Home Again

So, things haven't been going so great for the wildchild. Everything was fine this weekend and we thought she was on the upswing. How wrong were we??

Monday evening, the wildchild was trying to decide what outfit to wear for the first day of school. On Sunday we managed to get a few hours of shopping in, and she just wasn't sure which outfit to wear. She had planned to spend the night at her friends on Tuesday so they could all go to school together on Wed. My, my, how things change in a matter of minutes. Actually, it was a few hours later, around 11:30 when she came in and said she was bleeding again.

Now the blood wasn't nearly as severe as it was last week. Within a matter of minutes the bleeding has stopped. Since it stopped fairly soon, we decided to wait until morning and call her doctor.

At 1:00 in the morning she came back into our room to tell us the bleeding was back. It was more than earlier, but still not as much as last week. In any case we decided to take her back to the ER.

Bossman took her in. The bleeding has stopped by the time they got there, but then it started again. Around 2:30 they got it stopped, but they decided to call in a specialist. Turns out the specialists don't come in until at least 6am. Bossman and the wildchild hung out in the ER until 6. At 6 Bossman called and said to get down there for they were admitting her and taking her to surgery. They decided to put some stitches. I arrived with the little man around 6:40. By 7am she was already in surgery.

They decided to keep her in the hospital until the following day. We got home yesterday around 1:00 in the afternoon.

Apparently, her blood count went pretty low, that is why they didn't send her home after the bleeding stopped. The doc told me yesterday that if her blood count had gotten any lower they would have had to do a blood transfusion. YIKES!

Seems the area that was bleeding was bleeding more than we thought. It was pretty far back in her throat and we are assuming that it was bleeding down her throat and she didn't even know it.

Anyway, we are home now and she is doing ok. It's a lot like starting over, her throat is very sore and she isn't really talking or eating much. It's not quite as bad as the first because it is only on one side. They are hoping she will be able to start school on Tuesday.

Of course this is all if she doesn't bleed again. They did say it takes about 4 weeks or so to get your blood count back up. So she will be extremely tired and weak, possibly light-headed, for awhile. The doc said she could take iron, but that tends to make people constipated and he would rather not risk anything else happening to her right now.

The bright side to this is, they treated us like GOLD! Apparently Bossmans complaint must have made an impression. Although she does have the rep of being the girl that passes out when given an IV, as overheard in the ER.

I hope this is the last crisis we will have. The wildchild doesn't believe she will ever get better. I'm trying really hard to keep her upbeat. I don't need her getting depressed.

Now, the fun begins. I get to fight with my insurance for them to make sure and cover all this. Because this all happened here, NOT with the doc that is 50+ miles away.

All this, and I still babysit my nephew. But I've subcontracted that job out to someone else. Think my sister will mind???

Just when you thought everything was better....

Just a quick update on the wildchild.

The bleeding came back. Bossman spent the night in the hospital with her and they admitted her this morning. They put her under again, and put more stitches.

She's out of surgery now, but it looks like we are back to square one. She WILL stay in the hospital today and tonight and probably come home tomorrow.

Unfortunately this means no school for her. Maybe next week if we are lucky!

Will update further later!

Thanks for any and all prayers and good wishes, my baby could use them.

HUGS!
grace

Random thoughts

Most of you know that Eva is having her surgery today. I have been thinking of her a lot. Surgery is such a scary thing. The doctors have to tell you every bad thing that could possibly go wrong. How are you suppose to relax and not worry when you have to think of all the bad stuff? Luckily, I've been over to PK's blog. She says that Eva is already out of surgery and is doing fine. I knew she would be fine, but you can't help but worry.

~~~~~~~


My baby has spoken her first words and eaten solid foods this weekend! Why do I have a feeling that I should be writing that in her baby book??

She is finally doing better. She hasn't had any bleeding since the whole "incident". The ER director is suppose to call Bossman today to discuss what happened in the ER. Bossman relayed the story to the administration and they said the director would be calling Bossman. It's not that we are stupid. We realize that there were probably worse off people in the ER that night. I just don't like the ho-hum attitude that everyone seem to have. We didn't go there that night to buy toilet paper. Whenever someone goes to the ER, they obviously think they have a problem. It would be nice to have a little compassion. At least tell us that it's not that bad. Don't ignore the obvious blood. And don't get me started on the doctor. Since when do we take the word of a stranger and trust them to do what is best? Isn't it our job as a parent to make sure our child is getting the best treatment possible? Don't make us feel like idiots because we ask a few questions.

~~~~~~

Last week was the start of football! The little man has been conditioning all week and now he is sore. Bossman is the coach again only this year they have moved up a division. My little man isn't so "little" anymore. He grew 3 inches and gained more than 10 pounds this past year. For only being 9 years old, he's quite tall. That isn't surprising as I am 5'10 and Bossman is 6'4. The wildchild is 5'10 almost 5'11, so you can see, it defiantly runs in the family. How cute are little boys in football pads??? I know, footballs players aren't suppose to be CUTE. But those boys playing football is just too cute!

~~~~~~~~

Does anybody know what happened to spanking?? My blog claims to be a spanking blog. HA! I tried to go back in the archives and find the last time I got spanked. Guess what? I got bored and gave up. It just ain't happening around here. I hope that once school gets started things will get better. A woman can hope, can't she??

~~~~~~

School starts on Weds for the wildchild. She is a SENIOR!!! Why didn't anybody warn me how expensive it is to have a senior? I have to get senior portraits, yearbook, clothes, ASB card. Not to mention Senior announcements....

Anyway, I'm not old enough to have a senior in high school. I'm just a mere baby. Really, I AM!

~~~~~~

Want to make yourself feel really old? Go to myspace.com, look up people from your high school graduating class. All you have to do is type in the year you graduated and it will give you all the people that graduated from your school that year.

OMG! I saw people on there that are OLD! Seriously, I don't think I look that old. Sure, I've got a few minor wrinkles on my forehead, who wouldn't with all the worrying I do? But come ON! Some of those people look like, like, Oh, I don't know, they just look OLD! I found this guy on there that was a track star in high school. Now, he's bald, and fat. My eyes have been opened to the fact that I am in fact old. I have kids, I'm married. I'm a freakin' grown-up! Not sure when that happened, but WOW, what a shock. Someone should really warn us about these things. It seems to just sneak up on us. NOT FAIR!

~~~~~

Hope you all have a good week. I'm hoping mine will be a lot quieter than last week.

The drama continues!

WARNING: Before you read this post I should warn you, there is a lot of blood involved! Since I don't want to scare Eva, I want to warn Eva that she shouldn't really be reading this right before going to the hospital for surgery.

Consider yourselves warned!



I thought we were in the home stretch! I thought things were getting better.

I was wrong.

Around 8:30 last night, the wildchild jumped off the couch and scrambled for a piece of paper. She wrote, I'm bleeding but it's going down my throat and I can't spit it out.

Oh crap!

Then, she mad a made dash for the kitchen, it was closest, and blood started pouring out of her mouth.

Sort of like a horror show....

Only, this was real life....

and my daughter!

So, I immediately called the doctor, as this is what he told me to do.

He called right back. Thank goodness.

He said not to worry, but to take her to the ER in our town. (remember the 50+ miles?)

Bossman took her to the ER. I stayed home with the little man. This, it turns out, was a very good idea because things went from bad to worse at the ER.

Our ER has employed a security guard to man the front door. Apparently they think we are a big city and and a rent-a-cop will keep out the bad guys. They also apparently think that the rent-a-cop is also a doctor and can tell when things are an emergency.

So, when you go in, you have to fill out a paper explaining the problem so that rent-a-cop can give it to the triage nurse to determine if you are a true emergency.

Apparently, spitting up blood doesn't really matter.

So while the wildchild is spitting up blood, the r-a-c calmly and s-l-o-w-l-y walks over to give the paper to the nurse.

