I watched part of the Today show this morning and I saw a segment that really bugged me.
Mind you, I caught the end of the segment, so I didn't see the whole thing, but the gist of the seg was about training your man. Now, I know that we women always say we are "training our man", or we've "trained him" to do something, like putting his socks in the hamper..things like this, but this segment offended me because....
They were comparing men to animals. They actually had a woman who was an animal trainer, and they were comparing ways that training animals could help you train your man.
Am I the only one that has a problem with THAT???
Since when did our husbands become pets? To be fair, they took an e-mail from a man who wanted to know how to train is wife. Oh yes, I really want to be fair here!
One woman wrote in and said her husband is always late. She calls him an hour before the appointment, half-hour before the appointment, and 15 minutes before the appointment. Yet, they are still late. Do you even want to know what Ms. Animal trainer had to say? She said that he really liked all the attention that she was giving him, even if it was negative, and the first thing she would do was stop calling him all the time. ~sigh~
First of all, the ladies husband is a moron. Anybody that would consistently make himself and his wife late is a moron. Why would a husband be that rude? Don't get me wrong, we all run late once in awhile. But if your wife, or husband is calling and reminding you, every 15 mins, what the HECK is your problem???
Second, do we really crave attention so much from someone that we would want them to call and tell us about said appointment every 15 min? I'm sure those are really pleasant calls to get from wifey. I'm sure they weren't nagging or nasty. Nope, they were probably very pleasant calls. They were probably something like, Hi honey, remember, we have this appointment? I would appreciate you being there on time. Ok dear, love you.... Yeah, that's how they were, I'm sure.
So Ms. Animal trainer says don't call him all the time. Yeah, that will work, I'm sure. I'm sure when the next appointment comes up, and the wifey doesn't call and remind him, he will miss her nagging voice soooo much that he will NOW be on time. Yeah, I'm sure that will work.
All I know is this, I don't try and train my man. We learn and grow from each other. We see what annoys the other, and we try not to do that again. Did I train Bossman to spank me? Nope. I told him what I would like, and he tries to make me happy. (ok, it wasn't that easy, but you get my point)
So, how does spanking fit into all this? If Bossman spanks me for not cleaning the bathroom, is he trying to train me? In my ever so humble opinion, nope. I believe that life is full of consequences. If you don't put gas in the car, you will be stranded on the side of the road. If I don't clean the bathroom, Bossman will spank me. (usually) Consequences. Not training!
Training is for pets, not for husbands. Either that, or Petsmart should start having obedience training for husbands.
later.....
Beachy kind of day
Thank you all for your cheerful comments!
I took the kids to the beach yesterday and had the best time. Usually I spend my time in my chair reading a book. Yesterday I decided to go in the water. I mean, the weather is still hot, but at the beach it's only in the 70's. The pacific water is usually pretty cold, so most of the time I just stick my feet in.
Anyway, I rode the waves with my son. I boogie boarded with my daughter! Oh boy, it was great fun, and we all came home with a sunburn! I really lathered that sunscreen on too. But the water was great, and the waves were great and it was a great way to forget about lifes troubles.
The car is fixed and the temps are going down. Now if I could just get that spanking.....
later.....
I took the kids to the beach yesterday and had the best time. Usually I spend my time in my chair reading a book. Yesterday I decided to go in the water. I mean, the weather is still hot, but at the beach it's only in the 70's. The pacific water is usually pretty cold, so most of the time I just stick my feet in.
Anyway, I rode the waves with my son. I boogie boarded with my daughter! Oh boy, it was great fun, and we all came home with a sunburn! I really lathered that sunscreen on too. But the water was great, and the waves were great and it was a great way to forget about lifes troubles.
The car is fixed and the temps are going down. Now if I could just get that spanking.....
later.....
ups and downs
I have to admit, I had great fun writing the last couple of posts. It was interesting to go back and analyze our relationship. Funny how our perspective changes when you go back and look at it. I can tell you, those feelings were not so easy to identify when your going through it.
But last week was not a good week for me. Writing those posts was a great way to take my mind off of all of lifes troubles. Our finances are not the greatest right now. This is always stressful. Trying to make a teenager happy, plus keep everyone busy this summer really takes a toll. On top of everything else, our car decided to break down. With only one car working, I didn't get out of the house much last week. Talk about stir crazy! Not to mention the weather has decided to break all the heat records. I'm used to 70's, to have the temps reach 90 and 100...without air-conditioning....ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
All this stress is making me very cranky. I've been flying off the handle over really stupid things, and so I'm not much fun to be around. The kids have been around too much for any spankings, so that makes everything worse. Bossman has had plenty of reasons to break out the back scratcher, but there just hasn't been any opportunity for that.
But this week is much better..thank you very much. The car is getting fixed, even if it is costing us an arm and a leg. Although the weather is still hot, if I keep the fans trained on me the whole time, I won't melt. The finances will work themselves out, they always seem too. But no spankings in the immediate forecast.
I will try hard this week to snap out of the cranky mood. I will....I promise!
later......
But last week was not a good week for me. Writing those posts was a great way to take my mind off of all of lifes troubles. Our finances are not the greatest right now. This is always stressful. Trying to make a teenager happy, plus keep everyone busy this summer really takes a toll. On top of everything else, our car decided to break down. With only one car working, I didn't get out of the house much last week. Talk about stir crazy! Not to mention the weather has decided to break all the heat records. I'm used to 70's, to have the temps reach 90 and 100...without air-conditioning....ARRRGGGHHHH!!!
All this stress is making me very cranky. I've been flying off the handle over really stupid things, and so I'm not much fun to be around. The kids have been around too much for any spankings, so that makes everything worse. Bossman has had plenty of reasons to break out the back scratcher, but there just hasn't been any opportunity for that.
But this week is much better..thank you very much. The car is getting fixed, even if it is costing us an arm and a leg. Although the weather is still hot, if I keep the fans trained on me the whole time, I won't melt. The finances will work themselves out, they always seem too. But no spankings in the immediate forecast.
I will try hard this week to snap out of the cranky mood. I will....I promise!
later......
The end....whew!
It's amazing how I thought this one little story would be a nice little post. Suddenly it's something that just keeps growing....
Once I realized it wasn't always about me, I had to figure out how to make it beneficial for Bossman to want to continue this lifestyle. What was his motivation for doing this? I decided that after every spanking, I would show him what a difference it made in me. Not only me, but our relationship. I showed him how much more submissive I am after a spanking. I showed him how much better sex is after a spanking. And guess what? He got it.
One day he just got it. One day he was spanking me, and he took it farther than he ever had. For you see, up to this point, I could still control the spanking. I knew that if I made too much noise, or wiggled a little too much he would stop. He probably knew this, but he also didn't want to hurt me. Even though I yearned for a really hard spanking, one that would leave a lasting impression, when the going got a little too much, I would just use my little tricks to make it stop. I still don't understand why I did that. Because afterward I would be so mad at myself. Why would I do that? Why would I stop a perfectly good spanking? For heaven sake, it's suppose to hurt, right?
So one day he kept going. Even after I loudly protested! None of my tricks worked, he just decided to keep going until He felt he was done. That wasn't very fun, but let me tell you something, it worked. He finally realized I wasn't going to be mad at him, I wasn't going to be throw him out. He got it. (of course I got it worse. heheh)
So this is where it stands today. My husband spanks me when he needs to, or if the kids are around, then when he can. There really are no hard lines that we have drawn. One of the biggest things in our house is keeping the bathroom clean. Does he spank me everyday if I don't do the bathroom? No. But when he feels the need has arisen for a spanking, he delivers. I don't sit around everyday wondering if I'll get a spanking. If I get one, goodie for me, if I don't, oh well. I've decided I have more important things in life to worry about and my husband just can't spank me everyday. That's ok with me.
It's not an easy road. I believe everyone that takes this road will find different stops along the way. What works for some, does not work for others. If you're going to compare your relationship to someone else's, it won't work. You can take ideas, but you can't live their life. If you try, your setting yourself up for failure. Stories are great for fantasy, but the reality is, it's never going to be the same. Don't set yourself up for that kind of disappointment.
So, did I convert a vanilla? I guess you could say that. But he converted me too. He converted me into the submissive person I was born to be. He shows me everyday what true love is. Without his loving support, I may have never been bold enough to tell him my secret.
And that my friends would have been the biggest tragedy of all!
later..........
Once I realized it wasn't always about me, I had to figure out how to make it beneficial for Bossman to want to continue this lifestyle. What was his motivation for doing this? I decided that after every spanking, I would show him what a difference it made in me. Not only me, but our relationship. I showed him how much more submissive I am after a spanking. I showed him how much better sex is after a spanking. And guess what? He got it.
One day he just got it. One day he was spanking me, and he took it farther than he ever had. For you see, up to this point, I could still control the spanking. I knew that if I made too much noise, or wiggled a little too much he would stop. He probably knew this, but he also didn't want to hurt me. Even though I yearned for a really hard spanking, one that would leave a lasting impression, when the going got a little too much, I would just use my little tricks to make it stop. I still don't understand why I did that. Because afterward I would be so mad at myself. Why would I do that? Why would I stop a perfectly good spanking? For heaven sake, it's suppose to hurt, right?
So one day he kept going. Even after I loudly protested! None of my tricks worked, he just decided to keep going until He felt he was done. That wasn't very fun, but let me tell you something, it worked. He finally realized I wasn't going to be mad at him, I wasn't going to be throw him out. He got it. (of course I got it worse. heheh)
So this is where it stands today. My husband spanks me when he needs to, or if the kids are around, then when he can. There really are no hard lines that we have drawn. One of the biggest things in our house is keeping the bathroom clean. Does he spank me everyday if I don't do the bathroom? No. But when he feels the need has arisen for a spanking, he delivers. I don't sit around everyday wondering if I'll get a spanking. If I get one, goodie for me, if I don't, oh well. I've decided I have more important things in life to worry about and my husband just can't spank me everyday. That's ok with me.
It's not an easy road. I believe everyone that takes this road will find different stops along the way. What works for some, does not work for others. If you're going to compare your relationship to someone else's, it won't work. You can take ideas, but you can't live their life. If you try, your setting yourself up for failure. Stories are great for fantasy, but the reality is, it's never going to be the same. Don't set yourself up for that kind of disappointment.
So, did I convert a vanilla? I guess you could say that. But he converted me too. He converted me into the submissive person I was born to be. He shows me everyday what true love is. Without his loving support, I may have never been bold enough to tell him my secret.
And that my friends would have been the biggest tragedy of all!
later..........
My story part 3
I wrote him stories and letters about how I would like it to be. I had my fantasy within reach. But things didn't go so well at first. Oh he would try spanking me, but I would resist. What was I thinking?? This is what I wanted. But in my fantasy I wasn't a willing participant. How do you become willing, but not willing at the same time? It wasn't the same if I gave into him and just let him spank me. It wasn't nearly as erotic. This was not the way I dreamed it would be. My dreams had my husband being very dominating. In my dreams, my husband would only have to look at me with that look and I would immediately become submissive. Real life was so much harder, and it wasn't nearly as much of a turn on.
Spanking at this point became very important to me. Suddenly, it was all I could think of. It was in my heart. I finally realized that this was a part of me, and I would never be able to take it away. I wasn't sure how it was going to fit into my life because Bossman and I never seemed to be able to make it work the way I thought it should work.
Oh, we had some great times trying it out, don't get me wrong. The first time he actually took me over his knee and spanked me, I couldn't believe this was happening. I was excited, embarrassed, nervous, humiliated. Even though we had thoroughly discussed it, I still was mortified that this was turning me on. I still couldn't really look Bossman in the eye while discussing it. Truth be told, I still can't. It's better said at night, in the dark, where all secrets can be told and there will be no judgment. When a spanking is over, I can't look at him in the eye. He has to make me. He has to make me understand that this is ok. Doesn't that seem odd? I started this whole thing. I wanted this whole thing to take place, yet He has to make me understand that it's ok. He doesn't think I'm a freak, he doesn't think I'm weird. He understands that this is me.
Over the past 5 years we have tried a bunch of different things. We tried rules. Nope, that just wasn't going to work. We realized early on, that if we had a list of rules that was going to make him into a policeman. He was going to have to police my every move. And I expected him to. I would deliberately break a rule, just to see if he would punish. More times than not, he wouldn't. Poor man. He was trying to earn a living, raise his children. Why did I think he needed to police me too? But I thought he should, and if he didn't, I was very unhappy. Would I tell him? Heck no, asking for a spanking isn't in my vocabulary. It still isn't. Besides, my fantasy did NOT have me asking for a spanking. My strong, dominate husband was suppose to know when I needed to be spanked. Everyone woman knows that their man is suppose to read their mind. I'm no different. If he couldn't tell when I needed I spanking, well I'll be damned if I was going to tell him. I would just continue on my bratty way and to hell with him.
You probably guessed, that didn't work so well. And when that didn't work, we would throw d/d out the window. Thank goodness I live in a one story house, and d/d is made of rubber, because it kept bouncing back and never really broke. Every time we would throw it out the window, I would say to myself, fine, I don't really need it, I can be happy just reading it on the internet. And I could. If I had to. If push came to shove, and Bossman said, no way, I'm never doing that. I could live. I would survive and we could still be happy together. I would always wish it was there, but I would survive. I would still read about it on the internet, I would still dream about it, but I would live. For spanking will never, ever, be more important than Bossman.
But I'm one of the lucky ones. Bossman knows me better than I know myself, and by now he has figured out, I need this. So we keep working at it. Bossman noticed something about me and our relationship. I was more submissive after a spanking, and we, as a couple, were much happier. I was a happier wife, and our sex life was much better. MUCH better! So Bossman realized, we have to make this work.
We threw the rules out the window. Lucky for me, they were on paper and the paper blew away. Now he just tells me what he expects. If I let those expectations drop, I will probably get a spanking. Notice I said probably. This was hard for me learn. I had to learn that he wasn't always going to spank me when I thought I needed it. He was going to spank me when HE thought I needed it. What? He's the one in charge? DUH, Oh yeah, that was the part I was missing. Even though I am the one that brought this to our relationship, if it was going to work HE was going to have to be in charge.
So let me get this straight. If I want my husband to be in charge of my house, If I want my husband to dominate this relationship, then I have to stop topping from the bottom.
