Happy New Year

I hope you all had a great holiday season! I had a wonderful time, lots of family, too much food and Santa spoiled me!

Let the meme begin

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
Can't think of a thing!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make new year's resolutions because I always break them. This year I will mainly try and walk the treadmill more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

One of my daughters friends gave birth last month. So weird! Although the mommy is as old as I was when I gave birth to my daughter, to me she is still just a kid!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No

5. What countries did you visit? 

None

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Better health

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 20th. My baby brother got married!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Sadly, I can't think of anything.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I feel like I am a failure as a wife. I know Bossman would disagree, but really this is the one thing in my life that I always feel like a failure at.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I'm always dealing with something health wise.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our truck!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Bossman! He puts up with me, he takes care of me....he is simply the best!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No comment

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, and my sons school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My brothers wedding!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

My theme song, living on a prayer

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happpier!
b) thinner or fatter?  Same
c) richer or poorer? Richer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing. Exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating..HA! I mean, I wish I done less excerise....said no one EVER! 

Can you tell I can't think of anything?

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home, on Christmas Eve my whole fam came over and Christmas morning the kids and the wild child's boyfriend were here. It was lovely!

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?

I'm always in love with my family and Bossman!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Parenthood, Orange is the new black. Greys anatomy, Dancing with the stars. I could go on! I like me some TV!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
"Hate"? Blech.

24. What was the best book you read?
Cassie's Space...written by a very dear friend!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I'm old school, by the time I get into new stuff, it's old.

26. What did you want and get?

I wanted my kids to be home and they were!

27. What did you want and not get?
I have everything I want or need!

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
We are the Millers....so funny, completely inappropriate!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 45 and had a lovely day with Bossman!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I can't think of anything.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Jeans and tees

32. What kept you sane?

Bossman

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ellen

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I don't discuss politics

35. Who did you miss?

My sister in law

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Technically, I met him last Dec. but getting to know my daughters boyfriend this year has been awesome.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
Enjoy your family now, the kids grow way too fast!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Take my hand, we'll make it I swear...oh oh, living on a prayer!

Happy New Year everyone!

My Friend wrote a book!

I've been blogging for a very long time.  During that time, I have made some amazing friends.

One of those amazing friends wrote a book.  A spanking book. 

I think you should all go and read it.  I've already purchased it and if it wasn't almost midnight I'd start reading it right now.

Cassie's Space is available now on Amazon. 

Just thought you all might want to know what I'm doing today.  I'm going to be reading.  And if stuff doesn't get done and I get spanked....well...

I'll blame PK! 

But then again, I usually blame most things on PK!  It's usually her fault.

On a serious note though....

I'm so dang proud of her!!!!  I love you PK! 

Your comments make me smile

Thank you so much for all your comments!  I love you all.  Comments make my heart pitter patter.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Let's just jump right into the spanking.

I haz some!

Bossman and I have been in a really good place lately.  Of course, this means the kids are about to come home for the holidays, so that good place will probably be gone by the time Thanksgiving is over.

Anyway...spanking...let's talk about it.

So, let's talk about it.  About spanking.

GAH! I don't know what to say about it. 

It was good.  Of course it was good.

It hurt.  Of course it hurt.

So what?  What do I say?

~clap clap~

Snap out of it.  Think woman, think!

Let's start at the beginning. 

A very good place to start....(oh man, now I'm singing the Sound of Music song)

Well, I thought if I started typing things would flow.  But things aren't flowing, I can't think straight about it.  Not that it's been bad, because it hasn't.  It's been good, very good.

Ok, let's just say the spankings have been good, but the after..the after has been great. 

I'll just say it, we've been experimenting with anal.

I said it!  I said anal.

It's so weird, because I can't decide if I like it or not.

No, I can't say that.  I liked it.  I think.  No, I did....I liked it.

But it's weird. 

All I know is we are closer than we've been in a long time.

So I can't complain about that at all!!!

That's it for now.  I'll keep you posted on the rest.

Oh, and the kids are coming home this weekend, so if I don't get a chance to say it.....

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

I love my lurkers!

I've been blogging a really long time. My blogging record is a lot like my spanking record, spurts of a lot of posts then spurts of....well....spurts of nothing.

I'm not really into stats and stuff. I don't know how many post I've written, I don't know how many hits I have on my page on any given day. I know I had a counter on my page at some point....heck it might still be here but numbers don't matter much to me.  I write because I like to write. I write because I hope that something I said could help someone else.

A bonus to this writing is the feedback I get from all of you.

I am still amazed that people read my blog and that people actually comment. Every time I get a comment my heart flutters. Because although I don't write for the comments, I do LOVE getting comments!

Now there is one thing you should know about me...this is hard to admit but.....

I'm a terrible commenter! BUT......I'm a great lurker!

So I get the lurking thing. It's so easy to read a post and then move on to the next post without really commenting. I mean really, who has time for all that signing in and typing and stuff?

Please take time today! This one day, take the time to say hi. You can be anonymous, you can make up a really goofy name and just say hi! There is no pressure here.

I plan on going around and leaving comments on all the blogs I lurk at so they will know that I still read there.

I hope you will join me!

If not, that's ok! I'm still glad you are here!

Those of you that comment, regularly, or just today, I say......

Thank you!

grace

Who's in charge of this fairy tale?

How can I be in charge, if you don't want to give up being in charge?

Bossman asked me this question the other day, and I've been pondering it ever since.

It's not that I don't want to give up being in charge.  I like it when he's in charge.  But I like having my say in things and....well, let's face it, I like things to go MY way.

So this is a real problem in our relationship.

If only he would just do everything MY way, things would be perfect.  He can be in charge and I can have everything the way I like it......

Ok, so I guess that won't work.

I will tell you what works.

Wooden spatulas.

Oh yes, they really work.

Guess how I know.

Fine.  I'll tell you.

Last night, I got a spanking.

A genuine, honest to goodness, spanking.

And boy howdy, it hurt.  It hurt like a dickens. (gosh I sound southern, all of a sudden) 

Bossman decided it was time to jump back into spanking.  He didn't really have a specific reason, but it turns out that afterwards he admitted he DID have a reason.  I'll get to that in a minute.   The important part is that I got a spanking!

Did I mention that the wooden spoon/spatula thingie hurts?  Cuz, it does.  I've got the marks to prove it.  Did I mention there were marks?  Did I mention my butt is still sore today?  Oh yeah baby....it hurts sooooo good!

Afterward we had some fun...and then we talked. 

Bossman told me that he really had a reason but he didn't really tell it to me because I try to talk my way out of stuff.  And guess what?  I'm a pretty good talker!  So after he told me that, we decided that when he felt it was time for a spanking, he wasn't going to tell me why until it was over.  That way, I couldn't try and talk him out of it.  I just have to submit to it and hear why after.

I have to admit....

I like it.

Because he's right. (don't tell him I said that) I DO try and get out of spankings.  And I don't know WHY I do that.  Because why would I try to get out of it if I really want it?  I don't KNOW!

But I do.  I do everything I can to talk my way out of a spanking.  I have very good reasons for doing what I did, or saying what I said.  I'm telling you, I should have been a lawyer!  So now, I just have to get on with it and find out why after.  THEN...I'll tell my side. (did you think I wouldn't?)  But, it will be too late because my butt will be sore anyway.  EVEN if I'm right.  Which, I usually am.  But WHO cares!  Because my butt will be sore. 