Now, Nurse Hatchett is busy with another patient. One that was NOT spitting up blood, I might add. Actually, this patient was on the way OUT! Nurse Hatchett, kept talking and talking and talking and ignoring r-a-c. Bossman was NOT too pleased with this little arrangement as his daughter, in case I didn't mention it before, was SPITTING UP BLOOD!

So, Bossman goes up to r-a-c and asks if we could speed things up a little. At which time r-a-c tells Bossman that pacing around the waiting room will not speed up the process!

uh, what?

Finally after about 6 minutes or so, the r-a-c hand the paper over to Nurse Hatchett. They whisper quietly with each other so Bossman can not hear what they are saying and then she finally waves them over.

Nurse Hatchett then proceeds with the standard questions, while my child is still bleeding. Who is responsible and what is your correct address seemed to be the most important questions that had to be answered IMMEDIATELY, as this was, in fact, the most important thing to know at this point!

Bossman finally said, can we speed this up, and Nurse Hatchett finally said, oh, just a few more minutes.

Oh good, just a few more minutes of bleeding out of your mouth, dear one.

Finally, they take her back. To a room with no bed, as they were full. So there was a chair. Guess what happened next?

If you said they had to wait some more...YOU were CORRECT!

Bossman then went to find SOMEONE to help our poor wildchild.

A different nurse, we'll call her Nursey Poo, cuz at least she wasn't mean, came in and took a look at the situation and then left to see how long before the doc came in.

She came back and said the wildchild was next. Did I mention there was blood coming out of my daughters mouth... still? By this time she had been bleeding for about an hour.

The doc finally comes in. You would think this would be the time to sing Hallelujah... you'd think.

The doc comes in, doesn't say much, looks down her throat and says we're going to do this and that, and then starts walking out the door. With NO explanation of anything.

Bossman wanted to know what it all meant, so he stops Doctor Evil to ask. Doc Evil tells Bossman, Do you want her here or not?

uh what?

DUH! Of course I want her here, SHES BLEEDING! Hence the blood all over the place.

Doc Evil then says, well, you are delaying her treatment by standing here talking to me!

OH REALLY????

Bossman was PISSED by then!

So, the wildchild was doing Ok, well, as OK as you can be with blood dripping out of your mouth and so he goes out to move our car and to call me, as the cell phone doesn't work in the hospital.

He calls me and tells me to call HER doc and have him call the ER to tell them what to do. So, I do that, and he runs back in to be with her.

So Nursey Poo comes in to take some blood and put in an IV. While taking the blood, the little vial thingie POPS off.

Now before I go further, I thought I would remind the audience that the wildchild is in a chair, not in a bed.

So the vial thingie POPS off and the blood starts spurting EVERYWHERE!

This is when the wildchild has had enough and decides to FAINT!

So, Bossman grabs the wildchild so she doesn't slide off the chair and the Nursey Poo tries to get some blood IN the vial.

Well, guess what people? The key to getting any attention is fainting because once you pass out, all KINDS of people want to help you. So another nurse comes in to help and someone comes in with a gurney. Then they all stand there deciding how they should get her on the gurney.

Bossman picks up the wildchild and puts her on the gurney. They bring her to a room that isn't even cleaned yet.

The IV is safely put in and the blood is finally in the vial and they give her a treatment of Epineferine.(sp) That is given through an oxygen mask. As soon as they give that to her she stops bleeding. THANK GOD!

She comes around and everything is looking good, so Bossman gives me a call.

B: Come right now.

Me: What is going on?

B: Just come right now.

Me: Are they admitting her?

B: I don't know yet, things got hairy here so please come NOW!

Me: I'm on my way.

So the little man and I high-tail it to the hospital. Mind you, I don't know all the drama yet. By the time I get there everything is good. The wildchild looks good and things are great.

Oh, and before I got there, there was a shift change. So I didn't get to meet Dr Evil or Nurse Hatchett. Too bad for me!

The new doc was GREAT! He kept asking the wildchild if everything was cool as a cat. He took great care of her and offered to let us stay there all night if we felt the need.

They gave her another dose of the meds and we waited around for an hour to make sure there were not side-effects. Bossman took the little man home. I waited around with the wildchild reading a readers digest from 2003. The wildchild tried to tell me what happened in sign language.

We got home around mid-night. Fun, fun, fun!

Bossman was really MAD. He is calling everyone he knows at that hospital and is filing all kinds of complaints! ALL KINDS! Dr. Evil and Nurse Hatchett better not meet Bossman anytime soon. Oh, the r-a-c better watch his step also. I'm just glad Bossman was there. He really took care of the wildchild. I don't know if I could have handled all that drama!

Anyway, the bleeding didn't start again, but I DID get to make the 50+ miles drive to see the real doc today.

He put a BIG, HUGE, needle down her throat to numb it, and then he sucked it, and then he cauterized it. And then it still didn't look good, so he did it again.

The wildchild was a real trooper. She said it didn't really hurt, it just was hard to breathe with his FIST in her throat. God, that girl is brave.

Well, everything is fine now. The doc doesn't expect any more bleeding and he expects her to be able to start school on Wed.

At this point, we don't expect anything!

recovery, day 8

So, to say my week has been stressful is.... an understatement!

Seems that whenever I am under tremendous stress I get cold sores. I hate cold sores. Kissing is a big problem. And ugly. I feel like everyone is just staring at my lip instead of me! They are also painful and they like to crack and bleed at night when I'm asleep.

Not that I've had much sleep this past week. The wildchild has been having a few complications. Nothing major, but it has been bleeding more than normal, and I've had to take her to the ER in the middle of the night to have it checked.

Fun, fun, fun!

But, yesterday was the one week post-op appointment. Remember when I said I had to drive over 50 miles to have the surgery? Well, yesterday, we drove 50+ miles for a 10 minute appointment and then drove back!

The good news, we didn't have to wait. The healing is coming along great!

The bad news, it was still bleeding some, so they put nitrate on the spots to try and stop it. OUCH for the wildchild.

The doctor said she had record size tonsils. I thought we should put her in the ginness book of world records. She didn't find that half as amusing as I did. Party pooper!

To say this has been a quiet week, would be an understatement. She hasn't spoken since the day of the surgery. The doc says she should start talking whenever it's comfortable for her. I hope she starts talking soon! School starts exactly one week from today!

She did have to go to school today and get her schedule. Of course they couldn't find it. She went with some friends, so the lady in the office thought my daughter was deaf! She thought her friend was her interpretor! How funny! The lady had to call me to find out some info and when she told me that I started laughing. Too funny! The kids thought it was pretty funny too and started making up funny sign language.

So, other than nursing my demanding daughter back to health...I have nothing new to report.

I'm hoping to get out of this nursing outfit soon.

Calgon, take me away!

The game that wasn't

Recovery efforts are about the same, not much eating, not much drinking.

Well, the patient isn't eating or drinking. But if I was a drinking woman, I'd be pouring me a couple, BELIEVE me!

The good news is, she's taking full advantage of MOM! I've become her personal slave, changing sheets, running out to buy milkshakes that she only drinks two sips from, buying all kinds of magazines. I'm giving her all the appropriate sympathies where needed. I've dispensed all meds, I've gotten spit bowls and towels to wipe drool.

I have a greater appreciation for my favorite nurse,Theresa!

So, you've probably heard I didn't get to go to the Dodgers baseball game. (At this point I should hear lots of sympathetic noises!)

The boys did get to go, and guess who they saw???



For those of you that don't watch TV, that would be Ian Ziering.

And this would be....
Mary Hart

Did I mention my husband is the paparazzi? Apparently it's that, or he's just a stalker of anyone famous!

Of course there were no records broken by Barry Bonds that night, but the Dodgers did manage to win! Of course this blog entry would not be complete without a pic of good ole' Mr. Bonds trying to break the record.



I TOLD you those were some good seats!!!

Oh well, the boys had a blast, and they did manage to see something that is far better than all these pics combined. They managed to see Mr. Bonds with his fly down. Too bad there are NO pics of that...LOL!

Hope ya'll have a good weekend. Don't worry about me, I think I have this nursing thing all figured out.....NOT!