That's right, I said it. I have to give up control. What? How was I suppose to do that? I was the one that knew the way I wanted it. I had done all the reading, I had looked at all the websites. Me, me, me. This was all about me, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
There comes a point in any relationship when you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your partner. When we start dating someone we worry about how we look, how we smell, what we will say. When you've been with someone a long time, does it really matter if you fart in front of them? Nope, not really. There are so many times when I've only thought about myself, and I didn't think about Bossman. I only cared about how he was treating me, I didn't stop and think about how I was treating him. That's a hard thing to admit, no matter who you are.
It's not always about me.
Although this blog is all about me, the rest of my life isn't, so since my kids need to be fed at least once a day, I better get to it.
later........
Spanking at this point became very important to me. Suddenly, it was all I could think of. It was in my heart. I finally realized that this was a part of me, and I would never be able to take it away. I wasn't sure how it was going to fit into my life because Bossman and I never seemed to be able to make it work the way I thought it should work.
Oh, we had some great times trying it out, don't get me wrong. The first time he actually took me over his knee and spanked me, I couldn't believe this was happening. I was excited, embarrassed, nervous, humiliated. Even though we had thoroughly discussed it, I still was mortified that this was turning me on. I still couldn't really look Bossman in the eye while discussing it. Truth be told, I still can't. It's better said at night, in the dark, where all secrets can be told and there will be no judgment. When a spanking is over, I can't look at him in the eye. He has to make me. He has to make me understand that this is ok. Doesn't that seem odd? I started this whole thing. I wanted this whole thing to take place, yet He has to make me understand that it's ok. He doesn't think I'm a freak, he doesn't think I'm weird. He understands that this is me.
Over the past 5 years we have tried a bunch of different things. We tried rules. Nope, that just wasn't going to work. We realized early on, that if we had a list of rules that was going to make him into a policeman. He was going to have to police my every move. And I expected him to. I would deliberately break a rule, just to see if he would punish. More times than not, he wouldn't. Poor man. He was trying to earn a living, raise his children. Why did I think he needed to police me too? But I thought he should, and if he didn't, I was very unhappy. Would I tell him? Heck no, asking for a spanking isn't in my vocabulary. It still isn't. Besides, my fantasy did NOT have me asking for a spanking. My strong, dominate husband was suppose to know when I needed to be spanked. Everyone woman knows that their man is suppose to read their mind. I'm no different. If he couldn't tell when I needed I spanking, well I'll be damned if I was going to tell him. I would just continue on my bratty way and to hell with him.
You probably guessed, that didn't work so well. And when that didn't work, we would throw d/d out the window. Thank goodness I live in a one story house, and d/d is made of rubber, because it kept bouncing back and never really broke. Every time we would throw it out the window, I would say to myself, fine, I don't really need it, I can be happy just reading it on the internet. And I could. If I had to. If push came to shove, and Bossman said, no way, I'm never doing that. I could live. I would survive and we could still be happy together. I would always wish it was there, but I would survive. I would still read about it on the internet, I would still dream about it, but I would live. For spanking will never, ever, be more important than Bossman.
But I'm one of the lucky ones. Bossman knows me better than I know myself, and by now he has figured out, I need this. So we keep working at it. Bossman noticed something about me and our relationship. I was more submissive after a spanking, and we, as a couple, were much happier. I was a happier wife, and our sex life was much better. MUCH better! So Bossman realized, we have to make this work.
We threw the rules out the window. Lucky for me, they were on paper and the paper blew away. Now he just tells me what he expects. If I let those expectations drop, I will probably get a spanking. Notice I said probably. This was hard for me learn. I had to learn that he wasn't always going to spank me when I thought I needed it. He was going to spank me when HE thought I needed it. What? He's the one in charge? DUH, Oh yeah, that was the part I was missing. Even though I am the one that brought this to our relationship, if it was going to work HE was going to have to be in charge.
So let me get this straight. If I want my husband to be in charge of my house, If I want my husband to dominate this relationship, then I have to stop topping from the bottom.
That's right, I said it. I have to give up control. What? How was I suppose to do that? I was the one that knew the way I wanted it. I had done all the reading, I had looked at all the websites. Me, me, me. This was all about me, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
There comes a point in any relationship when you have to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your partner. When we start dating someone we worry about how we look, how we smell, what we will say. When you've been with someone a long time, does it really matter if you fart in front of them? Nope, not really. There are so many times when I've only thought about myself, and I didn't think about Bossman. I only cared about how he was treating me, I didn't stop and think about how I was treating him. That's a hard thing to admit, no matter who you are.
It's not always about me.
Although this blog is all about me, the rest of my life isn't, so since my kids need to be fed at least once a day, I better get to it.
later........
My story part 2
You may not have guessed this yet, but Bossman is a very smart person. So he knows a heck of a lot more than I do about the computer, which leads me to how he found out what I was truly into, on the computer, that is.
Ok, so I didn't know I had to delete my history from the computer. All my wonderful little spanking clips that I found on the net. Bossman found them. It wasn't hard to do, they were right there on the real player when he went to play something else.
Lucky for me, he was fine with it. He started asking me questions about it. But I was shy about it. I brushed it off. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I liked it, I didn't know why it turned me on, and I couldn't possibly discuss it with him. But I wanted to. Lord knows I wanted to.
So at night, when we would snuggle in bed, I would bring it. As long as I didn't have to look at him in the face, I was fine. As long as the lights were out, and I was spooning him and facing away from him, I could get brave. And so we would talk about it. I would tell him stories that I read, I would tell him about people that I read about that did this as a daily thing. I told him about d/d.
After that, I started leaving him things to read. Bossman isn't much of a reader, but I knew if I left short stories and articles in certain places, he would find them and read them. I started leaving them in a folder on the computer, so he would read them when he was alone, for I could never be around when he was reading them.
Once this was out, between us anyway, I started writing him letters. I would tell him how I feel about him, I would tell him what I wanted him to do, and I would try and tell him my feelings about this whole spanking matter. This was the time in our life when communication was high. We'd been married for over 10 years by then, but never had we told things like this to each other. It was a break-though. Who knew that communication was such a powerful force in a marriage?
This was also a terrible time with the rest of our life. We were struggling financially. He was ready to make changes to his career, but it was going to mean moving in with the in-laws, and uprooting our family. It meant being poor for awhile. By this time, our son was a baby, our daughter was probably about 9. This was one of the first times in our life we would be separated for more than a day. We would be apart, me with the kids, him trying to pass tests and get a job.
This was the first time in our marriage that we realized, we need each other. We couldn't live without each other. Life was at an all time low, but our love for each other was at an all time high. Something finally clicked. I realized that no matter what happened, this man was my one and only. I could tell him anything, and he would still love me. I knew it was finally safe to tell him my secrets.
When we finally ended up in the same house again and life settled down, we started talking about spanking again. I was hinting around that I would like to try d/d. How does a couple just suddenly try something so drastic? It seemed so easy in the stories and in the lives of others. How hard could this be? Could we also achieve the level of submission that I had read about? Could I be that kind of wife? And could he be that kind of husband?
This is turning out much longer than I thought, so I'll leave it like this for now.
later.....
Ok, so I didn't know I had to delete my history from the computer. All my wonderful little spanking clips that I found on the net. Bossman found them. It wasn't hard to do, they were right there on the real player when he went to play something else.
Lucky for me, he was fine with it. He started asking me questions about it. But I was shy about it. I brushed it off. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know why I liked it, I didn't know why it turned me on, and I couldn't possibly discuss it with him. But I wanted to. Lord knows I wanted to.
So at night, when we would snuggle in bed, I would bring it. As long as I didn't have to look at him in the face, I was fine. As long as the lights were out, and I was spooning him and facing away from him, I could get brave. And so we would talk about it. I would tell him stories that I read, I would tell him about people that I read about that did this as a daily thing. I told him about d/d.
After that, I started leaving him things to read. Bossman isn't much of a reader, but I knew if I left short stories and articles in certain places, he would find them and read them. I started leaving them in a folder on the computer, so he would read them when he was alone, for I could never be around when he was reading them.
Once this was out, between us anyway, I started writing him letters. I would tell him how I feel about him, I would tell him what I wanted him to do, and I would try and tell him my feelings about this whole spanking matter. This was the time in our life when communication was high. We'd been married for over 10 years by then, but never had we told things like this to each other. It was a break-though. Who knew that communication was such a powerful force in a marriage?
This was also a terrible time with the rest of our life. We were struggling financially. He was ready to make changes to his career, but it was going to mean moving in with the in-laws, and uprooting our family. It meant being poor for awhile. By this time, our son was a baby, our daughter was probably about 9. This was one of the first times in our life we would be separated for more than a day. We would be apart, me with the kids, him trying to pass tests and get a job.
This was the first time in our marriage that we realized, we need each other. We couldn't live without each other. Life was at an all time low, but our love for each other was at an all time high. Something finally clicked. I realized that no matter what happened, this man was my one and only. I could tell him anything, and he would still love me. I knew it was finally safe to tell him my secrets.
When we finally ended up in the same house again and life settled down, we started talking about spanking again. I was hinting around that I would like to try d/d. How does a couple just suddenly try something so drastic? It seemed so easy in the stories and in the lives of others. How hard could this be? Could we also achieve the level of submission that I had read about? Could I be that kind of wife? And could he be that kind of husband?
This is turning out much longer than I thought, so I'll leave it like this for now.
later.....
My story
Bonnies question over at the Sunday brunch got me thinking. I know you can smell wood burning, don't worry you'll get used to it. I know I have.
Converting the vanilla. Now there's something to think about. Do we really convert someone to this lifestyle or do we just introduce something that we already have a desire for, but just didn't know it?
I believe I was born to be spanked. It took me 33 years to figure that out. Or maybe I should say it took 33 years for me to admit it. For as far back as I can remember, I liked to think about being punished. I hated being punished by my parents, that was something to be feared, but I loved thinking about someone punishing me. When I played school with my friends, I always made sure I was the one that acted up in class and had to stand in the corner. When we played house, I was never the mother, I was always the child that would be naughty and have to be punished.
At the time, I would never have associated that with sex. Heck, I didn't even know what sex was, so I know it wasn't that. Furthermore, I was never a problem child, I never got punished at school, and if I got punished at home, well, like I said before, that was feared.
As a teen, I would fantasize about someone kidnapping me, and blindfolding me, and threating me if I spoke or moved. I would get turned on by thinking about being kidnapped with someone else, usually the latest crush I had, and because we were together we would end up falling in love. I could spend hours making up dramatic stories in my head. I still didn't really associate it to sex.
Then one day something happened. I was daydreaming about some horrible thing happening to me, and I realized, I'm getting turned on by this. Masturbation came next, and I realized it was much better if I was fantasizing about punishment.
Funny thing was, spanking wasn't really a part of it. At the time, it was just the drama of being dominated that could turn me on. The punishments in my dreams were usually standing in the corner, or being tied up or blindfolded. Nothing that really involved pain.
I used to think this was disgusting. This was a horrible thing to think about, and how could I possibly be turned on by something so disgusting? It was a terrible secret, and I was horrified that I could even think such thoughts. So I didn't tell anyone.
When I married Bossman, I was young. We met in high school and got married three years after graduation. He's the only man I've ever had sex with. I'm the only woman he's ever had sex with. Needless to say, we didn't have much experience in the bedroom. We had to learn everything together.
Even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, we didn't really know each other. How could we? We didn't even know ourselves. Was I going to tell him this deep, dark secret that I had? Heck no. He would look at me like I was crazy and then he would leave me.
About 5 years into marriage, this great thing we call the internet popped up. I never even thought of looking up stuff like this on the internet. I got involved in a parents chatroom. Met a great friend. She is still a friend, 8 years later, and we've never met. But we started talking about sexual fantasies. She told me things, I told her things, but not about my secret. Never about that. One thing she did was steer me into erotic websites. There I found all kinds of websites on bondage, bdsm, that sort of thing.
So there it was. Out in the open where anyone could read about it. And other people did these things, and it was more than I ever imagined. So I read, and read and read some more.
After awhile I found out what it was that really turned me on. The bdsm was interesting, but not really my thing. I thought bondage was my thing. So I started showing Bossman some of the sites. I mean really, what's so bad about bondage? I could approach bondage and not feel like a total freak. Honestly, that's what I thought I liked. Lucky for me, Bossman was eager to try bondage. He really thought it was fun, and hey, our sex life was finally getting good.
Meanwhile, I kept reading. I loved reading stories. I would sit for hours and be mesmerized by story after story. Then came the spanking stories.
I noticed that more and more I was reading just spanking stories. Suddenly I was thinking about spanking a lot. But how was I going to approach Bossman about spanking?? Spanking, the act of hitting another person on their butt and causing pain. So for years I just read about it and dreamed about it. I never really thought I would ever tell Bossman that this was what I truly wanted. How could I? He would think I was a freak.
One night we were fooling around with bondage, and somehow he pulled me over his knees. Oh my, I couldn't believe it. He didn't spank, but he was touching and rubbing, I thought I would die. Next day I told him, I really liked that position. Could we try that again? Please?
Next time we tried that, he gave a few swats. Proceeded to rub and touch all the right places. I couldn't believe my good fortune. For by now I was a full fledged spanko. I read spanking stories everyday. I looked forward to being alone so I could look for spanking videos. Finding the websites on d/d was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Finally, I knew what I wanted. I thought back to my childhood and realized, I had this in me all along, I just didn't know it.
This post is getting very long, so I'll continue on my next post. I will tell how I finally got the nerve to talk to Bossman about this, and how we have struggled to implement it in our lives.
later....
Converting the vanilla. Now there's something to think about. Do we really convert someone to this lifestyle or do we just introduce something that we already have a desire for, but just didn't know it?
I believe I was born to be spanked. It took me 33 years to figure that out. Or maybe I should say it took 33 years for me to admit it. For as far back as I can remember, I liked to think about being punished. I hated being punished by my parents, that was something to be feared, but I loved thinking about someone punishing me. When I played school with my friends, I always made sure I was the one that acted up in class and had to stand in the corner. When we played house, I was never the mother, I was always the child that would be naughty and have to be punished.
At the time, I would never have associated that with sex. Heck, I didn't even know what sex was, so I know it wasn't that. Furthermore, I was never a problem child, I never got punished at school, and if I got punished at home, well, like I said before, that was feared.
As a teen, I would fantasize about someone kidnapping me, and blindfolding me, and threating me if I spoke or moved. I would get turned on by thinking about being kidnapped with someone else, usually the latest crush I had, and because we were together we would end up falling in love. I could spend hours making up dramatic stories in my head. I still didn't really associate it to sex.