And I....

I will be happy.  In turn, I will make Bossman happy.

Then...we will live happily ever after.

Sounds easy right?

Um, yeah.....right.

(Of course I'm gonna need a crown if we are getting into the fairy tales.)

Is spanking back in this relationship?

I wrote this first part last week....

Relationships are a funny thing.  People are always comparing them to roller coasters and I can see why.  One minute you are up, next you are down. 

Our relationship is no different.  Right now, things are looking UP!

 Saturday was a great day.  We slept in, which is always fun and we ate some breakfast.  Bossman suggested a shower and so we headed to the shower.  It was so nice.  He scrubbed me down and I enjoyed every minute.  When we got out, he led me to the bed and....and....and....

Yes!  He spanked me!  Of course he used the dreaded back scratcher, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.  It was great.  It was just like old times!  Then, he pulled me to the wall and blindfolded me.  Then he pulled me back over his knee but this time he rubbed my butt.  The rubbing got lower and next thing you know....well....

I'm pretty sure you know what happened next! 

I'm just stunned that it happened. 

Over the last couple of days, we've been going to bed early and together...which never happens and we just talked.  We talked about everything.  We talked about spanking and we talked about our relationship and we talked about all the things that we have been going through. 

People, he is still interested in spanking!  We have had some serious discussions on the subject.  I'm not going to get my hopes too far up....but I am pretty excited that there is at least some talking going on around here.

We are really going to try and make this relationship work and work for the better.  We both want to improve things and I think spanking is going to be a part of it.

This is what's happening now...

We are still in the talking phase of things.  Yes, there was a little spanking the other day, just for fun, but nothing major.  It was a 3 minute backscratcher spanking.  Just enough to sting, but not enough to leave a lasting impression.

Relationships are hard!  Some people make it look easy, but it's not!  The other day, we had a romantic shower. (I love how much of our romance starts in the shower.)  Afterward Bossman suggested I go without a bra.  I said ok.  As we went throughout the day, we through out the day doing  unromantic things like cleaning our bedroom, he would walk past me and touch my boobs.  I was in busy mode and didn't appreciate the attention.  So later that night Bossman says that we shouldn't do that anymore.  He didn't like the way I responded.

~sigh~

I didn't mean to repond that way, but I guess that's how I came off.  It's frustrating that I can't be the way I wish I could be.  The way HE wants me to be.

But, it's not the end.  Bossman just said we would think of other things, to go along with spanking.  We haven't really started anything serious with the spanking, but the talking is good.

It's really good!

Confused much?

Confused much?

First he tells me that we should just forget the whole spanking thing.  I think he said something about concentrating on our relationship before we think about spanking again.

Then....

Then he calls today and asks if I got out of bed.  I say yes, of course I was out of bed. Then he says, "Oh good, otherwise I might have to spank you!"

What the hell!

I told him I didn't want to talk about it.  And I don't!  I mean I've already resigned myself to the fact we weren't doing that anymore. 

Now he wants to resume?

A big part of me want to forget the whole thing.  BUT....of course there is the small part that wants to have a spanking.

Confused much?

You bet!

life after cancer

Let's face it.  Cancer has changed me. 

I don't think I can ever go back to before cancer. (bc)  Before cancer I was not afraid.  I was in a world where bad things didn't happen.  Sure...they happened, but they happened to others, not to me.

Bc?  I wasn't going to die.  I wasn't thinking about dying.  Death was something that happens to really old people.

Life has changed since I heard the words, you have cancer. 

Physically, I'm good.  I'm pretty healthy.  Nothing major is going on.  Mentally?  I may never recover.

I imagine that in a small way I'm actually going through a small version of PTSD.  My own post traumatic stress.  Because, not only did I go through cancer treatment, but my SIL died of cancer...while I was going through treatment.  So, although I am fine...my SIL is gone. 

When you get diagnosed, you accept it.  Your mind goes into auto pilot.  You are just going through treatment and nothing else matters.

Once you are done with treatment....well, nobody tells you what happens after that.

Every pain is cancer.  Every 6 months you have a blood test....and you wonder if this is the time they will find more cancer.  Every time you go to the doc for a test, you know they will find cancer.  Every time your child has a problem you wonder if THEY are getting cancer.  What about your husband, maybe he's got cancer too!

It's a vicious cycle.  Time is helping.  The last couple of years have been bad.  I didn't want to leave the house.  Just going to the store made me anxious.

I can go to the store now.  Everyday I am grateful that I am still here.  I try not to dwell on the things I have no control over.  I steer clear of the news.  I try to only see positive things.

But....it's always there.  There is always going to be another blood test.  There is always going to be aches and pains. 

Somehow, I just have to find away to live with it.

baby steps

My first step in trying to find my happiness is to exercise.  At the beginning of the year, we bought a new treadmill.  Of course we haven't really used it much.  I could give you all the reasons, but in the end it was laziness.

I've decided that I would walk on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes a day to start.  Probably not on weekends, but if I can do it during the week, I'll be happy.

I really have no excuse to not use it.  It's by the TV, it has a great view of our backyard and I have plenty of time. 

So, can you guys remind me of all that when I tell you I stopped doing it?

Why is it so hard to get motivated? 

In other news, Bossman and I are slowly getting back on track.  I don't know if we will ever get back to spanking.  He has made no move or mention of it and I just don't want to face the rejection, if rejection should happen.That really makes me very sad.  I HOPE it's not over. 

Any ideas on how I can get that back on track?

We are, however, talking and spending time together.  The other morning I woke up around 6 with a nightmare.  Bossman woke up and we snuggled together and one thing led to another.  It was a lot like the old us.

I know it's going to take time, but it's frustrating.

I just want to go back. 

Anybody willing to lend me their time machine?

the kids who are not kids anymore

Let's not talk about my problems today.  It's just too overwhelming and depressing and I am tired of that.

Let's talk about my kids!!! 

I can't really call my son the Little man any more.  He's 15 and 6"1.  He's almost as tall as Bossman.  It's so weird to have to look up to him.  So now he's just a young man. 

He is doing SO SO well in school!  He loves that school so much!  If you had asked me two years ago if I would consider sending my son to a boarding school 3 hours away, I would have said HELL no!!!  But it really was the best decision we ever made! He is thriving!  He is getting all A's except for geometry!  Poor kid, math is NOT his subject!  When he was in junior high he was getting b's and c's....so to have almost all A's?  Well, it's just amazing!!!  The dorm deans have told us that he is a natural leader in the dorms and everyone loves him.  His nickname is Sunshine!  He's always been my sunshine and now others are seeing that for themselves.

The wildchild?  She's not so wild anymore.  She's decided to settle down and stop partying.  She found a job 3 hours in the opposite direction of my son.  Funny how Bossman and I ended up in the middle.  She loves her new job and she and her boyfriend are moving into an apartment together this weekend.  Brand new- just built- apartment. She is so excited about life and she has confessed that she thinks the boyfriend will propose to her soon!  I'm thinking he may wait for her birthday or Christmas.  It's all very exciting.

So, there you have it!  Things aren't all doom and gloom around here.  Bossman and I just need to figure out how to transition from kids to no kids.

I need to figure out my new identity in life.

Maybe I can be the next......

Shoot, I can't even think of what I can be the next of! BAH!

ramblings of a crazy woman...