Recovery, day 3

You guys really know how to make me laugh! I having a very hard time believing that some of you have been mistaken for grandmas! Of course the wildchild was NOT happy that the nurse said we look so much a like that she thought we were sisters. NOBODY wants to look like their mom. Ok, let me rephrase that. 16 year old girls do NOT want to look ANYTHING like their mother. Poor girl!

So last night things were pretty bad. Bossman and the little man headed to the game. The wildchild would NOT come out of her room. She would NOT take pain meds! She would NOT drink or eat ANYTHING!

Now, I'm suppose to teach a class at our church for Vacation Bible School. Remember VBS when you were a kid? My parents were always sending me to ANY church that would have VBS and Sunday school buses. I've been to just about every religion. Now, I'm the adult and I'm teaching the little rugrats.

But last night I was afraid to leave the wildchild. She said she was having a hard time breathing. I called the doc on call and he assured me that this was NORMAL. After telling her that she MUST take her meds and she MUST drink or she would end up in the hospital, she finally took the pain meds. After debating back and forth about whether I should leave her, she finally yelled, OK, she didn't yell, but she wrote in all caps...GO TO CHURCH! I'LL BE FINE!

So I went. I told her if she needed me to call and the minute I saw the caller ID with her number, I would come home. I'm only 10 minutes away.

Well, I was nervous. I was hoping someone would be at the church to take my class. Unfortunately, nobody could take my class. But the wildchild didn't call.

When I got home, She was a totally different person. She had gotten up and taken a bath and she was in the living room watching the baseball game. The pain meds WORKED! DUH!

We watched a movie and then she wanted to try and eat. She said she felt like she had to learn how to swallow all over again. So after naming everything possible to eat, she decided mashed potatoes would be good. I made them room temp and she actually ATE them. After that she was a new girl. She felt sooooo much better.

She is doing much better today. She had a little bit of potatoes today, but other than that she is just doing a lot of sleeping. I think this means she's on the upside of things now!

Speaking of sleeping....I think I need a nap!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Recovery, day 2

The wildchild is holding her own, but she is miserable. She can't talk, can't swallow and eat. She is having a real hard time just taking her meds.

She doesn't even want to swallow her spit. She says standing up makes her light-headed and dizzy.

Of course, all of this is completely normal.

The hospital called today to make sure she was ok. They tell me that she is normal and that today will be one of the worst days. They tell me to make her drink. HA, easier said than done, but I'll keep trying.

Thanks again for all the well-wishes. I really appreciate it. A LOT!

I forgot to mention the best part of the whole surgery. The wildchild and I were in the pre-op room waiting for them to take her in. One of the nurses came in and asked for her mother. DUH? I'm the mother! Oh, she said she thought I was her sister!

Yippee for me. I told her she was my favorite person EVER and could we be best friends? LOL

Well, the wildchild doesn't want to watch movies and I just sent Bossman and the little man to the baseball game, so I guess I have some free time.

Opps, scratch that, the wildchild is banging on the wall. I guess I need to put my nurses hat back on!

later......

We're home!

Surgery went well. Other than having to wait for an hour before a nurse even came to get us from the waiting room, everything else was quick and smooth.

She is a real trooper. She's sleeping now. The pain is worse than she thought it would be, but that was to be expected. The Doc told us it would be worse than you thought.

So, the guys are going to the game tomorrow! I will stay home and watch movies with my wildchild. I just came home from the store with pudding, Popsicles, jello, yogurt smoothies and ice cream! I think the clerk thought I was just a LITTLE snack happy.

Thank you all for your well wishes. They mean a lot to me! I'm just glad it's over!


Paul, I can't believe you didn't get to eat cake on your birthday. 6 years old is an important age. How could they schedule surgery the same day as your birthday! MEAN I tell ya, just MEAN!



Love ya Paul!

The big day

Thank you all so much for your positive comments about my new look! That was very unexpected! You all are so very sweet to me! I just love ya all!

Today is the big day! We have to be at the hospital at 7:45am. That means I'll be up by 6 and on the road by 6:30! Did I mention I'm not a morning person? BLAH!

We should be home by noon. I might even have some time to update you all on the progress. Or I'll be sleeping. We'll just have to see.

Anyway, have a terrific day. I'm sure mine will be just wonderful!

The lazy way to answer comments!

Instead of commenting to the comments, I will answer you all here.

As much as I would love to think that the wildchild will be eating pizza after surgery, the doctor assures me that this will NOT be happening. Although I love all your enthusiasm, I seriously doubt the wildchild will be ready for a baseball game the day after surgery.

Seems the older you are the harder the surgery is for you. Doc says she must have zero activity for at least 10 days, but he is telling us that realistically she will probably be down for 2 weeks. Seems that the younger kids have a much easier time that teens do. The first few days we have to be careful that she doesn't start bleeding. I don't want to be at a baseball game, 3 hours away, if she starts bleeding.

So, as it stands right now, Bossman and the little man will be going to the game. The wildchild and I will stay home and watch on TV. If you happen to catch the game on TV, look for the handsome guy and the red head sitting behind home plate!

Anybody know how to deactivate that voodoo doll? Any potions or spells I can try? I know a lot of you are reading Harry Potter. Any ideas in there??

You can never be too careful!

Oh, one more thing.... Have none of you noticed my new look or do you all hate it??? Comment whore that I am, I would appreciate it if SOMEONE would mention my new look!
Don't feel guilty though. I wouldn't want anyone to feel obligated to tell me how beautiful my new template is. As a matter of fact, forget I even mentioned it.

Really, just forget all about it.

Thank you.

Update

Thank you all for your encouraging words and uplifting thoughts. I guess none of us are too happy with the health care system in the good ole' U - S of A. (sorry David for that 3am call, I was stressed out, I just started dialing random numbers..)

So, do you want the good news or the bad news first???

Hmmmm....

Ok, good news first. The wildchild is having the surgery on Tuesday. As in, THIS COMING TUESDAY! Yup, the 31st. Sounds good right?

Now for the bad news.

Bossman had gotten some VIP baseball tickets from a company that he does business with. These would be Dodger tickets. That would be the LA Dodgers against the San Francisco Giants. You know, the Giants with some guy named Barry Bonds, who they are still saying takes steriods, but is only 2 hits away from tying Hank Aarons record for home runs.

Anyway, we've had these tickets and have been planning to go to this game since April. Sounds like good news so far right???

The game is on August 1st.

Yep.

The day after the tonsil surgery.

Guess who doesn't get to go to the game?

With my luck, good ole' Mr. Bonds will break the record at that game.

Seriously people, whoever has the voodoo doll of me and is stabbing me in the heart repeatedly, could you please STOP!

I would appreciate it, very much.

Go directly to hell, do NOT collect 200 dollars!

Life just isn't fair. If you have an HMO (in case Paul doesn't know, HMO is a type of health insurance), you might has well go straight to hell without collecting your 200 dollars!

I THOUGHT the wildchild was getting her tonsils out on the 6th. I THOUGHT her pre-op stuff would be tomorrow! This is what I get for thinking!

Here's the scoop. About 6 years ago, we moved to a town about 20 miles away from our home town. Our home town is a fairly small town. The town we moved to is bigger and that is where Bossman works.

Anyway, we never changed the children's pediatrician. We LOVE our pediatrician. He is awesome. He is caring and knowledgeable and doesn't make me feel like a complete idiot. We've had him since the kids were born. We decided to keep him. Driving 20 miles to the doc isn't that big of a deal, besides, my kids are usually very healthy!

So, our doc recommended an ears, nose, throat, specialist for the wildchild. Did I say recommend? I meant referred. With HMO insurance EVERYTHING has to be referred. So, he referred us to 2 doctors in the small town. He can't refer us to someone in my town because they have no contract with anyone in my town. That's fine with me, like I said it's only 20 miles away. The first doc he referred us to is booked solid until 2020. Ok, not really that long, but we were going to have to wait until the end of July. The doc called to try and get her in earlier as the tonsils are the size of golf balls. No dice. They put us on the cancellation list, but after a week of waiting the doc suggested going to another doctor. So we call referred doc number 2. This time we only have to wait a week for an open appointment! Hooray! We get in to the doc last week. He is shocked by the size of the tonsils. He rushes the surgery and everything was set.