Then one day something happened. I was daydreaming about some horrible thing happening to me, and I realized, I'm getting turned on by this. Masturbation came next, and I realized it was much better if I was fantasizing about punishment.
Funny thing was, spanking wasn't really a part of it. At the time, it was just the drama of being dominated that could turn me on. The punishments in my dreams were usually standing in the corner, or being tied up or blindfolded. Nothing that really involved pain.
I used to think this was disgusting. This was a horrible thing to think about, and how could I possibly be turned on by something so disgusting? It was a terrible secret, and I was horrified that I could even think such thoughts. So I didn't tell anyone.
When I married Bossman, I was young. We met in high school and got married three years after graduation. He's the only man I've ever had sex with. I'm the only woman he's ever had sex with. Needless to say, we didn't have much experience in the bedroom. We had to learn everything together.
Even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, we didn't really know each other. How could we? We didn't even know ourselves. Was I going to tell him this deep, dark secret that I had? Heck no. He would look at me like I was crazy and then he would leave me.
About 5 years into marriage, this great thing we call the internet popped up. I never even thought of looking up stuff like this on the internet. I got involved in a parents chatroom. Met a great friend. She is still a friend, 8 years later, and we've never met. But we started talking about sexual fantasies. She told me things, I told her things, but not about my secret. Never about that. One thing she did was steer me into erotic websites. There I found all kinds of websites on bondage, bdsm, that sort of thing.
So there it was. Out in the open where anyone could read about it. And other people did these things, and it was more than I ever imagined. So I read, and read and read some more.
After awhile I found out what it was that really turned me on. The bdsm was interesting, but not really my thing. I thought bondage was my thing. So I started showing Bossman some of the sites. I mean really, what's so bad about bondage? I could approach bondage and not feel like a total freak. Honestly, that's what I thought I liked. Lucky for me, Bossman was eager to try bondage. He really thought it was fun, and hey, our sex life was finally getting good.
Meanwhile, I kept reading. I loved reading stories. I would sit for hours and be mesmerized by story after story. Then came the spanking stories.
I noticed that more and more I was reading just spanking stories. Suddenly I was thinking about spanking a lot. But how was I going to approach Bossman about spanking?? Spanking, the act of hitting another person on their butt and causing pain. So for years I just read about it and dreamed about it. I never really thought I would ever tell Bossman that this was what I truly wanted. How could I? He would think I was a freak.
One night we were fooling around with bondage, and somehow he pulled me over his knees. Oh my, I couldn't believe it. He didn't spank, but he was touching and rubbing, I thought I would die. Next day I told him, I really liked that position. Could we try that again? Please?
Next time we tried that, he gave a few swats. Proceeded to rub and touch all the right places. I couldn't believe my good fortune. For by now I was a full fledged spanko. I read spanking stories everyday. I looked forward to being alone so I could look for spanking videos. Finding the websites on d/d was like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Finally, I knew what I wanted. I thought back to my childhood and realized, I had this in me all along, I just didn't know it.
This post is getting very long, so I'll continue on my next post. I will tell how I finally got the nerve to talk to Bossman about this, and how we have struggled to implement it in our lives.
later....
The worst part
The worst part was having him come in unexpectedly, grab my hands and tell me to stand in the corner. Yep, definitely the worst.
The worst part was I didn't give in readily, and I whined like a baby. He gave in and had me sit on the bed instead. Oh yes, that was the worst.
The worst part was sitting on the bed, waiting, wondering, thinking. I was so nervous, that had to be the worst.
The worst part was when he came and sat on the bed and I was standing between his knees and he told me I had to pull down my own pants. I hate pulling down my own pants. That was the worst.
The worst part was being pulled over his knee with my pants and panties down around my ankles. My bare bottom a very easy target. Absolutely the worst.
The worst part was when the first slap of the bamboo backscratcher slapped down on my bare bottom. Oh ouch, that was the worst.
The worst part was when he kept spanking my bottom with that horrible, evil thing, and I started making those weird noises and kicking my legs. Embarrassing, for sure the worst.
The worst part was since I haven't been spanked for awhile, it hurt like hell. Oh boy did it hurt. Oh was it the worst.
The worst part was after it was over, he led me to the bathroom so I could look at the damage in the mirror. Oh the humility of it all. The worst, for sure.
The worst part was when he made me put my pants back on, without panties, so I could feel it the rest of the day. That had to be the worst.
Actually, now that I think about it, the worst part of the whole thing is....
I can't wait for it to happen again.
That's the worst.
later.........
The worst part was I didn't give in readily, and I whined like a baby. He gave in and had me sit on the bed instead. Oh yes, that was the worst.
The worst part was sitting on the bed, waiting, wondering, thinking. I was so nervous, that had to be the worst.
The worst part was when he came and sat on the bed and I was standing between his knees and he told me I had to pull down my own pants. I hate pulling down my own pants. That was the worst.
The worst part was being pulled over his knee with my pants and panties down around my ankles. My bare bottom a very easy target. Absolutely the worst.
The worst part was when the first slap of the bamboo backscratcher slapped down on my bare bottom. Oh ouch, that was the worst.
The worst part was when he kept spanking my bottom with that horrible, evil thing, and I started making those weird noises and kicking my legs. Embarrassing, for sure the worst.
The worst part was since I haven't been spanked for awhile, it hurt like hell. Oh boy did it hurt. Oh was it the worst.
The worst part was after it was over, he led me to the bathroom so I could look at the damage in the mirror. Oh the humility of it all. The worst, for sure.
The worst part was when he made me put my pants back on, without panties, so I could feel it the rest of the day. That had to be the worst.
Actually, now that I think about it, the worst part of the whole thing is....
I can't wait for it to happen again.
That's the worst.
later.........
new links
Look, I figured it out. I got links!!!!
I did not ask Bossman for help, Hooray for me!
Anyway, it took me awhile to figure it out, so I'll be putting more up later, when I have more time.
Gotta run, little man is B-O-R-E-D! I guess that means I've been on this computer too long!
later......
I did not ask Bossman for help, Hooray for me!
Anyway, it took me awhile to figure it out, so I'll be putting more up later, when I have more time.
Gotta run, little man is B-O-R-E-D! I guess that means I've been on this computer too long!
later......
catching up
Camping was great! We had loads of fun, the sun was bright, the beach was beautiful as ever. As a family, we got along splendidly. I cherish these moments because the wildchild (who is about to be a junior in high school) will be gone in a few short years, and I just KNOW I'll miss these family times.
Bossman is out of town this weekend. This is not a fun thing for me. I can count on my hand how many times we've been apart overnight. That's one hand folks. One hand.
That might sound a little pathetic, and frankly it sounds a little pathetic to me, but the truth is, we don't like going places without each other. We are not the type of couple that does things separately. Don't get me wrong, we aren't joined at the hip or anything. We have our separate hobbies. But going away, all night, or two nights in a row, we just don't do it.
So here I am, typing in my blog, instead of sleeping, like I'm usually doing at this time. Pathetic, just pathetic.
Another pathetic thing in my life right now is NO spanking. Ok, there was this one, last week when the kids were spending the night at grandmas, but, it's not even worth writing about. It was just a hand spanking, and there wasn't even any fooling around afterward.
It seems that since I know that spanking isn't an option right now, I've just blocked it out of my mind. I haven't focused on it, so it's just not as important as it was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll take anything I can get and I'm not giving spanking up anytime soon but I am just not really in the mood. So when there is an opportunity for a spanking, it seems like it's just something to do, something that we are suppose to do and it doesn't seem to have any meaning.
But yet, something is missing from our lives. It's the one thing that keeps Bossman and I close. It's the one thing that can keep us connected even when the rest of the world is crapping on us. It's the thing that binds our relationship and makes us whole.
~sigh~
I miss it. I miss spanking!
But most of all, I miss Bossman right now.
later.........
Bossman is out of town this weekend. This is not a fun thing for me. I can count on my hand how many times we've been apart overnight. That's one hand folks. One hand.
That might sound a little pathetic, and frankly it sounds a little pathetic to me, but the truth is, we don't like going places without each other. We are not the type of couple that does things separately. Don't get me wrong, we aren't joined at the hip or anything. We have our separate hobbies. But going away, all night, or two nights in a row, we just don't do it.
So here I am, typing in my blog, instead of sleeping, like I'm usually doing at this time. Pathetic, just pathetic.
Another pathetic thing in my life right now is NO spanking. Ok, there was this one, last week when the kids were spending the night at grandmas, but, it's not even worth writing about. It was just a hand spanking, and there wasn't even any fooling around afterward.
It seems that since I know that spanking isn't an option right now, I've just blocked it out of my mind. I haven't focused on it, so it's just not as important as it was. Now, don't get me wrong. I'll take anything I can get and I'm not giving spanking up anytime soon but I am just not really in the mood. So when there is an opportunity for a spanking, it seems like it's just something to do, something that we are suppose to do and it doesn't seem to have any meaning.
But yet, something is missing from our lives. It's the one thing that keeps Bossman and I close. It's the one thing that can keep us connected even when the rest of the world is crapping on us. It's the thing that binds our relationship and makes us whole.
~sigh~
I miss it. I miss spanking!
But most of all, I miss Bossman right now.
later.........
better late than never
I know the 4th has past, but check out this link.
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Don't forget to turn your sound up.
http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm
later........
Fathers day
Fathers day is a hard day for me. The only person I celebrate on that day is the father of my children. Bossman is the best father there is. He is caring and loving and he spends a lot of time with our kids. I sometimes envy my children for having such a great father.
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
I never had a great father. I never even had a good one.
My father left my mother when I was about 5. One day when I was pregnant with my wildchild, he just called. Apparently my younger sister decided to get in touch with him. Without telling me. So surprise to me, my father calls.
I'll be honest. I thought a lot about him. I wondered how a father could just carry on his life without wondering about his girls. I wondered if he thought about me on my birthday or holidays. I even went to the library and looked his name up in the phone book of his city. I wrote it down and carried it with me in my wallet.
I never called the number. I just knew I had it.
My mother remarried. My stepfather was great, until I was in the 6th grade. Then he decided to sexually assault me. My mother was at work. It wouldn't be until years later that I found out that my mother knew. She took us all to counseling. I knew it was because of that. But I would never tell anyone I knew. They all thought I was asleep. I wouldn't have told anyone, I was too ashamed. I was too afraid.
I blame my father for all that. Isn't that strange? I didn't think to blame my step father. Sure, I knew it was my step fathers fault but blame my real father. The one who should have been there to protect me. The one that should have been there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened. The one that I could look up to. That one.
So, now my father wants to make amends. He's come to visit once since that day he called. The visit was 15 years ago. He lives across the country from me. But he calls and he sends cards. He sends cards to the kids also.
The cards he sends are mushy. I HATE them. The talk about how he's watched me grow into a beautiful woman. HUH?? He hasn't watched anything. He wasn't there. He tried to make me feel bad because I didn't send him a card for fathers day. I will NEVER send him a card for fathers day. He doesn't get it.
I'm a fairly religious person. I believe in forgiveness. Part of me wants to forgive. I know he won't be around long. What will I feel when he's gone? Will I feel regret? Will I regret that I didn't give him a chance? Will I regret that I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with him? This is something that plagues me a lot. I often wonder what I will feel when that day comes.
I called him on Fathers day. I don't want to regret anything later. So I called. It was about a 3 minute conversation. How are you? Fine? Good, me too. yes, kids are good. Ok, take care, bye now.
Those of you with good fathers, cherish them. Love them with all your heart and soul. Remember how lucky you are to have a good, decent man in your life. Someone to take care of you. Someone to love you.
You are very lucky people. I envy you.
later........
Clarification
Paul got me thinking about my last post and after re-reading it I realized I didn't really state why I feel weird about my noises and such.
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
I don't know why.
I guess I can't get it through my thick head that spanking is ok. It's really not a weird thing at all. There a plenty of people who like spanking. Some like it for erotic purposes, some think it for discipline and some like it for both.
I know all that in my head. I read it everyday. I read other peoples blogs, I read about their lives, spanking and not. They are perfectly normal humans that just happen to think spanking is a good thing.
Society as a whole probably wouldn't agree with me though. That is where the problem lies for me.
My whole life I have tried to be politically correct about everything. I was the good girl of the family. I never partied, never drank, never got into trouble. I went, and still go, to church every week. I got married young, had 2 children, got the station wagon and the white picket fence.
So where does spanking fit into that life?
Spanking is so off the path of my life that I never could, and still can't, figure out how to make it ok in my life.
Ok, that's not exactly true. We have made it work in our life, somewhat, but I can't say it's ok. Deep inside I feel like it's wrong. It's naughty. It's not normal. How can reading about spanking and receiving spankings make my body react in such sexual ways? My irrational mind will tell me that it's just not normal. Normal people wouldn't have these thoughts and feelings, right?
So maybe that's why I hate the noises I make. Why would a grown woman allow her husband to spank her? Where is my loyalty to womanhood? The woman's libber in me wants to scream that it's not fair. My husband shouldn't be able to have that much control.
And why don't I try and block the swats? Shouldn't a normal person want to stop the pain? I hate the pain part of a spanking anyway. But yet I allow my husband to inflict pain on me. This can't be normal I should want to block it as much as possible, right?
Ok, maybe I'm just being irrational. I get to choose what happens to me. I choose to let my husband lead our house. I choose to let him swat my butt when things are out of control. I choose to read the spanking stories and website with utter fascination. And I like it.
It's really ok to have a spanking kink. That doesn't make me a bad person, or a weird person, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that.
later.......
weird noises
I hate the noises I make when I'm being spanked. There, I said it!
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
Am I the only one that has this problem?
I don't think I've ever read about someone that has this problem. Most people think it's cool. I know the spankers of the bunch usually love the sounds that come out of a woman being spanked. I know Bossman doesn't have any problems with them. He says he likes them.
I, on the other hand, think I sound stupid.
I really think I sound like a dork. A couple of spankings ago, I was trying sooo hard not to make noises. But I grunt, and then I start this annoying whining, saying things such as, ow, and ouch, and oooo, awww...you know, stuff like that. I find myself really annoying.
Of course it's gonna hurt, that's what spankings are all about. So why do I feel the need to say Ouch?
Ok, here's something else weird about me. I have no desire to put my hands back and block the spanking.