This blog is becoming my own personal therapy sessions so....if you don't want to read the ramblings of a crazy woman, I would click on to something else!

Things are ok around here.  Its amazing how life just carries on, even when you think it can't possibly carry on when things are crumbling around you.

Bossman bought me some beautiful roses the other day.  That's always a pick-me-up when things aren't going well.  It was very nice to think of me in that way.  I know that he is trying.  I guess I need to try too.

Yesterday we bought a new truck.  Well, it's 3 years old.  BUT, she's a beautiful truck. She pretty much has all the bells and whistles.  I feel like we won the lottery.

Here's the part I struggle with......

Part of me would love to go out and show everyone our new truck.  I would love to post pictures of her on facebook.  But part of me is embarrassed.

Here's the deal.  Bossman and I have struggled financially since the day we were married.  Over the last 12 years Bossman has worked his butt off and has done really, really well financially.  I'm so proud of him!  The last 4 years have been amazing.  We can comfortably send our son to a private boarding school.  We can send our daughter money when she needs it.  We can buy stuff at the grocery store that is NOT mac and cheese or top ramen or spaghetti.  AND, it's great.

But, I feel like I'm being judged.  I don't have the mentality of someone that has some money.  I still have the top ramen attitude.

I don't want people to think we have money.  Does that even make sense?  I haven't even told my family or friends about the truck because I don't want them to judge.  I don't want them to wonder, how can they afford that?

I've heard money can change people and I don't want anyone to think I've changed. 

I'm still the wal-mart shopping, top ramen gal.

I know....I'm sure everyone is thinking that this is such a dumb problem.  I bet you are all wishing you had this problem.  I get that. 

I guess I'm just wondering why I feel this way.  I should be happy and enjoying it, but I'm not.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying driving my new truck.  But I just don't want anyone to look at me, or notice that it's new. 

Also, I guess I'm nervous that something could happen and it could all be gone in a flash. 

I can't believe how blessed we truly are.  God has blessed us beyond what we ever though possible.

See....I'm crazy!!!!  I can't even enjoy life when things are good.

Ah hell.....

Let's go for a drive!

More to the story

You all are so supportive!  I am so lucky that you all are still reading this blog!  Thank you so much!

As with any story, there are parts that get omitted because it's too tedious to type out or it just doesn't seem important. 

Some of the things happening to us have nothing to do with the spanking or sex.  Some just have to do with life. 

Life has changed for us.  Our kids are gone.  Of course the Son will be home for holidays and summers, the Daughter has moved out for good. (of course this could change.)

This leaves Bossman and I alone.  We have realized that we have NOTHING in common.  NOTHING!

I'm a homebody, he's a go-getter.  He wants to go out and I would rather stay home and read a good book.  He likes to race cars and he wants me to go to the racetrack with him.  I would rather stay home, go to lunch with a friend, read a book, garden. He likes watching sports on TV.  I like cheesy sitcoms.

The list goes on, but I think you catch my drift. 

I also have a problem.

I realized that I don't have a purpose.  I have lost my purpose in life.  The kids are gone.  For the last 23 years, I have taken care of them.  Now......now what???  I don't know what to do with myself.  I find myself wandering around the house, watching TV, doing nothing.  Going out to the store is the highlight of my day.  On a good day, I will go to lunch with my friend.  Whoo hoo! My life is a hotbed of excitement.  I feel so worthless.  I mean, what IS my purpose now?  Even Bossman is pushing me to do something.  He asks me what I want to do.  The problem is...I DON'T KNOW!!  So that makes me feel bad.  He tells me I'm wasting my life.  He's not being mean, he just doesn't want me to regret anything later.  But...I just don't know.

I know, there are so many things I could do.  I can do ANYTHING I want, and yet, I don't know what I want to do.  I have no desire to do anything.  I could volunteer somewhere, I could join the Y.  I could babysit, I could get a job......

I could. 

Ever since I got the big C, I've changed.  I've become anxious and nervous.  I don't like doing new things, I get too anxious for that.  The medication I take gives me crazy side effects like achy bones and no sex drive and yes, depression and anxiety are also on the list.  I could take something for the depression and anxiety....I actually tried that and I ended up in the ER.  So I am dealing with it on my own.  I've actually improved somewhat.  The anxiety is less, but still......it's never not there.  I've learned how to deal with it better.  Honestly, I don't think I'm really depressed.  Although I'm confused about life right now, I am not laying in bed with no will to live.  I don't feel like crying all day.  I feel like I am an upbeat person, most of the time.....

But....I'm guessing Bossman wouldn't agree.

So, therapy sounds like something I should consider.

I googled it.  There are so many to choose from.  How would I even begin to pick one?

I'm just going to have to do it.  I think I can do it.

Can I do it??  I should do it...

failed at being submissive

Hello!  Long time, no see. 

Writing has become a chore.  It has become something that I have to work at. I haven't felt the urge to write because things haven't been good in our relationship.

So I sit here staring at a screen, the cursor blinking, waiting for the letters and words to come pouring out.

Part of me wants to write it all out.  I want to lay it all out for everyone to see.  Part of me wants to keep it hidden...embarrassed to have to admit that things aren't going well.

And they aren't.  Going well, that is.

Also, as I struggle to admit that things aren't going well, I wonder how much I should spill here.  Because honestly, there are things I'd like to say, without Bossman reading it.  There are deep feelings that I don't feel like admitting to him right now.  I wish I could keep it private from him.

Who am I kidding?  He doesn't read here.  Besides, we've talked.  He pretty much knows what's going on.

So, how do I even begin?  I don't know how to start a post explaining how bad our relationship is right now.  I don't know how to admit that spanking is probably over, for good.  I can't begin to describe how hurt and upset that makes me.  It makes me sick thinking about it.  Maybe this is the part that I don't want Bossman to know.  I don't want him to know how devastated I am that this part of our relationship is ending.

I know what you are thinking.  You are wondering what happened.

I wonder the same thing. 

How did this happen?  I never expected it.  I didn't think this would happen to us. 

So how did we get here? 

It all started when Bossman decided to use spanking for something serious that was between us. 

See, I don't like being touched, or should I say groped.  I don't like washing the dishes and having him come up behind me and grab my boobs.  I don't like changing my top in front of him because I know he'll try to grab them, or tweak them or something.

I just don't like it.  Nothing will ever change it.  Not even spanking.  We tried it....and when it didn't work, Bossman gave up.  He decided that if I couldn't submit to that, what was the point?  Because if I was truly submissive, then he could decide what to use spanking for, not me.  If I decide that, then I'm in control.

Now, don't get the wrong idea.  He is just a normal man, with normal feelings toward his wife.  He wants to be able to touch me whenever he wants.  I get that.  BUT, I can't change my feelings.  I can't do it.  I tried....I tried so hard!  But I just couldn't.  It's just so hard!!!! 

I feel so sad!  I caused this.  I couldn't be submissive enough and that is what I wanted to be all along.  I let myself down and I let my husband down.  This is my fault.  My husband was just doing what I wanted.  And I failed!

Since this happened....(early summer) Things have been bad between us.  Nothing mean or nasty, more like we've turned into roommates.  He's waiting for me to make a move.  He wants me to initiate sex.  He stopped touching me completely.  I feel like he's given up on me.

This is the opposite of what it should be. 