Now, brace yourself, here comes the problem. These docs are in the small town. They have a small, but nice hospital that they do the surgery out of. Guess what?

My HMO insurance does NOT have a contract with the hospital in this town. The day after the surgery was approved, it was revoked. That's right, it was CANCELED!

WHAT?! So, after calling everyone and their brother, (if your phone rang, it was probably me) I found out that we have to start OVER. We have to go to a larger city that is 50 miles away. BUT, we have to get an appointment with the specialist first.

Who said I wanted a do-over??? I didn't.

This all happened last week. After complaining to everyone I could think of, I got an appointment for today! I'll be trekking the 50+miles to see this new specialist, so they can take 5 minutes to look down her throat and say, "Yes, Grace, the other doctors were correct, those tonsils need to be taken out." Then we will make an appointment for the surgery.

Of course, this means there will be a pre-op appointment that I will have to take her too. Did I mention that it is 50+miles away? Then there will be the actual surgery. Did I mention that I will have to drive 50+ miles for that too? Does anyone realize how much gas costs here in CA? Oh, lets see, right now, it's about 3.40 a gallon.

On top of the whole mess is the fact that she is suppose to start school on the 15th. She is going to be a senior and she will just DIE if she can't go to school on the first day. (Ok, those were her words not mine) We had the surgery scheduled so she would be done by the time school started. NOW, who knows when they will schedule it.

I did some more complaining yesterday and the lady there said she would see if we could schedule the surgery so that she won't miss school.

With the way this is going, the poor wildchild will have tonsils the size of golf-balls until she's 30.

At least by then, she can handle her OWN insurance problems!

Ahhhhh...the joy of parenting! Ain't it great?!

Check out my interview

I did an interview at BlogInterviewer.com.

Please go check it out!

The website is http://bloginterviewer.com/adult/a-day-in-the-life-grace

Have a great weekend!

grace

Now where did I put the baby?

Is that cat licking her chops???

The good, the bad and the ugly

The good

The children spent the night and grandma's house this past Saturday night. Of course if you are anything like me, you immediately think there's a spanking in the forecast. Sorry to say, there was NO spanking in the forecast. There was a lot of spanking TALK, but as for a real live spanking, didn't happen.

Of course, now you are wondering, what's so good about that? Well, geez, let me get to the good part already!

With an evening spread before us with no children, the possibilities were endless. So we decided to be crazy and do something we never get to do. We went out to dinner! I KNOW, that may SOUND like it wasn't very crazy, but hey, we've been married for 18 years, that's about as crazy as it gets around here.

After the dinner, which was at the restaurant where we went on our very FIRST date, we decided to rent a movie. I KNOW, still not that crazy, but again, CRAZY for us. So we rented Superman returns. It was good. Not great, but not bad. I liked.

Now, comes the GOOD part. You can consider this the CRAZY part as well.

We decided to make love.

Outside.

In the back yard.

*On the trampoline.*

THERE! Is that good or crazy enough?

Oh my! That was really, really FUN!

We got a bunch of blankets and pillows and headed out the back door. We arranged the blankets and pillows in the middle of the tramp. We got very cozy under the blankets! After some touching and talking, we got down to some serious action.

Did I mention that the neighbors were having a party of some kind?

Oh, yeah, they were having a party.

We could hear some of the party guests heading out to their cars. They were talking, LOUD!

But you know, I didn't even care. I thought I would care. I thought it would be weird and I would be nervous about the whole thing, but NOPE. I was having FUN!

Ok, I'll admit, I was worried about making too much noise. So I had to keep my moaning and groaning inside. THAT was hard. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I tend to be kind of loud when having the big "O". So, I did try and keep quiet.

I think I did ok. I guess I could ask the neighbors if they heard any weird noises.

Nah...I don't want to know!


*Yes, that is our trampoline. Notice how close the neighbors house is to our fence. This was NOT the neighbors having the party. But you can see how crazy and bold we were that night!*

The bad

We were going to go to the beach yesterday. Actually, we did go to the beach yesterday. The beach looked a little like this:


Needless to say, we didn't stay at the beach very long.

The day turned out ok after all. We went to a lake that is inland and only about 30 miles from the beach. It was nice and sunny and we all got a sunburn! So, not so bad after all!

The ugly

The wildchilds tonsils are UGLY! They are as big as golf balls. We saw the doctor today and the surgery is scheduled for the 6th of August. They tell us that it only take 15 mins and she doesn't even stay in the hospital. It is an outpatient surgery and because of the new procedures there shouldn't be much pain. The doc has assured us that everything will be fine and she should be ready to start school on the 15th.

Thank you for reading the good, the bad and the ugly. Now, go shut off the computer and go make love on your trampoline! You know you want too!

A story written a LONG time ago!

Ok, so I’ve been slacking off. Is that such a sin? I know, as a housewife, that I’m supposed to keep up the house. I realize how lucky I am that I don’t have to go to work everyday. But can’t I take a little time off? I mean, I’m running the kids around and I think that if I don’t do the dishes or laundry that it will be ok. I mean, really, who’s it hurting? I’ll get it done soon. Besides, being on the internet and reading all the stories is much more fun than cleaning the dumb house.

Ok, so it’s hurting you. I realize you don’t have any clean socks and underwear. I guess you need those things. I know the bathroom is getting a little dirty. Do I have to clean it everyday? And the dishes. I realize the dishes are still dirty, but hey, they’ll be there tomorrow, right?

So now I’m standing in the corner of our room with my pants down around my knees. You feel I need to think about my laziness. I feel like your not being fair. You tell me to come over; it’s time for a spanking. I can’t keep my mouth shut; I have to ask “why?” Ok, ok, you don’t have to shout, I’m getting the picture. You’re not too happy with me. Ok, ok, I see your point; you like to wear clean socks and underwear everyday. Yes, yes, I guess it would help if there was a clean cup for your coffee, in the morning. Alright, I see your point about the bathroom; it really should be cleaned everyday so there aren’t a lot of germs. Yes, you’re right, what if company came over unexpectedly? How embarrassed would I be if they saw the dirty dishes and old newspapers in the living room?

Now I’m going over your knee. From my vantage point I can see the dirty clothes on the floor, glaring at me. The sheets from the bed are bunched up on the floor, making it hard to maneuver around the bedroom. Your finished talking to me, your hand is making the point very well on my behind.

Uh,oh, what now? You’ve stood me up and are leading me to the bathroom. Now you’re telling me to bend over the tub. What? Did you just say you were going to spank me in every room in the house? Surely I didn’t hear that. Ouch, now you’re spanking my bottom with my hairbrush. Oh geez, this is really starting to hurt. I hate that darn hairbrush. Oh man, with my head in the bathtub I can see this tub really has a lot of soap scum. Somebody really should clean the hair out of the drain! Ow, my bum, my poor bum. I think I’m beginning to see your point.

Whew, thank goodness you’ve stopped the assault on my behind. Now you’re leading me to the living room. I guess you weren’t kidding; you’re really going to spank me in every room in the house. Now you’ve pushed my over the couch, with my red behind nice and high. Oh no, that wasn’t your belt I heard. Yeeeeouch, yep, that’s your belt. From this vantage point, I can see what a mess this living room is. Geez, how long has it been since I’ve vacuumed the floor? Oh dear, I don’t know how much more of this my bottom can take.

Ok, I can’t see much through all my tears. Where are we off to next? Oh dear, looks like the kitchen. Now I’m being told to bend over the counter. Oh yuck, what’s this stuff on the counter? I really should have wiped the counter off this morning. Gross, the dishes don’t smell so great. I guess I should have taken the time to wash those. Oh, ouch, owie owie owie. What is that you’re using on my behind? Ow ow ow, it’s a wooden spoon, one of the few dishes still clean. Oh the sting that spoon is creating on my already sore behind, I don’t think I’ll be sitting for week.