Doesn't that strike you as weird? I mean really, in all the stories and blogs I've read, spankees seem to have a horrible time trying to keep their hands away from the line of fire. Me? I have no problem with this. Apparently I like having my butt whacked with spoons and paddles and have no desire to protect my hiney.
So here's where we stand. I sound like a dork when I'm being spanked, and I have no desire to protect my hiney when it's being abused.
But I'd like to say one thing. I LOVE looking to see how red it is when the spanking is over. I find most of the time, it's not as bad as it seemed when it was happening. I feel like my tush is on fire, that it's swollen to monstrous proportions and I may never sit again. Then when I look, I feel like a wuss because it doesn't even look that bad.
Man, I am such a baby!
later........
last day of peace
Today is the last day of school for the wildchild. She will officially be a junior in high school next year. She failed history class both semesters so she will be going to summer school.
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
My wildchild is a beautiful girl. The worst part is, she knows it. She's a really good kid, she just hates school. She could care less about such mundane things as math and history. She thinks the world is going to serve her on a silver platter. She also thinks she's the next American Idol.
Granted, she has a great singing voice. She just doesn't think anyone will say no to her. (Except her parents who say NO daily!)
The little man has one more week of school.
Do you all get what I'm saying? Do you understand the sadness in it all?
Limited spankings.
Of course there will be the occasional spending the night and grandmas, but still. still.
Oh well, lets relive the last spanking, shall we?
Last week, I had really been needing a spanking. I hadn't had one in a few days, and I was really putting things on the back burner.
Bossman came home and decided the time had come for a spanking. Because I hadn't really touched the bathroom, he decided the spoon was in order.
Have you been spanked with a spoon before? A nice big wooden spoon? OUCH, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it one bit. It's hard, and it's unforgiving on my tush.
But I had it coming. So the spoon it was. Now I'm pretty lucky in the fact that Bossman warms me up first. I don't think I could make it if he didn't.
Did I mention the spoon hurts?
How is it that after a spanking, I feel absolutely wonderful? I really enjoy being put over my husbands knee and given a hard spanking. There is something refreshing. Something renewing, almost like a new beginning. Maybe that's why I need it so much.
Well, I maybe not be getting too many spankings this summer, but the Bossman has said he will be trying other forms of discipline to make sure we stay on track. I don't really like the sound of that, but I am willing to try anything to keep this good thing going.
One thing I do know, I WILL be able to sleep in!
And THAT, is a good thing ;)
later.......
Changes
I decided to change my blog around a bit. I thought I could use a bit of color.
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
I'm really terrible at computer stuff. I can find my way around the net, but trying to change my blog around is a nightmare. I don't understand all that html stuff. I don't even know how to add links to my blog.
Since I would like to add links, I'm going to try and learn all this stuff.
I just hope I don't mess up this blog. I'd hate to start all over again.
later.....
P.S. I had a really hard spanking yesterday, well deserved, I might add, and I will blog on that on Monday!! Stay tuned!
Little man turns 8
My little man is 8 years old today!
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
Is there anything sweeter than a childs birthday? He is so excited. Of course Mommy had to bring cupcakes to his class, so he can be the king of everything today.
But dumb Mommy went to wal-mart first. Dumb mommy got in line at 9:30 this morning in walmart, where there are only 2 cashiers, of course, and didn't get out of line until 9:45.
Did I mention I was suppose to be at his class at 10?
Did I mention I locked my keys in the car?
Am I the most horrible mommy ever? How could I be late? How could I have been so completely STUPID!!!
After I called Bossman, crying and telling him what a horrible stupid mommy I am, he came at opened the door for me. Don't worry, I called the school.
I got to the school at 10:06. They were out for recess. Remember recess? Kids running around, playing on the swings, sliding on the slides, just having fun. So I search the crowd for my little man. I pray he won't be mad. I'm praying he isn't totally disappointed in me, and I haven't ruined his day.
Finally, I spot him. He's playing on the tire swing with a gaggle of girls. My son, the ladies man. I stand there and just watch him. I don't get a chance to watch him without him knowing, so it was interesting to watch him interact with all the other kids.
He's such a sweet boy. He's got red hair and freckles. But not the fire red, more of the stawberry blonde red. His freckles dot his nose. He's got the most chocolate brown eyes you've ever seen.
Did I mention the girls were all over him? They were teasing him and pushing him on the swing, and at that moment he was the king of the world. If only we could bottle up those moments and save them forever.
So finally one of the children see me, and run over to him, yelling, Little man, it's your mom, it's you MOM!!!
So he looks over, sees me, and runs full speed into my arms! I pull him into my arms and swing him around. I put him down and tell him how sorry I am. He looks up and me with those beautiful brown eyes and says, Mom, it's ok, I'm so GLAD your here. Watch me mom, watch me swing with the girls!!!
Did I spoil his day? Nah...he was in heaven. He took a trip around the tire swing, and then he came and sat with me. I asked if he always played with the girls, he said, "Mom, I usually play on the field with the guys, but I was waiting for you because I knew you'd show up!"
So, there you have it. I think I have the most perfect child ever. I don't deserve such a wonder. I don't deserve to have undying affections.
But I'm so lucky I do.
later.......
weirdest spanking yet!
Yesterday Bossman gave me a spanking for the remote thing (see previous post) and for being very lazy. (yes, it's true, I spent hours on the computer on Monday, and didn't clean ANYTHING in this house...sigh)
So He put me against the wall. We don't have any available corners in the bedroom, so he has me stand against the wall with my pants down and my hands behind my back. Chest must be against the wall. I'm only standing there long enough for him to get his weapon of choice. In this case it was the most dreaded of all spanking implements, the wooden spoon. He also likes using the 28cent paint stirrer.
Anyway, after he is prepared, he takes me over his knee. He sits on the bed, and pulls me over one knee so my upper body is on the bed. He starts telling me all the reasons that this spanking is way over due. And he starts spanking, first with the paint thingie because it's not as harsh and is a very nice warm up. Everything is going fine until the phone rings. Since Bossman was expecting a business call, he answered it.
Mind you, I'm still over his knee. And he's conducting business. That's right folks, I'm over his knee listening to him talk to clients. Sheez, of all the indignities! Then he takes the paint thingie and wedges it in my butt crack. And still he's talking, and talking and talking. Very, very weird!
Actually, the whole thing was funny, and I was trying very hard not to laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing.
Don't worry, as soon as the call was over, the wooden spoon was introduced to my bottom. GEEZ, how much does that stupid thing hurt? Even after the warm up, that thing really hurts.
Of course, now Bossman has decided that since I LOVE the wooden spoon soooo much that if I decide that the computer is more important than cleaning the bathroom, then I should have a meeting with the spoon. Only. Just. the. wooden. spoon! Oh yikes, I am not too happy about that, but I can assure you that I will be cleaning the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I better go now, Bossman is due home, and I don't want to test him today...my butt is still sore!
later.............
So He put me against the wall. We don't have any available corners in the bedroom, so he has me stand against the wall with my pants down and my hands behind my back. Chest must be against the wall. I'm only standing there long enough for him to get his weapon of choice. In this case it was the most dreaded of all spanking implements, the wooden spoon. He also likes using the 28cent paint stirrer.
Anyway, after he is prepared, he takes me over his knee. He sits on the bed, and pulls me over one knee so my upper body is on the bed. He starts telling me all the reasons that this spanking is way over due. And he starts spanking, first with the paint thingie because it's not as harsh and is a very nice warm up. Everything is going fine until the phone rings. Since Bossman was expecting a business call, he answered it.
Mind you, I'm still over his knee. And he's conducting business. That's right folks, I'm over his knee listening to him talk to clients. Sheez, of all the indignities! Then he takes the paint thingie and wedges it in my butt crack. And still he's talking, and talking and talking. Very, very weird!
Actually, the whole thing was funny, and I was trying very hard not to laugh at the lunacy of the whole thing.
Don't worry, as soon as the call was over, the wooden spoon was introduced to my bottom. GEEZ, how much does that stupid thing hurt? Even after the warm up, that thing really hurts.
Of course, now Bossman has decided that since I LOVE the wooden spoon soooo much that if I decide that the computer is more important than cleaning the bathroom, then I should have a meeting with the spoon. Only. Just. the. wooden. spoon! Oh yikes, I am not too happy about that, but I can assure you that I will be cleaning the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I better go now, Bossman is due home, and I don't want to test him today...my butt is still sore!
later.............
things that make you go, hmmmm...
If I want my husband to be the head of household, if I want to be submissive in this relationship, why do I have such a hard time giving up control?
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Little things are coming up and causing me to question this control issue. For instances, the other night we were watching tv. We have a dvr so we can pause and fastforward stuff. Well the channel went dark for a few minutes. So Bossman put it on pause and said, we'll just wait a few minutes and then go back to it, that way we can fastforward the commercials.
Sounds logical right? So why did I have to grab the remote and see if it was working again? Why couldn't I have just done what he said? What is so hard about that?
He gave me a very upset look and said, Why can't you just do what I say...just once? Of course the evening was ruined.
It was a very little thing, I know, but still, when you ask someone to be in charge of things, but then you constantly want to do things your own way.....even little things...then what?
Later he said if the kids weren't still up and around, he would have spanked me. He said he can't wait until he can put spanking into more use. He said that by me grabbing the remote like that it belittled him, it made him feel like he wasn't important. Of course, now I feel terrible. I totally deserved a spanking. I should not have made him feel that way.
But this has led me to wonder about this whole control issue. How do I balance it all out?
How can a person be submissive, yet still want to be in control?
How?
later...............
Is there anything better?
My son (who is almost 8) made me a mothers day card at school. Yesterday morning, he and the wildchild made me breakfast and brought it to me in bed. Then he gave me the card.
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
Now this card is just like you would imagine any mothersday card made by a 7 year old. There is a picture of me on the front, and somehow my neck is reeeealllly long. The words inside are sweet, but the words he told me, are even sweeter.
son: Mom, I have to tell you something, it's kinda embarrassing.
me: Ok sweetheart, tell me.
son: I almost cried at school, mom.
me: why hon?
son: Because, when I was making this card, I really messed it up. The neck was really long. It was too long mom, and I couldn't give it to you. I just couldn't. (imagine a very sad looking red head with the cutest dimple anywhere.)
me: So what happened?
son: My teacher let me start over 2 times.
me: did you cry?
son: No, but mom, I really was about too.
me: I'm sorry hon, I would have liked it, even if I did have a long neck.
son: But mom, it wasn't good enough for you.
me: (imagine a mom, in her ragged pjs with toast crumbs on the sheets, trying desperately not to
tear up.) oh sweetheart, thank you so much, it's the best card EVER!
son: Can I play my video games now?
me: (moment over) yes, son, go play your game.
There you have it, the best mothers day EVER! It just doesn't get any better than that!
later......
We're gonna party like it's your birthday!
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday dear MEEEEE!!! Happy birthday tooooooo MEEEEEE!!
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
This was a public service annoucement!
Carry on..
later............
shower
He pushes me against the wall and sprays hot water over my body. My hands drift behind my back to fondle his cock. First he washes my hair. While putting the shampoo in my hair, he yanks my head back with a firmness that makes me gasp. I can only close my eyes and drift to the place of serene happiness and contentment. While I'm slowly drifting away, I am jerked back to reality by a burst of icy coldness down my back. My fiery skin is alive from the hotness of the water and the coolness of the soap. And then there is his hands, they are everywhere. They are smoothing the coolness of the soap over my body. They are pushing their way into the cracks and crevices of my body. They are alive and they are hot. I am again lulled into my fantasy land. His hands take the time to explore my slick hot skin. I am still pinned to the wall of the shower. My hands are exploring his balls and his cock. Without even thinking, my hands are slipping and sliding along his shaft.
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
He takes the time to turn me around, I am in my own world. Time in this world has stopped and nothing matters. My eyes cannot and will not open, for if they do, this world will disappear. I am again assaulted with the icy coldness of the liquid soap. He spreads my legs and soaps down my most vunerable spots. His fingers glide with the silky smoothness that only hot water and soap can accomplish. They glide into my darkness, searching for the spot. The spot that will send me crashing. The very spot that will, in one instant, send me soaring to the ends of the earth and come crashing back violently. My knees would buckle if he hand wasn't there, holding me up from deep within.
And then it's over. I know that when my eyes open the towel will be there and time will resume it's normal pace. But for a moment, I was there. I was in the place that is perfect. Nothing will ever ruin that place. That place is mine and His alone....
later.....
When the kids are home....
there is no time for spanking!
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
Maybe that is the reason I keep dreaming of the day they are safely out of the nest and doing their own things. Of course once they are gone I'll miss them. So what's a gal to do?
Lucky for me school is back in session on Monday. Since I've been really lax with my bathroom duties (could there be a worse room to clean???) Bossman has informed me that Monday morning there will be a spanking in store for me.
Other than that, nothing important comes to mind. I've had nothing to report, nothing exciting to blog about, and frankly, I'm just boring.
Well, maybe Monday afternoon I will have something inspiring to write about.
Until then...
later............
life goes on
The spankings have been going great at my house!!! Hooray for me.
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
Bossman has been spanking me at least once a week. Usually not for anything other than he just likes the way I act afterwards. Hmmm, surprise surprise, I act better after a spanking....wow, do others know about this? Maybe I should spread the word....
I've been worried about the future lately. My children are getting older, the wildchild has only 2 more years of high school left, and although I still have time with my little man, he is still getting older faster than I can keep up. So my big worry is that Bossman and I will have alot more time to spend alone. I know, I know, this is a good thing. But I got worried that we would get bored with each other. I really just am afraid that we don't have anything in common and when we are alone more this will be a downfall.
Ok, we don't like the same music. Well, I like country, he doesn't. But we do both like 80's stuff. I could listen to my 80's station on the satellite all day. And we really don't have the same hobbies, I love reading, he hates it. He loves anything remote control, I don't. I think your getting the picture now.
Anyway, yesterday I was talking to Bossman about my thoughts and he just looked at me and said...please, we have the perfect relationship...why would you think thats going to change?
So there you have it folks...we have the perfect relationship. Bossman said it himself. Who really cares if we don't like the same things? Who cares if we get cranky with each other?
Not me, cuz like the man said...our relationship is perfect.
Tune in next week, when I tell you how unperfect life really is...for now, I'll just bask in the perfectness...
later...........
and the beat goes on...