What's next?  I just wish we could go back.  Back to the way things were.  Things were good then.  They weren't perfect, but they were way better than they are now. 

We are trying, trying to figure out how it's going to be between us now. 

I'm just so mad at myself.

And really, really sad.

National Orgasm Day

Written while ignoring laundry by

Christian domestic discipline

This article  was posted on Facebook by a friend of mine. The article talks about Christian domestic discipline.  The article itself isn't that bad, but the comments left behind are horrible.

What do you think about domestic discipline the Christian blanket? I think the comments would not have been so harsh had they just talked about domestic discipline and had left the Christian part out of it.

Personally, I feel like if you have two consenting adults then there should be no problem. What people do behind closed doors is their business.

Please read this article and tell me what you think, because right now, the world thinks we are nuts!

Bdsm makes for better mental health? Interesting!

Very interesting article. What do you think?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/bdsm-better-mental-health-study_n_3390676.html?utm_hp_ref=

Confusion

Confusion is nothing new when it comes to this thing we do.  Post after post, blog after blog you will find someone confused about the whole thing.  We don't understand our feelings. Why do we like being spanked? Who knows? We are confused by that. Why do we want more? Why do we want less? What is our partner thinking? Should I try and get out of it? Should I ask for more? Am I crazy for letting him spanking me? So. Much. Confusion!

I'm no different! I am confused all the time.  I want a spanking. I don't want a spanking. It's crazy.

So, I told you I was trying to get out of the habit of pulling away when he goes for the breasts. Mind you, I'm talking about outside the bed.  Bossman has been trying to help with spanking. It's not helping.  I mean it helps, but it doesn't. See? Confusion!

Have you ever found yourself angry after a spanking? I found this to be the case. After thinking it through, I realized it wasn't the spanking that was making me mad, it was the reason he was spanking.  I don't want to be spanked for that. It doesn't seem fair. I've been topping from the bottom so long that I want to pick the reasons for the spanking. I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all.

I realize that I am being a brat. I finally have him spanking me for something serious and I don't like it.  I should be happy about it. I'm finally getting him to engage in this thing seriously. So why am I unhappy about it?

We talk about it, but I'm afraid to say too much. I don't want him to give up. So I don't want to say what I'm really feeling. Plus, how am I really feeling? It seems that every day I feel something different. I certainly don't want to sabotage what I've got going.

So now I don't know what to do.

I'm so confused.


Written while ignoring laundry by:
grace

moody

Ever been in a mood?  You know, the....I don't want you to touch me....mood.

Last week, I was in the don't spank me, don't touch me mood.

I really started thinking....do I really want to continue the spanking thing? 

Two times, Bossman wanted to spank me, and I talked him out of it.  I TALKED him out of it!  Who am I and what have I done with grace?

The first time, he didn't spank.  He let me get away without one.  I thought I would feel bad about it, but I felt relief.  That's when I started thinking that I don't really need to be spanked anymore, I thought I was over it.

The second time, I begged, I pleaded, I whined, (shudder, I hate when I whine!) and still, he decided to spank me.  I called him every name in the book. (ok, I did that in my head, but still...) I tried wiggling out of it.  Nope, he spanked.  I wasn't happy about it but I also wasn't sad about it either.

Hmmm, ok, maybe I wasn't ready to give it all up after all.

Today, we were snuggling in bed waiting for the wildchild to leave for work, so we could have some fun.  Bossman told me that when we were done, after we showered, he was going to spank me.

I don't know about you, but a spanking on a wet bottom?  NO thanks!

I thought he was going to forget.  We had a good time in bed and a nice shower so I thought I was going to get out of it.  NOPE.  He remembered.

He spanked, I whined.(GAH!) Then he told me that I wasn't allowed to say no to a spanking anymore.  Unless I wanted to end the whole thing, I couldn't refuse a spanking.  He said he knows when I'm not feeling good, but he knows when I'm just trying to get out of it.  He said I can't keep confusing him, either I'm in....or I'm out.  No more wishy washy stuff.  (ok, for the record, he didn't say wishy washy, but that's what he meant.)

So, my bottom is sore....but I am good.

But seriously.....have you ever been in a mood?

Written while ignoring laundry by:

grace

Thanks PK!

I love it, I love it, I love it!  It says Happy Birthday inside and stuff about me being her favorite person ever.....Ok, I may have exaggerated that part a bit, but I think you get the point.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!  I love getting mail from a friend.  And kinky mail that vanillas find funny....well that's just icing on the cake!!!

PK?  You know I love you, right?

HUGS!!!

grace

gracepaloosa week

It's gracepaloosa week!!!!!!

What?  You haven't heard of it?  Maybe that's because I just made it up!  It's a week celebrating me!  Me, me me...it's all about me!

Ok, it was my birthday on Monday, so you don't have to worry, I haven't lost my mind.  Ok, I've lost my mind, but that's a different story for a different day....

Anywho....it was my birthday and we celebrated with cake and presents, as any good birthday should be celebrated.  Now that I've reached the mature age of 45.....HA!  Who am I kidding?  I am not mature.  So lets just celebrate all week! Cake for everyone!!!!

I had a serious post I was going to write, but this is my birthday week and I don't feel like being serious.

So, serious stuff later....for now....

Let's keep the party going!!!!!!


Written while ignoring laundry by:

grace

pain....and not the good kind

I've been in pain all weekend.  I wish it was my bum that was in pain, but alas, it was my neck.  My neck gives out once in a while and I'm left not being able to move.  It's so painful that I can't lay down.  When you are in pain, the first thing you want to do is lay down.  When you can't lay down, it's just awful.  Plus, you are exhausted from the pain, so when you can't lay down and sleep, it just makes everything worse.

I would like to point out that I have the best husband in the entire world.  NO, I mean it.  He's the best!  On Saturday night, when I couldn't lay down, he propped me up on the sofa with a mound of blankets and pillows.  Then....he didn't want to go back to bed without me, so he put himself on the love seat.  Imagine, 6'4 Bossman on a teeny tiny love seat at two in the morning.  It was awful!

After an hour or so, I dosed and then I finally just made us go back to bed.  Bossman propped all the pillows there and I finally fell asleep.

Not fun!

Today, it still hurts, but not as bad.  I am able to lay on one side, so I was able to get a decent night sleep.  That always helps when hurting.

So that was my weekend!  Please tell me yours was better!



Written while ignoring laundry by:

Bossman

A fun meme all about Bossman.

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? If its the weekend he's watching NASCAR or football depending on the season. During the week it's basketball or baseball. He and I watch amazing race, apprentice, mentalist, once upon the time, and Grimm together. Lets just say, we love our DVR.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch

3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance? His face!

4. You go out to eat and have a drink; what does he order? Pepsi or coke.

5. Where did he go to high school? At my rival high school

6. What size shoe does he wear? I think 11

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be? Die-cast nascars

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Turkey, toasted

9. What would he eat every day if he could? Gummi bears

10. What is his favorite cereal? Cinnamon life

11. What would he never wear? A speedo

12. What is his favorite sports team? Rams, dodgers, lakers

13.Who did he vote for? No politics on this blog

14. Who is his best friend? Me!

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? There are so many things...HA! Mostly, he wishes I would get out more. Also, he hates when I don't have clean towels for him 

16. What is his heritage? All I know is his dad is half black and there is also some Indian in him

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? I usually buy him an ice cream cake. Although, last birthday I got someone to make a cake that looks like his car. He loves his car!

