my spanking journey is just that, a journey. The thing about this journey, I've begun to realize, is that it doesn't have a destination. I am on a constant quest for knowledge, about myself and about my partner. I've learned so much about who I am and who I want to be. I have learned to tell Bossman things that I held so tightly in my heart, I didn't think I would ever share it with anyone.
I may never know the whys. That is hard for me to accept. I am the kind of person that wants to know why. I fight against why all the time. If the why isn't good enough, then I question my motives, I question my thoughts and my feelings, and then I start doubting myself. If I start doubting myself then I feel the need to explain myself. I need to know, in my heart of hearts, that this is OK. If I can't get an answer to the why, then will I forever be questioning myself? Will I forever wonder if what I'm doing is OK? I don't like thinking that I don't have an answer for the why. If I don't have the answer, have I lost control? Have I lost my way? And isn't spanking suppose to be about losing control? Isn't it about handing over control to someone else? Sure, I've given the consent. But does that mean I've given away part of myself? I sure hope not.
My journey so far has led me to believe that I may never know the answer to why. If that means I've lost control, then so be it. I trust Bossman enough to give him control. If that makes me weak, fine. I'll take weak. As long as I know who I am and what I need, then I guess the why doesn't matter after all.
Or does it?
later.......
note: I thought you all didn't love me anymore because I posted this yesterday, yet had no comments! The one time I post something and don't go and view my blog because I was in a hurry, I find out that since I wrote part of this a long time ago, I forgot to change the date, therefore it posted back on the date that I first started writing it. (hows that for a run on sentence, teachers?) ANYWAY, lesson to you all, check your dates before posting! Really, this blonde thing is getting OLD!
Dang women.. there went my diet pepsi all over the screen again. No, not your post silly girl. Your blondness in posting it. I'm slowly... every so slowly realizing that yes, you must be blonde!! Seriously though, you weak? I doubt that. Really. Personally, I think you are awesome and lover reading every word that comes from your head. You're funny. Enlightening. And I love when you post!! Why? Why do we do this? Why do we like it? What if the sex act itself wasn't the norm? Would we like it less? Do it less? Want it less? Nope. Cuz it feels darn good and we're wired by our creator to want/need it. Look at all those things that enhance our lives.... sexual and other wise... isn't spanking just another one of those thihgs between a married couple? I guess that's how I'm coming to terms with it in my own mind... and when in doubt I just read and read and read... I've read your blog way back... was it walmart you were working when the idiot treated you so bad? Bet you're surprised I know that... but it's because I have read and read and read for the purpose of coming to terms with my lifestyle and not feeling guilty about it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a stinkin' letter not a comment. I'll shut up now.
Eva
I often wonder why too. I think it is because I am a strong person and one who has to be in control so much with 4 little ones and a part time stay at home computer job and owning a business that I need it. I need that time to be taken out of control to let go, to let someone else take over at least some aspect of my life. I can think of no better way to loose control and releive that stress than from a spanking and subsequent loving from my husband. I have so many rules that I must impose on my children, myself and so many deadlines it is a wonderful feeling to say to my husband, please take control of this for me and if I don't live up to it give me some spanking consequences. It makes me feel like I have less on my plate, and reassures both of us I will always need and want and love him and all that he does.
ReplyDeleteCaryagal
Eva: Sorry about the Pepsi, I may have to buy you a new monitor. Did you actually read my blog way back when I worked at Wallyworld? YIKES! I still say customers suck!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you about the whys. Your right about the creator. People are wired differently. Doesn't stop me from asking why. I wish I could just accept it for what it is. Actually, I think I already did.
Caryagal, you are right about the giving up control. With so much that we are responsible for, it's awfully nice to be able to give some of it to our partner. I really like having Bossman in charge of things. It takes the pressure off of me.
HUGS!
grace
Hiya Grace,
ReplyDeleteGiving up control does NOT equate to weakness... NEVER. Quite the contrary!! It takes far more strength to be submissive, to willingly and freely give up control, then it does to be the one in control.
Hey, if ya don't believe me, check out Anakin's most recent "Ask Anakin" feature, posted Monday I think, on Journey to the Darkside.
But seriously, you are strong, woman, not weak... and your questions and curiosity and ponderings are all evidence of that! Don't ever doubt yourself, not about that!!!
Hugs,
Tiggr
Dear Grace, you weak, in a pigs eye. The true subs I've known are all strong people. Submission is a gift from the strong to the strong. My beloved Mel was both my wife and my sub and the strongest woman I knew. She was a leader in her profession and greatly respected, no one would believe that she was submissive in our marriage. Submission and dominance can create such strength in a couple that nothing can break that bond.
ReplyDeleteI also don't really know why we do what we do, but when we do it with love and as much understanding as we are capable of, it works, and that is what is important.
You are a strong and wise woman Grace and someone I am glad I know.
Warm hugs,
Paul
Grace,
ReplyDeleteSpeaking just for us, there are a dozen good reasons why we embrace this lifestyle. But it comes down to this - We do it for the same reasons we make love - because we enjoy it and because it strengthens our relationship. Spanking, for Randy and me, is an extension of our lovemaking.
Also, I agree with the others about strong submissives. One must have a firm grip upon their control before they can pass it to another.
Thanks for your thought-provoking post!
Hugs,
Bonnie
I do that all the time with the time thing. As I was reading your post script, I kept thinking what does she mean no one commented. I clicked on her throughout the day thinking "any day now Grace will post! Also one day I kept checking in on my blog. I noticed my counter going up, yet no comments. Then I realized "duh dodo brain"....I was the one making the counter go up!
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are weak giving up control, I think it is strong.
I too have toyed with the why question. My first spanking thoughts were around age 4. I spent my life, until my 40's (not that 40 was the turning point, the internet lead me out of the closet)hiding this desire, never telling anyone, feeling guilt when I thought about it.
Also why am I this way? I was never spanked as a child. But then I know many a spanko that was spanked as a child. Mostly now, I just say oh don't worry about why, just be glad you are the way you are. And finally I am!
And I am with Eva this is a letter not a comment. But I been, and I have noticed others are writing large comments today. I have more to say, so maybe I should post it!
Great posts are worth waiting for, and this was great food for thought!
Hugs
Theresa
After talking it all over with the Bossman, I've decide that you all are right! (like how I came to that?)
ReplyDeleteGiving up control is not the same as being weak. I think that might be how OTHERS percieve it, by others, I mean non-spankos. The others might think that giving up control is weak, but it's actually quite strong. Giving up control takes alot of trust. You have to be strong to trust someone enough to let them spank you. Your relationship has to be strong.
I am a strong person, that just wants to know WHY???
HUGS!
grace
Hiya Grace!
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I'm late in commenting because I'm playing catch-up! This was a great post and one that reverberates with me and probably most of us. I don't have any answers, but I am learning to just accept it. It works for me and my guy. I am more fulfilled now that I have ever been in my life. Our relationship is deeper and closer because of the spanking thing and that can't possibly be a bad thing. I agree.. as long as you and the Bossman are happy and fulfilled with this it doesn't really matter why it works.
*big hugs*
SuZQ
I'm with most everyone else, Grace. You have to be strong to give up that control. There is no room in it for weakness.
ReplyDelete