On my BUTT!!!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
Yes, we are still spanking away! I am so happy! We are still having some down time, but that happens to everyone. We are still working out the kinks (I love the word KINK!) in this whole arrangement, but basically I've gotten 3 spankings so far.
I got 2 last week and one yesterday. They haven't really been for not doing something, they have been more for the fact that he just wants to spank me (hooray for me! ) and also because he said he likes my attitude after I've been spanked. (the submissive really comes out after a spanking, right?)
So yesterday, after he spanked me, we went to wal-mart. Now, he's been using this flimsy little paint stirrer for warming up. The paint stirrer, doesn't really hurt, but it makes it easier to take the others, like the brush, paddle and the dreaded back scratcher! So at walmart yesterday, we stumble across a bigger paint stirrer. It cost 28 cents. Bossman said, who knew you could have so much fun with 28 cents! Of course last night he had to give it a test run. Nothing major (we have the wildchild, and she is up late!) because it's loud. But it's seems like it will be much stingier. (is that a word?) I'll let you know when we've fully tested it out.
So, that's how it's going so far.
Now before I go, I would like to explain about the dreaded back scratcher.
See, I've never had the cane. I don't think Bossman would even want to try it. But the back scratcher, in my opinion, seems to be similar to a hand sized cane. It tends to leave a nice stinging line wherever he lands it. Personally, I hate that stupid thing. But Bossman thinks it gets the point across nicely! Whatever!!! I still don't like it. ;)
Well, that's it for now, lets just hope the spankings keep coming!
d/d revisited
I got a spankin, I got a spankin!
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
Bossman has decided to start d/d again. I so excited about it. I don't want to get my hopes up, because everytime I do, things fall flat again. So I am being cautiously optimistic.
Monday, I get a call from Bossman, and he says, don't make plans, I'll be home in 20 mins. we have business to take care of. HUH? What business? He says, have you seen the bathroom lately?
Ok, I have been neglect on bathroom, it's true. I hate cleaning that stupid room, and it's very easy to forget it's there during the day because it's way in the back of the house. (ok, I know, I use it everyday, 2 or three or four times...but still)
Anyway, yes it is really bad. I am to embarrassed to even say how bad it was. But like usual, I figured Bossman had the right intent, but I didn't really think he would follow through.
He did.
Oh man did he ever! He came home, put me in the corner while he got things together. When I say things, I mean, brush, backscracher, and paint stirrer. Yep, all of them.
After I stood there forever, (ok it was like 5 mins, but it SEEMED like forever) he took me over his knee, and gave my bare butt a nice long spanking. OUCH! He used all the implements and his hand, and needless to say, I had some mighty fine bruises on my bee hind when he was finished.
Now I'm hornier than ever...and I'm on my period so it's driving me NUTS. Why must I be on my period when I'm this horny?
I have a question. Why is it, after he gives me a big ole spanking like that, all I can think about it when I'm getting another? I don't even like the actual spanking part. It hurts like hell, I feel like a damn fool...so why? Part of me doesn't ever want to do that again, but a BIGGER part of me can't wait for the next one. I can't understand it.
The thing is, I want to show him how much it works, and after he spanks me, all I want to do is be a good girl. But in my mind, I think, hmmm, if I slack off again, maybe he'll do it again. But if I slack off again, he will think it's not working, and so he will back off.
UGH, it's a viscous, delicious cycle! I am so in love with my husband right now, I can't even begin to tell you. I love feeling like this.
So the moral of the story is.... ?????
later.........
hurt foot
I hurt my foot.
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
I don't even know how it got hurt, but it hurts. I've been walking 4 miles about 3 to 4 times a week and after Fridays walk, it hurt.
So I've been staying off it. And now, I'm bored!
You would think that I could come up with something wonderful to blog about. You would think.
You would think that I would be having a great time, watching whatever I want on tv, playing on the computer uninterupted, and just sitting around on my butt, not having to do anything.
But no...it is BORING. And the house needs to be cleaned, and I want to get up off my butt and clean it. ( I know, what am I thinking? I hate cleaning.)
So I can sit for hours and play the sims, but even my sim family is boring.
And now, I've run out of things to say, so I guess I'll sign out of this very boring blog!
later.....
stay-fresh socks
I've bought a package of new socks! whoo hoo...don't you just love wearing new socks? They are so soft and comfortable, new socks make me happy.
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
So why do the sock packages have a zip lock top?
I noticed that the top of the package has the same top as the baggies I use to pack my sons lunch sandwich in. Why?
Is there an expiration date on socks? Will they go stale? Will they not stay fluffy and soft if they are not zip sealed?
I ask this question because I don't keep my socks stay-fresh in my drawers. I don't normally zip lock my socks and I'm wondering if I did, would they stay fresher longer?
These are the questions I ponder about in my everyday life....weird huh?
later....
slump
I am in a big slump.
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
I am not happy, and I don't know why.
I have everything a person could want or need. I have a very sexy, loving husband. I have 2 healthy happy children. I have good health, and I have a roof over my head, and too much food for my belly.
So whats not to be happy about?
As much as I hate to admit it, I think it has to do with spanking. (I know, I said it!)
Ok, so there hasn't been any spanking going on. And I haven't said anything. I just don't want to be the one to say anything.
I know, I know, I should say something. But heres my take on the whole thing. (not that you asked, but hey, if your reading, you asked!)
drum roll..... I can't make him the way I want him.
I know, your shocked, but it's true. I can not make him spank me. If I try, it will be forced. It will be fake, it won't be real, and frankly, I want the real thing or nothing.
I don't want to force him to be something he's not. I could never do that to him. It's just not fair.
So, I've decided, if it happens, it happens. If not, then I have to deal with it. I can't let it run my entire life. My life is too good to waste worrying about whether or not I'm going to get spanked.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.........
later......
Where is this all going?
Have you ever asked yourself what this all means?
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
What really is this?
Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for...but I just have a vague feeling that I'm waiting for something.
So, this got me thinking. Is our life just a constant waiting period? Are we always just waiting for that next think to happen?
When we were babies, we were constantly moving on to the next phase of our life, and we did it rather quickly. Sitting up, crawling, walking, running, talking and so on. And then we started school and every year we started a new stage in our lives.
So, now as adults, the stages of our life seem to be spread out a bit more. (thank goodness, I don't really want to get old too quick)
Now here I am in my late 30's, watching my kids go through the stages (and rather quickly, I might add) and I wonder what is next for me. What is my next stage?
Where to I go from here? What am I waiting for? Will I know it when it comes? Or am I destine to be waiting for the rest of my life?
And so I guess I wait. I wait for this.... Whatever this is!
Love letter
Dear Bossman,
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
There is only one place in this world that can think of that I would like to be on this day.
I only have to see you, to know that this is where I need to be.
I can laugh here, and I can cry here.
I can let go of my deepest fears, and can celebrate my happiest times.
I am accepted and I am appreciated for the person that I am.
I am sure that this is the place I was born to be.
I love you more that words can ever say.
So in your arms I will always be.
I love you, my Valentine......
later.................
Has romance died?
Where is the romance?
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
That is the question I've been asking myself lately.
It seems that we have been living our lives like a movie that gets rewound and played over and over again.
We do the same things, go to school, go to work, watch tv, do homework, cook dinner, watch tv, go to bed. Over and over and over and over.
Ok, there is sex mixed in, usually in the morning after kids are gone, but even that has turned routine. Same ole thing, different day. That's my life.
Now don't get me wrong, Bossman is great. He is so sweet to me. He worries about me, he cares about me, he takes care of me. But somewhere along the way we lost romance, and now I can't explain exactly what it is I'm looking for.
Because really, how does one explain romance? Is it flowers and candy? Not really, not for me, anyway. So what is it? And more importantly, how do I explain it to Bossman?
I think it has to do with how close I feel to Bossman. I think that is what makes me feel like there is romance. Right now, I feel very disconnected from Bossman right now. I feel like we are just doing the same things over and over and we aren't really connecting.....spiritually? Maybe that's it...our spirits aren't connecting.
Or maybe its just that I haven't had a good spanking lately......
Spanking is a good way to connect. At least for me. So maybe that is what is missing, and I'm unwilling to admit that. I feel weird admitting that I need a spanking to feel connected to my husband. Is that really what it takes for me?
What has happened to me? Why has this become such a part of me that I feel disconnected when it doesn't happen? I should be able to have a perfectly normal life without worrying so much about spankings and all that comes with it. I try so hard, but it always creeps back in. I don't want it to dominate my life...but yet its always there.
Well, Valentines day is around the corner. Although we've decided not to buy gifts for Vday, we have decided that cards would be good. I think I'll write a Vday letter to Bossman.
Maybe I'll even post it here. Maybe.
later.......
New books
Well well well, here I am again.
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
I feel like I really don't have anything to contribute to this world of blogging. I find that I write a bunch of stuff, and then delete it all because it sounds dull and boring.
Just like my life.
One very exciting thing happened today though, so I thought that writing about something is better than writing about nothing, I thought I would jot it down here, just so there could be entry in my blog.
The exciting news is......drum roll....I got new books today! I joined the Doubleday book club, and I just got my first shipment of 6 new books.
Don't you just love the smell of new books? Don't you just love to run your hands over the crisp new sheets of unread pages? Ok, maybe it's just me.
I can't help it. I love books. I love that they hold the promise of an exciting adventure. I love that I can step outside of my dull boring life and live someones elses life for awhile.
But they look so new and wonderful that I don't even want to open them. And then I have another big problem...which one should I read first?
I think I will just enjoy the newness of them for awhile. Then maybe I'll start reading....
later.....
Happy New Year!
2006?
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Doesn't it seem like we should be more Jetson-ish? I remember thinking that the year 2000 was so far off and I was going to be very old when that happened.
Ok, it was the 80's and I was a teen...so give me a break! But still, 2006 just doesn't seem possible.
So what shall my revolution for the new year be? Hmmm, I don't think I'll make one this year. I never stick to them anyway.
Well....Happy New Year!
later..........
Christmas is finally over!
Ok, christmas was two days ago and my house still looks like the chirstmas tree threw up in the living room.
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
Presents are scattered everywhere, wrapping paper is crammed in every nook and cranny, and the kids....they are bored, of course!
Actually, Christmas was great this year, everyone seem to get what they wanted and my MIL behaved herself. The second thing is really the only thing I wanted...thanks Santa :)
I got lots of bling, which is exactly what I love...thanks Bossman! He knows me so well. Plus it seems this is the year of getting bubble baths and shower gel. Are they trying to tell me something? (sniffs pitts just to make sure)
Really, I'm just happy it's over. No more shopping, no more pushing my way through crowds of short people with bad colone. Yes, I'm tall and although I don't have problems with short people in general, as most of my family is shorter than me, I really take offense to the short people who think I can't see them below me. These are the people that stop right in the middle of the main aisle and stand there gapping at the beautiful light up pillow that they just can't decide who in the family needs one of these wonderous creations. So while they are standing there trying to decide, there are ten people waiting to get by, because they don't think it's nessesary to pull their cart into a side aisle so that people can actually get by. Or, if the pillow doesn't get them, then it's the long lost friend that they haven't seen in forever, and they all need to stop, right in the middle of the store and chat for 3 hours. (rant over)
Sigh, now on to the spanking news. It's not good. Bossman has really really good intentions, but he doesn't have much follow thru. He talks a great talk, but it's just not happening. Right now, the kids are not in school, so that puts a big damper on the situation anyway, but still, I feel a little let down by the whole thing. I don't like to keep bringing it up, so I'm just not going to say anything for awhile.
I really wish I could make this thing work, but it seem like it just isn't meant to be for us.
I don't know, I just really don't know.
later.....
A month later.....
So you would think that since I'm not working anymore I would have time to blog.
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Nope. I've been busy busy busy!
First there was getting this house in order. I painted the bathroom and made it look all pretty. Then I had to dig out the kids bedrooms. That took a bulldozer and a dumptruck, but since I'm typing this you realize I survived!
Thanksgiving was great. Bossmans family came over, there were not big fights and everyone behaved themselves nicely. My mother in law didn't say anything offensive or stupid, so the day was a success. I cooked and my bird was wonderful. I think everything was great. Now we get to figure out what to do about Christmas. I hate thinking about it because my MIL is such a big baby. She has this idea that we should all be at her house so we can open presents under HER tree. But she lives in a tiny upstairs apartment. There isn't a spot of space anywhere, once you sit down, there is no getting back up until it's time to go. So needless to say, I hate going over there. Not only is it crowded, but she starts getting all anal when people get a little noisy. Hello...we have children! They will be noisy, especially on christmas, when they are opening gifts! SHEEZ!!
So what to do? Well, really we have no choice, we will have to go to her house. I know, we should just say no...but how do you say no to someone like that? Then she gets mad, and the holidays are ruined for everyone. So the best thing to do is suck it up and bare it for a couple of hours. (I shall read this last sentence for the next three weeks everyday, just to prepare myself)
Bossman has decided to introduce discipline back into the relationship. I haven't said much about it, because I've said so much already. I feel like if I keep pushing it myself, then it's something that I am forcing him to do. I do not want to force him into it, if I do that then it is not real, and if it's not real, it's not going to work for him or for me.
So the other day he gave a couple of rules...not really rules, but things that bug him that he'd like me to pay more attention to. One is putting away my hair dryer. I KNOW, it's a very small thing, but I am horrible at putting it away. And it bugs the crap out of him. So, that is now something punishable.
I think this is great. It's a small step, but it's perfect for our relationship. It's not something that will be too hard to implement in our relationship. I hope, I really hope that this time we can do this more consistently. When we were trying this before, we were really happy. We got along really well. I don't know how to explain it, but I think things just clicked for us.
It seems like lately we've been going through these times when we just don't get along. We don't communicate well and we just get upset with each other. It's nothing major, but it just sets everyone off in a bad mood. We get over it the next day but I wish we could just not have so many of those moments. Especially now during the holidays!
So, I hope things well get better here, I hope this works out. I think it will, the rules are easy to follow, but he has promised maintance spankings so I don't feel the need to break a rule just because I feel like getting a spanking.
Heres to hoping!
later.......
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Hmmm, I just read Ambers blog...and I'd link it, but I don't know how! (I know, I'm so lame when it comes to computers!)
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
Anyway, back to Ambers blog. Isn't it funny how we perceive ourselves? Isn't it funny how aging is such a horrible thing...and yet we all do it? I'm approaching 40. I know, that is not old. But I've been married for almost 17 years, and I was a very very different person when I got married. I have a teenager. Is there anybody on earth that throws your age in your face better than a teen? All I have to do is look at her, and I feel like I'm 80.