18. Did he play sports in high school? His parents wouldn't let him, but he plays softball now.

19. What could he spend hours doing? He has tons of hobbies. He works on his model railroad, he like to play racing games, he has a remote control plane, and if he had the money, he would race his race car more. Oh, and he loves playing sim city.

20. What is one unique talent he has? He is an amazing guitar player.

So there you have it! I hope I answered them right.  I'll make Bossman check it over and make sure I got it right.

Life is good, knock on wood

Bossman and I are still working on our issues. He spanked me the other day and we chatted about the problem. Let me rephrase that. He chatted, I was not in the position to really chat. Trust me, I WAS listening. It's amazing how clear my hearing is when I am over his knee.

I'm still working on the whole touching thing. It's really hard for me, but I'm trying!

As for the spanking...he used the stupid brush again. Then he dropped the brush. When I picked it up later, we found out it was broken!

AW shucks! I guess this means I'll have to go shopping for a new brush.  Getting spanked with the brush is not fun and you may think I'm crazy to buy another one, but there is something exciting about shopping for a spanking implement. Something a little bit naughty about looking at brushes and knowing it will be used for something other than hair.

As for the rest of life, it's going well. I've been feeling good lately, so that's good. My brother got married this weekend and that was fun. My son was in town for the wedding, so that was fun. All in all, things are good right now.

Somebody knock on wood for me. I don't want to lose all this good mojo.

Funny pictures

Not sure where these came from, so if you know, let me know. 

 

All I know is they are great!  I love the old time photo with Ben Stiller.  I wonder if this is from a movie.

 

 

 

 

 

two interesting things

I did get that spanking, but I'll have to talk about it later as I'm busy, busy, busy, getting ready for my brothers wedding.

In the mean time, I found these two interesting things. 

First is a video of the Big Bang Theory.  If you don't watch that show, it's quite funny...but my favorite clip is this:

Big Bang Theory

The second is this very interesting article:
http://www.salon.com/2013/04/12/gabrielle_reece_i_choose_to_serve_my_husband/

The clip is just funny, but what do you think about the article?

Discuss among yourselves, I'll get back to you later.....

grace

I could

Not sure what to write about today.

I could write about the fight we had today regarding the laundry.

I could write about how I didn't think the laundry thing was my fault.

I could write about how waiting to wash the towels when all the towels are dirty, is not a good idea.

I could write about how mad Bossman was to not have a towel to use for his shower.

I could write about how I did all the other laundry, but thought the towels could wait until today.

I could write about how the laundry thing WAS my fault.

I could write about how I have been thinking about it all day.

I could write about how the wildchild is gone for the night.

I could write about how I'm worried about what will happen tonight..

I could write about how I'm worried nothing will happen tonight.

I could....

But I won't.

grace

Brush spanking

Bossman stayed true to his word and gave me the spanking that he thought I deserved!

It all happened Tuesday night when the wildchild was gone. I had a feeling it would happen, but I honestly hoped that it wouldn't. I was tired and not feeling that great that day.  Leave it to Bossman to become consistent with his word!

It was a pretty hard spanking.  Well, it was hard for me.  He usually doesn't leave many marks, but frankly I think he was proud of the bruises he made last time, so he decided to try that again.

This time he used his hand and two different wooden brushes.

Wooden brushes? Um, yeah, they hurt.  I would have to say that I still hate the backscratcher the most, but those dang brushes are a close second in the hate category.

After a brief break at the wall, he decided to try something new. He leaned me over the footboard of our bed.  I can bend over it comfortably if I am on my toes, so yeah, it was interesting.  We've never done that before.  He spanked some more and then, well, then he had some fun.  Not anal, but I'll let your imagination fill in the rest of that story.

As for the spanking, it did leave a couple of little bruises, but geezo, my butt was super itchy the next day.

We did talk about some things that happened over the week.  We talked about the things that made us happy and the things we'd like to improve upon. I was quite pleased with the evening. Even if my butt was itchy!

So what have we decided about spankings with brushes? I found that since there were two different brushes, they felt different. One wasn't very heavy, it didn't hurt as much, the other was heavier and so it was more thuddy which hurt more.

Is there a brush that spanks better than others?  What about a paddle that is shaped like a brush? I suddenly realized....

All brush spankings are not the same!

And that my friends is the lesson for today!

grace

Time for a change

I hope you all had a good weekend.  Mine was good.  It was sad to take the young man back to school, but on the other hand, it's an awful lot of work when he's around.  There is more dishes, more food to buy and WAY more laundry!  I feel like I can be on vacation now that he's back at school.

Things have been ok between Bossman and I.  I feel like we are falling into the same patterns as before, but it's so hard when the house is full.  The wildchild is gone for the night, so I'm wondering what will happen tonight.  I don't have any expectations.  Honestly, I had a bad night last night, sleep wise, so I don't imagine that I'm going to be up to anything crazy.

I know I told you all that my dad died in November.  If you read back then, you'll know the story of my sister taking care of him, moving him to our area and all that.  I had no relationship with him and so that was fine that she did all that, it was her choice.  Why she chose to take care of a man she hardly knew, someone who didn't take care of either of us....it's beyond me.  I can't figure it out, but it was her choice. 

Rather than go back and see if I already told you this, I'm just going to tell you what she did after the death.....

See, the man had no money, no insurance, no nothing.  So, my sister took to facebook to ask people for money so she could get him cremated.  You don't know how hard it was to watch people give her such sympathy and money.  Most of her friends don't know the history, so of course, they would be sympathetic to anyone that lost a parent.

FYI, if a person dies without means to cremate them, our county will do it and they just take the ashes to the ocean.  Had I been in charge, I would have let them do that!  Instead, my sister raised 1500 dollars to cremate him. 

And then.....

AND THEN!!!!!

She had the gall to make a necklace out of his ashes......

~sigh~

The necklace is big....and gaudy.  AND then, as if that wasn't enough......

GAH, I can't even begin to tell you how annoying she is.....

Anyway, she didn't tell me any of this.  I found out about the necklace from my mother.  My mother found out from my brother.  My brother (who has a different father) found out from his fiancee.  Guess how the fiancee found out. 

The fiancee is a teacher.  She teaches at the same school that my sisters son goes to.  After my brother proposed to her, she saw my sister at school and they stopped to chat.  The fiancee showed my sister the engagement ring.  My sister thought this was a GREAT time to show off her new necklace.

Yep....

It played out a  little like this:  Sister:  Oh A! Congrats on the engagement.  Let's see the ring.

A: Holds out her hand for sister to look at ring.

Sister: Oh, did you see my new necklace?  It's my fathers ashes!

Cue the music: Dum dum duuuuuummmmmmm................

A few weeks later there was an engagement party for my brother.  I just found out from my mother that she got the necklace. 

We are at the party chatting and I'm looking at my sister and she's got all dolled up, She had a big green necklace, kinda looked like an emerald on her neck.  Not really thinking......

I almost said something about the necklace.  You know, like nice necklace....something like that but right before the words came out of my mouth, I remembered!  OMG, she's wearing my fathers ashes around her neck like a beacon at my brothers engagement party.

In that moment, I wanted to rip the necklace right off her neck and stomp all over it!  Of course, I didn't.  I didn't say a thing.  I just walked away and stayed away from her the rest of the party.  BUT...I could see others that didn't know, commenting to her about her necklace. 