Now where are we going? The garage? What’s in the garage? Oh, right, the washer and dryer. Bend over the dryer? Oh please, please, I think I’ve had enough! Apparently, you don’t think so, because you’ve pushed me over the washer. Ouch ouch ouch, my butt is on fire. Does that matter to you? No, you’ve got the paddle out, and have said there will be 10 swats with the paddle. What have you done to my bottom? Will I ever be able to sit again? I doubt it.

Finally, it’s all over. Have I learned my lesson? You bet! Will I slack off around the house again? Probably. But not for a long time.......

By the way, now I have to clean the house with no pants. Not that it matters much; I don’t think I could wear any anyway.

Time flies

Somehow, THIS.....




became.....




THIS!


My, my, how time flies!

Happy Birthday Eva!

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin



"A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway!!!"

Happy Birthday Friend!
grace

New occupation

Lately, I have a new little something to occupy my mind. With all that's going on around here, he's just the distraction I need.

He's just about the cutest thing you ever did see and he'll be 2 months old on July 11th. His poor mommy has to go back to work, so I get the privilege of taking care of him while his parents work.

He is my new nephew!

Let me tell you about a 2 month olds day.

1. He eats
2. He sleeps
3. He poops
4. He smiles

In that order!

Now aren't these the cutest little feet you've ever seen???

If only my wildchild were still this age, I could start all over. Wouldn't that be great?

Of course, if she were that age, I'd want to be the age I was when she was born...22 please!

Oh and God, if your listening, could you also work something out with the whole lotto thing? Maybe something like me winning, or something like that?

Thanks!

Life goes on

Thank you all for your amazing support and advice regarding the wildchild.

Don't worry, she's still alive. Killing her had crossed our minds, but I don't look good in orange or in stripes, so we decided that killing her wasn't such a good idea.

I should mention that she is not really grounded "forever". Forever is a really, really long time, and I can't have her around this house forever, she's already driving me crazy!

School starts on the 15th of August. Not only that, but most of her friends are on vacation anyway and aren't even around. The so-called-friend that she got drunk with hasn't even bothered to call or come by and see how my daughter is. Guess she isn't really that good of a friend.

Bossman and I are fine. We are getting along great. We don't really agree with how things should have been handled. He thinks we should be really really harsh with her, and I don't. So we have compromised.

The only thing that worries me is that he could be just giving in to me and will start resenting me for not being as strict as he would like. It doesn't seem like that is the case, but I do worry about it.

Well, life goes on.....

And on that note, I'd like to ask, why didn't you people warn me that when you get older odd little hairs start growing out of your chin?

I'm serious! If I wasn't a blonde*, I would have a beard! I have hairs that grow out long overnight, and then I have the one little hard gray hair that keeps popping up on my chin.

Is this really what growing old is all about? Is it really about chin hair and big ears and nose?

This growing old crap is really cramping my style. I feel like a little old woman checking her chin every 5 minutes to see if another hair has grown out. Frankly, if I let them grown long enough I could braid them and put a bead in it. Now THAT would be attractive!

*Did you know that blonde is also spelled blond? My spell checker doesn't like it spelled with an "e". But I think it looks weird spelled without.

The tidal wave that is my life

Life exploded and now we are cleaning up the aftermath. Thank you all for your good wishes that you sent my way. I needed them and they made me smile!

Anyway, on to the story.

My daughter decided to try alcohol. When my daughter tries something, she tries it in a big way. She went to spend the night at a friends house. Remember, she just got her license the week before. Bossman let her take his car. She was only going to be about a mile away. About 12:30 in the morning, Bossman wakes me up. The wildchild is home and she is drunk.

WHAT?

Apparently, the wildchild and her friend went down to 7-11 to hang out with boys. (no she wasn't in Bossmans car, the boys picked them up) The boys had vodka. I think it was vodka. Anyway, the offered her something to drink. She decided to have some. Why not? She was going to be at her friends house that night so we would never find out about it..right?

Except, she doesn't KNOW anything about alcohol. Remember her tonsils? Well, because her tonsils were still sore she hadn't had much to eat that day. MOST of us know what happens when you drink on an empty stomach....right? Of course, SHE didn't know that. We also know that vodka is STRONG! Again, she didn't know that.

So, she went home with her friend and promptly got violently ill. To the point where the friends parents got scared and brought her home.

By the time she got to our house she was a mess. She was stinking drunk and practically incoherent. She was cry and babbling about how someone spiked her water. So we thought someone HAD spiked her water. Apparently the "friend" told her to say that to us so she wouldn't get in trouble. Well, we weren't sure what the problem was with her. Oh, we knew she was drunk, but we didn't know if drugs were involved. So we took her to the hospital. Actually, Bossman called the ambulance. They took her to the hospital.

Turns out (thank god) that she was just drunk, there were NO drugs involved.

Alls well that ends well, right?

Wrong!

Of course she is grounded for life. She has no computer privileges and the cell phone is the thing of the past. She has ruined her summer, for we can't trust her as far as we can throw her, and forget driving....driving for her is a thing of the past.

But see, when all this happened, Bossman was PISSED! Well, I was too, but when I say PISSED, I mean PISSED! He didn't want to speak to her, he didn't want to let her out of her room. It was awful.

I don't deal well with that kind of pressure. When our family is out of whack like that, it makes me sick. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. The little man didn't know what to think of the whole thing. He slept through it all, so all he knew was that his sister was in BIG trouble.

Well, the good news is, Bossman has calmed down. 3 days later, we had a talk with her and he told her everything he was feeling. He has made a conscience effort to get along with her so things are much calmer now.

Don't get me wrong, she is still grounded.....forever! But at least our family is getting along better.

I hate this. She's about to be a senior. She is not a trouble maker. Other than two years ago when she and her friend snuck out of the house to meet boys, she has done pretty well. YES, I know, she ditched school too. ~sigh~

So, now I feel like a bad parent. Although my daughter is not pregnant or on drugs, she always seems to make really dumb decisions about things. She is a follower and that is scary. If she keeps following people instead of doing what she knows is right, it will lead her down a very scary path. Bad things can happen to her if she continues.

So please...tell me I'm not alone with this. Tell me I can survive my daughters teen years and most importantly, (Theresa) tell me that BOYS are easier than girls!

I could use a drink right now......

NOT!

It sucks to be me!

Life sucks right now.

It's too painful to blog about.

I'll be back when things cool down around here.

grace

Can you believe it?

74%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I am more addicted to blogging than PK???

Wow, this is a first! I better go write this down in my diary!

blogging block

I have NOT been in the mood to blog. I can't come up with anything interesting to write about. PK said she would read anything I wrote, including my grocery list, so I sent it to her. Even that was boring!

So here is what is going on in my neck of the woods.

Last Friday, the Wildchild passed her driving test and now has an official drivers license. I think a mistake was made. I'm not old enough to have a child that can drive alone. She drove to a friends house and I didn't know what to do with myself. It's not fair. Just yesterday I was changing her diapers!

Now for the bad news regarding the wildchild. She is having really bad trouble with her tonsils. They have been enlarged for months but they haven't been giving her trouble. Last week, right before an orthodontist appointment, she said her throat hurt. One look and I decided the ortho was out, and doc was in. For a week she's been on antibiotics but as of yesterday, they haven't helped. She has NO other symptoms but her throat is really swollen. They referred us to a specialist so she can get the puppies out, but they can't see us until July 31st. Yesterday I took her back to her doc and he tested her for mononucleoses. I already know she doesn't have that as she has NO other symptoms. But they have to test for it. I'll find out today if the test is negative. If it's neg, we will try other antibiotics and the doc will try and get her in to the specialist sooner. They had to take blood yesterday and I thought the poor girl would pass out. She is so afraid of doctors and needles that this whole ordeal is really stressful. So anyway, tonsil watch is underway at my house.