But then there is Bossman. He tells me I'm beautiful everyday. He tells me he can't keep his hands off of me. He WANTS me. Everyday.
I can't tell you how this makes me feel. Part of me is flattered and even a little shocked that someone feels that way about me. Even though I've been with Bossman a long time, I still can't believe that he wants to be with me. I ask myself...why me? Why does he want me? What do I have to offer this man who offers me the world? I feel like I can't offer him anything. I feel like even if I had something to offer...it wouldn't even be good enough for him. It's like buying that special someone a present, and then the present he gives you is 10 times better.
And why can't I accept a present that is way better than the one I give, without feeling guilty and unworthy? Is this low self esteem? Because I just don't think I have low self esteem in the rest of my life. I am very self assured in my work. (that I am about to shove...see last blog!) And I am very self assured at church, and with my friends. Certainly I am worth any gift I receive.
So why is it so hard to accept that Bossman thinks I'm beautiful. Why is it so hard for me to accept that Bossman loves me so much he would do anything for me? Why can't I just see what he sees in me?
And then there is aging. We are all aging. We are aging right now. And all the people on TV that look so wonderful...well, I might look that good if I sat in hair and makeup for 3 hours.
So we should accept the fact we are aging, we should embrace our age. We shouldn't be upset with the lines and the grays. But TV makes us feel old. It makes us feel un-pretty. I'm blaming the media, because that's better than blaming myself.
Now, if I could just see myself through Bossmans eyes. That would be nice.
later.......
Take this job and shove it!
Hooray for me, I'm quitting my job!!! I don't have to wait on the stupidest people in the world anymore!
The holiday shoppers can kiss my ass, for I won't be there for them to yell at!!!
Can you tell I'm not really happy about this whole quitting thing? Ok I AM so happy!! November 9th is my last day. I'll be throwing the party on the 10th when I'm sitting in my pjs eating bon-bons in front of the tube!
Ok look here's the deal, most customers are very nice. They are polite. They say please and thank you. They don't interrupt you. And best of all, they wait patiently for their turn in line.
That's most people. That's probably you.
Then you get the one's that think the world revolves around them. They think that because I have on the blue vest that I know about every single item in our 10mile long store. They think I know which stereo is the best, which TV has the best menu options, and which cordless phone will let them talk from 4 miles away. They also think that I know where to find size 3 girls underpants and where they might find playing cards and canning jars.
They think all that, even when I'm clearing standing in a cell phone booth.
They think that, even when I clearly have a badge on my vest that says CELL PHONE TECH!!!
And what about the bratty kids? The ones that scream and yell throughout the whole store and the parents do NOTHING!! For god sakes, is there really something in this store that is sooooo incredibly important that you have to stay there with a screaming child? WHAT is THAT important? Is it the tube of toothpaste, or the new bed sheets in aisle 3? SHEEZ!!!! Take your kid outside so I don't have to hear the screaming...PLEASE!!!!
Anyway I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. So now I'll be home, taking care of the wildchild and the little man, but most of all taking care of Bossman. Bossman has been the rock of this family for a long time. Since I work mostly nights, he is the one that takes care of dinner, homework, showers and everything else that needs to be done on a nightly basis with to kids. He is also the one that take the little man to cubscouts, and drives the wildchild to all her assorted things that teens need to be driven to. Not only that, but the man does laundry.
So now it's my turn to step up to the plate. I need to take care of the house and the kids so my man can take care of me.
And btw, he does a fine job of taking care of me!
Love you babe!
later.....
The holiday shoppers can kiss my ass, for I won't be there for them to yell at!!!
Can you tell I'm not really happy about this whole quitting thing? Ok I AM so happy!! November 9th is my last day. I'll be throwing the party on the 10th when I'm sitting in my pjs eating bon-bons in front of the tube!
Ok look here's the deal, most customers are very nice. They are polite. They say please and thank you. They don't interrupt you. And best of all, they wait patiently for their turn in line.
That's most people. That's probably you.
Then you get the one's that think the world revolves around them. They think that because I have on the blue vest that I know about every single item in our 10mile long store. They think I know which stereo is the best, which TV has the best menu options, and which cordless phone will let them talk from 4 miles away. They also think that I know where to find size 3 girls underpants and where they might find playing cards and canning jars.
They think all that, even when I'm clearing standing in a cell phone booth.
They think that, even when I clearly have a badge on my vest that says CELL PHONE TECH!!!
And what about the bratty kids? The ones that scream and yell throughout the whole store and the parents do NOTHING!! For god sakes, is there really something in this store that is sooooo incredibly important that you have to stay there with a screaming child? WHAT is THAT important? Is it the tube of toothpaste, or the new bed sheets in aisle 3? SHEEZ!!!! Take your kid outside so I don't have to hear the screaming...PLEASE!!!!
Anyway I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. So now I'll be home, taking care of the wildchild and the little man, but most of all taking care of Bossman. Bossman has been the rock of this family for a long time. Since I work mostly nights, he is the one that takes care of dinner, homework, showers and everything else that needs to be done on a nightly basis with to kids. He is also the one that take the little man to cubscouts, and drives the wildchild to all her assorted things that teens need to be driven to. Not only that, but the man does laundry.
So now it's my turn to step up to the plate. I need to take care of the house and the kids so my man can take care of me.
And btw, he does a fine job of taking care of me!
Love you babe!
later.....
Cookie day!
Ever have one of those days when you just want to eat cookies?
The other night, nobody felt like cooking, by no one, I mean me. Anyway, Bossman and I are laying on the bed talking. The kids are watching TV in the livingroom. Bossman says, lets have cookies for dinner. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Cookies for dinner? That sounds fun, but I'm a mom and moms know that cookies for dinner is just not a good idea. I mean really....what mother in their right mind lets their family eat cookies for dinner?
So, we called the kids into our room, and said, we're going to make chocolate chip cookies for dinner tonight. My son, who's 7, said, nah uh....your lying.
Nope, I was serious, and after the children got over the shock of it all, they did the happy dance!
We trooped into the kitchen and made the cookies...we gorged ourselves with cookie dough...I KNOW...we could have gotten sick from the eggs, shame on me, what a horrible mother I am. (how come I never got sick from cookie dough when I was a kid?)
Anyway, we had a blast, and my kids will always remember the night we had cookies for dinner! Of course, nobody wants cookies for a VERY long time.
On to spanking news,
We've been trying really hard to get back into the whole d/d thing. It's been hard, but Bossman has been spanking me before he goes to work, after the kids are in school. This time works best for us, but I'm having a hard time getting back into it.
For goodness sakes, this is what I want, so why am I so defiant when it comes to a spanking. Once the spanking is over, everything is GREAT, so why am I having a hard time with this?
Someone once said that maybe spanking is just the middle man for the good stuff. Does this mean that I need spanking to get to the good stuff? I know that I don't, Bossman will give me the good stuff whenever I want, but how come it's easier for me to get there after a good spanking? Even when we really not practicing the d/d on a consistent basis....I still fanasize about it. So what does that say about me?
I don't know, but I know we are happier when we have spanking in our lives.
later........
The other night, nobody felt like cooking, by no one, I mean me. Anyway, Bossman and I are laying on the bed talking. The kids are watching TV in the livingroom. Bossman says, lets have cookies for dinner. Homemade chocolate chip cookies.
Cookies for dinner? That sounds fun, but I'm a mom and moms know that cookies for dinner is just not a good idea. I mean really....what mother in their right mind lets their family eat cookies for dinner?
So, we called the kids into our room, and said, we're going to make chocolate chip cookies for dinner tonight. My son, who's 7, said, nah uh....your lying.
Nope, I was serious, and after the children got over the shock of it all, they did the happy dance!
We trooped into the kitchen and made the cookies...we gorged ourselves with cookie dough...I KNOW...we could have gotten sick from the eggs, shame on me, what a horrible mother I am. (how come I never got sick from cookie dough when I was a kid?)
Anyway, we had a blast, and my kids will always remember the night we had cookies for dinner! Of course, nobody wants cookies for a VERY long time.
On to spanking news,
We've been trying really hard to get back into the whole d/d thing. It's been hard, but Bossman has been spanking me before he goes to work, after the kids are in school. This time works best for us, but I'm having a hard time getting back into it.
For goodness sakes, this is what I want, so why am I so defiant when it comes to a spanking. Once the spanking is over, everything is GREAT, so why am I having a hard time with this?
Someone once said that maybe spanking is just the middle man for the good stuff. Does this mean that I need spanking to get to the good stuff? I know that I don't, Bossman will give me the good stuff whenever I want, but how come it's easier for me to get there after a good spanking? Even when we really not practicing the d/d on a consistent basis....I still fanasize about it. So what does that say about me?
I don't know, but I know we are happier when we have spanking in our lives.
later........
do children dictate the strictness factor in your house?
I'm wondering if it makes a difference having children in the home as to how strict you are.
My Bossman and I have put the whole d/d thing on the back burner. I've noticed that alot of d/d couples go through ups and downs in the d/d relationship. We find it really hard to be consistent in our house, mostly due to children. I really can't have my Bossman spanking me when the children are home...even when they are asleep as their rooms are right next to ours and our home is very small. We have discussed how different life will be when the children leave the nest, and Bossman has hinted that he would probably be a lot more strict, if he could.
So, are we the only couple that finds it hard to be strict because of children, or are we just not creative enough. Also, is it strictness or consistently that is the problem?
I posted the above comment in a d/d club I'm a member of.
After posting this comment, I went back and read some of the responses. One of the ladies in the club said that she noticed that most couples in a d/d relationship either have no children or have adult children that don't live at home anymore. I have noticed this very fact myself.
Since I have children, I think that strictness and consistency are lacking in our d/d relationship.
For us it is a lot like training a puppy. They say when training a puppy that you should only discipline the puppy at the time of occurrence. I sort of feel the same when it comes to me. I don't want to have a list of things that I'm to be disciplined for later in the week when we have a few minutes. The purpose will have been lost on me. It's too late, by then the momentum is gone, the incident has been forgotten. Why bring it up again? Unless it is still something that is causing undue tension in the house, why even go there again?
Could this be the root of our d/d problems? Probably, but that doesn't mean we've given up on it.
As a matter of fact, I got a spanking this morning.....
But I'll save that for next entry!
later.........
My Bossman and I have put the whole d/d thing on the back burner. I've noticed that alot of d/d couples go through ups and downs in the d/d relationship. We find it really hard to be consistent in our house, mostly due to children. I really can't have my Bossman spanking me when the children are home...even when they are asleep as their rooms are right next to ours and our home is very small. We have discussed how different life will be when the children leave the nest, and Bossman has hinted that he would probably be a lot more strict, if he could.
So, are we the only couple that finds it hard to be strict because of children, or are we just not creative enough. Also, is it strictness or consistently that is the problem?
I posted the above comment in a d/d club I'm a member of.
After posting this comment, I went back and read some of the responses. One of the ladies in the club said that she noticed that most couples in a d/d relationship either have no children or have adult children that don't live at home anymore. I have noticed this very fact myself.
Since I have children, I think that strictness and consistency are lacking in our d/d relationship.
For us it is a lot like training a puppy. They say when training a puppy that you should only discipline the puppy at the time of occurrence. I sort of feel the same when it comes to me. I don't want to have a list of things that I'm to be disciplined for later in the week when we have a few minutes. The purpose will have been lost on me. It's too late, by then the momentum is gone, the incident has been forgotten. Why bring it up again? Unless it is still something that is causing undue tension in the house, why even go there again?
Could this be the root of our d/d problems? Probably, but that doesn't mean we've given up on it.
As a matter of fact, I got a spanking this morning.....
But I'll save that for next entry!
later.........
duldrums of life
Does it ever seem like life just happens?
Everyday life comes and goes...what is the meaning of this?
Why does it seem like every day is the same old thing, and what is the purpose of these same old things that we do everyday?
I go to work, I come home, I fix dinner, and go to bed, and then....I do it again, and again, and again. Why? Why must we run around like chicken with our heads cut off and accomplish nothing?
Ok, the arguement could be made that we are raising our children to be successful happy adult.
Soooooo....what....so they can run around like chickens with their heads cut off and accomplish nothing? Is that really our sole purpose, to populate the world?
I guess I'm just wondering why I bother..... if I figure it out, I'll let you know!
later....
Everyday life comes and goes...what is the meaning of this?
Why does it seem like every day is the same old thing, and what is the purpose of these same old things that we do everyday?
I go to work, I come home, I fix dinner, and go to bed, and then....I do it again, and again, and again. Why? Why must we run around like chicken with our heads cut off and accomplish nothing?
Ok, the arguement could be made that we are raising our children to be successful happy adult.
Soooooo....what....so they can run around like chickens with their heads cut off and accomplish nothing? Is that really our sole purpose, to populate the world?
I guess I'm just wondering why I bother..... if I figure it out, I'll let you know!
later....
Survivor
Ok, I made it through yesterday, I had my pity party with myself and now I feel better! I think it's amazing what a persons death can do to you. I never had to deal with someone really close to me dying. Although it's been a hard journey, I am fascinated with all the emotions that I've had to deal with.
There is something really great that came of my Grandmas death. I got to meet cousins and uncle and aunt that I had never met. We have been keeping in contact with each other, and it's amazing how cool it feels to be related to someone, flesh and blood. All growing up I just had my parents and my brother and sister, we didn't live close to our other relatives. So other than the grandparents, I didn't know my other relatives. Now I feel like I'm part of an exclusive club that nobody else can join...unless of course they are born into it!
So I survived yesterday...and tomorrow Survivor starts! Oh how I LOVE that show!!! I simply can't wait! And they are teasing us by telling us that 2 old survivors will be on the show! I hope it's Rupert...I love that man! Another great survivor would be Johnny Fairplay!! That would be GREAT!!
Now lets talk spankings...or lack thereof!
I'm not getting any. Nope nothin', nada, zip, zero, zilch!
School is back in session, we've had lots of time, and the worst is Bossman keeps telling me he wants to start up with the discipline again. But has he? Do I have to remind him everyday? Geez I think I'm bratty enough, so that can't be the problem.
What's a gal gotta do to get a spankin around here? When I figure it out....I'll let you know!
later.....