WAY to put the focus on YOU, sister! 

Honestly, am I the only one that thought that was the rudest most disrespectful thing she could have done?  Who makes a necklace of their fathers ashes when their father didn't even take care of them?  She only saw him 4 times in her life, up until the time she moved him out here.  ~sigh~  Some people are just weird!

Oh, by the way, do you like the change around here?  I was really ready for a change.  I hope you like it.

grace

Nine years later...

Well, it's official, I've been blogging (off and on) for nine years! 9 years ago, I started this little blog, not really knowing how long I would be at it. I figured it would be something to occupy my time and that eventually I would get bored.

I guess I did get bored for a while....but I'm still hanging on to the old blog.  I can't imagine just giving it up.

Over the last 9 years...things have changed.  The little man, is now a young man.  He was in kindergarten when I started this thing, and now he's a freshman in high school.  His sister is all grown up at 22, she was only 13 when I began. She will always be the wildchild though!

Bossman and I have seen our fair share of troubles.  We've gone through the death of his sister, the craziness of his mother ( we haven't spoken too since June.) and cancer. Through it all we have been each others cheerleader, lover, caretaker, and friend.  And we still love each other! Isn't that amazing?

I'd just like to thank you all for reading my crazy words. Some of you are new, but others have been around a long time.  I've met a couple of you in person and it was perhaps one of the most exciting experiences I've had.  We were able to be ourselves in a world where most of the time we can only be our true spanko selves on a blog or in the privacy of our bedroom. I will always treasure those couple of days.

I look forward to continuing my journey on this blog.  It might not be the most entertaining thing around and it may not always be pretty. But in the end it really is just...

A Day In the Life...

of me.


Written while ignoring laundry by::

It's hard...

Yesterday was hard. I knew I was pushing away, but I couldn't seem to help myself.  He noticed. I did try, but he could tell I was uncomfortable. He said when the house is free we would discuss it further. I wonder how much talking I'll be doing during that conversation.

This is hard.

I would like it to be easier...please!

In other news....the young man is heading back to school on Sunday. The wildchild...and she will always be the wildchild....moved back in last month.  She recently got a part time job, to go along with the part time job she already has. Which means she might actually be able to move out again.

So there's that.

I like the empty nest.  I love when the kids are home, but I enjoy when they leave also.  Summer is going to be so long!

I hope you all have a great weekend with good food and family....I know I will!

Written while ignoring laundry by::

It's not about me...or is it?

Life certainly gets in the way when you are trying to live it!

Everything is status quo here.  The young man is here for spring break, so we've had to play it cool around here.  It's hard to even have sex when he's around as his door is right next to ours...stupid!  Why wasn't I paying more attention to that when we bought this stupid house?

With that said, I've been really trying to do things that Bossman likes.  Touching him more, massaging him more...heck, I even gave the man a bj the other night...that is UNHEARD of in this house!

He's loved every minute of it and he's been extra sweet to me as well.  I like it.  I'm still not sure how long it will last because I'm pessimistic that way, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

I've had a lot of issues with hormones, due to medication I take, and so there are so many times when I am not in the mood.  With that said, I have to understand that it doesn't mean HE's not in the mood.  I can still be sweet to him without the whole...sex thing...right?

I am a selfish woman.  I want it to be all about me!  I have to understand that it can't always be about me.  I have to understand that he has needs.  I have to learn to keep this mindset.  It's so HARD!  I really want it to be about me, me, ME! 

I realized that the past...oh, I don't know....3 years...have been all about me.  The cancer made everything about me and I got used to it.  I got comfortable in that victim mentality.  I have to step away from that and learn that it's not all about me. (blah!)

So, let's review...it's not about me.  It's not about me.  It's not about me.

Ok, it's about me. 

I just have to remember that it is about me when I do good things for HIM!

I think.....

Written while ignoring laundry by::

Thinking it through

Thank you all for your comments! Some of them were too long to comment on in the comment section. (Hi Amber!)

I have to say I've missed all your comments and insightful takes on my life problems. Heh! Oh, and PK? I was soooooo surprised to see your comment! How did I know you'd be the first to comment?

I've done some thinking.....and Bossman and I have done a lot of talking.  The thing is, our marriage has been going down a rocky path.  Oh, it's not like we've been fighting with each other, or things have been miserable, but things haven't been "happy".  We haven't been close. We've been going through the motions, but our hearts haven't been in it.

I've been blaming myself.  Bossman takes such good care of me, and I've taken that for granted. For a long time, I've noticed that Bossman hasn't been happy. I thought it was because I was holding him back. Back from the things he wants to do in life. Things that I either don't want to do with him, or things that I just can't do with him. It's hard to feel that way. It's hard to think that you are holding the person you love back.

More importantly though, I think Bossman has felt neglected.  Honestly, I haven't been holding back on purpose, but I've gotten into a pattern of just going through life, not really thinking about my husbands needs.  Sure, we've had sex, but it's always the same old thing.  No excitement. Almost like a chore.  My husband needs me.  He needs me to attend to his needs as much as I need him to attend to mine.

As I've been thinking about this, it came to my attention that maybe I need to be more submissive.  I don't really like that word, but I have to call it what it is.  I need to submit to him. I need to take care of him in all aspects of life.  I need to give him the affection he needs, I need to take care of him emotionally, not just physically. If I do that he will be happier and if he's happier, I'll be happier. Our marriage will be happier for it.

So, we've made a commitment to give this a go. We are going to try and be more attentive to each others needs. Yes, we talked about incorporating spanking, to make me happy, and about me being more open to giving him what he needs, attention from me.  Personally, I've decided to be more open about things in the bedroom. I need to be more worried about making him happy than about getting it over with.

It sounds so easy when I write it down, but I think it's going to be hard.

What do you think?  Any ideas?

Written while ignoring laundry by:

confused and bruised...

I'm still not sure how I feel about what happened the other night.  It was a lot more intense than I thought it would be and I'm not just talking about the spanking part of it.

I think I'll just write what happened and see how I feel about it after I write it. Sometimes that helps me think things through.

When I last left the tale, I said that Bossman told me he would spank me again as soon as the wildchild wasn't around.  Turns out, that was the next night as she had to work.  He asked me when she was due home and I told him, not really thinking about what he had promised.  After dinner, he proceeded to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom.  As soon as he reached for my hand, I remembered the promise.  I wasn't too thrilled with the prospect.  After the spanking the day before, I realized that my butt was still sensitive, since I have not been spanked in a couple of months.

He immediately took my pants off and pulled me over his lap.  He gave me a long hard hand spanking.  Then there was a visit with the backscratcher.  Then there was some wall time.  Then I was back over the bed for another round with his hand.  It wasn't as bad as I though, I mean, it hurt like crazy, but it wasn't to the point where I couldn't take it. 

Then he started talking.  As he talked, he didn't like the way I answered some of his questions, or the tone I was using and he started spanking again.  It was then that I realized, this was serious.  This was a serious talk and this wasn't just for fun.

His talk centered around me being more affectionate.  I'm not the most affectionate person in the world.  I am not one to touch him without a reason.  I mean, I hug, I kiss....actually, now that I think about it, I'm not that bad.  I feel that I am affectionate, but I feel like it's never enough for him.

This is really hard to write about.