The little man is doing great. Loves summer and is making the most of it. Thanks goodness!

As for me and Bossman, we are hanging in there. Things aren't going exactly as we planned, but we are making the best of it. I did get a rather nice spanking on Sunday. The wooden spoon and the bs saw some action. It was a nice one that I could feel for a couple of hours afterward.

Other than that, I have nothing new to report. I'm wishing to be inspired by something other than laundry.

Until then.....

later....

Happy Birthday

Dear Carye,

Happy, Happy birthday!

Here's to lots of cake, (ok, maybe not lots of cake as I know you are on a diet, but HEY, it is your birthday, and you CAN be extra good tomorrow, so WELL, go ahead, have LOTS of cake) lots of spanks, (Ok, well, lots of spanks COULD be a good thing, but then again, that WOULD lead to a sore bottom and of course, tomorrow is diet update day, and I would hate for you to have a sore bottom, especially if you eat a lot of cake and end up being spanked)and LOTS of fun! (see, you can have a lot of fun, but only if you are not being spanked constantly, from the birthday and from the diet and you know, the coat rack thingie, well, I think you are getting the point now, at least I hope you are!)

Anyway, have a great day!

HUGS!
grace

life contradicting

The letter I posted to Bossman was very contradicting. I know, I know! I NEVER contradict myself, right Eva?

Anyway, I can't seem to make up my mind about how life is suppose to be. I have a great idea of how I'd LIKE it to be, but that is merely fantasy. We think we know how it should be, but does it ever turn out that way? If you're completely honest, you'd have to say, not really.

So, I thought I could toss TTWD away. I didn't think I would miss it. I thought I would be happy with the occasional spanking, and life would be good. Problem was, ever time he gave me a spanking, I would obsess over when I would get it again. I would wonder why we couldn't implement this into our life.

And then I would come online.

Bad idea.

I would find myself scouring the internet for spanking stories, spanking blogs, people living the spanking life. And then I would think....WHY can't we do that?

Surely we could do that. Surely we could make it work just like that.

But we all know that life does NOT imitate stories. It can NEVER be EXACTLY like that. Unless you are married to a puppet and you control the strings, it just ain't gonna happen.

Even so, I knew I had to talk to Bossman about it. He knew I was brooding over something. He knew I had things on my mind. If ONLY he could have read the rest of my mind. But he can't. After going a couple of days wondering if he would actually figure out how to read my mind, I realized I was going to have to take a different approach. He was getting frustrated with me. So, he told me to write it in my blog. So I tried. I wrote things, and deleted them. I came back the next day and again the delete button was my friend.

Although I wanted to say what I was feeling, I didn't know for sure what I was feeling. Or, I didn't know how to express my feelings without feeling stupid. I already said we would be fine with the occasional spank. Now I was going back on what I said.

Exactly how stupid was I going to sound? How could I explain it, when I couldn't understand it myself.

Well, I took the leap. I post what I was feeling. Which, if you read it, doesn't make much sense. BUT, you know something? I have the best husband EVER! Even if I didn't understand it, HE did. He gets me. Thank god!

So, we are doing a few things differently. I don't want to go into much detail. Before PK gets her panties in a bunch about details, I just want to say that the reason I don't want to give details is because I don't know if it will work. I'm tired of saying things here and then turning around and saying the opposite. I want to make sure that this is truly the way I want things before I start talking about it. Plus, I don't know if it will work. This might not work for us.

Don't worry PK. I will still give spanking details when they happen.

For now just know this. Bossman and I are communicating. THIS, I love. If nothing else, I am grateful for this.

Before I go, I'd like to tell you that I'm reading the book "The Surrendered Wife". I'll let you know what I think when I'm done. So far, so good, but I can see how some women can take it the wrong way. I can see it, but I don't think I'm taking it the wrong way, I think I'm actually learning things about myself.

Heh, who'da thought I could learn anything about myself? I thought I already knew EVERYTHING.

later.......

I am soooo over birthdays!

I think the little man had the longest birthday EVER!! I am so SICK of cake that I may be throwing up cake for the next three days.

All in all, it was very successful.

So, Thursday was the beginning of the longest weekend EVER. Our town was having a rodeo. All the third-graders from here to Timbuktu got to attend the rodeo Thursday morning. Guess who went along as a chaperon? It was hot, it was LOUD, but it was fun!

That evening was the first of the birthday parties. See, around these parts, we have to have separate parties for the grandparents. My MIL is not someone that is fun to be around. We prefer keeping our parties separate so we can keep the peace. So, Thursday night we had pizza with my side of the family. My Mom bought the little man a new bike, he got various other presents that only a nine year old would appreciate. We also had CAKE. First night of cake, yum, yum. Did I mention we had about a 1/4 of the cake left?

Friday was the big day. It was his "official" birthday. Of course I had to do my motherly duty and bring cupcakes to his class. We had a nice little family gathering on this day and gave him the presents from us. New skateboard, mp3 player and video games, were the big dreams for this birthday, and trust me, we delivered all three. Since there was plenty of cake from the previous two events, we had that. Cake...yum!

Saturday was the day we had the MIL and fam over. The wildchild made a cake for the little man. Mind you, we had cupcakes and birthday cake left over from the previous days. Still, cake and ice cream were in order. Presents from this day included ANOTHER video game and knee pads and elbow pads for the skateboard. Oh, the cake was great, but again, there is a LOT left. Cake...I think I'm getting sick now.

Sunday was the party with his little friends. Oh the joy of giving a birthday party for a bunch of 9 year old boys. First they went on the trampoline. THEN they decided to have a gun fight. See, my little man has just about every Nerf gun that they sell. The ones that shoot the Nerf bullets. So the boys decided to split up into 2 teams and have a gun battle. Bossman decided they were not going to use bullets, so it had to be on the honor system. The wildchild even got on a team. As chaotic as the whole things sounds, they all had a great time. Bossman referred the whole thing, telling them when they were "out".

Of course I bought the wonderful game of "pin the tale on the donkey". We had a load of fun playing that. We had the kid in the blindfold turn around to music, while the rest of the boys had to dance. Pretty funny.

Hotdogs and chips were on the menu for the day. And then, guess what was next? Yep, CAKE!

Oh please, someone take this cake away from me now!

Presents were a plenty and the Little Man has more money than I do now.

When the party was over all I could do was collapse! I was SOOO happy the birthday was officially over. Never in my life was I so happy to have a birthday be OVER!!!

All in all, I would say this birthday was a great success! Next year will be much more subdued due to the wildchild graduating the same week as his birthday. I'm sure by then I'll be ready for some more CAKE!!

Anybody want some cake??

Happy Day!

Today is my son's 9th birthday.

Wow...he's nine? It seems like yesterday when I was big as a house, waiting for him to be born.

Now, he's a 3rd grader. He's smart, funny, beautiful, (but don't call him that to his face because boys can't be beautiful).

He smells like wet puppy when he comes inside after a hard day of playing.

He loves nature and all things environmental.

He loves to read.

He has the temper of a red head, and the heart of an angel.

When he was born, one of the popular songs playing on the radio was about praying for someone like you.

I think the lyrics went like this:

All my life, I prayed for someone like you,
and I thank God, that I finally found you.

All my life, I prayed for someone like you,
and I hope that you feel the same way too.

Now, I know that is a love song, but I was in love. Utterly, hopelessly, in love. He was such a gift and I am so happy that God gave him to me.

It really is a privilege to raise this child.

I'm so grateful for the past nine years and I can't wait to see what the future holds for my son.

Happy Birthday Little Man!

Mommy loves you very, very much!

To Bossman

I can't say this in person. You said write it here. I will try.

I thought I could give up the this lifestyle and it wouldn't matter. I thought I didn't care about it any more, but I do.

I thought I could live without out it, but I can't.

I know summer is coming. I know it won't be easy. I know it isn't easy. I don't care.

I know all these things, yet the yearning won't go away. I crave your dominance. I need your leadership. I want you to show me the way. Can you? More importantly, will you? Is this selfish for me to ask? Yes, selfish. I am very selfish.