There is something really great that came of my Grandmas death. I got to meet cousins and uncle and aunt that I had never met. We have been keeping in contact with each other, and it's amazing how cool it feels to be related to someone, flesh and blood. All growing up I just had my parents and my brother and sister, we didn't live close to our other relatives. So other than the grandparents, I didn't know my other relatives. Now I feel like I'm part of an exclusive club that nobody else can join...unless of course they are born into it!
So I survived yesterday...and tomorrow Survivor starts! Oh how I LOVE that show!!! I simply can't wait! And they are teasing us by telling us that 2 old survivors will be on the show! I hope it's Rupert...I love that man! Another great survivor would be Johnny Fairplay!! That would be GREAT!!
Now lets talk spankings...or lack thereof!
I'm not getting any. Nope nothin', nada, zip, zero, zilch!
School is back in session, we've had lots of time, and the worst is Bossman keeps telling me he wants to start up with the discipline again. But has he? Do I have to remind him everyday? Geez I think I'm bratty enough, so that can't be the problem.
What's a gal gotta do to get a spankin around here? When I figure it out....I'll let you know!
later.....
In Memory
Today is the first anniversary of my Grandmothers death.
I'm really sad today. But I don't want to tell Bossman. I know he won't know what today is. I'm not mad that he won't remember, he's a man, so I expect that from him. But still I'm sad. I would like to wallow in my sadness. But I can't. I have to clean the house, pick up children from school. Cook dinner. You know...normal everyday life things.
But my Grandma died last year...on this date. I loved her. I will always love her.
How did I manage a whole year without her? How did I manage not calling her, telling her about my family..my life?
How did I manage?
I guess it just goes to show, life goes on. As much as I miss her, I still had to live. I still had children to take care of. I still had dinners to cook, I still had to clean the house and go to work. And I still think.....is this really important? Doesn't it all seem meaningless?
What is the purpose of our lives? Because once your gone...nothing matters anymore. So why are we here?
Oh I know. So we can cook dinner, raise our children, and die.
I guess I'm in a cynical mood. Can you tell?
Ok, I'll go now. I'm go live my life. I guess I should start with the house.........
later......
I'm really sad today. But I don't want to tell Bossman. I know he won't know what today is. I'm not mad that he won't remember, he's a man, so I expect that from him. But still I'm sad. I would like to wallow in my sadness. But I can't. I have to clean the house, pick up children from school. Cook dinner. You know...normal everyday life things.
But my Grandma died last year...on this date. I loved her. I will always love her.
How did I manage a whole year without her? How did I manage not calling her, telling her about my family..my life?
How did I manage?
I guess it just goes to show, life goes on. As much as I miss her, I still had to live. I still had children to take care of. I still had dinners to cook, I still had to clean the house and go to work. And I still think.....is this really important? Doesn't it all seem meaningless?
What is the purpose of our lives? Because once your gone...nothing matters anymore. So why are we here?
Oh I know. So we can cook dinner, raise our children, and die.
I guess I'm in a cynical mood. Can you tell?
Ok, I'll go now. I'm go live my life. I guess I should start with the house.........
later......
in threes
They say that bad things happen in threes. If this is true, then Bossman has one more bad thing left to look forward to. Very ominous huh?
Bossman went to the funeral for the lady that died on Friday. Even though funerals aren't fun, he really wanted to see the children in another setting other than an accident scene. He says it was the saddest funeral he's ever been too. I can imagine. I didn't go with him. I just couldn't. Does this make me a bad person. Bossman says he would have been there for me. I feel bad that I didn't go with him to support him. But I just couldn't, I couldn't face those children, that husband, her friends. Does that make me a coward? Maybe, but I just couldn't.
After the funeral Bossman came home not feeling very well. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out at home. Towards evening, Bossman started to get a toothache. Why do medical and dental things always happen on a weekend? Saturday, Bossman can't function. His tooth was killing him. Lucky for him the dentist is our friend, so we called him, because let me tell you, when tylenol with codeine doesn't work, what option is left? (oh we even tried whiskey, but don't worry, he was just swishing, he wasn't mixing drinks with codeine!)
Our dentist met us at his office, just as my husband was about to lose it from the pain. He does something to the tooth to make it better, gives us a prescription for demeral and sends us on our way. Poor Bossman! He was a mess. Poor guy. Sunday we wake up to half his face swollen. I felt so bad for him. He just went through a really bad week, and suddenly now he has to deal with his teeth? Ugh! Anyway, the dentist assures us that the swelling will go down with antibiotics. And Thursday? Root canal day! Oh goodness, it just doesn't end for him.
The swelling has gone down so that is good, and he's trying to function normally today, but geez how much can one person take? He's my hero!
Ok, don't get whiplash as I change the subject....
School has started!! You can't see this, but I'm doing a happy dance!
Summer was great, but the kids back in school is even better. I know have free rein of the computer to blog without people looking over my shoulder. I know can be on the computer without the insistent whine of someone....when's it my turn on the computer? I can know read dirty rauchy blogs without worry that little eyes will see something inappropriate!!! Hooray for me!!! This also means we will be getting back to spanking! (this for me, is good, but not so good for my butt) I have to admit, this has been a missing piece to our life. It's not that we can't function without it, but god, life is so much better with it!
So in the face of tragedy, I am counting my blessings. Aside from the tooth issue, everyone is healthy. My dearly beloved is still alive. And the kids are back in school!
So things are getting good. Lets hope that third bad thing already happened and I didn't even notice!
later........
Bossman went to the funeral for the lady that died on Friday. Even though funerals aren't fun, he really wanted to see the children in another setting other than an accident scene. He says it was the saddest funeral he's ever been too. I can imagine. I didn't go with him. I just couldn't. Does this make me a bad person. Bossman says he would have been there for me. I feel bad that I didn't go with him to support him. But I just couldn't, I couldn't face those children, that husband, her friends. Does that make me a coward? Maybe, but I just couldn't.
After the funeral Bossman came home not feeling very well. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out at home. Towards evening, Bossman started to get a toothache. Why do medical and dental things always happen on a weekend? Saturday, Bossman can't function. His tooth was killing him. Lucky for him the dentist is our friend, so we called him, because let me tell you, when tylenol with codeine doesn't work, what option is left? (oh we even tried whiskey, but don't worry, he was just swishing, he wasn't mixing drinks with codeine!)
Our dentist met us at his office, just as my husband was about to lose it from the pain. He does something to the tooth to make it better, gives us a prescription for demeral and sends us on our way. Poor Bossman! He was a mess. Poor guy. Sunday we wake up to half his face swollen. I felt so bad for him. He just went through a really bad week, and suddenly now he has to deal with his teeth? Ugh! Anyway, the dentist assures us that the swelling will go down with antibiotics. And Thursday? Root canal day! Oh goodness, it just doesn't end for him.
The swelling has gone down so that is good, and he's trying to function normally today, but geez how much can one person take? He's my hero!
Ok, don't get whiplash as I change the subject....
School has started!! You can't see this, but I'm doing a happy dance!
Summer was great, but the kids back in school is even better. I know have free rein of the computer to blog without people looking over my shoulder. I know can be on the computer without the insistent whine of someone....when's it my turn on the computer? I can know read dirty rauchy blogs without worry that little eyes will see something inappropriate!!! Hooray for me!!! This also means we will be getting back to spanking! (this for me, is good, but not so good for my butt) I have to admit, this has been a missing piece to our life. It's not that we can't function without it, but god, life is so much better with it!
So in the face of tragedy, I am counting my blessings. Aside from the tooth issue, everyone is healthy. My dearly beloved is still alive. And the kids are back in school!
So things are getting good. Lets hope that third bad thing already happened and I didn't even notice!
later........
one moment in time...
One minute your driving down the road, just minding your own business, and suddenly your life changes forever.
My husband was driving home for lunch on Monday, when suddenly on the other side of the road, a guy runs a red light, a lady slams into him, turns her car the opposite direction, and a SUV slams into her driver side door.
There were 4 children in her car. There were 2 children in the SUV.
My husband was there. He saw the whole thing take place. He was the first to get out of his car to see if anyone needed help. He pulled children out of the car. He watched in horror as they took over an hour to get the childrens mom out of the car. He tried to comfort the children as much as he could. The people in the SUV were fine. The guy that ran the red, injured, but fine. The police take statements, and then with nothing left to do, my husband comes home not knowing if the mother is ok.
Home....everyone at home is doing normal things. My son is playing on the computer. I am watch some mundane thing on tv. Something that isn't even important. My husband walks in with haunted eyes. Eyes that tell you something is not right. Eyes that have seen things that nobody should have to see. It was all in the eyes.
He tries to convey what happened. But I was at home, doing normal everyday things. Besides you hear about car accidents everyday, and as long as it isn't anyone you know...life just goes on...right?
That night, on the news, the story is right there. Top story. The lady, with the four children in the car with her...died. The lady who was just driving along, probably having a very normal, everyday life..died. And with her was an unborn child.
The children my husband helped pull out of the car, they were all fine....as fine as they could be knowing that they were there when their mom died. The youngest child is about a year old. She was safely in a infant seat. The second was about three, she too was safely in a child seat. The older boys, 8, and 10, safely wearing seat belts. Their mother...a hero.
I can't begin to tell you how this as affected our lives. My husband could have been the one hit. My husband could have been the one who died. But he was going the other way. My husband watched as a life was instantly lost. Two precious lives. The mother and the unborn child. Gone. Just like that.
Life is so precious. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Have you told the people in your life how much you love them? Have you told them how much they mean to you? Do it now. Stop reading this and call your loved ones, tell them you love them. Tell them they are important to you. Otherwise, how will they know?
Life for my husband will never be the same. Neither will mine. I almost lost the most precious person in my life. And yet....I was the lucky one. A husband is now having to deal with the loss of a wife and a baby. And still he has to raise his other children. I still have my husband. I still have my precious children. Why do I get to be the lucky one? Why did that woman have to die when she had so much to live for?
I wish I knew the answer to that.....
later.....
My husband was driving home for lunch on Monday, when suddenly on the other side of the road, a guy runs a red light, a lady slams into him, turns her car the opposite direction, and a SUV slams into her driver side door.
There were 4 children in her car. There were 2 children in the SUV.
My husband was there. He saw the whole thing take place. He was the first to get out of his car to see if anyone needed help. He pulled children out of the car. He watched in horror as they took over an hour to get the childrens mom out of the car. He tried to comfort the children as much as he could. The people in the SUV were fine. The guy that ran the red, injured, but fine. The police take statements, and then with nothing left to do, my husband comes home not knowing if the mother is ok.
Home....everyone at home is doing normal things. My son is playing on the computer. I am watch some mundane thing on tv. Something that isn't even important. My husband walks in with haunted eyes. Eyes that tell you something is not right. Eyes that have seen things that nobody should have to see. It was all in the eyes.
He tries to convey what happened. But I was at home, doing normal everyday things. Besides you hear about car accidents everyday, and as long as it isn't anyone you know...life just goes on...right?
That night, on the news, the story is right there. Top story. The lady, with the four children in the car with her...died. The lady who was just driving along, probably having a very normal, everyday life..died. And with her was an unborn child.
The children my husband helped pull out of the car, they were all fine....as fine as they could be knowing that they were there when their mom died. The youngest child is about a year old. She was safely in a infant seat. The second was about three, she too was safely in a child seat. The older boys, 8, and 10, safely wearing seat belts. Their mother...a hero.
I can't begin to tell you how this as affected our lives. My husband could have been the one hit. My husband could have been the one who died. But he was going the other way. My husband watched as a life was instantly lost. Two precious lives. The mother and the unborn child. Gone. Just like that.
Life is so precious. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Have you told the people in your life how much you love them? Have you told them how much they mean to you? Do it now. Stop reading this and call your loved ones, tell them you love them. Tell them they are important to you. Otherwise, how will they know?
Life for my husband will never be the same. Neither will mine. I almost lost the most precious person in my life. And yet....I was the lucky one. A husband is now having to deal with the loss of a wife and a baby. And still he has to raise his other children. I still have my husband. I still have my precious children. Why do I get to be the lucky one? Why did that woman have to die when she had so much to live for?
I wish I knew the answer to that.....
later.....
I've been thinking.....
which is usually not a good thing...LOL
Anyway, I was thinking about how different people are. What I mean by that is that here I am, not feeling to terrible sexual lately and Bossman is always sexual. This is the story of our relationship. This has been a problem for us our entire relationship. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a very sexual being. I enjoy sex. Just not that often. I'm more of a once a week kinda gal, Bossman would love once or twice a day, if he could. But then there are times when I am so horny I can't stand it, and I want sex all the time. But those times are usually in spurts and don't happen that often.
So the other day, I was reading Carrielilly's blog, and she has the opposite problem as I do. So how does that happen? I mean, Bossman would NEVER be too tired for sex. He would stay up all night if I would, and still get up for work on time. (albeit, very tired..LOL)
Of coure in Carries situation, she realized it was because he thought there would have to be a huge sex scene....so it really a case of misunderstanding. In my case though things are different. I've often suggested to Bossman that we don't have to have a big sex scene, I don't mind having a quickie, once in awhile, especially because I know he needs sex more than I. But he doesn't really like the quickie, because he part of his enjoyment is pleasing me! (what a sweet man I have!!)
So anyway, that was what I was thinking about...I know, it wasn't earth shattering...but isn't it funny how different we all truly are?
But yet....we are all the same...
later.......
Anyway, I was thinking about how different people are. What I mean by that is that here I am, not feeling to terrible sexual lately and Bossman is always sexual. This is the story of our relationship. This has been a problem for us our entire relationship. Don't get me wrong, I think I'm a very sexual being. I enjoy sex. Just not that often. I'm more of a once a week kinda gal, Bossman would love once or twice a day, if he could. But then there are times when I am so horny I can't stand it, and I want sex all the time. But those times are usually in spurts and don't happen that often.
So the other day, I was reading Carrielilly's blog, and she has the opposite problem as I do. So how does that happen? I mean, Bossman would NEVER be too tired for sex. He would stay up all night if I would, and still get up for work on time. (albeit, very tired..LOL)
Of coure in Carries situation, she realized it was because he thought there would have to be a huge sex scene....so it really a case of misunderstanding. In my case though things are different. I've often suggested to Bossman that we don't have to have a big sex scene, I don't mind having a quickie, once in awhile, especially because I know he needs sex more than I. But he doesn't really like the quickie, because he part of his enjoyment is pleasing me! (what a sweet man I have!!)
