Opposite yet the same?

I know today is the R's, but I'm not really in the R mood. I thought instead, that I would be grateful for Bossman instead.

Actually, I'm grateful for Bossman every day. Everyday I marvel that the man still loves me. I'm in awe that he wants to put up with my stresses and problems and all the other things that come with loving someone. How I managed to get so lucky, I will never know. But.....lucky I am!

So, I know I've been hinting around that Bossman has taken a very strong interest in the whole d/d aspect of spanking. I've tried for weeks to write about it, but frankly, I can't seem to write anything worth publishing. I have numerous drafts that I started to write, but none of them fully conveyed how I truly feel.

Which brings me to the question....how do I feel about the whole thing?

Good question! And although it's a pretty straight forward question, the answer is not at all easy to answer.

Recently Amber shed some light on the core reason why this is so hard to explain, or maybe for me, it's the reason why I am having a hard time talking about it. As she said "I think at least part of the problem is that many people lack the ability to hold two opposing beliefs at the same time. How can Dan think of me as a stupid little slut and yet revere me as his wife? And how can I abase myself and find pleasure in kneeling at his feet and yet know that I'm a total bad-ass in my own right?

These beliefs are opposites yet they are both true. True and not true."

Now, I don't think Bossman thinks of me as a stupid little slut. ;) But the core of the statement is true. How can Bossman think of himself as the head of the household, yet, still see me as an equal? How can I, allow myself to be spanked by him, allow him to take charge of me, but still consider myself a strong, powerful, almighty, Woman? How can I say that our marriage is based on equality if we consider one of us as the "head" of the family?

Opposite points and yet, both true! (Thanks Amber!)

So I find myself trying to explain how my husband has taken to spanking me when I get lazy and don't fulfill my end of the bargain. How when I threw a hissy fit in the car because I didn't think we should drive around the block again...that night he decided to spank me for attitude.

AND, how do I explain how I find our relationship getting better for it? How I find me, personally, changing into something better.

Even though most of you reading this will get exactly what I'm saying and even though, that's what this blog has been about for 5 years, I still find it hard to talk about. Now that it's officially happening, it feels weird. It seems like before was all just a game. Something we did for the fun of it. It never had meaning. Now....well, now it's just different.

And I can't explain it.

But, I can explain how grateful I am for Bossman. I am grateful that he has taken on this challenge and that he is willing to put up with me! I couldn't possible imagine a life without him.

Can I ask for more than that? I could, but I don't want to be selfish! ;)