I wish you could read my mind and my heart. You could tell me what they say. For I can't understand what they are trying to tell me. It's like it's written in a foreign language. I don't speak this language. I wish I did.

How can I make you understand, when I don't understand it myself?

This is so much more than spanking. This is much bigger than I ever thought possible.

This is me.

Sometimes I love you so much it hurts.

Love,

me♥

Now

"It's time."

Staring at the wall. Hands behind back. Panties pulled down.

Heart pounding. Stomach jumping. Palms sweating. Mind racing.

"Now."

Brush on bed. Back scratcher in sight. Body recoiling. Body bending anyway.

Blood rushing to head. Bottom clenching. Breath holding. Time stopping.

Slap resounding. Breath whooshing. Hands grabbing.

And so it begins......

Three things Meme

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. illness
2. 16 year old girls
3. not having internet


Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

1. my son
2. my daughter
3. All my blogger buddies!


Three Things I Love:

1. Bossman
2. the beach
3. spanking, of course!


Three Things I Hate/Severely Dislike:

1. the backscratcher
2. liars
3. liver


Three Things I Don’t Understand:

1. math
2. french
3. why I like spankings


Three Things On My Desk:

1. football the kids signed for my husband for coaching
2. die-cast nascars (mostly number 24)
3. candles

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:

1. Watching Elizabeth and Rosie fight on "The View".
2. thinking about spanking
3. eating yogurt


Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. go to New York
2. own my own home
3. drive across country in an RV


Three Things I Can Do:

1. sing
2. forgive
3. worry


Three Things I Can’t Do:

1. play guitar
2. stand on my head
3. stop worrying

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:

1. God
2. country music
3. your intuition


Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

1. your mother in law
2. disco???
3. your 16 year old tell you the parents WILL be home


Three Things I’d Like To Learn:

1. how to give and LIKE to give BJ's
2. cook
3. how to make a million dollars watching TV


Three Favorite Foods:

1. cake-batter ice cream with brownie from Cold Stone
2. steak and sweet potato from Road House
3. pizza


Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

1. The New Zoo Review
2. Bozo the clown
3. Romper Room


Three Things I Regret:

1. not finishing college
2. not seeing my father
3. not telling Bossman about spanking sooner


Three people I tag:
1. You
2. You
3. You

details, details, details...

It's all about the details, isn't it?

Last week was a pretty good week. Bossman came home 2 times that week and decided spankings were in order. We can't seem to figure out how it's all going to work in our relationship right now. But at least I got some. At this point, I'll take what I can get.

YES, he tried out the brush. Really, it wasn't so bad. I don't think he used it to his full potential. That's fine with me. He really LOVES the backscratcher, which I hate! We have a lot of different things he could use, but he always ends up using the one I don't like. Why? He tells me it's one of his ways to have control.

We've been talking a lot about control. Seems that topic has been coming up a lot around here. Seems I control a lot more than I thought I did. That is a big issue with both of us. Neither of us has figured out how to control our control issues. Does that make sense? I need to figure out how to give up control, and he needs to figure out how to take more control. Sounds a lot easier than it is.

Guess what I got in the mail the other day? It's purple, rubber, waterproof, and it takes batteries.



Doesn't THAT look like fun?

Bossman gave it a try on my today! It's HUGE! But it vibrates at different speeds and it actually was quite stimulating! I had one of the best orgasms! I just need to think of a good name for him. I have a feeling he and I will be getting quite close!

ANYWAY! Baby is doing great. Always fun when there is a new little one around. REALLY fun when you don't have to stay up all night with the little one! I remember those nights well and I don't envy the mommies that have to do that now.

Not sure what is happening with the father person. I heard he came home from the hospital on Friday, but I heard he has a long recovery ahead. I can't call right now. He can't talk and I don't know what to say, so for now, I'll just wait and see what happens.

You remember when I said I was letting go of the anger? I'm still working on that.


later.......

What a weekend!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and Mothers day.

I guess I should tell you about mine.

Mine started early Friday morning. My daughter and I went to the hospital around 8 in the morning. Labor was in full progress, but my sis was still in good spirits. Around 11, the contractions were getting worse, but there wasn't much progress on the dilation front. Around noon, my daughter was bored and hungry. We decided to head out for some lunch, since it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for awhile. I should mention, I was in charge of going to get my niece from school when the baby was getting closer to coming. My niece is 9 and was planning on being in the delivery room.

The wildchild and I headed out for some food. 20 minutes or so later, my mom calls. It's time to get my niece. I couldn't believe it, just 20 minutes earlier it seemed the baby wasn't going to come for hours.

I went and signed my niece out of school and headed back to the hospital. My mother comes running out of the room, telling us to hurry. She tells my niece that her mom is in more pain than she thought she would be in, so she didn't have to come in if she didn't want too. My niece wants to come in, says she's watched deliveries on the discovery channel and she's not afraid. I go in too! The wildchild decides the labor room is not the place for her. (BTW, having a teen watch someone in labor is a GREAT form of birthcontrol..LOL) The wildchild also decided that she will NEVER be a doctor or a nurse, or frankly, she doesn't want to work anywhere NEAR a hospital. LOL

Anyway, we get in the delivery room right in time. Within 20 minutes, the baby is delivered! How AWESOME! I've never been in the room with someone else giving birth. It's definitely less painful just watching!

Mom and baby are GREAT! Baby boy is certainly a cute one. He started crying before he was even all the way out. He's got loads of hair! He's almost 7lbs and he's 19 inches long. Can you tell I'm a proud Auntie?

So, the same day, our father had heart surgery. He made it through the surgery. That is pretty much all I know right now.

I've decided something the last couple of days and I think it hit me last night. I can't stay angry. I can't be angry with someone who is going through this rough time. I can't even be angry with him when he gets better. It's not fair to him, or to me for that matter.

The things that happened in my childhood are long gone. I can't change what happened and neither can he. What is the point of being angry? It doesn't solve anything and it won't change a thing. The only thing I can do now is move on. I don't have to have a close relationship with him, but I don't have to shut him out completely. I realized that life is too short to worry about all this nonsense.

So, I'm going to carry on with my life. I hope he will be ok and we can someday talk. If that doesn't happen, so be it. It is what it is. That's all it can be.

Anyway, back to my weekend. Because in the end, it really is, all about me!

Mother's day was fantastic. My little man made me a very nice vase at school. They planted a vine and wrapped it around a wire that is shaped like a heart. My son wrote me a card too. Here is what the card said: (I'll type it just the way he typed it in the card. Except his name, of course!)

My mom has the biggest heart ever and I will tell you why. My mom has many special qualities. She is very kind because she loves me. She's also a good cook and always makes me dinner. She's very funny and tells funny jokes. She is very cool and dresses very good. She's very good at reading because she reads ALL DAY! She got me in the habit of reading, so know I can read chapter book in one hour!!!!!
My mom does a lot of things for me. She helps me with my room. One time when I got a new bed, I had to clean my room she helped me. She does all the laundry IN THE HOUSE!!!!! She buys me pokemon cards and one time bought me the colossal pack. Last but not least she loves me.

Boy oh boy do I have a lot of special memories. One of them is when my family got a new car. They got it just for me and my sister. my mom said "We should get this car for the little man because he will love it. It has air condishinging and six seats. The back and front have recliners. The there is the football games. My mom came to every game and could you hear her! She was the loudest!!!! "little man, Little man " yelled my mom. Because of her I made the play 3 times in a row. Man, so many good memories. My mom has the biggest heart EVER!!

So, there you have it! Straight from the little mans heart. It just doesn't get much better than that!

I sure hope you all had as great a weekend as I did.

Oh, I forgot to mention one thing. I DID get spanked two times last week and once today. Too bad I already typed so much today. Otherwise I'd give out the details. ~sigh~ Too bad!

Guess I'll have to save that for another time!

♥ grace

angry

I just found out that my father had another heart attack. He is scheduled for triple by-pass surgery on Friday.