So anyway, that was what I was thinking about...I know, it wasn't earth shattering...but isn't it funny how different we all truly are?
But yet....we are all the same...
later.......
All good things must come to an end....
Things have been a tad rough around my house lately. For some strange reason I've lost my sex drive...so this is a big problem with Bossman.
Now Bossman thinks it's due to the fact that I haven't been properly disciplined for a while. We just don't have any free time when there are no kids around. I'm sure that once school starts again we will be on track again. But still, school is still a good month away...sigh
So now I'm pondering the question, is the discipline directly tied to my sex drive? Must I now have discipline in order to feel sexual? And if this is the case, how is that going to affect the rest of my life? I don't really want the discipline to be tied to my sex drive. I've always thought that the 2 things were seperate. I mean, I had a sex drive before the discipline was in my life. Although, if I really think about it....I fantasized alot about it my whole life.
Ugh...this is really bugging me. I think I'm just going through a really stressful time in my life, I'm tired when I get home and sex just isn't really on my list. Of course this is all corresponding to the same time my discipline stopped, so I just can't decide what the true problem is.
I have to get my sex drive back soon or Bossman is going to explode. Why is it that guys never seem to have this problem? Why is it that the women always seem to be the once losing thier sex drive? It's just not fair!
Well, I have decided that no matter how stressful life has become, Bossman always comes first. I haven't shown that to him for awhile, and if he reads this before I do anything about it, he's going to laugh at this paragraph. But I am going to make it happen starting today. It doesn't matter if I feel like doing it, it just matters that I do it. And I'm not even talking about sex anymore, I just talking about him. He's been so wonderful to me though this time when I've been nothing but depressed, cranky, crabby, and basically not much fun to be around. So I must give some back.
So my goal for today is to do something nice for Bossman. Even though I'm going to be working 9 hours today, I'm sure I can think of something nice to do for him. And just thinking about that makes me feel closer to him already. And if I can accomplish that....then sex is just around the corner...
later.....
Now Bossman thinks it's due to the fact that I haven't been properly disciplined for a while. We just don't have any free time when there are no kids around. I'm sure that once school starts again we will be on track again. But still, school is still a good month away...sigh
So now I'm pondering the question, is the discipline directly tied to my sex drive? Must I now have discipline in order to feel sexual? And if this is the case, how is that going to affect the rest of my life? I don't really want the discipline to be tied to my sex drive. I've always thought that the 2 things were seperate. I mean, I had a sex drive before the discipline was in my life. Although, if I really think about it....I fantasized alot about it my whole life.
Ugh...this is really bugging me. I think I'm just going through a really stressful time in my life, I'm tired when I get home and sex just isn't really on my list. Of course this is all corresponding to the same time my discipline stopped, so I just can't decide what the true problem is.
I have to get my sex drive back soon or Bossman is going to explode. Why is it that guys never seem to have this problem? Why is it that the women always seem to be the once losing thier sex drive? It's just not fair!
Well, I have decided that no matter how stressful life has become, Bossman always comes first. I haven't shown that to him for awhile, and if he reads this before I do anything about it, he's going to laugh at this paragraph. But I am going to make it happen starting today. It doesn't matter if I feel like doing it, it just matters that I do it. And I'm not even talking about sex anymore, I just talking about him. He's been so wonderful to me though this time when I've been nothing but depressed, cranky, crabby, and basically not much fun to be around. So I must give some back.
So my goal for today is to do something nice for Bossman. Even though I'm going to be working 9 hours today, I'm sure I can think of something nice to do for him. And just thinking about that makes me feel closer to him already. And if I can accomplish that....then sex is just around the corner...
later.....
Still around
Well, I'm still around, I just haven't thought of anything interesting to write about.
My life has been pretty hectic lately, and with so much crap going on, it's hard to get motivated to write something. Life is still good with Bossman, but my job is very stressful right now, so I'm not sure what is going to happen with it.
So as far as the spankings are going....they are still going. Maybe not as much as before, but that is only because the kids are staying up alot later in the evening and so there hasn't been any time for a spanking. But things look promising for this weekend with the kids spending the night at Grandmas, I'm sure there will be some spankings for me. I'm told that I have been getting away with alot of stuff, and so I think my butt will pay. But that really is a good thing because when I don't get spanked very much, we don't seem to be as close as usual. I find myself wanting to crawl into myself, and be by myself alot more. Sometimes just having him touch me sets me on edge, and I'm not sure why. But I feel so much closer and more open to his affection after he has spanked me.
Just writing those words sounds weird to me. Why is spanking so connected to my emotions? Why do I feel so connected to him after he has spanked me, but so distant when he hasn't? I never thought my emotional life would be dependant on spanking. I would never have guess that I deperately need to be spanked. But now it seems like I can't really function properly unless I've been properly spanked.
So lets hope there is some spanking going on in my house this weekend, or god help Bossman because it will probably be worse then PMS...
later......
My life has been pretty hectic lately, and with so much crap going on, it's hard to get motivated to write something. Life is still good with Bossman, but my job is very stressful right now, so I'm not sure what is going to happen with it.
So as far as the spankings are going....they are still going. Maybe not as much as before, but that is only because the kids are staying up alot later in the evening and so there hasn't been any time for a spanking. But things look promising for this weekend with the kids spending the night at Grandmas, I'm sure there will be some spankings for me. I'm told that I have been getting away with alot of stuff, and so I think my butt will pay. But that really is a good thing because when I don't get spanked very much, we don't seem to be as close as usual. I find myself wanting to crawl into myself, and be by myself alot more. Sometimes just having him touch me sets me on edge, and I'm not sure why. But I feel so much closer and more open to his affection after he has spanked me.
Just writing those words sounds weird to me. Why is spanking so connected to my emotions? Why do I feel so connected to him after he has spanked me, but so distant when he hasn't? I never thought my emotional life would be dependant on spanking. I would never have guess that I deperately need to be spanked. But now it seems like I can't really function properly unless I've been properly spanked.
So lets hope there is some spanking going on in my house this weekend, or god help Bossman because it will probably be worse then PMS...
later......
Life is good.
Things are going so great in my life right now, I hate to say anything for fear of jinxing it!
But I just have to get this all down, so when the bad times show up I can read this and remember that things do get better!
Bossman and I are really getting along great. The other night, I told him some things about me from when we were first married that he didn't know. It got really personal, so I don't feel comfortable sharing it here, but after I told him he was really surprised. He said it changed his outlook about me, (in a good way) and he only wished he had known this stuff all those years ago, because now it just seems like wasted time to him.
But it's not wasted time in my book. All the years we've been together have been a learning experience. They have been a time of growing and maturing. We are both such different people than we were back then. I agree that had I shared my feelings back then, things might have been different sooner, but I think we are exactly where we should be right now.
D/d is going to a part of our lives forever. That night was the realization that it wasn't just some thing that we were experimenting with. It isn't some kinky sex thing that we will get bored with. This is our life now! Do you know how happy this makes me? I thought this was some sort of sick fantasy. When I first got married the internet wasn't really around, so I thought I was just plain nuts to even think this was something that normal people did. So I never thought it would be real for me. I really never thought I would be able to share such weird thoughts with my husband. We are the goodie two shoes that go to church every week and don't drink. So to think that my life would be like this....well it's a dream come true. How lucky am I?
So enough bragging, and on to some details. We have been having our nightly spankings with the back scratcher. We have a ritual of me going into the bedroom at 11 and waiting at the wall, holding the dreaded BS. (isn't that the perfect initials for it?) Bossman comes in, places me over his lap and smacks my bottom with that thing. He doesn't make it bad. I'm not in tears or anything. It's just enough to get my attention. It's enough to make my bottom sting for awhile, but it isn't anything like a punishment spanking.
Bossman said that he really enjoys this part of the day. This is the part of the day when he knows that for the next 20 or 30 minutes, he is in complete control, and I have submitted myself to him completely. He likes that! So I guess you could say it's a win win situation for us. I get his undivided attention, and he gets a wife that is completely submissive. I would say it's a great way to end the day. Of course 9 times out of 10, it leads to some great love making......ahhhhhhh, life is good!
later....
But I just have to get this all down, so when the bad times show up I can read this and remember that things do get better!
Bossman and I are really getting along great. The other night, I told him some things about me from when we were first married that he didn't know. It got really personal, so I don't feel comfortable sharing it here, but after I told him he was really surprised. He said it changed his outlook about me, (in a good way) and he only wished he had known this stuff all those years ago, because now it just seems like wasted time to him.
But it's not wasted time in my book. All the years we've been together have been a learning experience. They have been a time of growing and maturing. We are both such different people than we were back then. I agree that had I shared my feelings back then, things might have been different sooner, but I think we are exactly where we should be right now.
D/d is going to a part of our lives forever. That night was the realization that it wasn't just some thing that we were experimenting with. It isn't some kinky sex thing that we will get bored with. This is our life now! Do you know how happy this makes me? I thought this was some sort of sick fantasy. When I first got married the internet wasn't really around, so I thought I was just plain nuts to even think this was something that normal people did. So I never thought it would be real for me. I really never thought I would be able to share such weird thoughts with my husband. We are the goodie two shoes that go to church every week and don't drink. So to think that my life would be like this....well it's a dream come true. How lucky am I?
So enough bragging, and on to some details. We have been having our nightly spankings with the back scratcher. We have a ritual of me going into the bedroom at 11 and waiting at the wall, holding the dreaded BS. (isn't that the perfect initials for it?) Bossman comes in, places me over his lap and smacks my bottom with that thing. He doesn't make it bad. I'm not in tears or anything. It's just enough to get my attention. It's enough to make my bottom sting for awhile, but it isn't anything like a punishment spanking.
Bossman said that he really enjoys this part of the day. This is the part of the day when he knows that for the next 20 or 30 minutes, he is in complete control, and I have submitted myself to him completely. He likes that! So I guess you could say it's a win win situation for us. I get his undivided attention, and he gets a wife that is completely submissive. I would say it's a great way to end the day. Of course 9 times out of 10, it leads to some great love making......ahhhhhhh, life is good!
later....
Of d/d and childrens birthdays and other nonsense
Today is my little man's birthday. He is my baby! And now he's seven. He told me this morning that he was a big boy now, and I can't treat him like a baby anymore. Yeah, right, like that's gonna happen!
Where did the time go? When did he become this little person with thoughts and feelings and opinions about things? When did he realize that he could make decisions like what to wear, and how he wants his hair combed? And when did he become so freaking smart? He's only in 1st grade, but he's reading almost 4th grade level. And the biggest question of all is......when did I get this OLD? I mean, I already knew I was getting old, my 14yr old reminds me daily of how ancient I am. Well, life does continue on doesn't it.
Speaking of continuing on....d/d is still alive and kicking around here. Isn't it funny how relationships are? Ours is constantly up and down. And it's the same with the d/d. It's up for awhile, and then we seem to throw it on the back burner for awhile. Sometimes I think life just gets in the way. Well, its on the front burner right now.
Last year, before my grandma died, Bossman was spanking me every night. Not anything major, just enough to remind me that he was in charge. I didn't really think it was necessary, but I have to admit, Iwas alot more submissive. But then my grandma died, and things changed. Life for me changed. I almost wanted to give up the whole d/d thing. Almost, was the key word in that last sentence. I didn't really know what I wanted back then. But a couple of months ago, we had our big blow up, and I thought I had lost d/d forever. Lucky for me, I have the most understanding husband in the world, and so it didn't come to that. But I never could be back into the whole every night spanking routine. But last night Bossman decided every night was going to happen. Starting last night. He wants me to be more submissive, and I want to be more submissive, so we are going back to everynight for awhile. He has determined that weekends will be off, unless something really needs to be addressed. He said that he may not spank every night, but he wants to see me assume the position, to show my submission, every night. So I agreed that we would try this for awhile and see what happens.
Will this work? Who knows? But I'm all for trying to please my husband.
Speaking of pleasing my husband. He is so amazing, I just have write down what he said yesterday. The last couple of days have been sort of tense for us. We weren't really connecting. But yesterday, he said we needed to stop being so distant from each other. He said that everyday that we do that, is another day that we've wasted not being loving to each other. Every day that goes by is another day that we can't get back and we've wasted it!
So people, don't waste another day being distant from your lover. If something happens to you tomorrow, you will have wasted a perfectly good day with your lover.
Life is too short.....go make love or get a spanking or something....
later.......
Where did the time go? When did he become this little person with thoughts and feelings and opinions about things? When did he realize that he could make decisions like what to wear, and how he wants his hair combed? And when did he become so freaking smart? He's only in 1st grade, but he's reading almost 4th grade level. And the biggest question of all is......when did I get this OLD? I mean, I already knew I was getting old, my 14yr old reminds me daily of how ancient I am. Well, life does continue on doesn't it.
Speaking of continuing on....d/d is still alive and kicking around here. Isn't it funny how relationships are? Ours is constantly up and down. And it's the same with the d/d. It's up for awhile, and then we seem to throw it on the back burner for awhile. Sometimes I think life just gets in the way. Well, its on the front burner right now.
Last year, before my grandma died, Bossman was spanking me every night. Not anything major, just enough to remind me that he was in charge. I didn't really think it was necessary, but I have to admit, Iwas alot more submissive. But then my grandma died, and things changed. Life for me changed. I almost wanted to give up the whole d/d thing. Almost, was the key word in that last sentence. I didn't really know what I wanted back then. But a couple of months ago, we had our big blow up, and I thought I had lost d/d forever. Lucky for me, I have the most understanding husband in the world, and so it didn't come to that. But I never could be back into the whole every night spanking routine. But last night Bossman decided every night was going to happen. Starting last night. He wants me to be more submissive, and I want to be more submissive, so we are going back to everynight for awhile. He has determined that weekends will be off, unless something really needs to be addressed. He said that he may not spank every night, but he wants to see me assume the position, to show my submission, every night. So I agreed that we would try this for awhile and see what happens.
Will this work? Who knows? But I'm all for trying to please my husband.
Speaking of pleasing my husband. He is so amazing, I just have write down what he said yesterday. The last couple of days have been sort of tense for us. We weren't really connecting. But yesterday, he said we needed to stop being so distant from each other. He said that everyday that we do that, is another day that we've wasted not being loving to each other. Every day that goes by is another day that we can't get back and we've wasted it!
So people, don't waste another day being distant from your lover. If something happens to you tomorrow, you will have wasted a perfectly good day with your lover.
Life is too short.....go make love or get a spanking or something....
later.......
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