I feel like I don't make him happy.  He feels that when I push him away, it's  me rejecting him.  I say, it's not rejection, it's me just not wanting to be messed with right then. 

Is that rejection?  Aren't I allowed to NOT want to be touched once in awhile?  What does a couple do that is not compatible in the affection department.  I honestly don't think I hold back.  I just am not that touchy feely.  BUT, I touch him.  I hug him, I snuggle up to him.

Just typing this up is making me upset.  I should go back to the story....

He talked and I listened, but apparently, I didn't get it.  I started crying.  I tried stating my side, he said it was the same argument and I wasn't hearing him. 

Then it was over.  Only I was upset.  AND, I realized my butt was bruised up nicely.  I wasn't upset about that.  I was worried that HE would be upset by that.  It was dark in the room, so he didn't see it.

He started walking away, but then he realize I was still upset so then we started talking again. I tried so hard not to bring up the same stuff I always do.

I tried to really understand where he was coming from.  I'm still processing it.  I realize that he just needs more affection than I.  That when we dressing and he grabs my boobs, it's just being playful.  I don't like it, but he sees it as me rejecting him.  I could grab at him all day long and he would LOVE it.  So he doesn't understand it.  He told me I was beautiful and that he, as my husband, should be able to touch me whenever he wanted.  I have to try not to be so sensitive about it......

Well, this is getting rambly and I'm not sure how to end it....

I should let you know, he's actually quite proud of the bruises.  After talking to him yesterday and showing him, I asked how he felt about them and he said it was about time, I need that more often.

Bottom line is, I DID feel a lot better after the whole episode.  I mean I felt a lot better letting go of all the emotion that was bottled up inside.  BUT, I also felt and still feel confused. 

The spanking and the talk didn't really go hand in hand.  I was getting spanked and that was good, (or bad) and then we were talking about emotional things and that was bad.  Putting them together?  I don't know....  We ended with the promise of trying to change.  I will try and be more affectionate and less quick to push away and he promised to spank more.....so that's good, right?

I know this is confusing, but I could really use some feedback....anybody have some?

Written while ignoring laundry by:

Whole lot of nothing

The spanking that was promised did happen last night.  It actually turned out quite emotional. I think I need time to process the whole thing before I write it all down. I promise, I will!

In other news...the little man is coming home for spring break today. He'll be home until the 31st, so there won't be time for spanking.  But there will be time for spoiling my boy.

I'm thinking of changing the look of my blog.  Although I love it so much and I love the picture, I think I need a change. Plus I would love to be able to use the threaded comment feature, which doesn't work on my template.  I've tried to get it to work, but it doesn't.

Did I mention my butt is a little bruised?  Yeah, it was that kind of spanking....

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Unplanned spanking

I promise this was not planned.  We didn't discuss it.  I didn't even tell Bossman I had started posting again on the blog.  I mentioned I was thinking about it....but I didn't tell him I had.

So imagine my surprise when.....

Well, lets start at the beginning.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know that I was sexually abused as a child.  Don't worry, I'm not going to talk about it.  BUT....because of that I have issues with Bossman touching my breasts.  It doesn't bother me when we are having sex, but at other times, it just feels wrong and sometimes gives me the heebe jeebes.

This has been an issue for our whole marriage.  It just BUGS me!

Anyway, long story short...we were snuggling in bed and because it's that time of month, it wasn't going to go any further than snuggling.  Snuggling was good, but then it just started getting annoying.  Then my son called, (to tell us he made it on the varsity softball team at school...YAY him!!) and while I was talking to him, Bossman kept touching my nips.

GAH!  So annoying!

The dilemma is, it shouldn't be annoying.  He wasn't trying to be annoying.  He was trying to be loving and sexy and, and, and....

So, after my son hung up, I just got irritated and huffy and, well, Ok, I'll say it....BRATTY!

Then we jumped in the shower.  He was still being annoying and I was getting upset.  We have a seat in the shower...We call it the bj bench...I'm sure you can guess why...and I just sat there getting upset.

Bossman decided to take matters into his own hands.  First he washed my hair and body.  THEN...then...

Well, then he started spanking me.  IN the shower!  Do you realize how much that hurts?  Wet bottom and wet hand? 

I kept telling him to stop because....OW!  He said he was sick of my attitude and felt this might help me change it.

After a few slaps and me dancing around the shower, we got out.  He immediately pulled me over his lap for some more.  I'm not gonna lie...it hurt like hell and I wasn't too happy about the situation.  I kept begging him to stop and his response was he wanted me to feel it all day.  (Mission accomplished my friend!)

After he finished, he had me stand at the wall.  I was still naked.  He got ready for work and while he was getting ready he lectured me.  He told me that I was beautiful and that he should be able to touch me without me getting huffy.  He said it was causing strife in our marriage and he didn't like that.  He wants things to get better and he doesn't want that to be between us.  He doesn't like feeling like he is doing something wrong when he's trying to be loving. 

He also said that for now, he was going to do all the talking and I was just going to listen.  He said that tomorrow, or the next time the wildchild is out of the house, he was going to spank me again.  He said THEN, I could tell him my feelings on it.  BUT for now, he just wants me to think about it so we can have a rational discussion.

Boy did I pick a great time to start blogging again!!!!

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about the whole thing.  I know how my butt feels...  but the rest of me?  I'm just not sure what to make of it.  Bossman and I have gone round and round about this before, what will make this time different?  How can I change my feelings about this?  Is it even possible?  Do I just need to be more conscience of how I react to him, so I don't hurt his feelings? 

I have a lot of thinking to do.  A lot.

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Jumping back in

I thought I'd give blogging another try.  I am warning you now, I don't have much to say regarding the whole spanking thing.  There just hasn't been much of that happening around here.  I did tell Bossman I was thinking of blogging again and I hope he would help give me some things to blog about.

There has been a lot of banter regarding spanking but no real action. Part of that stems from the fact that the wildchild moved back home.  It's hard to find a quiet moment when you have a young adult roaming the house.  Of course, I can't really use that has the full excuse as she is gone from the house a lot too. 

So what is the excuse for not spanking?  I don't really know.  We could blame it on my health, as we just have to take each day as it happens and can't plan too much ahead.  We could blame the kids.  All I know is, I miss it.

So what's been going on with you guys?  I've been lurking on your blogs so I'm not completely out of the loop. 

Aside from my health, things are going fine around here.  Bossman and I just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary.  We had a lovely time at a local hot spring hotel.  Each room has a hot tub on the patio and the water is from the hot spring.  Because we were locals, they upgraded our room to a suite, so that was lovely.  We had a lovely time together.

The little man is coming home this Thursday for spring break.  It will be nice to have him home!  We go to see him every 2 to 3 weeks and we speak to him every night on the phone.  He is thriving at this school and it was absolutely the BEST decision we made regarding his schooling.  He LOVES it.  I miss him like crazy, but because we speak to him everyday I feel like we are still close.....and the time we have with him is extra special.  Sure, I wish sometimes think of the things we are missing but we had to make the sacrifice because I believe he is going to be such a better person for it.  Besides summer break starts at the end of May and the way this year is going, it will be here before I know it.

I really hope I can get back into blogging.  I really miss it.  I went back and read some of my first posts and my little man was only 5!  It's fun to look back at the way life was.  I want to keep documenting life....even if it is a little boring, it's my boring!