This will sound horrible, but I am very angry about this.

I'm angry that he is sick. I'm angry that I don't have the means to see him. I am angry that even IF I had the means, I probably wouldn't go see him, because then it would just be awkward and weird.

I'm angry that he could die and I may never get the chance to resolve my feelings.

I'm angry at myself for feeling guilty about all this.

Damn it! This whole thing just makes me ANGRY!

Want to hear something really weird? This Friday, my sister is having a baby. That doesn't make me angry! That, makes me happy. The baby is a boy. My sis has been in labor since Monday. She keeps going to the hospital. They keep sending her home. So, if there is not action between now and Friday, they will induce.....


Right around the time our father is having open heart surgery.....


Just typing that, makes me CRAZY! (I didn't want to say Angry again.)


Ok, my rant is done for now. But, if you don't mind, keep me and mine in your thoughts this Friday.

Thanks!
♥ grace

Birthday thanks and control part II

Thank you all for the Birthday wishes! My day was great and reading all the good wishes made it even better!

I also want to thank everyone for all the advice regarding control. Amber, I'm definitely going to check out that book you recommended, it sounds like something I could really use. Sounds to me like I'm not the only one in this boat. Isn't it ironic that most of us want to be spanked, or controlled in one form on another, yet, we don't want to give up control?

How does that work, exactly?

I've always been a pretty independent person. So, giving up control is quite a challenge. Frankly, it's quite tiresome always trying to control everything. As mothers we have control. When our babies are young, we control their every move. So it's not surprising that we would start controlling everything in our life.

I've had enough of the control thing. Problem is, I get very irritated when I lose control. I don't like it. Makes me cranky. I need to figure out how to give up some of the control without getting cranky.

Plus, Bossman says I need to learn how to go with the flow. I'm in too much of a hurry to stop and smell the roses. When we are out at the beach, I am always moving to the next thing, never bothering to sit still and just enjoy. I get irritated if Bossman stops me to just kiss me. Stupid isn't it? Why should anyone get upset about that?

So, I know it's not New Years, but it IS the start of a new year for me. Therefore, I am going to make a resolution. I am going to read the book Amber suggested, and I am going to try and give up SOME of the control. I don't think I could ever give it all up, but I'm will to give a lot of it back to Bossman.

Hear that Big Guy? You better get ready, YOU are about to be in control. Hope you can handle it. Actually, I just hope you can handle ME! LOL



♥ grace

39????

Hope you like my new look. I've been tweaking it for about a week and wanted to debut it on my birthday.

New year, new look. I still love my pink flowers, so I saved them and may bring them back someday. But for now, I wanted something fresh and new.

Anyway, this is what happened the year I was born.

In 1968 (the year I was born)

Lyndon B. Johnson is president of the US North Koreans seize USS Pueblo and 83 man crew in the Sea of Japan Communist troops attack Saigon and 30 province capitals in the "Tet Offensive" Martin Luther King is assassinated in Memphis, TN Senator Robert F. Kennedy is shot in California after celebrating presidential primary victories American troops destroy a town in South Vietnam in the "My Lai Massacre" Peggy Fleming wins Olympics figure skating gold medal The United States Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City take over administration buildings and shut down the university LL Cool J, Lisa Marie Presley, Jeri Ryan, Lucy Lawless, Celine Dion, Traci Lords, Tony Hawk, Kylie Minogue, and Sammy Sosa are born Detroit Tigers win the World Series Green Bay Packers win Superbowl II Montreal Canadians win the Stanley Cup 2001: A Space Odyssey and Planet of the Apes are the top grossing movies The rock musical Hair opens on Broadway The Beatles' White Album and Simon and Garfunkel's Bookends are released Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, debuts on NBC

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

Everyone eat a piece of cake for me today!
♥ grace

"Hello, I'm grace and I'm a control freak."

Bossman has been pointing out that I can be a tad on the controlling side.

Did I say tad? I meant to say, I like to control things. EVERYTHING.

This seems a bit off to me. For I keep telling Bossman that I WANT him to be in charge.

Here's the bigger picture. I control things without even realizing that I am doing it. Example, the other night Bossman and I went into the bedroom to get ready for bed. The moonlight was streaming through the windows. I walked into the room first and immediately turned on the light. He walked in behind me and immediately turned it off. I went directly over to my night stand and turned my light on, annoyed that he would turn the light off. He tried to take me in his arms, because he likes to dress me for bed. I, on the other hand, decided I need to take my meds. So I slipped out of his grasp and went to my side of the bed to get my pill.

Without even thinking about how it looked, or how it made him feel. I didn't even notice the moonlight. Didn't even think about how romantic it would be to have my husband undress me in the moonlight and get me ready for bed. All I knew was that he was trying to deter me from my goal. I had it in my mind what I was going to do when I got in that room and by god, I was going to complete my goal, without interference from my husband.

So, Bossman pulls away and later when we are in bed, he says, I guess we know who's in charge here.

Uh, what? But, but, I want YOU to be in charge. I don't want to be in charge.

Now I realize I always have to be in charge. How will this work if I always have to be in charge?

How do I stop being in charge?

How do I let go?

Maybe a 12-step program?

"Hello, I'm grace and I'm a control freak."

What was I thinking.....

when I bought this yesterday?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I got the candle and the cheesecake,



Now all you're wishes will come true and the day will be MAGIC!


Extra BIG HUGS on an EXTRA SPECIAL DAY!!!
Love ya,
grace

Everyone else should stop by Theresa's and wish her a Happy DAY!

what should I do?

Ok, so I mentioned in my last post that my father had a heart attack.

This is a touchy subject for me. Lets just say, I have issues with my father.

Long story short, my father left my mother when I was 5. He was not a very nice man, at the time. He spent some time in prison and was an alcoholic. Not a very pretty story, but that is how it was.

When I was 22, my sister (who is 4 years younger) decided to contact our father. He hadn't contacted us since he left my mother. My sister (bless her soul) thought this would be a great surprise to me so she didn't tell me what she was doing. She simply contacted him and gave him my number, WITHOUT telling me. So, I'm 22, pregnant with the wildchild and getting ready to go out to dinner with Bossman. Phone rings, I answer. "May I speak to Grace?" the voice on the other end asks. Not recognizing the voice I ask who it is. "This is your father." Yeah right. "Who is this, really" I ask the voice. "This is really your father" the voice says.

Huh. First thing I want to know is, how did he get my number? Of course he tells me he got it from my sister. WHAT the hell? How could she do something like that without telling me?

Anyway, after my daughter was born, he decided to come and visit us. Mind you, I haven't seen the man since I was 5. My daughter is about 4 weeks old when he comes to visit. So, now I have to entertain a man that I don't know, who claims to be my father, but I also am a young, new mommy, hormonal and everything. Lets just say, that visit didn't go so well.

Since that time, we've been keeping in contact through phone and letters. He sends cards to the kids for birthdays and holidays but we haven't seen each other since.

The biggest problem I have is that he makes me feel guilty. See, I don't feel the need to send him birthday cards and fathers day cards. He didn't seem to find that a priority when I was a kid. Besides we are all adults now. Furthermore, he's not really a father to me. So the fathers day thing is a mote point.

So, how am I suppose to feel when he has a heart attack?

He leaves in Chicago. That is really far from me. So I can't just go over and visit him.

Here's my problem. I always thought he would just "be there" when I was ready to confront the whole thing. Now, who knows how long he could be around?

He's doing ok right now. He's probably going to get out of the hospital today or tomorrow. So, I guess this means I still have time.

Time for what? What do I do? Should I go and visit him? What happens if he dies, should I be at the funeral? How will I feel when he dies? Will I have regret? Will I always feel like I should have done more?

I should mention that he has reformed. He has been in AA for 20 years.

He has tried. I'll give him that. But I can't decide how I'm suppose to feel. I don't know what I should do.

Right now, if everything goes ok, I've told Bossman I would like to see about visiting him in August. I've said that, but I don't even know if that is what I want to do.

I really just don't know what to do.