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Long weekend

It was Parents weekend at my son's school.  It was a long weekend.  On Sunday, he had a half day of school and we went to all his classes with him.  His school day is quite long.  On a normal day, he gets out of school at 5.  He has 11 periods.  You don't have to feel too bad for him because he has 2 periods off, one of which he does janitorial work in the dorm.  He gets paid for that.  Plus they are the 2 periods before lunch and he has an hour for lunch, which means he has 3 hours of free time in the middle of the day.

It was fun to see how his day went and to meet all his teachers. After going to all the classes I found a new appreciation for his school.  It is such a great environment.  Of course, all the teachers love my son.  The English teacher and dorm dean told me they thought he was a born leader and they suspect he will be president someday!  You know I liked hearing that!!!

We came home Sunday, bringing the son with us.  He is home for the entire week.  Of course wouldn't you know that he is now sick!  He's running a fever.  I'm sad that he is sick for his vacation, but I'm also glad that he is home and sick, so I can take care of him and not be worried about him up at school.

Both kids are home this week, the wild child stayed at our house while we were gone for the weekend so she could take care of the dog.  Then she decided to stay the rest of the week instead of going home for a couple of days and then coming back for Thanksgiving.  Which means I have been washing dishes non stop and I just spent a fortune on groceries! 

It's all good though, I love having them here.  They make me laugh and it's nice to have people around the house, even if they are pigs!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  I hope your day is filled with love, laughter, turkey and pumpkin pie.  And if your lucky, maybe even a spanking or two!


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Thanks!

Thank you all for your wonderful comments!  We all have a story don't we?  I feel way better knowing that I am not the only one with these problems.  I also am glad to know that you all don't think I'm mean or heartless.

I hadn't thought about the fact that I lost him when I was a child.  That is exactly right.  So I've already mourned losing him.  I'm sad that he died.  I mean, he was a human being and it's sad when someone dies, but I am not losing my father....I already lost him.

Things will be fine between my sister and I.  She has always been the drama queen in the family, so putting all her drama on facebook is what she does.  I'm used to it.  I seriously thought I would find out that he died on facebook, so at least she texted me.  I should know better than to expect an actual call from her, that is not her style.  I still think it's crap that people do so many things over texting.  Giving bad news, breaking up with someone, inviting someone to birthday party.....it seems these are all acceptable texting behaviours.  I don't like it!

So, new topic!

Most of you know, I live on the West Coast.  Most of the time, we have fine weather.  Usually, 70's.  Last week, 91.  This weekend, 58.  Sheez, Mother Nature needs to make up her mind already!  Of course, this is the first time since probably April that we've turned on the heater and guess what....it didn't work.  Now I am not going to complain...because what about the people in New Jersey that haven't had power for 2 weeks?  I feel so so bad for them because just going two days without a heater was horrible.  But I am a survivor....so you know, I toughed it out.  Actually, we bought a portable heater...LOL  Don't worry though, the heater got fixed today, but the weather is back up to 75, so all is warm in my world.

Lastly, lets talk about the empty nest.

It's so good!  Of course I miss the kids, but MAN, it's nice to know that when I buy some food it will still be in the fridge when I want to eat it!  When there is a mess that is made, I know that it was either me or Bossman.  The sink doesn't fill with dishes five minutes after you wash them.  I'm telling you, this is great!  I only have to do 3 loads of laundry a week.  A WEEK!!!!  How cool is that?

I'm sure you are wondering, what about the spanking?  I figured we'd be at it all the time.  I figured there would be a lot more sex too.  HA!  I figured wrong!

I suppose there is more sex.  I mean, we don't have to time it for early morning anymore.  We don't have to worry about someone hearing us, so that's a good thing.  The spanking?  Well the spanking isn't going that well.  We've had lots of talk about it, but then it just doesn't seem to come up that much.  There is a tad more than usual, but nothing really to write about. 

I think I should tell Bossman I'm blogging again so he can start spanking more then I will have something to write about....in my spanking blog....in which I don't talk about spanking anymore! HA!


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Death

So, I thought I'd give this blogging thing a try again.

I'm just going to jump in with both feet.

My father died this weekend.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might remember my father left us (my sis and I) when we were small children.  My sister contacted him when I was 22 and pregnant with the wildchild. She gave him my number, without warning me ahead of time.  Surprise, instant father!

If only it were that easy!  Instead, it was awkward and weird.  He would send weird birthday cards that said things about watching me grow up and stuff like that.  Kinda creepy.  He came to visit when the wildchild was 6 weeks old.  Again...it was awkward!

It was always easy to put him out of mind because he lived in the midwest, so I didn't ever have to see him.  Then, a couple of years ago he moved 8 hours away.  Still far enough to put out of my mind.  He continued to send cards and call once in awhile.  That was fine with me.  Couple of months ago, his wife decided to leave him.  He was very sick and on dialysis and she didn't want to take care of him. My sister decides to move him to our area.  I never went to see him.

Couple of things you should know....

My sister never asked for help.  She never consulted me, nor did she include me.  She didn't even ask if I wanted to see him.  Fine, fine and fine.  It's all fine.  I chose not to be involved.  If I wanted to be involved I could have asked.

Now he's gone.

I wondered how I would feel and it turns out, I feel ok.  I'm not upset that I didn't go see him, I don't feel any regret.  I didn't know him and he didn't know me.

My sister, on the other hand, is annoying me.  First off, she texted me the news that he died.  Seriously, when did the world become so self absorbed that we don't have the common courtesy to call people when someone dies?

Second, when she texted me, she said, and I am quoting...."my dad died last night."

HER dad died.  Regardless of everything, the man was MY dad too!

Third, I'm grateful I didn't find out over facebook, but it was posted there soon after I found out.  Like moments after I found out.  She is now posting all these morose poems about seeing his face in the stars and blah blah blah!

People, I may sound crass, but let me tell you, the man was not that great.  He left my mom with 2 children under the age of 5 to take care of with no job.  He was a alcoholic and he did time in jail.  He also has a son, somewhere out there, that we never even knew about.

Now that he's dead, he's become a saint or something.

Of course, I'm not completely hard hearted.  I realize my sister has suffered a loss.  I feel bad for her.

She did what she had to do for him.  I didn't feel the obligation seeing as how he didn't take care of us. You know...you reap what you sow....or whatever.

So, do you think I'm hard hearted? Did I have an obligation to him? I hope not, because I don't like being mean and a very small part feels like I was mean.

It's not that I didn't forgive him, it's just that to me, he was merely the sperm donor.
Is that wrong?

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LOL Day

Welcome to LOL day!  I should be welcoming myself since I've become quite the lurker these days.

Yes, I still lurk around reading all your posts.  Although its easy to lurk and not leave a comment, as a writer it is very exciting to get comments.  So if you can, leave a comment.

Of course, I should be talking to myself and taking my own advise.

I'm thinking I deserve a spanking for not being a good commenter.  Also, now that I think about it, I deserve a spanking for not blogging!

Since I haven't been writing, I will not be surprised if there are no comments.  BUT....if you are still reading and lurking...HELLO!

I do feel the itch to blog again.

Maybe I will.

Did I mention the wildchild turned 22 yesterday?  She was only 13 when I started this blog.

Just thought you should know.

Anyway, have a nice LOL day! It may mean love our lurkers, but I hope you laugh out loud today too!


Written while ignoring laundry by::

Your lazy blogger and commenter friend,
grace